kindly grade my essay please

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1

<p>topic: How should one decide when a cause is worth fighting for?</p>

<p>Essay:
Causes and motivations make people thrive. Extravagance, freedom, and happiness are common causes that people think worth fighting for. However, to determine whether a cause is worthy or not, the result of that cause should ensure majority’s happiness. </p>

<pre><code>Freedom and equality are one of the worthiest causes that people have struggled for. Freedom allows people to live, think, and act independently. It allows people to be creative and thus this creates diversity. Equality is important as all humans, no matter which race or tribe he or she comes from, is created equal. There should be no force used against others to make them succumb reluctantly. Abolitionists like Dr. Martin Luther King and Frederick Douglass had struggled for these causes and finally achieved their goals; racial discrimination and inequality between Whites and Blacks are eliminated. These abolitionists therefore are memorized and known throughout the world.

Beside from happiness, one should consider the long term effect of the result. High school students, for example, should study diligently to enter good and famous colleges. When they become adults and apply for jobs, their education profile will always be shown on the resume. So adults who once study in Ivy League school or top ten universities have higher chance to work and earn better wages.

However, if you define a cause as a reason to fight, sometimes one does not have a choice to choose but only to fight. During the year 2000, in Thailand, there was an economic crisis called “Tom Yum Kung.” Unemployment rates increased tremendously. Businesses collapsed. Prices increased and productions were cut, making people lack of supplies. As a result, many people would only work for jobs that they could find, without choosing their preferences, just to earn a pittance and survive.

In conclusion, whether the cause is worthy or not, one must always consider majority's happiness and long term effects of result though sometimes one does not have a choice but only to fight. A man will be regarded as a "hero" if only he fights for worthy causes.

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2

<p>I would say a 7-9. Your first two examples aren’t very original, but the analysis is decent. Your grammar is a bit shaky at points, with some fragments every now and then. Diction could also be improved. Good job overall though.</p>

3

<p>I would give 4 and suspect most graders would do the same. It had some grammar errors, was not focused enough to fully support the thesis. For example, the thesis seems to be “whether… the result of that cause should ensure majority’s happiness”. But did your third argument (Thailand) mention people’s desire/need to achieve happiness? Ensuring basic survival is quite different from achieving happiness. You need to make those two things connect. </p>

<p>Also there are problems with diction. “Extravagance”? “Famous” university? Could find better terms.</p>