My S did his best “acting” during junior/senior HS years. I think he did his best trying to contain eye-rolls and exasperated comebacks every time I said "One of the people on College Confidential said. . . ", or "Here, I printed out some of this comments on the thread about. . . ". I tried REALLY hard to keep all this expert knowledge to myself, but it was SO difficult. S decided maybe he should just go to auditions and introduce himself as “Son of mom4bwayboy”. I was only trying to be helpful. . . S did come to appreciate my vast wealth of expertise when I said we needed to get to one audition early b/c they took the auditions in the order they signed up at registration. So there.
Teenagers are notoriously impossible, and their job is to separate from us. That’s problem number 1. Then you have this world out there that they can’t really fathom, especially if they have been really successful at this in high school. Their world is pretty small, and they are VERY engrossed in it. I mean, they may be the best actor/singer/dancer at their high school, but there are a lot of high schools in this country!! Scary thought, maybe too much to grasp right now. She may be afraid of failing, of letting you and others down, or maybe isn’t sure this is what she wants, but more likely that she doesn’t get it yet. Or doesn’t see the urgency since probably her other friends aren’t really focusing on college yet. You’re on CC and know more than she does, but the tightrope between “nag” and “support” can be a a fine line. We’ve all been there. Maybe sit down and say something to the tune of, “This is about your life, not mine, and I’m willing to help if you want me to. If you don’t, I’ll stop. But if you do, we need a plan.” Then if she says she wants help, come up with a plan you can agree on. Maybe make a timeline and have specified times during the week when you sit and go over what has to be done next, or share with her what you’ve learned, and don’t talk about it any other time. Then maybe she can relax around you. But all kids, no matter what their major or situation, get to the point where they want to be more independent, and it can be maddening, especially kids we have been very close to and involved with, and super especially if we see them not always making the wisest decisions. And figuring out when to speak up and when to shut up are challenges for us, and we won’t always get it right. In the end, they need the message that we will not be disappointed in them if they decide not to do this, which even though you have said it, may be hard for them to grasp since many of our kids have been going down this path since early childhood and don’t know what else to do. The realities of this business are BRUTAL, not a “dream” 99% of the time, and we can’t and shouldn’t push it; they have to really really want it, and many will realize it’s not for them at any point on the journey. Bottom line, we know you are doing your best, and we are here for you.
If nothing else, it will be good practice for backing off when they’re in school and have season auditions, or when they’re trying to nail down summer gigs, or when they start auditioning professionally – none of which they will want to talk to you in detail about, let alone hear your thoughts about…though they still love you and don’t mind random texts about movies and what you’re cooking and innocuous stuff like that. At least in my experience…
If you want to communicate with a college kid- send a picture of the dog. That always gets a positive response 
I’ve sent two kids to college now and in my experience, late winter / early spring of junior year is when it starts to get real. That’s when the school guidance counselors turn some of the attention away from the current year’s seniors who have already completed their applications towards the next year’s group. Once the spotlight is on the juniors, it becomes real and they start to pay more attention. It becomes a group think exercise which will advance the cause more than any amount of parental pressure before that.
I didn’t do any thinking about this sophomore year and neither did my kids. They were not even half way through high school at that point and they were focused on that experience. Second semester junior year if we were going on vacation somewhere that allowed us to hit a college campus, we did it. Neither kid did anything about the SAT or ACT until late winter/early spring of junior year. I do remember seeing parents of freshman and sophomores in the college meetings that were supposed to only be for the juniors or seniors. Some them actually dominated the q & a sessions. I felt sorry that they felt the need to be there.
You are not behind if you wait to really get moving on this stuff until later junior year or even the summer in between junior and senior year. I know there are plenty of people in this forum that started sooner and can’t imagine waiting that long but you may have far more compliant kids. My kids would have killed me. However there was no real risk because I didn’t want to get after it in earnest before later in junior year either. Once it sucks you in, it becomes almost all you think about. WAIT. Enjoy the holidays and high school and all of the rest. The group think is coming to the rescue soon and the big stone will start to roll on its own.
When we were going through this process, one day my daughter told me that all I talked to her about was college/auditioning. That was my wake-up call. We still needed to discuss things, but I would ask her when was a good time and we would make an appointment to sit down and discuss. I had to bite my tongue a thousand times! But she was right. I was obsessed :-S
Another thing to think about, @theaterwork, is getting an audition coach, like MTCA or Moo, even if just for a few sessions, so your daughter can hear about all this from someone other than you. And forgive me if I don’t remember the details of your situation; maybe you have already considered this. But sometimes taking the parent out of the advising equation helps the kid take more ownership of the process. My daughter started with MTCA in the fall of junior year.
I agree, I think once winter is over her friends will start to get more into college searching etc. and that in turn will motivate her. She seems to be most confused on whether to immerse herself totally in a BFA or go the BA route so she can major or minor in other things. She goes back and forth which I know is to be expected. My D is an only child and rather attached to us too which is worse. She’s having fear of adulthood looming I know. its just when you read CC you def think you are behind or your kids supposed to be ultra motivated. A couple of her friends are taking ACT tmrw and they’re juniors so then I’m like oh should she be doing that too ? Thought spring was ok for that
I have said it before- CC is a marvelous place and wonderful community - but it can also completely freak you out. It can seem like everyone is so prepared, so far ahead, has a million acceptances, has been professionally cast, you name it. But that is the part of the iceberg that you see…
LOL @toowonderful! I have at times ALMOST resorted to “Do you need money?” to see if she is alive. ;))
Did it work?
LOL @toowonderful! I have used that tactic all semester to engage my daughter in conversation. Dog pics work!
CC can be mentally dangerous espically outside of the Musical Theatre forms. I have sometimes ventured out of the MT realm when preparing for ACT, AP tests, etc. Urban Dictionary’s definition of CC, despite being exaggerated, is spot on. I like to think the theatre forms are the good side of CC, but even the students on the Facebook group for MT hopefuls (The Troupe), have said that CC can be harmful when read all the time.
Beware of the sending-pics-of-pets! Like @toowonderful and @Bogeyw , I have sent frequent pics of our cats. (I know, theirs were dogs; same emotional point, though).
A couple days ago, my D texted me something like, “So, I’m actually gonna get an emotional support kitten for my dorm. Sound good?” (With an emoticon to show that she was joking; but, really, she’d love a cat there and would jump on the opportunity if she could!)
My reply, playing along: “You’re doing fantastic in all possible ways. I doubt you’d be able to convince anyone that you need one.”
D: “But I’d be doing just finer if I had a snuggle buddy with fur!” (Her mostly joking tone was shown with “just finer”–in case you needed help with that. 
)
To which I replied with, of course, more kitty pics. Mean me.
Lol! She was being facetious–mostly! She’d love to have one of her cats with her. She adores them.
Watch how many pet pics you send!
Seriously, though, I have 4 kids. Each has to be approached differently. MT D was enthusiastic and super appreciative of my involvement in this process. My 2nd D can be a bit trickier about things like this. She totally appreciates my enthusiasm and involvement, but she definitely will send signals to back off or she’ll resent it and/or “bolt.” It’s best if important decisions are her idea–or at least seem like her idea. For example, I love the Florida Gulf and hope to end up there, at least as a snowbird. At first, I jokingly mentioned a bunch of colleges in Florida that D2 could attend. Wrong move. She balked. My best chance at her looking at them now is to not say a word! Lol
We need to be really sensitive to this, IMO. They’re trying to tell us important things–often without words.
My D thought I was obsessed with college her junior year as well - probably because I was so freaked out reading what I was reading on CC. I ‘shared’ too much with her too soon, and she wasn’t ready to hear it.
She was gone the first part of summer, after Junior year, so when she came home we worked on her list (which is still changing), agreed on a plan and a timeline - which contained a two-week buffer to account for all the things that happen in life. I would make her a list of what I thought she needed to do each week to ultimately complete things in time, and she was pretty good about it…for a 16 year-old female who tends to be on the dramatic side…
She ran out of steam near the end (which was Oct 31st for us) so I basically banned her from leaving the house until ALL her apps and prescreens were done. She was not happy that weekend, but later thanked me for forcing her to the finish-line. It was such a weight off her shoulders…and she rolled right into tech week for her spring musical!
As other posters have said, just give your D some time, and ask if there is anything you can do to help her sort out her thoughts! Best of luck!