<p>I am bored and single again (why do people have to break up with people after coming home from a week long deployment? couldn’t I have gotten this info before I left? I really feel for active duty troops in the desert who’s significant others break it off) so I was looking up info on dating on message boards then I reviewed a dating thread I had from last August <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=86013[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=86013</a> and something that a female said on a message board caught my eye, and it was pertinent to dating single moms.
Do all single mothers put children before any boyfriend/potential husband? It would suck to be second to someone! :eek:</p>
<p>All good mothers will put their children before a new boyfriend. Most girls will put their friends ahead of a new guy. If a girl puts every guy she dates first, she will get burned over and over again. </p>
<p>Mothers have commitments to their kids. Part of that is ensuring that they are taken care of, healthy, and reasonably happy. A single mother isn’t going to drop her kids for a new boyfriend, nor should she. A mother has a responsibility to her kids–it’s that simple.</p>
<p>If I were a single mother, I would drop any guy/girl who refused to be with them in an instant.</p>
<p>I am not condoning a single mom to drop her kids for a new boyfriend by any stretch of the imagination, but at what point does she love the boyfriend equally? I couldn’t fathom marrying someone who didn’t put me first.</p>
<p>Joe, grow up. Kids need more protection than adults. Putting your kids first doesn’t mean you don’t love the husband/boyfriend LESS than the kids; it means he’s expected to act like an adult while the kids come first, because they are younger and need a parent to take care of them.</p>
<p>Uh, Joe…I’m not a single mom but I am a married mom. You talk about wanting a wife to put YOU first BEFORE the kids. I love my husband and children equally. I do not put my husband first OVER my kids. They both mean much to me. Overall, however, while my relationship as a couple is VERY important to me, we make our kids a priority. The kids are our primary concern. It is part of being a parent. They are not instead of the marriage partner but we both put them first. I don’t put them over my husband but together we put them first. In terms of love and importance, both the parent/child and spouse/spouse relationship are important to me equally. It is real important to me to have couple time without the kids, too. </p>
<p>While I hope my marriage is forever, one thing I know for certain, my kids ARE forever. </p>
<p>I don’t think any potential wife of yours…whether she comes to the relationship already with a child or when and if you get married and have a child together, will put you first. I’d expect she will love you equally along with the kids but that together, your kids will be of the utmost importance to you. The strength of your relationship and time alone as a couple will also be important. I can’t see her putting you first however. She will hopefully find that being a couple is very important, as much as being a parent, but the kids will be a primary concern, always. You may as well know that now. </p>
<p>it means he’s expected to act like an adult while the kids come first, because they are younger and need a parent to take care of them.</p>
<p>um ya
if you expect a mother to put you first or even equally to her kids-…
you are an adult- they aren’t
its not even a contest</p>
<p>and fyi- you may think it is attractive or * cute* to say you will never grow up- but as long as you do- you will attract the kind of women who are looking for someone who prides himself on being “immature”.
immature is not the same thing as “funloving”</p>
<p>Joe, one day you may stumble into the notion that there are great rewards in being part of a relationship whose scope is greater than your own needs.</p>
<p>Don’t even <em>think</em> of being a parent until you Get this. In fact, I’d recommend life-long celibacy, just to be sure.</p>
<p>We didn’t ‘think’ of becoming parents. We were surprised. Before S1 was born, H asked me to please make sure I didn’t have a boy becuase, heaven forbid he should have to be a role model.</p>
<p>Well, raising those boys has been the highlight of his life. You’ve never met a happier Dad. In fact, he’s in a bit of a muddle becasue our family time is nearly over. S2 leaves next Janaury.</p>
<p>Becoming a parent is one of those life-altering events. You can mature in an instant. DH did.</p>
<p>Not only that, I expect DH to put the boys before me in most cases–and visa versa. I don’t need DH to take care of me.</p>
<p>When I got married my H already had a young child; he put his child first… I fell for him because of what a wonderful father he was.</p>
<p>People who are LOVING, LOYAL and DEVOTED to their children are the kinds of people who will also be very good to you-- and to your future children, too.</p>
<p>I can tell you that if I were a single dad, my kids would come first. Even being married my wife and I almost always put our kids needs before out own.</p>
Yes. Yes. Yes. Sorry, but the children are more important. If you disagree then take it from the child’s perspective.<br>
It also depends on what putting their children before a new boyfriend means exactly…</p>
<p>Well, what about fathers putting their kids first?</p>
<p>Some of y’all know - but for those who don’t, my parents are divorced and my dad raised me. Stepmonster (his second wife) wanted to be put before us… and that was horrible beyond words. I can’t understand it - why marry a man with kids if you hate his children (and all children in general)?? He divorced her and remarried to a woman who understood that his love for the kids didn’t reduce his love for her. In fact, a lot of what attracted her to him was the father he was to his kids. </p>
<p>Love isn’t like money or oil in Louisiana - it doesn’t run out if someone gives too much of it away. </p>
<p>Anyway… I guess I concur with the others on the board. The one (slight) limitation is that, eventually, any couple needs couple time, apart from their kids. (Heck, I spend about half of my summer free time babysitting so the 'rents can get some romance into their relationship!) A woman with kids has another priority in her life - akin to her family, friends, and job - none of which she should give up when she’s in a relationship. I would watch out for a woman who takes it to an extreme, though - a woman who is looking for another Daddy for her kids, not a husband-father. </p>
<p>Final thought: consider the maturity of a woman by the amount of time it takes her to introduce you to her kids. Watch out for women who do it too soon - the kids shouldn’t have a parade of Mommy’s boyfriends coming through the house, and any decent mother knows that. Also consider the way that she talks about her ex to her kids.</p>