<p>My in-laws gave us a reception after our wedding. We’d gotten married in CA where our friends were, but most of our parents friends couldn’t come. It was very nice. I didn’t feel like it competed with the wedding festivities at all. </p>
<p>Your mil’s plans for an extra reception may be excessive, but I think you can just humor her.</p>
<p>Mollieb - I know it’s all frustrating, but your feelings are very typical. Things go wrong. Everybody is under some stress, and isn’t at their best. When I got married, a doctor I was working with advised me to put my effort into the marriage and not worry so much about the wedding. It was a lot easier to handle the things that went wrong. I think I was one of the most relaxed brides ever. I shrugged a lot. The singer cancelled a few weeks before. One of the groomsmen cancelled a week before. My bridesmaids argued over dress color - so I let them each chose their own color. We had a housefull of guests, and only one bathroom. So my hair looked terrible! My mother gets strange, tacky ideas in her head and can’t be stopped. It poured down rain all day. My sister lost the ring. Someone came into the church and robbed the bridesmaids during the wedding. I could go on and on. But whenever it got too bad, I remembered what the doc had said, and shrugged it off. We’ve been married 26 years, happily, and I have only good memories of the wedding, despite everything.</p>
<p>We served sparkling grape juice only. And I’ve been at many weddings where people were offered their choice. You don’t need to smuggle it - I think many people are used to it.</p>
<p>My mom had a second reception after the regular reception. We had a lot of people from out of town, and she wanted something for them to do. We made an appearance, then left for the honeymoon. It really had very little to do with us. I don’t think your MIL’s second reception is anything to worry about. I suspect, being the mother of the groom, this is her way of getting to control a little bit of something. Maybe it is helping to give her something else to focus on.</p>
<p>I’m going to assume your SIL wasn’t being catty, but was actually trying to share a confidence, however misguided. The proper response is, “Yes, when she is mother of the bride, she will have a lot more say. Good luck to you.” And privately you can think: And then I will criticize everything. ;)</p>
<p>You can’t win either way. When my wife and I got married, our attitude was “Our relationship is for us; the formalities are for our parents and families.” So we let them do whatever they wanted about the reception, etc. But without the natural friction of bride/mother/mother-in-law, the whole thing spun out of control rapidly, and there was lots of resentment.</p>
<p>When it was all over, my father-in-law didn’t speak to us for almost three years because his wife was so upset that she hadn’t been included in more formal pictures. (This was a recent second wife, not someone with whom the bride had a longstanding relationship. We had probably met her only four or five times prior to the wedding. And his wife was in a bunch of pictures with us – just not the ones that included my mother-in-law.)</p>
<p>Not only should you not smuggle in the grape juice, it would be a kindness to those who can’t drink if there is a choice - sparkling cider is nice option too.</p>
<p>Binx, wow!</p>
<p>JHS, interesting. We had almost an identical situation in our family regarding pictures when my BIL got married. He was divorced from that wife a few years later, and that album might no longer even exist. Certainly, he no longer cares about it, and is remarried. Life marches on.</p>
<p>binx, has the right idea. Shrug off all of the stuff going on around you. In the end, it does not matter much. Yeah, go to MIL’s over the top 2nd event and just smile. One piece of advice, after that, if she does not have an idea as to where boundries are, you need set them along with Adam.</p>
<p>(I thought I’d bump this thread, since there’s quite a bit of talk about weddings in the Cafe today!)</p>
<p>Well, the reception meal is all set – some classy hors d’oeuvres will be served downstairs in the North America room near the stuffed moose, and there will be a nice buffet with a chicken and a steak for entrees. Critically, there will be some delicious mini Key Lime pies served along with the wedding cake. (My philosophy for buffet dinners is that they should be heavy on the dessert. ;)) There will be a full open bar, although I haven’t managed to get the caterer to understand that I want something non-alcoholic for my champagne toast – when I asked, she send me a list of sparkling wines. Hmm.</p>
<p>Some little things: We got our guestbook from [this</a> website](<a href=“http://www.guestbookstore.com/]this”>http://www.guestbookstore.com/), and it’s really pretty. I like that each guest will get a page to fill out. We also met with our officiant for the first time, and she’s fabulous. I think we made a really good choice by having the wedding at this church.</p>
<p>My mom and MIL picked their dresses. My parents came out to MA for the 4th of July, and my mom brought a picture of her dress to show MIL. They picked basically the same dress in different colors! It’s too funny.</p>
<p>I think I’ve finished picking music for the ceremony. Here are some prelude songs on which to feast your eyes:
Morning Has Broken (Farjeon)<br>
Panis Angelicus (Franck)<br>
Romeo and Juliet theme (Tschaikovsky)
Moonlight Sonata (Beethoven)<br>
My Heart Ever Faithful (Bach)
Air in G (Bach)
Great is Thy Faithfulness (Runyan)
Nessun Dorma (Puccini)
Autumn, allegro (Vivaldi, from “The Four Seasons”)
Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring (Bach)
Water Music Suite - Air (Handel)</p>
<p>Of course, I just declared a thesis lab this week, and I have about four zillion things to do to get started on my thesis project on top of everything I need to do for the wedding. Post-It notes are my friends…</p>
<p>GReat choice of music Molliebatmit!!! Can I buy the CD? :)</p>
<p>MOB and MOG dresses. Pictures? :D</p>
<p>My second son got married almost exactly three weeks ago. My MIL (the groom’s grandmom) is, unfortunately, in early to mid stages of Alzheimer’s and is living with family. So someone in the family went shopping for outfits appropirate for her to wear to the wedding…they came back with two very pretty outfits. We all agreed on one of them, though either would be great.</p>
<p>Fast forward to the actual wedding: Lo and behold, one of the Bride’s grandmoms had on an outfit IDENTICAL to one of the ones purchased for Groom’s grandmom!!! :eek: Fortunately, we picked the OTHER one for her to wear!!! :rolleyes:</p>
<p>And all heaved a huge sigh of relief! :)</p>
<p>Hey mollieb, my philosophy for ALL dinners is that they should be heavy on the desserts. Two thumbs up for the mini-key lime pies. But, I do need to know what you have picked for classy hors d’oeuvres. Virtual eating for me…</p>
<p>Classy hors d’oeuvres will be (as I look up one of my five bazillion wedding spreadsheets) vegetable potstickers with ponzu sauce, margherita pizza with fontina, mozzarella, sliced roma tomatoes and basil, grilled chicken satay with Thai peanut sauce, and scallops wrapped in bacon. (I mean, classy, but not too classy. My relatives are mostly from a small farm town in rural Ohio, and I think they would look with great suspicion on some of the more exotic hors d’oeuvres the caterer offers.)</p>
<p>I will try to have my mom email me the picture of her dress. They’re not totally identical (like churchmusicmom’s story – oh dear! :)), and they’re different colors. I think it will be cute! Especially because both dads are wearing tuxes and will match already. (And I could see my grandma and his grandma picking similar dresses – they are very similar in personality and have the same little old lady hair.)</p>
<p>My mouth is virtually watering, mollieb, and I think those hors d’oeuvres are quite classy! But, no “pigs in a blanket???” :D</p>
<p>I’m wondering about tuxes vs. morning coats! What time is the wedding? :)</p>
<p>It’s at 4 PM. But I think my fiance might be a little too short of stature for a morning coat anyway. (I went with a short guy to prom in HS, and he wore a morning coat. He sort of looked like he had gotten a tux that was meant for someone a foot taller. :))</p>
<p>Mollie – Huge congratulations and best of luck on the wedding and happily ever after. You and Adam are a lovely couple.
I know you posted a request for hotel suggestions last fall, are you all set with that?<br>
If not, I recommend the Hampton Inn Boston/Braintree. We stayed there a couple of weeks ago, and coincidentally there was an entire wedding party there of MIT people – bride, groom, best man and brother were all MIT alums, and all their family members stayed at the hotel. The Hampton Inn Boston/Braintree has the advantage of being out of Boston - Cambridge, so a little quieter atmosphere, but still is on the T. Getting to Cambridge couldn’t be easier from there – the H.I. has a free (and prompt and friendly) shuttle service to the Quincy T stop, and from there it’s direct to Kendall Sq. If you call for info, tell Tracy that Mary sent you! The people that work there couldn’t be nicer.</p>
<p>Keep posting your updates! It’s all so great.</p>
<p>Your Fan,
AnudduhMom
ps. don’t be too hard on future MIL. She is really sweet and means well. She helped me a lot last year (literally held my hand as I went through parental separation anxiety!). I know she is very fond of you.</p>
<p>Yes, I managed to get some really nice rates at a few hotels in Cambridge. It’s odd, because I was getting really horrible rates quoted to me when I called last fall… I guess I just needed to procrastinate more.</p>
<p>And I know MIL and my mom mean well. 
It will just be easier to see that in a few months!</p>
<p>MollieB-</p>
<p>Thanks for giving us the vicarious wedding planning experience! You are generous to share.</p>
<p>Keep the info coming, and try to maintain a forgiving spot in your heart for the M and MIL. You’ll be glad you did,</p>
<p>~mafool</p>
<p>I have hairstyle pictures!
[Picture</a> 1](<a href=“http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair1.JPG]Picture”>http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair1.JPG)
[Picture</a> 2](<a href=“http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair2.JPG]Picture”>http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair2.JPG)
I’m really happy with the way it turned out – the updo guy was recommended to me by my usual hairstylist, and he’s awesome.</p>
<p>In other wedding news (and in all seriousness – I’m not kidding), the blushing groom has decided to participate in the tradition of the groom’s cake by making his own groom’s cake. He’s been watching Ace of Cakes on the Food Network, and has decided that he wants to make a fondant-covered rocket-shaped cake for the rehearsal dinner. Although he’s good in the kitchen, I have no doubt hilarity will ensue. :)</p>
<p>I love you hair! Just wonderful! & I love that the groom is making his own cake! </p>
<p>best wishes!</p>
<p>You are going to be an absolutely beautiful bride, Mollie.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for sharing. Lots of excitement among cc parents for you!</p>
![http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair1.JPG]Picture](http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair1.JPG%5DPicture){kind=link}
![http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair2.JPG]Picture](http://web.mit.edu/mollieb/www/wedding/hair2.JPG%5DPicture){kind=link}
