Maybe we’re viewing it differently but I wouldn’t label either woman the victim. Both acted inappropriately.
The older lady was being a rude busybody. The mom could (and in my opinion should) have continued to ignore the busybody and then go about her business when her husband arrived. Even if the busybody was calling the police, the recording would quickly show the child wasn’t in danger. Instead, the mom went off the rails by yelling profanity at the busybody, so returned rudeness with rudeness. Both were verbal aggressors and both were on the receiving end of verbal aggression. Bad behavior all around.
I always try to give the benefit of the doubt to mothers of young children, especially when remembering being so sleep deprived that five minutes of peace in a parked car may have been perhaps the highlight of my day. I have much less patience with women my own age since we have more life experience and should know better. It’s up to us to show younger women how to behave. imho
CF makes a good point upthread. If older woman had concerns, it was a good deed to check on the mom. Once she could see the mom and children weren’t in any danger, she should have apologized profusely for disturbing them and moved on. I don’t care how the mom spoke to her. Old woman created the situation and it was her responsibility to de-escalate. What if she had shot the mom when she got out of the car, because she felt threatened? Who do we blame then?
A soft answer doesn’t always turn away anger. It often makes you a bigger victim. I have no issues with people standing up for themselves when provoked and not letting themselves be victimized. That old lady was looking to make trouble.
Plus, stepping up to these kinds of people looking to make trouble makes them think twice about messing with someone the next time.
Additionally, one can’t always assume that police showing up would make everything hunky dory. There’s a lot of scenarios where things could go wrong in that event.
I certainly don’t believe in an eye for an eye but I also don’t think a victim of the aggressive and unnecessary meddling like the type exhibited here by the older woman needs to quietly let it all unfold without standing up for herself and her family.
Like Romani, if this woman had tapped on my window in a parking lot, I’d have a assumed she was asking for money. This happens pretty regularly these days around here at one shopping center. When I’m by myself and the individual is a young person or woman or old man, I roll down my window and give them money. Some men I ignore. If I have a child with me, I absolutely ignore panhandlers. Even when out with my adult children I don’t give to folks on the street unless my kids are at a pretty good distance away from me.
At Romani’s age I never gave to panhandlers. This is an old age thing; more money and much less reason to be concerned for personal safety.
None of us were there. No facts. A partial youtube video. No cops at the scene BTW.
Jumping to conclusions seems to be the exercise of the day.
A perhaps overly over busy body with young mom calling profanities in defense.
So maybe busybody had an initial good reason for argument’s sake. We don’t know. She either just wanted to harass someone in the parking lot for funsies or she at least started with a legitimate concern and then couldn’t let go after being called names.
We don’t have facts so we need to make them up which seems to be how things are done these days by the jury of public opinion.
So in old lady defense under one scenario–I live in a hot part of the country.
Consider this-- Mom could be nice and cool with AC blowing on her face in the front seat. She’s great.
. Baby was cradled in a car seat barring air circulation in the back seat sitting in the sun with no air hitting them.
Close to same as no AC. We don’t know how long it’s been. Sure the kid is sleeping–it’s too hot.
“Get your kid out of the sun so they don’t overheat” would be very good advice.
I’m an old lady. Also a pretty big busybody. I guarantee I could give good, though unsolicited, and perhaps intrusive advice (if it seemed necessary) without inciting profanity… regardless of what kind of language the person I’m “advising” normally uses.
" She either just wanted to harass someone in the parking lot for funsies or she at least started with a legitimate concern and then couldn’t let go after being called names."
“Funsies” could be calculated or nefarious intentions. Not so fun. There are many reasons for the woman’s meddling than the binary choices you present.
“Close to same as no AC. We don’t know how long it’s been. Sure the kid is sleeping–it’s too hot.”
Who is making bold assumptions now? Most cars I know do just fine getting A/C into the back seat. Babies sleep because it is too hot?! Remember it is a 2 year old and babies - in this case a toddler who like also has words to use - tend to cry when uncomfortable. Plus, there was a 6 year old in the car as well. Still, assuming she meant well, the older woman should have moved on once she initially talked to the mother.
Seems like you are really working hard here for reasons to excuse the old woman and trying to find equivalence between the language of the mother (which you find offensive) and the wildly overreaction and meddling from the old lady. The two things aren’t equivalent.
It is not okay to tap on someone’s car window. That is my space.
I often drive through an area where there are many street beggars who tap on the car windows. I recognize them and wave them on to the next car. I do think my out-of-town passengers feel terriorized.
In general I think you are less likely to be a victim of crime near major universities, near major transportation hubs, and near tourist spots. A shopping mall parking lot does not fit in that catagory. If someone tapped on my window in a parking lot, I would enable my flashers, lay on the horn, and call 911.
Even if you do not agree with anything I have written above you must realize that ‘mama bear’ mode clearly kicked in for the mother with two small children in her car. Anything she said or did may not seem rational after the fact.
This video is a good reminder; if I ever think something is amiss, I will let the police handle it. I won’t tap on somebody’s window, and I won’t roll down my window for a stranger.
My last post… At least I SAID my assumptions were assumptions. Mine was a scenario. Right at the get go.
You seem to have all the facts which I haven’t seen anywhere. Glad you were there and know the parties.
She is a racist who insisted on “helping” by “protecting” a baby from his/her own mom. Of course, she stated she only had best intentions… There are many of her kind, who “help” minorities by telling them how they should live their lives, what to do, what to think etc because obviously they know better what’s best for them. And they get offended when told to mind their own business. Totally inappropriate, patronizing and insulting. Of course if you tell them they are racists, they would be floored…
Just yesterday, TWO young children were found dead in hot vehicles in the Orlando area. This is a very serious issue, and I hope incidents like the one being discussed here don’t cause people to hesitate in calling 911 if they observe a child left unattended in a vehicle. Obviously, in this case the children were not unattended. If the woman thought the adult in the car was unconscious/incapacitated, then she should have called 911 immediately. I have no idea what this woman’s motivations were, but please, if you see a child left in a vehicle, call 911!
It doesn’t feel racist, I don’t see her caring or mentioning race, it just seems like our current stupid culture of busybodies calling CPS on anything they can. I wish the mom had kept to the high road, kept her language appropriate etc., then no one would be defending the woman.
The old woman made one comment to the husband that she mistakenly thought the baby was alone in the car, only when she continued walking did she see the Mom, at that point she could have disengaged, gotten in her car, and left. Reporting an issue could have made her feel important.
I will never react politely to busybodies who accost me unsolicited. And far be it to say what’s in a complete strangers heart and mind, but it can’t be a coincidence that these stories almost always involve white people butting into the lives of people of color. I’m with @doschicos on this one.
And if you need to call the cops on strangers who are minding their own business and doing nothing wrong just so you can “feel important,” then guess what: you’re not important and it’s time you face up to the fact of your utter inconsequence. Maybe there’s a reason your grandkids don’t call you anymore.