<p>Maybe they mean start a “new” family. </p>
<p>I think you’ve got it, lookingforward. And I think that all they need is money. There are going to be plenty of working women in their late 30s/early 40s who want a family, and haven’t found a suitable relationship with an age peer.</p>
<p>In a way I don’t understand, some men who have " blown it" with the wife & kids from a marriage in their 20’s -30’s, (workaholic etc) give themselves a " fresh start", by marrying in their 50’s.
Then they aim to be the perfect dad. They dont spend too much time at the office and make lots of time with their new family.
Which is great, but. I don’t see them trying to improve their relationship with their older kids.
Its like they don’t exist.</p>
<p>:-/ </p>
<p>They arent really late bloomers, but they do take their time finding what is important to them.</p>
<p>Friend’s D is 26. Hasn’t really dated much - there was one relationship for a year or so when she was in college. Ended that when she moved away for grad school. She’s been working for the past few years - not really looking for a relationship, but not in a place where it’s easy to find one either. I know friend has been worried about her - but her D seems to be perfectly happy with the way things are. Another friend’s D is 23 - hasn’t dated much either. She told me the other day that if she hasn’t found a guy when she’s 30, she’s going to get a dog :)</p>
<p>Dogs are actually a great way to meet people.
I had a guy who looked (& sounded) like Bryan Ferry, follow me around the ( plant) nursery last week, because he liked my dog. </p>
<p>
<em>chuckles</em> You and me both. </p>
<p>My hypothesis is that the men who do this have a disillusioned mid-life crisis which seems to justify the “past life cover up”. </p>
<p>Gets complicated. I remember an old study that showed men in a certain profession first married when they (and I suppose their cohort) thought it was time to, not because the particular relationship drove the decision. I don’t want to name the profession.</p>
<p>Here’s a “late bloomer” who has written a book about it:</p>
<p><a href=“Dateless in her 20s”>Dateless in her 20s;
<p>My younger one told me about the book and I read it - I thought the writer went on way too long about some situations, going back to kindergarten crushes, but she can be very eloquent and there was some enlightening observation/insight into why some young people seem to stay unintentially single. My daughter got bored by the over-long anecdotes but skipped to the wrap-up at the end and liked it better.</p>
<p>My younger one told me about the book and I read it - I thought the writer went on way too long about some situations, going back to kindergarten crushes, but she can be very eloquent and there was some enlightening observation/insight into why some young people seem to stay unintentially single. My daughter got bored by the over-long anecdotes but skipped to the wrap-up at the end and liked it better.</p>
<p>
Yes, honey. </p>
<p>The article is very depressing. I’m glad mine doesn’t have that mindset. I think for one of my daughter’s situation, she liked the guy( I saw his picture on facebook and I think he is cute), he noticed she liked him, but he received a verbal smacking for asking whether she wanted to hook up or not(no not this girl). After the verbal smack, he finally asked her to go out on a date but by then it was too late. She lost interest in the guy. </p>
<p>My motto: Don’t waste my time. </p>
<p>I cherish those close to me. If I’m putting 110% in our relationship (friendship, relationship, etc.), I expect the same back, or at the very least three-quarters of that. </p>
<p>Some may view that as dismal outlook on life or depressing, but that’s how I, and many other Millennials, choose to live. Why waste your time with someone who doesn’t benefit to your life?</p>
<p>I can see your point, but how do you that you are wasting your time ? If you know for sure you don’t like the person then I understand, but sometimes you don’t know. For example, mine went on a date with a guy she thought was cute at night(after a few beers) but it was different when she met him in person. As she said it took time off her busy schedule but she got a fee drink to compensate for her time. :D</p>
<p>someone she doesn’t adore sounds a bit extreme. This isn’t about arranging a marriage. You can meet for coffee or something and see if you have common points, maybe establish a more meaningful friendship. Maybe not. </p>
<p>If exploring is wasting your time, well, you will have plenty of time on your hands. I have friends I don’t “adore,” but I enjoy spending time with them. It IS an expression of my “self” to spend time with them in contexts we both enjoy.</p>
<p>This sure sounds inside-out on the independence thing. Yes, it’s good to be able to enjoy your own company, take yourself to dinner.- or just plain old do your homework on a Friday night. But if you have to wait to be “completely crazy about someone,” it sure sounds like you’re waiting for… the knight on the white horse. </p>
<p>That is not how the Millenials around me operate. They explore, they test, they have fun. You can do that and still be realistic, still be discriminating (in the right sense of the word.) And it’s all practice. No, you don’t have to go out with anyone hopeless- or keep going out with someone who’s just “interesting.” </p>
<p>
I generally know when I’m wasting my time after continued interactions with a person. </p>
<p>I don’t write people off the first time I meet them! It’s after continued interactions and hang outs, where I evaluate my feelings based on how the person and I have been. Everyone does this. </p>
<p>@lookingforward Yes, her wording is extreme, but I can see where she is coming from. </p>
<p>I would word it like:
“I can’t begin to conceive of why anybody would voluntarily spend great chunks of her free time dedicated to someone who isn’t a benefit to their well-being or has their best interest at heart. … Why would I want to go out to dinner and a movie with someone who I don’t care for when I already know how much I like eating dinner and watching a movie by myself, or with (a friend)?”</p>
<p>It’s not about independence. Personally, I know the definition of independent and self-contentment. Eating by yourself for dinner is not the goal in my independence. It’s being surrounded by those who you love and love you and the ability to allow yourself to flourish by seeking out your desires. </p>
<p>When it comes to meeting people and maintaining relationships, I still stand by motto. I explore. I gain new friends. I lose friends. I live happy and to the fullest. </p>