<p>I’m starting this thread becasue I don’t want to hijack another lovely tribute thread which touches on similar issues.</p>
<p>My husband and I have both coached for many years (3 sports boys and girls) and I have also lead music groups. In those years we have coached kids with ADHD, inattentive ADD, kids who are “on the spectrum”, a child with Tourette’s Syndrome, a child with severe anxiety disorder and other variations in learning and behavior. We have found that when the parent lets us know up front about these differences and challenges we are able to tailor our instruction, make needed accomodations, smooth over peer interactions and just be better coaches to these kids. However, we have encountered situations (more common than upfront notification) where the parent feel like they want their child to be able to function in the sport or activity without a label so as not to be treated differently. These situations always end up with a parent conference, many calls and emails back and forth and finally a revelation of diagnosis. </p>
<p>I understand the impulse to allow a child to have as normal a leisure experience as possible, but my experience has universally been that the child will have a better experience if the coach and possible other assistance coaches are aware of challenges and possible limitations. I do not have kids with LDs so I have trouble understanding the choices and challenges that are made around labels, normalcy, privacy etc. I just know that I can do so much more for a child when I know what they’re facing. Input . . . ideas . . .</p>
<p>It is not really about you…</p>
<p>It is really about the child…and the parents…</p>
<p>And the parents are making a judgment…maybe intellectual…definitely emotional…on what they hope will work best for their kid…or themselves</p>
<p>Maybe the parents are hoping their child can fit in…even if it isn’t a perfect situation.</p>
<p>I coached for years too.</p>
<p>It was never about me. ;)</p>
<p>Thanks for this very thoughtful post from the coaches point of view.</p>
<p>I have one son (now 20) who took meds for ADHD in school. We always let the coach know. From a parents point of view the hesitation can be not necessarily a label or being treated differently, but the first interaction with the coach is a conversation that may be viewed as “I’m Mrs. X, Johnny’s mom. My little snowflake is special and deserves extra care and consideration.”. Many coaches are caring and wouldn’t take it that way, but as a parent the concern is the perception of asking for special treatment.</p>
<p>I agree with you, it is better in the long run to tell the coach. I just wanted to point out why some parents may be reluctant.</p>
<p>Long ago, I was co-leader of a Webelos den in a Cub Scout pack. A boy with ADD and other special needs wanted to join the den. It was possible to make this work only because of excellent communication between his mother and the den leaders. Together, we made a lot of accommodations at meetings and activities so that he could participate as much as possible, and we figured out when he could meet badge requirements in the same way that the other boys did and when he would need to do things differently. He managed to do most of the things the other boys did, including participating in a hike, a service project, and a campout. He even earned the Arrow of Light.</p>
<p>I cannot imagine how this boy could have been integrated into the den without extensive and clear communication with his parent.</p>
<p>In this instance, though, there was no privacy issue. All but one of the other 11 boys in the den attended the same school that this boy did. Everyone knew him and knew that he had special needs.</p>
<p>Many times at school a teacher will know that a child has special needs because an IEP is in place, but peers are not aware. I understand the privacy issue there. I’m also not feeling like it’s “about me” or about my spouse. DH had an experience coaching football - 5th and 6th graders - where a child had Aspergers and he was not notified. The child had motor delays, did not make eye contact, and DH had difficulty figuring out where he stood with drills and plays. Two months into the season after several talks with the boy’s father when things weren’t going well, the dad shared that he had Aspergers. DH was better able to work with him when he knew what the boy’s circumstances were - and it was a safety issue. The other team members were not aware of any special circumstances and the other coaches and parent helpers were not informed at the parent’s request, but it put DH in an uncomfortable position of having to intervene and keep the child physically and emotionally safe along with the other 26 kids.</p>
<p>A simple accommodation that I have made is to give the girl with ADHD the hardest handbell part because she does better when her mind is busy and then really shines. On the baseball field a child with ADHD makes a much better catcher than outfielder and is likely to have more fun and really be an asset to the team. I have done extra special mentoring with the girl on the soccer team who had diagnosed severe anxiety/panic disorder so that she could integrate with her peers who just thought she was being dramatic. When she had days when coming to practice was just too much I didn’t sit her to start the game for not having been there. If I did not know that she was coping with specific issues, my response might have been different and kept her away completely.</p>
<p>I guess my point is that for those not in the loop with IEPs but who spend hours a week teaching and mentoring a child I feel like everyone has a better experience if the coach, leader, mentor has more tools and information. In terms of a child “fitting in”, in my experience that goes better when mediated by a sympathetic and informed adult who can pair kids in better groups or put the child with special circumstances in situations where they are more likely to be successful.</p>