<p>Everything is starting to get really hectic now – all of the vendors are emailing and calling with lists of questions and clarifications (and bills ;)), and there are more details to iron out than I ever could have imagined. Today the reception site coordinator emailed with a long list of questions, and I was trying to simultaneously answer all of her questions and do an experiment and read five papers on a particular protein, and I thought for a second that my head was going to explode.</p>
<p>Busy busy busy!</p>
<p>I have one sticky situation: one of my dear friends, who’s single, responded with a guest who was not invited. I’m sure she has no idea that it’s a faux pas, but we’re going to be running very close to the maximum number of people that the reception room will hold, and she just can’t bring a guest. How can I let her know that her guest can’t come without making her feel like she’s done something bad?</p>
<p>Could you give your friend a quick, polite, regretful phone call apologising that the reception room can’t hold another person? I think if you express your regret that her guest can’t come, she wouldn’t be offended.</p>
<p>Or if you’re not comfortable with that, could your mother/MIL/whoever is hosting call instead? Honestly, I think if it’s done in a tactful, heartfelt, personal manner your friend will not feel as though she’s made a faux pas.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there’s always one who does this! Have dealt with this a few times myself. Just tell her that while you really wish you could include her guest, you have so many single friends and relatives in the same boat that you had to limit it to people who were engaged, married or living together in order to stay within your numbers for the place. If this is a new relationship, and your friend is local, tell her that you’d really love to get to know this person and suggest going out together or something like that after the wedding and then follow up on that.</p>
<p>If your friend IS engaged or living with someone you are supposed to invite them. :)</p>
<p>I hate to say this, but twenty four years later I really regret having been snippy about not including guests and some friends. I think you should just ignore the extra guest. Don’t worry, someone else will no-show at the last minute (and you can be annoyed about that too) and you won’t exceed numbers. Really.</p>
<p>I agree that sometimes you may just end up wishing you had invited the person - especially if you have the space. On the other hand if you make an exception for one , it has the potential to be noticed by others and can cause hard feelings with respect to other friends and family members who don’t get to bring a guest. Everyone thinks that they should be that exception, and believe me these things get noticed - people can be like that!</p>
<p>This happened to a friend of mine with respect to children. They decided ahead of time that no young children would be included, but one of the guests ended up in a jam and asked last minute if she could bring hers. The hostess said yes, but it did create hard feelings for some people who left their own kids at home and thought that their kids were even closer to the family than the ones who were there - despite the explanations.</p>
<p>You can always invite the guest if you don’t think any of this applies and you just want peace and harmony. But if you want to sugar coat it, you can say that if it were up to you, you would have invited her with a guest, but that it opens up a big can of worms on the other side of the guest list. But basically, you don’t have to feel guilty over this. Your guest is the one who commited the faux pas as you say - it is not impolite to have to turn down the request.</p>
<p>I agree with roshke. Just tell your friend nicely that you are at the limit of guests for the facility and can’t accomodate more people. The idea of getting together with the friend and her friend for coffee or whatever at a later date is a great one!</p>
<p>Sorry, but I agree with the responder who said to let it go…that certainly one or more guests will end up being no shows.</p>
<p>However, that is assuming that this friend is the ONLY one to respond with an unauthorized guest. If you find many invitees doing this, than obviously this won’t work.</p>
<p>Anyway, based on things we’ve hosted, there are always some guest who we thought were a total lock to show up who don’t. I think it’s safe to count on it. I agree that in the case of the young children example, hard feelings can ensue because the inclusion of some is so obvious. However, in this case, unless the unauthorized guest is wearing a sign, no one will really know.</p>
<p>The no-shows at my wedding were aggravating. There were a bunch at one table where I knew the husbands (architecture firm) and the wives collectively didn’t show up. I’d carefully put together tables of people I thought would enjoy talking to each other and one table was only half full. I’d have organized it differently if I’d known they weren’t coming.</p>
<p>If things are tight, I agree just tell her nicely you wish she could bring a guest, but you are maxed out.</p>
<p>I emailed her and apologized profusely, saying we were running very short on space, and I would have loved to have let people bring someone, but it just wasn’t going to be possible. I told her that I would let her know if there was extra space.</p>
<p>Some people hit the nail on the head – there are several people who have already asked if they could bring guests, and I told them that it wouldn’t be possible. One of the people I told is in the same social group as the friend who RSVPed plus one, and he will certainly know that her friend was not invited. (The friend is not a significant other, by the way – just a friend whom I have never met.)</p>
<p>I am inclined to make quiet exceptions for a few people – for example, Adam’s favorite cousin has just started dating someone special, and we told him that he’d get first priority if we had space after the RSVPs came in. My MIL wants to invite her boss, who was not on the original guest list. So there are a few people who already have dibs on any extra spots.</p>
<p>We’re getting down to the last few days before the wedding! I had my final dress fitting today, Adam took the programs to be printed yesterday, and I met earlier this week with the reception site manager and caterer. There are still some things to confirm and do, but most of the big stuff is completely in place.</p>
<p>I’m really looking forward to my bachelorette party – one of the (out-of-town) bridesmaids planned it together with one of the technicians in my lab. We are going to have a nice dinner, then go to a club for a while. It will actually be my first time going clubbing. It’s going to be a fun melding of my high school friends, my college friends, and my lab friends. </p>
<p>Some fun stuff:
Tomorrow, Adam’s making the box where cards will go at the reception. (He designed it in AutoCAD. Engineers.) It will be shaped and decorated like one of my lab mice!
Instead of having the guests throw rice or birdseed, we’re going to have them throw paper airplanes. Adam is making me teach him Photoshop so he can design something “totally epic.”
Our rehearsal dinner is going to be held at Fire and Ice, which is a) a fun make-your-own Mongolian barbecue restaurant in Harvard Square, and b) the place where Adam and I went on our first date.</p>
<p>Tonight I am cutting ribbon for our programs (which we are having printed tomorrow for the third time!) and organizing the reception place cards. Earlier today, when I should have been doing science, I confirmed the final agreement with the florist, gave the final dinner numbers to the caterer, and discussed some ceremony elements with my mom.</p>
<p>My parents and MOH are coming out in two days! I can’t believe we’re getting so close to the wedding. I’m so excited I can’t sit still. :D</p>
<p>You put a smile the face of this MOS with your “I’m so excited I can’t sit still.” It <em>is</em> so close. Soon your updates will be Actual Reporting on the Event. We’ll be patient ;).</p>
<p>I LOVE the orange/yellow flowers with the blue dresses. You probably already told us that, but I forgot. They look great!</p>
<p>This thread has been more fun than Martha Stewart plans a wedding on the Today show! Thanks for sharing all this with us, Mollie! Wishing you much happiness this weekend and in the years ahead!</p>
<p>Hey Mollie,
Everything looks great! If you have any of the party favors left over, count me in! Yum! Seriously, though, lots of good luck with everything. I hope the day is as magical as you’ve imagined!</p>
<p>Mollie, I’ve never posted on this thread but have read it avidly. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us, it’s been wonderful to vicariously observe your excitement. I hope you get back a hundredfold the joy you’ve given in your openness and generosity!</p>
It’s going to be a fun melding of my high school friends, my college friends, and my lab friends. </p>
Yum! Seriously, though, lots of good luck with everything. I hope the day is as magical as you’ve imagined!</p>