Kindertransport: article about my mother's experiences beginning in Dec. 1938

<p>I was motivated to post this article by some of the responses in my thread in the Parent’s Forum about my son’s hopes to study abroad in Vienna during the fall term next year, as part of the University of Chicago’s program there.</p>

<p>I wrote the article about 10 years ago. It was published in Kinderlink, the newsletter of the Kindertransport Association. For those not familiar with the Kindertransport (literally, “children’s transport”), it was the program instituted by the British government, after Kristallnacht on November 9, 1938, to take in as refugees Jewish children from Germany and Austria. </p>

<p>From the time the program began on December 1, 1938 until the summer of 1939 (obviously, it didn’t continue after the War began on Sept. 1, 1939), approximately 10,000 Jewish children, aged approximately 5-17, were rescued in that way. My mother, who grew up in Berlin, was one of them; she was 15 years old when she left her home, her parents, and the only country she had ever known, as part of the first Kindertransport on December 1, 1938, three weeks after Kristallnacht. Some lived in group homes in England, some were fostered in private homes, and although they didn’t all have wonderful experiences (some were treated as little better than servants, and all or most of them were considered “enemy aliens,” even though they were Jewish, once war broke out, and many were interned at that point), at least they survived. The vast majority never saw their parents again. My mother was a fortunate exception to that rule, since she was reunited with her parents after spending five years on her own in England, although she did lose 11 members of her immediate family in the Holocaust.</p>

<p>(Legislation to authorize a similar program, to take in 20,000 children, was proposed in the United States early in 1939, but it never even came to a vote. There wasn’t enough support for the proposal in Congress – particularly given the testimony against it by representatives of various institutions such as the American Legion and the D.A.R., characterizing the children who would be taken in as “thousands of motherless, embittered, persecuted children of undesirable foreigners,” etc. – even though the legislation had the support of leading Catholic and Protestant clergy, the Federal Council of Churches of Christ, the Quaker community, Eleanor Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, Alf Landon, Rabbi Steven S. Wise, and others. Shameful. It would have been a drop in the bucket compared to the one million Jewish children who perished in the Holocaust, but at least some might have been saved. Britain did something. The United States did nothing.)</p>

<p>Since the article isn’t posted on the Internet, I’m reproducing it here, with some corrections and additions. (Don’t worry, I own the copyright!) Actually, even if it were available, I wouldn’t post the link, because it was published under my former first name, which, as I’ve said elsewhere, is a state secret! </p>

<p>When my son reached the age that my mother was when she left Germany, I tried to imagine how difficult it would have been to send him away, for his own safety, like my mother’s parents did, and how hard it would have been for him to be completely on his own from that day forward, not knowing if he would ever see his parents again. It’s very hard, almost impossible, to imagine. And, yet, it happened with my mother. I also can’t help being impressed with the sophistication of the letters my mother wrote to her parents at such a young age; I know I didn’t write like that at 15! </p>

<p>Those letters (a couple of which form part of the article) were the basis for much of the information in the article; her parents saved them and brought them to the U.S. with them. I had them translated in the early 1990’s after my son was born, feeling that even though he would never know my mother in person (she died in 1975), at least someday he’d be able to know what she was like, at least a little bit, through her letters. He’s read all of them, and I’m very glad that he’s had at least that glimpse of his grandmother, and her life.</p>

<p>An excerpt from one of the letters was actually read as part of the voiceover narrative during the Kindertransport documentary Into the Arms of Strangers, which won the Academy Award for best documentary for 2000. (My mother’s name, and mine, are both in the credits.)</p>

<p>So here it is:</p>

<p>*Letters From My Mother<a href=“from%20%5BI%5DKinderlink%5B/I%5D,%20Vol.%209%20No.%202,%20Spring%201999”>/I</a></p>

<p>My mother, Marianne L----- (nee M-----), was born in Berlin in April 1923. She was an only child, and left Germany on December 1, 1938 as part of the very first Kindertransport. She was probably in that group because of my grandfather’s position as head of the migrant welfare and passport office for the Jewish congregation of Berlin. Undoubtedly, his job gave him the opportunity to almost certainly save his child’s life, when many other parents didn’t have that opportunity. But I would have done the same.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, my mother did not live long enough to be involved in any Kindertransport reunions. She died in June 1975 (when I was 20 and she was 52), from injuries suffered in a car accident when she was driving me home from college at the end of my senior year.</p>

<p>One of the many things I’ve always regretted about my mother’s early death is that I never had the chance to talk to her as an adult about her experiences in Nazi Germany and England. As a child, we had many conversations about her experiences, usually while we looked through the suitcase of old family photographs her mother had brought from Germany. But although I learned the basics, my memories of what she told me are less a coherent narrative than a series of disjointed stories: how much the Germans adored Hitler (whom she saw on several occasions); the time she was walking in the Black Forest with several younger children and a couple of Hitler Jugend tried to drown them by throwing them in a stream (she had to fish them out); the time when she was still in a regular school, before all the Jewish children were expelled, and a Nazi official who came to address the class pointed her out as a example of Aryan girlhood (much to his chagrin, he was later told my mother was a Jew); hating the food and absence of central heating in England; not being treated very well by the first family she stayed with after her arrival; being in London during the Blitz and getting so sick of running to the Underground when the sirens went off that she just stayed in bed and figured that if a bomb dropped on her head then so be it; her work experience as a “nurse,” mostly scrubbing floors in an insane asylum; sewing uniforms together (she was such an awful seamstress she hoped her lack of skill wouldn’t result in a uniform falling apart in the middle of a battle). </p>

<p>My mother did save a collection of letters she wrote to her parents during the five years they were apart, but I didn’t read them until long after she died. I started having the letters translated as a kind of tribute to my mother’s memory after my son was born in 1990, realizing that he would never know her. To do the translation, I hired a German graduate student through the Columbia University Tutoring and Translating Service. After learning about plans for a KTA archive in an article about Melissa Hacker’s My Knees Were Jumping [a documentary about the Kindertransport that came out a couple of years prior to Into the Arms of Children], I have sent copies of those letters and other family mementos to Melissa for inclusion in that archive.</p>

<p>It’s nice to know from My Knees Were Jumping that my mother wasn’t the only one who complained about the cold cottages where the kids were initially housed after their arrival in England. I also didn’t realize how fortunate my mother was, given her advanced age of 15-1/2, to be “picked” right away to be taken in by a family, and not to have to stay there indefinitely.</p>

<p>One of the things about the documentary that most surprised me was the newsreel of what was apparently the first Kindertransport — the one my mother was on. I watched it frame-by-frame several times to see if I could glimpse her, but the images are so fleeting that I couldn’t tell. There were one or two girls who looked a bit like her, but it’s probably just wishful thinking.</p>

<p>My mother lived in England for 5 years (with two different foster families and then on her own), until her “number” came up and she was able to join her parents in New York in September 1943. (Her parents, who had remained in Berlin, were fortunate to be able to escape in June 1941 and go to the U.S. via Lisbon, almost exactly at the time of the German invasion of Russia, and shortly before the Nazi government began to “deport” most of the Jews of Berlin to the East and escape became impossible. During the weeks before their departure, they stopped sleeping at home, because the Gestapo always came at night.)</p>

<p>Whatever complaints my mother had about England, she always considered herself extremely lucky to have escaped Berlin when she did. Despite comments in one of her letters about the English being anti-Semitic, I remember her being quite the Anglophile — she used to speak fondly of Churchill and sing the song that the English “never never shall be slaves.”</p>

<p>In contrast, my mother felt intense anger towards the Germans, even after more than 30 years. She had lost two grandparents, seven uncles and aunts, two first cousins, and innumerable more distant relatives. Occasionally she’d make remarks like “Germany is beautiful — except for the people.” The one time she returned was in 1972, when we were in Switzerland and took a side trip to Baden to visit Sulzburg, the village near Freiburg where her own mother had grown up, where she used to spend summers with her grandparents, and where the family had lived since before 1720. We went with her uncles Max and Bernard, and Bernard’s wife Lily (she was seeing Bernard and Lily for the first and last time since her childhood). I remember how difficult it was for her to be in Germany again: to have to speak German, to visit the house in Sulzburg where her family had lived, to see the synagogue the Nazis had used as a stable (it has since been restored), to have to listen to an old woman who leaned out a window when she saw us and talked about how yes, she remembered the village’s Jews very well (or so it was translated to me). </p>

<p>Being in Germany wasn’t easy for me either. I remember giving dark looks to everybody over 50, thinking about what they probably used to be. </p>

<p>Until I learned of My Knees Were Jumping, the thought never occurred to me that anyone else of my generation could possibly have an interest in such matters. Although I do not think my mother was a “Holocaust survivor” in the commonly-understood meaning of that term, the events of 1933-1945 were probably the central factor of her existence, and, in some way, of mine, since I was very close to her.</p>

<p>The following are translations of two of Marianne’s letters. Her first, written to her parents upon her arrival in England, was dated December 2, 1938.</p>

<p>Friday, 2:30 pm</p>

<p>Dear Parents:</p>

<p>I assume you must have received my postcard from Hanover by now. But let me start my description of the last two days from the beginning. The trip on Thursday was very nice. The kids in our train compartment were all first-rate kids, as are, by the way, 95% of all the kids. Dear Mutti, you gave me much too much to eat; like almost all the other kids, I was able to finish only about half the food I had with me. The border check at Bentheim functioned precisely and without problem for all of us. At about six pm we had a splendid reception in Holland. Huge train cars with warm, excellent food (a thick soup of beans, meat, and potatoes) with cold drinks and sweets were positioned right at the border. We were most cordially received by the committees. There were delegations at all train stations (Utrecht, Rotterdam), to force fruit and sweets on us, although we were already stuffed, and to wish us good luck. The people from the Dutch and English press kept pestering us during the entire passage through Holland, and even after that, with their constant flash photographs. In Holland we already had to set our watches back forty minutes. At Hoek van Holland, the Dutch checked our names, and then (at about 9 pm) we went on board. The ship was very nice (about 2000 tons). If we had wanted it, they would have served us another good dinner. We had two-bed cabins (second class). We left at 11. </p>

<p>And this is the start of our barfing tragedy. The ship sailed for about 7 hours in very agitated water. During this time, only about three of the 200 kids did not get seasick. I wasn’t one of those three. From 11 pm to 6 am, I didn’t get a minute’s sleep, because about every eight minutes I threw up. Throughout the ship you heard nothing except the crying, groaning, and gargling of people throwing up. We threw up in sickness bags that were provided. I personally used up 6 bags, plus the floor, the chamber pot, the bed sheet, and I staggered to the toilet three times, where I alternately threw up and had diarrhea. In the morning we were all examined by a British doctor and were given number tags. I have number 6013. — By the way, the blue blanket is priceless; without it I would have frozen to death on the ship, and here in the camp, too, it’s unbelievably cold. — There were English people and press people already on the ship. I had a conversation with a very upper-class British Jew, who stared at us inquisitively and didn’t speak a word of German. He said he wanted to take a German child into his home to keep his 16-year-old daughter company. He said he’d love to take me. (He was impressed with my excellent English.) He wanted to know my age, education, plans for the future, my father’s occupation, and provenance. He gave me his London address and told me to write a letter to his daughter, because he wanted to see if my written English was also good. I’ll discuss the matter with the director of the camp today, and then, once I’m sure the man is honest, I’ll write immediately. I asked this gentleman, among other things, whether he thought my plans for the Matric exam were realistic. He thought finishing my Matric by July 1939 would be feasible, but he didn’t think I could become a teacher. Well, all right. </p>

<p>They had sent our suitcases to Harwich; we didn’t even have to touch them. We were driven to the camp in a bus. First of all, my address here:</p>

<pre><code>Marianne M----- (room 16B)
Holiday Camp
Dover Court Bay, Essex
England
</code></pre>

<p>It’s wonderful here!!! We arrived at nine o’clock, and we were immediately led to the living quarters (enormous, gigantic hall; kitchens; lounges). They had set long, colorful tables with flowers. There was porridge, bread, butter, jam, and a hot milk drink. After that we were assigned rooms, and then we were allowed to do whatever we wanted until 1 p.m. The sleeping quarters are delightful one-story rows of cottages made of corrugated sheet metal and cardboard (they are really meant to be summer cottages). The bedrooms are on the ground level; you walk right into them as you enter. All the older people, including me, have little rooms of their own. [A drawing of the floor plan follows.]</p>

<p>Everything is very cheerful and colorful: there are red curtains on the closet and bedside table; green door, green linoleum floor, green broom; a washbasin with running water, electric light, a mirror, a pretty folding chair, an armchair with green trimmings, and a bedside rug. The bed is as wide as a double bed, with only two thin blankets on it. No heat. I’m terribly cold. Food is good. I must close — post is leaving.</p>

<p>Marianne</p>

<p>[PS:] They are paying for my postage.</p>

<p>[More to come]</p>

<p>Thanks Donna. This was very interesting.</p>

<p>Thank you for sharing that, Donna. It was fascinating.</p>

<p>Donna – more, please, if you want to share!</p>

<p>A few years ago I read the memoir (perhaps somewhat fictionalized?) called Children of Willesden Lane, which was about the Kindertransport. I found that story very interesting, also.</p>

<p>Thanks for the thread, DonnaL.</p>

<p>Marianne’s second letter (not in the Kinderlink article).</p>

<p>December 4 and 5, 1938</p>

<p>Dear parents,</p>

<p>I assume you have received my three postcards and the letter. Please write and tell me if you have received everything. I really think you could write me too, you know. I am fine. Tomorrow, Monday, we’ll have the second day of school. We are outdoors a lot, playing in the fields and going for walks on the beach. The food is plentiful and good. As for the matric, I have pushed all the buttons I could, and since everybody in the camp is really nice and helpful, I’m sure I’ll get results, Didn’t I write you about Mr. E.? I first made careful inquiries about him with the manager of the camp, and then I wrote him the letter he asked for, in my best English. He asked me again, through a lady on the committee, whether I wouldn’t like to come stay with him. He has a sixteen-year-old daughter, and he’d also let me do the matric. It’s a very upper-class family, I think, I talk a lot to English people here, and I have no problems with it at all. Everybody is amazed at my good English. Please send me a pair of scissors as soon as possible, .and white buttons for underwear and eyes and hooks for skirt closures. Soap, too, I left mine on the ship. The manager of the camp is called Dr. Essinger. She is the same woman who oversees the former Herrlingen boarding school, which is now in Kent. Everybody is nice.</p>

<p>-Evening— I’m lying in my double bed with six blankets and two warming bottles. We just learned a dance called “Lambeth Walk.” It’s the popular dance in England. . . .</p>

<p>Good night. I’m turning out the light. Bye, mutti, bye, papa. </p>

<ul>
<li>Following afternoon -</li>
</ul>

<p>Today we had two hours of classes. One lesson on English coins, one on foods (words like kohlrabi, onion, etc.). Well, I know the coins already. In the afternoon, there are always talks in English by English people who are nice enough to volunteer. We have also begun to make friends with the English kids. We aren’t allowed to leave the camp, but they come to see us. Yesterday afternoon I went for a walk in the dunes with a very nice young Englishwoman. The dunes are still part of the camp. So we have plenty of space. In the evening an English sailor, who works in the house, teaches us English songs. That’s a. lot of fun. We all have running water in our rooms, and we get to take a bath every day. Just now we were told that from now on we’ll get only one letter and one postcard a week paid for. So this is going to be my only letter this week. After this, I can only send you one postcard. But if you send me International Reply Coupons, I can write more often. . . .</p>

<p>I’d like to ask you to send me some stationery and ink for my fountain pen (Montblanc) soon. I have told you already that if there are customs duties on anything, you can pay it all in Germany already. But stationery and ink are not that urgent. The sewing supplies (buttons, darning needles, gray darning wool, etc.) are more important. For today I can’t think of anything else, except that I’m happy and would be more so if I could finally get mail from both of you. Papa, please write clearly.</p>

<p>Kiss,</p>

<p>Marianne</p>

<p>[more to come]</p>

<p>A letter from a few days later, also not in the article:</p>

<p>Friday [December 9, 1938]</p>

<p>My dear parents,</p>

<p>I bet you can’t believe that I’m in London, but it’s true! I must have told you that I wrote to the daughter of this upper-class Englishman. She replied promptly, in a very sweet letter, saying that they are all looking forward to seeing me, and that she is happy to have a sister. She’s turning 17 this month, and she studies art at the university. Yesterday evening a telegram from the Committee arrived in the H. Camp, that Mr. E. had contacted them about me, and that I was to go to London the very next morning. He lives in just about the most fancy neighborhood in London, in a first-rate apartment. So I left for London early this morning, with all my kit and caboodle. After two hours on the train, I arrived safely in London. Mr. E. and daughter met me at the station. They are both very charming. He is a journalist and very rich. First of all, the two of them took me on a bus ride through all of London. Good god, what a city! I’m all excited about everything. Then we went to a restaurant. Very fancy, very expensive, very good. After lunch we went home. The apartment is fabulous. I live in a charming, huge room with my new sister, whose name is J. There is an eighteen-year-old son, too, who is planning to study history. Mrs. E. is very sweet, too. She sends her regards and asks me to let you know that they are all very happy to have me, and that she’ll write you as soon as she gets a chance. They have an Austrian [inserted: Jewish] maidservant. </p>

<p>Mr. E. knows some German, and he’s often been to Berlin. Tomorrow morning he’s flying to Paris, Marseilles, and Tunis, to report from there. He’ll call the Mops [nickname for my mother’s Uncle Bernard since he was little; it means something like “little pug dog”] when he gets to Paris. They wrote me this morning, and they sent me one pound. The E.'s are Jewish, of course. They are liberal, but they don’t eat pork. Mr. E. is a Zionist. In March he’s going to Hew York. So, once again, I’ve been luckier than I deserve, and I’m very happy. Within the next couple of days, they are going to talk to the teachers about my schooling. They, too, want me to finish school. Please write immediately whether you are happy, too, and whether you’ve gotten my mail. The camp is forwarding all my mail etc. Enough for today.</p>

<p>Kisses,
Marianne.</p>

<p>A comment about English food (which she often complained about to me!) from a letter soon thereafter:</p>

<p>Now about English food. The food in camp was revolting. When I wrote “good,” that was only to reassure you; “plentiful” was true. The plates, as well as the silverware, were always very dirty. In the morning, there was porridge. It looks like puke, and that’s pretty much what it tastes like, too (oat gruel with sugar and water). Here, everything is better. . . .</p>

<p>By the way, the pink meat is a disaster, the blood positively streams from it. I always get queasy just from looking at it, but I always eat it!!!</p>

<p>[Skipping a number of letters]</p>

<p>December 28, 1938</p>

<p>Dear parents,</p>

<p>I just received your letters, and, as I’m sure you intended, I’m furious. You can’t be serious about [my letters being too] “short and succinct.” I can’t report on every fart I make. That can’t possibly interest you, like whether I go to the toilet regularly or something. If I write that everything is o.k. with me, that I like the English food and that it agrees with me, that ought to be enough! Or no? Besides, it’s not like you write frequently and copiously, either. And the headings are very revealing, too. In the first letters, it said, “my dear, dear child,” or “dear little Marianne”; then it changed to “my dear child,” or just “my d. child”; and now you’re already down to “d. Marianne.” Where’s it going to end?</p>

<p>But I don’t intend to quarrel with you in writing; instead I’ll respond to your “trains of thought.” No, we don’t have central heating, but fireplaces. That is, there’s a fireplace in the “lounge” (sitting room, in German), with coal and smoke and not much heat, just like it’s supposed to be. In all other rooms, except the kitchen and the bathroom, there are electric fireplaces, with no smoke at all and a little more heat. You switch on these things as you enter a room. In the bathroom, my butt regularly almost freezes to the toilet seat, and this always makes me think of Mom’s story about the outhouse in Sulzburg. [I’m afraid I don’t know the story!] Pardon my language, but I have to let off steam occasionally. Besides I’d never noticed your question re central heating. So, sorry!! </p>

<p>Next, since the package from the camp with my orthotic things still hasn’t arrived (there, too, they have a huge mess about transports of kids and accommodating them), I can’t take gym. But I keep so straight that Mrs. E. always uses me as an example of good posture for J.</p>

<p>The people I’m meeting are just like five years ago: [decorated?] clothes horses, with, by our standards, narrow horizons (balls, servants, toiletries, gossip). The E.'s are, in fact, an exception. J.'s friends are all heavily made-up young things who are interested only in amusement. J. is quite different, above all terribly nice and sweet, and, although she isn’t very gifted, she’s smart!! </p>

<p>Why would I be disappointed with the E.'s? I certainly don’t expect love from them, nor do I need it! Of course I’m always as nice and amiable to them as I can, and I a1ways give them your love. I know exactly that everybody likes me a lot! . . . .</p>

<p>I never polish my shoes!!! It’s not customary here, for at home you wear slippers, and outside you wear overshoes. The nice leather shoes I polish once a week.</p>

<p>—As for requesting that a friend be evacuated, I really didn’t want to show off or anything. It was like this: in the first few days of my stay
there, Mrs E. asked me if I didn’t know any girls my age who I wanted to bring over; if so, I should have their papers sent to me immediately, and she would pass them on with a special recommendation to Mrs Bentwich (who is the top mogul in the operation), and that way it would all go very fast! Well, of course I was very happy, and I wrote accordingly. The papers have been submitted, but God only knows what’s going to happen with them next, in this Jewish chaos! </p>

<p>Have I written you about the Christmas presents already? I spent, unbidden, 10 shillings in all! That’s customary here. I got:</p>

<p>One pair of wonderful slippers from Tunis, a wonderful stationery set with tons of writing paper etc. , 3 sets of handkerchiefs, and sweets. English sweets are, by the way, remarkably bad. I’ve gotten sick from them lots of times. Enough for today [inserted: kisses], Marianne.</p>

<p>[P.S.] J. is learning German really well. She can say: aufstossen [burp], Scheisse [sh**], Stuck Malheur [“piece of misfortune,” apparently an insult], Nase [nose], Auge [eye], Mund [mouth], Hund [dog], Bauch [belly], Magen [stomach], Salz [salt], Messer [knife], Gabel [fork], Loeffel [spoon], Pfeffer [pepper], Mostrich [mustard], Meerrettich [horse radish], Kopf [head], Psychologie [psychology], Schuh [shoe], denken [think], muede [tired], gute Nacht [good night], guten Tag [good day], Hunger [hunger], and she knows how to conjugate sein [to be].</p>

<p>Kisses,
Marianne</p>

<p>Donna - thank you for posting this!</p>

<p>January 6, 1939</p>

<p>Dear parents,</p>

<p>I received your two parcels today, and I can really use both—so thank you very much. But the parcel from the camp still hasn’t arrived. I’ve given up hope. I’ll go pick up the umbrella tomorrow; they notified me that I’ll have to pay only 3/- customs. . . .</p>

<p>Recently I went to Mme~ Toussaud’s wax cabinet. It was fabulous. So lifelike that I was almost scared. All celebrities, from King Harold (d. 1066) to the British Chief Rabbi, Hertz—“from Aschloch to Zintloch” [apparently a humorous expression for “from A to Z” - mildly vulgar, for “Arschloch” means “a**hole”], everything is there. I also visited the “Chamber of Horrors,” for 6d. extra. It was wonderfully scary. To top it all off, Mr. E. made the requisite horrific noises in the dark — well, I’ll tell you, Mutti would have been scared out of her mind. </p>

<p>The vacations here are nearing their end, thank god; about one more week, and I’ll get to go to classes. If I could pass the real Matric in July, instead of the “school certificate” (which you take at the Goldschmidt School [the Jewish school that Marianne attended in Berlin after she was expelled from the regular schools, along with all other Jewish children, in about 1935 or 1936]), that would be terrific. Well, I’ll do my part — and apart from that, we’ll have to wait and see. </p>

<p>Now for the things I’d like you to send me. I can’t wait to see the pictures, send as many as possible, and soon. It’s really sweet of you to offer to send books; let me tell you now which ones I’d like to have, on the whole; you can then mail them over a period of time, at your convenience.</p>

<p>xxx Jaeger’s World History [this is crossed out, and checked]
Gedanken und Erinnerungen <a href=“Bismarck”>Thoughts and Memoirs</a>, three volumes
Poems by Stefan Zweig
(sitting on the buffet, with a dedication from Tante Lilli)
Thin and reddish. </p>

<p>Buddenbrooks
Im Schatten der Titanen [ In the Shadow of the Titans] [crossed
out]
Kreutzersonate also the book about T[olstoy] written by a famous Frenchman [crossed out]
Auferstehung [Resurrection] Tolstoy
War and Peace [crossed out]
Goethe your volumes — send
Schiller over time [crossed out]
Heine (perhaps only Confessio Judaika)</p>

<p>The skinny red book which I lent Elli Kroner ages ago; it’s about
a Jew in North Africa, written by a Christian; unfortunately I’ve forgotten the name. The title is the Jew’s name, something with an “a” in it. xxxx</p>

<p>If you can get it, a little book by Rilke? or Conrad Ferdinand Meyer, the title something like: Die Geschichte des Kornetts ?? Ruth K. knows the exact title, please call her. The book is cheap, if you don’t want to buy it, please have it sent from Sulzberg, I saw it there in the summer. It’s wonderful, and I’d love to have it. xxx </p>

<p>Qf my textbooks:</p>

<ol>
<li> Le Roman d’un jeune homme pauvre (a green booklet), with
vocabulary book, if it’s in there.</li>
<li> Deutsche Vorgeschichte <a href=“by%20Blucher”>German Prehistory</a>
it’s a grayish-brown booklet, [crossed out]</li>
</ol>

<p>The books I marked [crossed out:] in red [above the line: unfortunately I couldn’t find red pen, so xxx] are the ones I’d like to have as soon as possible; the others are not that important. I’ll talk to you tonight, so I’d like to leave something for our conversation. Apart from this, there’s not much that’s new. I can’t find your last letter right now, so I don’t know what you wanted to know; if it’s something important please write again, and don’t get mad. Could you kindly let me know what’s going on with your English; I’ve “asked about it in my letters three times already, and haven’t received a reply.” [I suspect that she was quoting back to her father something he had written to her complaining about a lack of response to his questions.]</p>

<p>It’s four o’clock now; at 7 or 8 I’ll hear your voices. I’ve got a funny feeling in my stomach — I’m all excited!! Once you start thinking about it, in the age of the telephone, Berlin - London is really not much of a distance.</p>

<p>Kiss – talk to you tonight</p>

<p>Marianne</p>

<hr>

<p>Quite a want-list for a 15-year old, I think. And I thought I was well-read at that age!</p>

<p>Unfortunately, things with the E’s didn’t end very well. Back to my article . . .</p>

<p>*The E. family “sent Marianne away” after 3 months. The main factor that led to the departure was probably a letter Marianne’s father wrote in English to the E. family on Feb. 4, 1939. Most of the letter expressed gratitude for the family treating Marianne “as your own child,” which is “the best comfort for parents abroad, who cannot help their daughter anymore,” while another part of the letter emphasized how “necessary” it was for Marianne to start school as soon as possible—within six days. Marianne’s response to her father is excerpted below. She was soon sent to a Christian family that, while not as “well off,” was considerably nicer to her.
*</p>

<p>Well, just now, Mrs. E. called me in and told me, with a face that showed that there was trouble, that she got a letter from you which upset her very much. And then she read me your letter, which of course I knew already, with a furious voice. And I don’t know why, but when she read the letter, suddenly all the words got turned around, and the letter didn’t sound nice anymore at all, although it did sound nice when I read the copy. She said that I must have complained about the school business on the phone, and that I was ungrateful, etc. Well, of course I was flabbergasted; I really didn’t complain, and I always write you how good I have it at the E.'s, and that everybody is doing their best to get me into school, and now this! She also had said that if she were in your and my situation, she’d be happy that her child is in good hands and that everybody is trying to get her into a good school, instead of writing schoolmasterly letters. She said that the letter was very impudent, especially the bit about the “six days” underlined, and she wasn’t going to take that kind of thing from you. </p>

<p>— Now, by sheer coincidence, the school called this morning and said that they were taking me, and I should be there at 9 tomorrow. Mrs. E. said that if the school hadn’t called today that I should come, she would have sent me away — six days indeed! — and would have had me put up somewhere else, in a boarding house or something. — Well, I must say, you got me into a bad fix there! — It’s not only that you have lost the E.'s favor for good, but you have made me look bad, too, and I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to break the ice that’s now piled up several feet high between me and the E’s. Well, you got us into a pretty kettle of fish! Of course I won’t be able to do anything at all for Mutti now, either [to enlist the E’s help in getting her out of Germany, perhaps as a domestic]. Then again, Mrs. E. didn’t lift a finger for Mutti anyway. She also said that Mr. E. would be very upset about the letter when he got back. That’s very bad, because I like Mr. E. very much, I look up to him, and he used to like me a lot too, but of course now he won’t like me anymore, either. </p>

<p>For God’s sake, never write any letters directly to the E.’s again. Always send it to me first so I can see what’s suitable for the E.’s and what isn’t. And moreover, you should get a decent translator for English letters, so you don’t write such a faulty letter again. Your “full of gratitude” didn’t please Mrs. E either; she said she didn’t need gratitude. Of course that’s only a cliche, but you can see from that how mad she is at you and me, and how moody she is. You have to treat her
like a raw egg. — Now, don’t get unnecessarily upset over this letter; I’ll be fine, as far as food, sleep, health, and clothing are concerned. As for my intellectual needs, school will take care of that starting tomorrow, and love I get from your letters. Of course I’ll continue to be as nice, amiable, helpful, and smart to the E.'s as I can, and I’ll work like crazy to be somebody soon and stand on my own two feet, so that I don’t have to depend on strangers. You can learn something good, and make something good, out of every disappointment if you want to, and I do want to! I’ve learned to pull myself together and always seem friendly on the outside. That, plus first-rate English and some Hebrew, is the net gain of two months. So, although I didn’t go to school, I didn’t waste my time.</p>

<p>Kiss,
Marianne</p>

<p>Thank you.</p>

<p>And that’s the end of my article. I’ll finish with two more letters, both written shortly after the one that finished the article.</p>

<p>Friday</p>

<p>Dear parents,</p>

<p>I got your card today. I figured that you didn’t think of the effects of your letter to the E.'s. But nothing has straightened itself out yet. Everything’s as cold as a dog’s snout, especially Mrs. E., who carefully avoids speaking any superfluous word. Mr. E. is still out of town, so I have no idea what position he’ll take. And—something which is very unpleasant—I haven’t gotten any pocket money for ages, and I spend a lot of money on transportation (7-8d. per day). I’ll last another four days exactly, then that’s it. But I don’t have the guts to ask for money. Besides, I’ve lent them about 3 shillings on various occasions, and I haven’t gotten that back, either. I’m not allowed to take money from the two kids I taught English (Mrs. E. vetoed it). It’s true I have one pound from the Mopses, but that’s going to be spent on the book box. Couldn’t you please write to Paris, that they should send me one pound? That’ll last a few months, and at some point Mrs. E. is bound to realize that I don’t have money. </p>

<p>You can read all about the school in the letter to Dr. Gutman. which you should forward to Dr. M. Gutman, c/o Aschenheim, Berlin -Grunewald, Hohenzollerndamm 55. </p>

<p>The bit about the six days at school is a lie. Please
write the Mopses immediately, and write me soon, too. I have to end because otherwise the letter will be too heavy. I’m really very happy at school. [The City of London School for Girls.]</p>

<p>Kiss, </p>

<p>Marianne</p>

<p>And, finally:</p>

<p>March 18, 1939
Saturday evening </p>

<p>Dear parents,</p>

<p>Well, you’re probably going to be surprised to get another letter from me already, but there are special reasons for that. Tonight, Mr. E. called me to his study with a very serious face. I immediately sensed trouble ahead, but I really didn’t anticipate what followed.</p>

<p>Didn’t I write you already that Mrs. E. is “ill”? [In her previous letter, Marianne had written: “Mrs. E.'s blood pressure is still low, so she’s still lying in bed looking like a martyr. I’m convinced that there isn’t the slightest thing wrong with her. . . . She is quite approachable as long as you don’t ‘trouble’ her, but if you interfere with her convenience in the slightest, she immediately flies off the handle. It’s in part because she’s had too much money all her life.”]</p>

<p>Now on Monday she’s going to the country for an indefinite period of time, with J. to take care of her, and L. [the E.'s son] is going up to Oxford. So Mr. E. told me that, much to their regret, they were forced to send me away. For Mr. E. himself is leaving later this month for a three-month trip to America. So they contacted the Committee about me, and they suggested a Christian family in London. Monday I’ll find out whether these people, who live a little outside London, are prepared to take me in. I’d have to take the train to school every morning, but that would work out fine. At any rate, it wouldn’t affect my schooling-. And that’s the most important thing! ! ! ! ! </p>

<p>Of course I don’t know what the people I’ll be staying with are like; I might get lucky, or I might not. The only thing is that I’ll have to make another complete change; I’ll have to adjust to strangers for the second time and to subordinate myself to them. As soon as I am at my new address, I’ll let you know. I suppose you won’t be able to phone Friday. </p>

<p>Tomorrow morning I’ll pack my bags and get all my things ready! Please God let the new family be nice to me, and let me be happy there! It’s not very pleasant to be pushed around like this, but it’s all going to work out fine. The most important thing is that I can continue in school and do the matric.</p>

<p>The E.'s said, of course, that I should always feel free to contact them if I need advice or anything else, and that at any rate I should always stay in touch. But in three weeks they’ll have forgotten me. Of course I’ll stay in touch with them, because for one thing I do have to be grateful to them for having kept me almost four months, and, secondly, they may still be of use to me one day. All this is weird, like a dream. I hope it doesn’t turn into a nightmare. But please write to [family in] Paris and Lorrach, etc., so that they don’t send things to my old address anymore. Well, that’s life!</p>

<p>Kiss,</p>

<p>Marianne</p>

<hr>

<p>It still breaks my heart every time I read these last couple of letters. My poor mother. A child, only 15, all alone, forced to grow up far too soon. </p>

<p>It’s even harder for me to think about the fact that she struggled so hard there, and did graduate from school (and passed whatever exams she had to pass for Oxford, but couldn’t go), and finally made it to America and was reunited with her parents after all the trials and tribulations of her five years on her own, and got a scholarship to Sarah Lawrence and took only 2 1/2 years to get her degree, and then went on to Columbia Law School, one of only three women in her class (although she couldn’t get a job afterwards and never practiced), and got married to my father, and had two children (her “answer to Hitler,” as she used to say), and really did make a new life for herself in a new country, and yet died so young, at 52, in a car accident. It’s still so hard for me to believe. She was perhaps the most vibrant, “alive,” and strong person I’ve ever known. (Of course, I’m biased!) But these letters do represent something of who she was, and they’re all very important to me.</p>

<p>Donna</p>

<p>Thank you for sharing this with us. What fascinating reading! It is so sad that she wasn’t able to use her law degree and that she died so young. She was an excellent writer.</p>

<p>Donna, thank you so much for sharing!</p>

<p>I, too, lost my mother at a young age (my mom was 47, I was 24) - so I know what a devastating loss that is, and how sad it can be to raise up children who never got to know their grandmother – so it is wonderful that you have gone to the effort of putting together these letters, both for your own family and to share with all of us. </p>

<p>Reading those letters, of course, highlights the sadness – your mother’s voice comes through clearly in those letters, loud and brash and charming and funny and courageous – what a delightful and wonderful young woman she must have been! </p>

<p>Again… thanks for sharing… I have to say this was a poignant and wonderful read, a Chanukah gift that I cherish.</p>

<p>Donna,</p>

<p>Thank you for sharing these wonderful letters. I’m so sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age, but she sounds like she was a wonderful person who made a great impact on your life. As a mother, that is the most anyone would want out of life, however long it’s lived.</p>

<p>How courageous your mom was and how nice you have the letters to help you share your memories of her with your son. She was a remarkable young woman who endured a lot. You, too, have had your own journey and it is clear you gained some of your strength through her example. Thank you SO much for sharing these letters with us.</p>

<p>I have met several adults who were “hidden” children in the Netherlands and Belgium and one who survived in wartime Berlin with his parents, hiding in bombed out houses throughout the war. I often wonder if I would have their courage.</p>

<p>Thanks for the kind comments. It’s good to know that one doesn’t have to be a member of my family to find my mother’s letters interesting.</p>

<p>The letters did continue until my mother was finally able to leave England and rejoin her parents in September 1943. (Part of the reason for the long wait after her parents came to the US in June 1941 was, as I understand it, that there was some kind of quota system on the number of civilians who were allowed to take passage on boats across the Atlantic, along with whatever bureaucratic impediments existed on both sides of the ocean. And part was that for a period of time no women were allowed to cross, because of the large numbers of ships that were being torpedoed. My mother lost several friends that way.)</p>

<p>After war broke out in September 1939, the surviving letters become much more sporadic. Obviously, it was no longer possible to exchange letters directly between England and Germany, so my mother and her parents were able to communicate only by using a relative in Switzerland as an intermediary to forward letters. After my grandparents escaped Germany and went to the US, they and my mother corresponded directly again. Still, there are large gaps throughout the 1939-1943 period from which no letters remain (including one gap of about 18 months) – whether because my grandparents lost or didn’t save those letters, or because letters never reached their destination (something that happened rather frequently), or both, I have no idea. (My mother apparently saved none of the letters her parents wrote to her.)</p>

<p>When I have a chance, maybe I’ll post a couple of the letters she wrote towards the end of her time in England, when she was no longer a 15-year old girl, but a young woman of 20. (Who had obviously discovered men, a subject entirely absent from the early letters. At one point, she dutifully asked her father for permission to marry a young man from Frankfurt with whom she had fallen in love. Her father refused to give permission, and although she was extremely angry and upset, she obeyed him. If she hadn’t, I guess I wouldn’t be here!)</p>

<p>Donna</p>