Lazy child.......any parents have any advice?

<p>My parents have friends who have an only child (boy) who is 12 years old. He spends all day playing on the computer and video games and he refuses to go outside. Once, his parents managed to drag him outside to take a walk and then he walked really slowly. When his parents told him that he was walking too slow, he walked super fast intentionally to aggravate his parents. Another time, they signed him up for a sailing class and one day it rained so he went home and yelled at his parents </p>

<p>Another problem is that he sells stuff to people at his middle school for exorbitant prices. Once he sold a pack of gum to someone for $30 (and the other person's parents called their house after they found out), he buys a lot of candy and sells $3 candy for $15 and he makes a lot of money. So he thinks that he doesn't have to do any work to get money. </p>

<p>So my question to parents is, what can we suggest to those parents to do to get their child to not be lazy, be active and what do you think about his "little business" at school? I personally think that the kids are stupid in the first place to pay those prices for candy but there's also a side that thinks that if he keeps this up, one day he might be selling stuff that can make more money like drugs etc...</p>

<p>To be blunt, it is totally none of yours or your parents business, unless this kid has caused you direct grief (stolen from you, damaged your property, etc.). Believe me, it is almost impossible to give parents advice on how to parent their kid without causing offense. Do we ALL know kids who are ill behaved and/or possibly headed for bigger trouble? Yup. Do we ALL know parents who aren't very good parents, and whose kids could benefit from some other parenting behavior than they are getting? Yup. But it is not your job or your business to try to change this.</p>

<p>As a parent, I can look at this list and say, "I would do this, and this, and this" to remedy some of the situations below. None of these issues require rocket science, in my opinion, just parents who are smarter than their kid, and make good use of carrots and sticks. But as an observer, your input to them would be inappropriate and unwelcomed by all parties...</p>

<p>^well they came over to our house this morning and told us about their situation and asked if we knew what to do so that's why we're trying to come up with something.</p>

<p>so you think the best thing to do is stay out of it and just let them continue to do what they think is right?</p>

<p>Suggest that they seek help from a professional therapist or family counselor.</p>

<p>Agree with NSM. Some people may not agree with this analogy, but it is like going to dog obedience school. Obedience school isn't really about teaching your DOG when you go to class. It is about teaching you as an owner HOW to teach and handle your dog. My reading of this is that the parents have not been very effective parents to date... a professional has the best chance at helping them see that and teaching them the most effective tools/techniques to in turn change his behavior. I stick with what I said above -- even if they asked for your help, what they really want is for you to fix their kid, not fix their parenting style... I'd stay out of it and recommend professional help.</p>

<p>The parents are about 12 years too late in getting started with their training.</p>

<p>sounds good, thanks Northstarmom and intparent!</p>

<p>I'm still floored at a pack of gum for $30, candy for $15.
what kind if 12 yr. olds walk around with that kind of money and would be dumb enough to pay it...sounds fishy.</p>

<p>If a kid is like this, the parents are probably not going to be very good at parenting. So it's like trying to fix the axle on the cart when the horse is lame. </p>

<p>My wife is a teacher. Some parents are utterly horrible and others are in various forms of denial about their children and their own parenting skills. Some, of course, are trying to make the best of a bad situation, but that usually involves some disorder.</p>

<p>This kid sounds alone. Maybe in the typical mix of getting pushed around and pushing around those weaker than him in the social world. If he needs medical help and has reached this age, then there's of course a chance that it is a later onset problem.</p>

<p>Sign up the kid for band. Seriously, his candy selling skills would be much appreciated during the band fundraisers. Also, marching band teaches the kids discipline through marching drills, just like in army boot camp. It worked wonders with my son.</p>

<p>It looks like that is the way parents wanted their child and they are not the ones who complain. Apparently, they have no problem with that, so it is no problem for anybody else either. If they wanted their child different way, he would have been involved by now in all of EC's, he would not have been given money to buy and sell, he would not have been given gum/candy to sell. He is 12, he is not driving, parents have lots of control. They do not want to control, why is it bothering anybody else?</p>

<p>$30 for gum...</p>

<p>"what kind if 12 yr. olds walk around with that kind of money and would be dumb enough to pay it...sounds fishy. "</p>

<p>I agree</p>

<p>I agree, the $30 does sound a lot, maybe the parents were exaggerating a bit but the point that they were trying to make is that their child had the mindset that he didn't have to work to get money (not even an allowance) if he could make money off of selling candy or services (such as renting out a personal fan to a classmate on a hot summers day) to fellow classmates.</p>

<p>Let me get this straight:</p>

<p>12 year old boy likes to play computer games
sells candy at school for exorbitant profit
this is the son of a friend of your parents</p>

<p>Guess what? 1) you don't know the whole story. You only know it from someone else's POV. 2) almost all middle school boys love to play (endlessly) on the computer 3) many kids begin their entrepreneurial spirit at this age. (My son rented video games). He's too young to legally work somewhere and at $30 for a pack of gum, why stop him?</p>

<p>We always picture middle school kids becoming some career criminal when they do something you don't like. How about acknowledge this is a tough age group. If the parents are concerned, have them talk to his teachers. They know the kid and his peers best.</p>

<p>BTW, don't assume that because he plays video games that he's "Lazy". I suggest you get to know the kid first before you begin with labels.</p>

<p>$30 for gum? If my son had the money at 12, I bet he'd be a customer. In 1st grade, I found out he traded the lunch I painstakingly prepared for him, just to "SHARE" his friend's bubble gum. Images flashed in my mind of the other child chewing the gum for a good 10 minutes, then turning over to my son. He later said the gum was split in half before any oral activity took place....phew!!!!</p>

<p>I'm with limabeans on this. Except for the athletes, many middle school boys spend the majority of their time on the computer. </p>

<p>As for the gum story, I have a little trouble believing the $30. Is there extortion going on? Is he selling protection? If not, I don't see what MS kid would pay $30 for gum....</p>

<p>Boys do a lot of dumb things in MS, none of this sounds that serious to me. I suspect he is just annoying the parents and they are just venting.</p>

<p>This kid is a smart one. Someone should be encouraging his entrepreneurial interests and skills through a healthy outlet. Maybe help him start a club at school for future entrepreneurs. Help him to find a heathy and legal way to use those skills. Unplug the computer and let him have it back for periods of time when his grades go up. For goodness sake, it isn't that complicated! lol.</p>