<p>I have a son who loves to sing and hates to practice his musical instrument. The problem is, and I hate to say this, he is not a very good singer. At least not good enough to get leads in school musicals and make state and regional choruses. He is, or was, a very talented violin player who was usually chosen to be first chair in the school orchestra when he was in it. However, he hates to practice, and given an irreconcilable scheduling conflict between chorus and orchestra, he chose chorus and no longer plays violin. My problem is not about racking up the achievements - it is the disappointment he feels when he doesn’t get a lead or a position in a select chorus. I want to grab him and tell him to go with what he’s good at. How can a kid be so good at something and not want to pursue it?</p>
<p>I think, in this case, it might be better to let your son do what he wants. While he may be good at the violin, it may not be what he enjoys. I know that personally, I’d rather do something I love but at which I am not very good, rather than do something I hate but which I am fairly skilled. Do you know for sure he really wants to leads in plays and stuff? He may just be content singing in the chorus. </p>
<p>Lastly, if he eventually is disappointed enough, he might go back to the violin of his own accord. That way, at least, he won’t resent you for forcing it onto him. </p>
<p>I just think sometimes kids need to make their own decisions, and find their own path, disappointments and all.</p>
<p>Does he take private voice lessons? The choral teacher at our HS says everyone can learn to sing or improve what they have with lessons. (I can’t testify to this fact, as I have a hearing deficiency, so I cannot hear the subtle differences in tone). </p>
<p>Never force your child to do something. D1 was a reasonable swimmer in elementary school and her enduance held up through practices, however the short distances did not favor her at that age and she didn’t pursue longer distance year-round swimming and wouldn’t joing the HS team. She found other interests and pursued them.</p>
<p>Sounds like he no longer likes the violin and wants to sing. If he wants to sing well he needs to take lessons. The voice is like any other instrument. (the only difference being that you are only given one set of vocal cords and one set of lungs, and they all develop differently) My only question is, does he hate to practice the the violin or music in general? If he hates to practice music in general, then don’t waste your money on voice lessons either.</p>
<p>Hugs to you, oldtimeyfan. I was always the kid who tried out for stuff and didn’t make it most of the time. I don’t know how my mother stood it - I bet she was tempted to say “what does it take to get it through your head that you aren’t good at this?!”</p>
<p>If he’s not taking voice lessons, he should do so for a set period of time and then assess honestly where he is. Not everyone will be a good singer, but most people will get better with training and practice. Instruments are very personal and if he just isn’t that into the violin, they should part ways.</p>
<p>I agree with the others. You can’t push something like an instrument that takes hours of dedication to keep up your skill level. The desire has to be there.
I’d second the vocal lessons. As a singer, I believe anyone can learn to sing as long as he has a “good ear” for music. No one would have said that Dylan had a great voice, either. ;)</p>
<p>This is the time for our kids to explore their interests. Let them have this.</p>
<p>Oh, and a little disappointment in not getting everything we want (leads, solos, etc.) is not a bad thing. It motivates us to improve.</p>
<p>My son was very talented at the violin but hated to practice. He (and others) thought that he was not a good singer…but he liked theatre, and most of the available roles were musical theatre roles.</p>
<p>We let him stop violin. He started taking lessons with various singing teachers and, through trial and error, we found a really good (and somewhat expensive) one. In the course of not so many lessons, this teacher taught my son to sing well enough that he was soon on the way to plum roles in musicals.</p>
<p>This teacher was very pleased with how well my son could read music because of his violin experience…and he actually felt that my son’s voice had operatic potential if he worked hard enough.</p>
<p>In the long run, my son decided that he liked straight theatre better than MT, and directing somewhat better than acting. He’s a student in a BFA theatre program now and couldn’t be happier or more productive.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your son. It’s a journey!</p>
<p>My own mother could have written the OPs post. I took ballet and tap as a kid. HATED tap, ADORED ballet. Sucked at ballet. Excelled at tap. Ended up quitting both in order to stop the push/pull. Try really hard not to push too hard. You may end up killing both talents.</p>
<p>Have had a similar experience - D was a very good flute player but quit in middle school to stay in chorus. She is not a very good singer, but she enjoys it. I did let her do a year of private voice lessons, which she enjoyed, but 2 years of not making the school musical cast, plus not making the select audition choir have convinced her that she is not a talented singer. I let her pursue her interest and come to her own realization, but it did hurt to see her trying and not succeeding. She does occasionally say that she should have kept up with the flute, and I remind her she can restart anytime.</p>
<p>There are some great vocal coaches out there. Can you imagine what Neil Young would sound like without one?</p>
<p>The lead guitarist in Pearl Jam has been using a vocal coach to improve his performance in his side projects & it really has made a huge difference. I hope that next tour he gets to do lead vocal on a few songs.</p>
<p>Hard as it is to watch, it can be a good experience for a kid to not be the best/win everything. They learn that sometimes an interest/pursuit brings joy and not awards. </p>
<p>I tell my kids that everyone has their moment to shine, but not to worry about winning awards–to follow their hearts and do their best, and everything else will fall into place. I agree about not pushing either voice or violin.</p>
<p>Why can’t he just be in choir because he enjoys it? Why would he need to take private lessons? Where is it written that you have to be the best at anything to participate? I say to just back off and let him decide what he wants to do .</p>
<p>My D was good at violin in middle school and the orchestra teacher was very annoyed with her for quitting it in high school. She much prefers singing, has a beautiful soprano voice and can extemporize a great harmony with ease. Both the chorus teacher and also her very musical dad have been irritated that she has maintained no interest in private voice lessons through four years of high school chorus. Says it would make singing, which she loves as a recreation, seem like “work.”</p>
<p>She’s a hard-working high-scoring student in academic courses, and doesn’t want to work that hard at music. Sometimes you have to let them be who they are.</p>
<p>If he would like to take voice, and you have the means, then let him try some. I have to say, I have started taking voice lessons in my old age, and I wish everyone who wanted to could do this! – It’s so much fun. There are no guarantees, though, that lessons will earn him a spot in a selective choir or a solo anytime soon. And you may want to try a couple of teachers to find the right <em>fit.</em> But ask him if he wants lessons. He may not. And that’s okay.</p>
<p>I generally let my kids do what they want. Not a good singer! Well look at Chris Martin from Coldplay and Taylor Swift. Not a problem for them.</p>
<p>^ ^</p>
<p>Or Joe Strummer, Johnny Rotten, etc…</p>
<p>Heck, in certain genres of rock music…being a mediocre/horrid vocalist could actually be an asset…especially if one is male…</p>
<p>His chorus teacher has suggested that he take voice lessons, and I’ve asked him if he would want to do that. He’s thinking about it. I stopped pushing on the violin last summer. I told him I was tired of arguing with him over practicing and that he should take a year off from private lessons. Part of the reason was that his violin teacher, at the end of every lesson, would make a comment to me that he needs to practice more and I would get embarrassed. So we were both fine with taking a break from lessons (nice to save the money). But that instrument will always be there in the house - I hope it calls to him someday. As an unabashed fan of fiddle music (I play fiddle music CDs constantly at home and in the car, and I have bought him several fiddle music books over the years), I think he would have a lot of fun if he ever took it up. But I think it needs to stop being Mom’s deal before he will.</p>
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<p>This was my D…a musical kid who backed off when it became a job.</p>
<p>Kids just do whatever they wish. You cannot make a person to play in instrument if he does not want to. My own kid does not do her sport any more because of time constraints, she was pretty good, still holds numerous (about 15) records at her club team. It will paly out OK, do not worry, your S. will impress you again…</p>