<p>Poetgrl, that is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished me! I am really starting to notice other people’s grand babies. I can’t imagine anything more rapturous.</p>
<p>I a very blessed that my son, who is now 8 inches taller than I, understands me so well. He is still very generous with cuddles and lap sitting. Very intuitive boy.</p>
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<p>Yes, the phrase “leaning in” certainly reflects Sandberg’s ideology and IMO is anything but inclusive. </p>
<p>I had a good career was always encouraged to pursue any goal I wanted, but being a SAHM is what I loved. For me, a career was always just a means to an end, anyway, and never defined me. I was happy to make the necessary sacrifices when being a full time stay at home parent became a realistic possibility. Of course, it was only possible because H was on a good career path himself, and supportive of my choices.</p>
<p>Now that the kids have grown, I love having the freedom and flexibility to be there for others and to pursue my own interests, which includes time with friends and family, hobbies, volunteer and profitable pursuits. At this point, I’d probably feel most bored and constricted having to go to an office every day. </p>
<p>However, I know I am fortunate, and also that the world is a very different place today. And for many years, I had the ability to return to a career if that had become necessary. Unless a D could say the same, I would probably not encourage her to make the same choices.</p>
<p>And let’s understand that pulling back doesn’t limit a woman to mommy duties. I continued to work, just left the track.</p>
<p>I have one daughter who is very ambitious and one who is eh, ambitious. But not as much so. I just don’t think all people value a powercareer in the same way.</p>
<p>Some feel as if it is something they “get” to do and some feel it is something they “have to” do between living the life they really want.</p>
<p>I hope all young men and young women will lean in to whatever it is that really makes them feel most fulfilled. Not everyone is motivated by the same thing. JMO</p>
<p>I have two girls and I have been observing them recently in beginning to consider these issues as they make certain choices. D1 is very maternal and has planned her career with an eye to family issues. D2, to put it mildly, is not fond of kids. She told me this weekend as she was planning her classes for senior year and thinking about grad school, that she was happy with her boyfriend’s less high powered plans because she wants a husband who understands that he will have to accommodate her career and hold primary household responsibility.</p>
<p>Eastcoastcrazy, what your BIL did was empowerment. He made a conscientious choice.
I tend to agree that some women do have fears and will opt out of potential career growth. For some, having children is an excuse for career dropping out. Using child rearing as an excuse for not progressing or maintaining ties to a career. I have always worked full time, but my career offers flexibility with schedules, not always perfect. My husband is the one who dropped out if a demanding job, to pursue something more personal and giving.
I agree with the premise that education, prosperity gives one opportunities for self actualization and empowerment.</p>
<p>zoosermom
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<p>You and me both, hon.</p>
<p>Did my daughters suffer because they were cared for by a doting father instead of by me? No, I don’t think they did. But <em>I</em> suffered and still suffer a lot. </p>
<p>You can outsource anything. But I don’t think Sheryl Sandberg has been doing it long enough to know how she will feel when she outsources certain things. I feel horrible and there is no going back to fix it.</p>
<p>^ when they’re young, they are so forgiving. I think the guilt hits us when they’re older.</p>
<p>Milkandsugar- notice how you admire the BIL, but shift to “fears” when it comes to women?</p>
<p>deskpotato–</p>
<p>I wish you also grandbabies and the opportunity to spend as much time with them as you want.</p>
<p>Deskpotato, are you me? In my life, my nickname is spud.</p>
<p>I wanted to be one of the mommies waiting outside of preschool for my kids to come running into my arms, not Daddy’s. I wanted sometimes to be at home waiting for them with a snack and then head off to the park, I would have liked to make those friends who knew the nuances of the schools.</p>
<p>Our trade off was a social life. I couldn’t go to work, commute three hours a day, cook and still be a parent at all if I ever went out at night, so I didn’t. During hurricane sandy’s aftermath, our life was totally turned upside down and I am aware of other people who shared help and tasks with friends, but we had no one in our life that we could have asked. Choices have such long and far reaching consequences. Now that the kids are older and have kicked me to the curb, I deeply regret the lack of friends.</p>
<p>Looking forward, I don’t see it so much as guilt as it is regret. The kids were fine, better than fine. But in the one life I get, I never did the one thing I always dreamed of. Of course I never climbed Mt. Everest, either, but I have learned to live with that!</p>
<p>I am so glad I dropped out. Life is easier not trying to do everything anymore. I dropped out almost eleven years ago. I not going back either. You all can have it. I like things simple. I get to raise my kids and take them to all their practices. I choose family over a career. I am one of the lucky ones that got that choice.</p>
<p>I worked from home for 10 years while H had a demanding job, then we switched 10 years ago, when I told him that it was my time. We always had someone at home on a semi full time basis. When I went back to work in a more traditional setting, it was hard to see my old colleagues already became MDs (not doctors) and I had to play catch up. I don’t regret taking it a bit slower for a period of time, but I do realize that you can’t have it all because something gotta give. When I first went back to work, I was putting in a lot of hours, H had to put his business on hold for a while. Now kids are no longer at home, he is spending more time on his business. As mentioned by others, it is important to marry someone who shares same goals in life with you and can be supportive and flexible.</p>
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<p>Exactly. Kids CAN be cared for by anyone who loves them. The more love the better. Being cared for by dad, or grandma, or a loving nanny, these are all good and enriching experiences for a kid. My kids got lots of love and attention, got shuttled anywhere they needed to go, never had to miss out on anything.</p>
<p>I am the one who missed out, who misses out, who dies a little inside every time I recall something I did not get to do with my daughters.</p>
<p>My husband is the definition of flexible. It is me me who is rigid. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have bought into the kids can be cared for by anyone thing. For myself, I should have put my foot down and demanded some time to do what I wanted to do for me. But I always felt lucky that my husband was and is so good at so many traditionally mommy things that I didn’t think I had the right to ask for what I wanted because we always put the kids first don’t we? My husband was he lunch mom, the class mom, the ballet mom and is now the golf dad. It drives him insane that my son is a mama’s boy and I love how much it bothers him. Now he can understand a little bit.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have my retirement set and I have never been dependent on him financially. Now that the kids are older and we wouldn’t have to battle over custody if we split up, which we wouldn’t, I have told my husband that he has to add value to my life because I am financially and personally independent.</p>
<p>zoosermom, in addition to many grandchildren, I wish you a beagle. Named Duo. :)</p>
<p>All this talk of grandchildren is getting to me. I have a nice, intelligent, well-educated S who likes intelligent women. Any takers? 
(Remember how LongPrime was always looking for a mate for his S? )</p>
<p>A beagle named Duo!, Ten grandchildren! Are there kinder people anywhere than on cc?</p>
<p>Obviously I was in a very different situation from most of you when my son was young, but I would have given just about anything to be a stay-at-home parent instead of having been a lawyer all these years. I did work part-time until my son was 5, so at least I had more time with him than most working parents do. I will always treasure my memories of taking him to his play-group when he was a toddler, of spending the day with him in nursery school and pre-K, and so on. They certainly mean a whole lot more to me than my essentially non-existent memories of whatever cases I was working on in the early 1990’s!</p>
<p>I fervently hope to be a grandma someday – I stare wistfully at every baby and toddler I see, and love smiling at them and trying to get their attention on the subway. Last weekend I spent the afternoon at the apartment of a couple I know with a completely adorable 15-month old boy, and it was so wonderful having the chance to play with him. I’ve missed it so much; it’s been a long time. But my son is understandably completely undecided at 22 about whether or not he wants to be a parent (even though he does like babies, and I know he’d be a most wonderful daddy!). I’ll let him figure out what he wants to do with his life first, and wait until he’s in his first long-term relationship, before I start nagging him about providing me with a grandchild!</p>
<p>Plus, I do have one close friend in her mid-30’s who’s planning to start trying to have a child in the next year or so (assuming she gets tenure at her job; she’s a college professor), and I have been promised the opportunity to be an honorary aunt, and to be able to spend as much time as I want with her baby. I can’t wait!</p>
<p>Lookingforward,
I can see what you are saying, but my experience is from talking to women and working with many over the years. My profession has traditionally been more than 90% women.</p>
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<p>And how did he react to that demand?</p>