<p>So my best friend’s sister is getting married next Friday, the 15th. They are having a very small wedding so I was not expecting to go since I am sort of removed from the actual bride and groom (though I do know the bride fairly well). </p>
<p>Friend told me yesterday that there is a seating issue and I may be invited (I am supposed to find out tomorrow).</p>
<p>I don’t have a lot of money and I get paid on the day of the actual wedding. In this case, is it acceptable for me to send a gift (or check) after the wedding?</p>
<p>At a large wedding, while it is proper to send gifts ahead of time, many arrive at the reception or in the mail later. You certainly can take the time to choose the right gift and have it delivered after the fact.</p>
<p>I got married last year and was informed by DH’s cousin that she had a year from the wedding date to send a gift. This might be a local custom - I’d never heard of it - but I smiled and said I was happy to have her attend the wedding and no gift was necessary.</p>
<p>Given the late notice, no one will expect you to arrive at the wedding with a gift. The practice is frowned upon by Miss Manners anyway. Sending a gift to the couple’s home after the wedding is perfectly fine.</p>
<p>Definitely OK. The accepted custom is up to a year after the wedding, although that always seems a bit extreme. My D got married last summer, and we actually appreciated having gifts sent directly to the house instead of brought to the wedding. It is very hectic the day of the wedding; cards got separated from gifts, and then there is the transportation issue at the end of the wedding in getting all of the gifts back home.</p>
<p>So you’re invited because of a “seating issue”? I find this very strange. Do you know what the “seating issue is”? Unless you really want to go to the wedding, don’t go. If you attend the wedding, you could give a very small gift - not cash, but something small.</p>
<p>Agree with oldfort that you shouldn’t overspend on a gift. </p>
<p>As for seating issues, I had a good friend who asked me if she could NOT invite me to the dinner reception–they only had 100 places and there are some people that would actually be offended if they were not invited, so would I be offended if I were not invited? No problem, I said, I understand.</p>
<p>Two days before the wedding, when people finally started to RSVP, there was room, so suddenly I was invited. Great! One day before, there’s room for my husband to come also. He said, NAHH…forget that!</p>
<p>Inexpensive but extremely useful gift: Postage stamps for all the thank-you notes they will have to send. When I was a poor grad student representing my immediate family at a cousin’s wedding close to where I was studying, the book of stamps I tucked into a card proved to be a huge hit with the bride!</p>
<p>Late invitations: Happykid’s best friend’s brother’s Bar Mitzvah reception had an empty table a week before the event, so the moms and dads of the teen guests received last-minute invitations to stay through the party since we would have to drop off and pick up at the venue anyway. Happydad couldn’t make it because of a conference, but I had a great time!</p>
<p>There is a very popular wedding chapel in our area that has strict seating maximums (fire regulations.) If only 100 people can legally fit into the chapel, that makes it pretty tough on the families. It’s a gorgeous location, but I would have had a hard time limiting my guest list to 50 people, so we didn’t even consider it.<br>
Don’t worry about the timing of the gift. The bride and groom certainly understand the situation and would no doubt be pleased to receive something at any time. And I agree with the others to keep it small.</p>
<p>I grew up with the understanding that one has a year to send a wedding gift. The couple wants you to be a part of the joy they’re about to share. Don’t sweat the small stuff!</p>
<p>Not sure about what’s ‘proper’ with sending out the invitation. I seem to remember a thirty day window was expected, but nowadays with save-the-date cards, etc. I’m not sure what’s expected. Seems local customs often blur with etiquette…</p>
<p>It’s actually preferable that you not bring a gift to the actual wedding. Anytime after will be just fine and I’m sure the happy couple will be thrilled with whatever you choose to give. Your best friend will be thrilled to have you attend her sister’s wedding and it is not at all uncommon for last minute invites to arise. It’s not an etiquette issue, it’s an issue of the bride’s family having the opportunity to invite someone who they clearly didn’t have the ability to earlier in the process. Go and have fun!</p>
<p>Apparently so. It appears that the OP didn’t make the first guest list, but as space becomes available, the bride and groom are referring to their alternate list. If it doesn’t bother the invitee, I guess no harm no foul. And I agree with an above post-given the late notice for the wedding invitation, it would be unlikely that the bride and groom would dare to take offense at a gift that did not arrive in advance of the wedding.</p>
<p>“When to Mail
The rules regarding wedding invitation etiquette dictate that invitations aren’t sent out too far in advance, but they shouldn’t come at the last minute either. You want your guests to have enough time to plan for the wedding and make any necessary travel arrangements. You don’t want to send the wedding invitations out too far ahead of time, either. Invitations can be sent out as early as eight weeks and as late as one month. Any later than that would be considered very bad etiquette. Six weeks is about enough time to mail the invitations and receive responses.”</p>
<p>I am planning a wedding myself at the moment and most of what I have read said that guests have a year to send a gift.</p>
<p>I agree it’s even preferable if you don’t bring a gift to the wedding. I would rather not have to worry about getting them home when I want to be getting ready for my honeymoon.</p>