Latest wedding updates

Parent Cafe
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<p>So since my last update, we found a great apartment north of Boston – we’re right on the subway, and we can even afford a fabulously roomy two-bed. We’re moving at the end of May, and we’re excited to have more room for us, and to get the bunny a friend. (If you want to die of cuteness, check out the [url=<a href=“http://www.rabbitnetwork.org/adoption/boys.shtml]adorable[/url”>http://www.rabbitnetwork.org/adoption/boys.shtml]adorable[/url</a>] [url=<a href=“http://www.rabbitnetwork.org/adoption/girls.shtml]bunnies[/url”>http://www.rabbitnetwork.org/adoption/girls.shtml]bunnies[/url</a>] up for adoption at our local rabbit rescue. Can we take them all?)</p>

<p>The new apartment complex has a beautiful common room which can be reserved for personal events, so we decided we would have our rehearsal dinner there. Prior to actually getting engaged, it was our long-running joke that our wedding reception would feature mini-golf and be catered by California Pizza Kitchen, so in homage to that joke (and because casual dinners are more fun), we’re planning to have the RD catered by California Pizza Kitchen.</p>

<p>It took a little doing to convince my mother-in-law that CPK and the common room were the way to go, but she agreed last weekend. (I may have helped by telling her very sweetly that she was totally welcome to find some other location in the city by herself if she wanted. ;))</p>

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<p>What great news, Mollie! The apartment sounds wonderful and a chance to get a bunny friend!
Now I have an imagine in my head of little golf flags used at each place setting for the rehearsal dinner and golf tees printed with your names and date. Casual dinners are more fun - its a great choice.</p>

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<p>Mollie,
CPK! What a great way to set a stress-free tone for the festivities! I’m partial to the Thai peanut sauce variety. Are you on the Orange Line? New apt. sounds great and spacious. Congrats!</p>

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<p>CPK is good! And their Tuscan hummus with pizza-pita bread is goood!!</p>

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<p>Cute bunnies (Our bunny looks just like “Naomi.” But he’s boy).</p>

<p>BTW --my rehearsal dinner was Stouffer’s lasagna in mom’s basement. And that is where I first met my m-i-l.</p>

<p>It’s OK. We’re still married.</p>

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<p>Suddenly everything seems to be coming together – there was a flurry of planning at the beginning, but I haven’t really done much with the wedding for the past few months. </p>

<p>Wedding party
My fiance, he of the much more discriminating eye, picked out the flower girl dress from the Easter sale rack at Macy’s. Adorable flower girl (my fiance’s three-year-old second cousin)? Check. Fabulous less-than-thirty-dollar flower girl dress? Check.</p>

<p>We found out recently that our best man may not be able to even come to the wedding – he’s in the Coast Guard, and his commanding officer informed him that if they’re at sea, he can’t leave the ship. It’s not a huge deal for the wedding itself (one of the other groomsmen will be the best man and we’ll stick my little brother in a tux as the third groomsman), but we will be very sad if the original best man can’t make it to the wedding.</p>

<p>My fiance went to pick out the tuxes for the guys in the wedding party, and both moms are giving him a lot of grief about his choices. Geez, given what their husbands wore in the 70s, you’d think they’d be less judgmental. :P</p>

<p>We are living in a material world
I was given two showers in the past two weekends – one here in Massachusetts for my fiance’s family, and one in Ohio for my family and friends. It was fantastic to see so many people that we don’t get to see often, and I was just sort of overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity.</p>

<p>A reception question
Question: We can choose to have either an open bar or just beer/wine/soda. My parents want to have the beer/wine/soda bar, then give guests the option to purchase hard liquors. Is that considered tacky? I would rather either have a totally open bar or do beer/wine/soda with no other options, but I’m getting outvoted.</p>

<p>One little gripe
Since I’m from Ohio, many of my family friends will not be able to come to the wedding (both because it would be prohibitively expensive for them to make the trip, and because the wedding’s going to be small in the first place). My mom is planning to have a party later this fall in my hometown for friends and family who won’t be able to make it to the shower.</p>

<p>My fiance’s entire (large) family is invited to the wedding, and they will all almost certainly be able to come. We also gave my MIL a large number of discriminatory invites – more than she “should” have gotten if we had divided the guest list evenly. She is still planning to hold her own post-wedding reception-part-2 the week after we get back from our honeymoon. Her party will be in a hotel banquet room, and my fiance says neither of us will know anyone there.</p>

<p>I don’t have a problem with my mom’s party, but my MIL’s party just seems sort of unnecessary and show-offy to me. I wouldn’t mind if she had a small backyard barbecue or something, but I think she really wants to have a sequel to the reception. </p>

<p>Argh.</p>

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<p>Perhaps the moms want you to have less “dated” pictures than theirs! :)</p>

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<p>I don’t like cash bars for the tacky factor and I don’t like open bars for the liability and cost factors. We served white wine and champagne at our wedding reception which was in a hotel. We had no bar at the actual reception but there was a regular bar inside the hotel so anybody of age could visit if they wanted something stronger.</p>

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<p>When we got married, we had a full bar and lots of champagne. The only thing anyone drank was champagne, except for my MIL who drank half a bottle of scotch. I’d vote for just champagne at the wedding, personally, with no cash bar. It’s nicer when most people are relatively sober.</p>

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<p>Some folks who are coming to the wedding may not drink champagne (<em>cough</em>) so having wine available is a nice touch. People can get mixed drinks afterwards if they want, don’t have a cash bar.</p>

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<p>Nix the cash bar. If you couldn’t afford to serve the dessert you wanted, would you ask guests to pay? You are hosting a party for your guests. Their obligation is to eat and drink what is served to them. Serve what you can afford to serve. They will be just fine with beer, wine, and soda, and if not, it’s only 3-4 hours out of their lives.</p>

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I’m with you Mollie. Guests should not have to pay for drinks at the wedding. Super-tacky. Beer, wine and soda are perfectly fine offerings, especially if your reception is earlier in the day.</p>

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<p>Cash bar = tacky</p>

<p>I agree with you about your MIL’s post wedding party - seems redundant. Just wondering - does she have a daughter? Anyway, if she wants to throw a party, I don’t see how you can avoid it. Chalk it up to maintaining good in-law relations. You’ll need these points when the holidays come around and the inevitable “where will we be for xxx?” decisions.</p>

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<p>Way back when, my mom and I disagreed about what drinks to offer at the (afternoon) reception. I ended up having my reception (catered dinner) in the church hall, and the church forbid any alcohol at all. Solved that. My mom insisted that none of her friends would come if I didn’t serve alcohol, to which I replied, If they’re only coming for the alcohol, I’d rather they not come anyway.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, alcohol seems required at any reception that has dancing. Apparently few will dance if there’s nothing to loosen them up.</p>

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<p>Mollie-</p>

<p>Beer/wine/soda generously offers options to all. No need for a cash anything!</p>

<p>As to MIL’s plans: smile graciously and accept her generosity, whatever her motivation may be. Doesn’t seem like something to make waves about!</p>

<p>Best to you both-
mafool</p>

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<p>Another vote for no cash bar. Serve what you can afford. Miss Manners says if all you can afford is iced tea, that’s okay too. Wine, beer and soda is plenty.</p>

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<p>Another vote for no cash bar. I agree with all of the above, including our beloved bride, that it’s tacky. We’re fighting against the tide, though, I’m afraid. I figure the way society is going, we’re not far from the following scenario: Invite guests to my home for an outdoor cook-out. Serve hamburgers. But if the guests want steak, they can pay me for an “upgrade” and I’ll grill up the rib-eyes at their expense. Sheesh!</p>

<p>Keep the faith, mollieb. I love the way you’re handling everything.</p>

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<p>Yet another vote for beer/wine/soda. Hang in there!</p>

<p>Also, I’m afraid I’m also voting “yes” on the MIL’s party, but maybe you could suggest that she have it a little later than just when you get back from the honeymoon. Travel is very tiring, even if it’s not a honeymoon, and you’ll want a few days to kick back and not be social. Maybe the following weekend?</p>

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<p>Hahaha. Upgrade, huh? Does that mean that people will start offering Frequent Flyer cards for weddings? When you attend #10 you get upgraded to French champagne and don’t have to drink the Andre sparkling wine? Sign me up for the program…</p>

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<p>I will put my foot down on the either beer/wine/soda or open bar issue. And mootmom, there will definitely be non-champagne beverages available for the toast – I can’t drink champagne myself without making a horrible face, so I’m thinking of having some sparkling grape juice snuck in for me. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>I am definitely not going to make a fuss about MIL’s over-the-top second reception bash, and I’ll go with a smile on my face. I just needed to vent about it a little. (My sister-in-law came to visit last weekend, and told me that MIL has been huffing that when SIL gets married, “things will be done differently.” Well then.)</p>

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<p>mollie, </p>

<p>^^^ Say what? I have to say, your SIL was none too sensitive here - your future MIL would no doubt be mortified to learn that this was repeated to you. I can’t imagine what your future SIL was thinking. :rolleyes:</p>

<p>Anyway, the purpose to the post wedding event honoring you may also be that your MIL feels a social obligation to many people who have included your in-laws over the years at their social functions. Even if you are being generous with the guest list, there is probably a limit on the people she would have liked to include. This way she can limit the guest list at the wedding and still reciprocate. I understand how you feel, though - the evidence does start to mount and point to the possibility that future MIL is wanting to do The Sequel “her way.” </p>

<p>As for having the event in a hotel banquet room - that wouldn’t bother me - your MIL may not want the aggravation or mess of having something at home. It’s really no different than a function at a restaurant and will not be confused for a wedding, I promise. </p>

<p>Still, I don’t blame you for feeling a little put out - big kudos to you for keeping it all in perspective. Hang in there. The last couple of months can be stressful. </p>

<p>PS Another vote for no cash bar.</p>