(Title edited - University of Chicago is not an Ivy League College)
Our daughter began her studies at UChicago and took a medical leave of absence due to depression and anxiety. She enrolled at a college closer to home and continued to struggle with her illness. She was forced to take a leave from this school and then completely dropped out. Her grades for completed courses were good. She’s still recovering, however it is her goal to go back to UChicago. She’s very intelligent, longs for that community. And we know she would find a better therapist who would understand her - there. We are looking for anyone to mentor or advise her on how to get back to this school or a school like it. She has not been able to work consistently or do much of anything to show any recent accomplishments and feels that such a school will want demonstrations of how she’s achieved in the last 4 years since she’s left. Please advise if you have any ideas. Thank you in advance.
Honestly, I’d probably enroll her somewhere close to home for a year and encourage her to fly. Get a high GPA. Be involved. Join clubs. Volunteer. Be a leader. Make some connections. I doubt she is going to regain entry after 4 years without some recent academics. You could call admissions for a frank discussion. I do think it could be challenging to go back to UChicago as a 22+ year old freshman. Or was she older than a freshman when she took leave?
I would also say as someone who has been treated for anxiety and depression once upon a time and who went to a large competitive university - schools like that aren’t necessarily the best setting for someone with these types of struggles. I might encourage her to look broader. Smaller LAC might be a lot more personal and hands on. Depending on her age, maybe some non-conventional or commuter options.
If she doesn’t have a therapist that is working well for her now, I would work on that. Launching her to a big city in the hope that it all works out doesn’t sound like the best idea to me. If she can’t work consistently now, I can’t imagine she is going to be suddenly successful. How long since she was enrolled? How has she been using her time?
If she’s already been out 4 years, her goal should be mental health recovery and a degree from somewhere close. Everyone she knew at Chicago has left. Depending on her age, you my not have that much longer to carry her on your health insurance.
She may have a fantasy of recapturing what has been lost by returning to U. of Chicago but it is a better way to go, to accept the losses and move on. Returning 4 years later to an undergrad campus to regain the “traditional” path is just going to leave her feeling alienated- she will be much older and out of step.
The majority of college students today are “non-traditional.” There are many many options for finishing college. including (giving just one example of each) online (UMass), low residency (Goddard), continuing education (many), extension (Harvard), adult learner (Lesley) and degree completion programs (BU). State colleges and universities are really good option too, since many of them allow part time attendence and easy withdrawal and reentry. And yes, women’s colleges like Smith and Wellesley have programs for women who are not traditional students.
She can work and take a couple of classes or even one at a time. Start slow.
Has she been to a good hospital or seen a psychiatrist who is up on the latest treatments for intractable depression and anxiety?
Many parents on this forum have been where you are. It is possible for her to live a good life but it is counterproductive to try to get back these 4 years.
If her goal is specifically to return to U of Chicago, she needs to be communicating directly with her former dean there. The process for readmission after a medical withdrawal may require specific steps, but may not require any specific actions during the absence other than resolving the medical issue that led to the withdrawal.
" She has not been able to work consistently or do much of anything to show any recent accomplishments"
Then…does she know she’s ready to go back to school full time? I’d worry less about demonstrating recovery to U of C and more about the actual recovery. I’d want to see 4-6 months of stable, full-time commitments with symptoms under reasonable control before I would advise anyone to give it an expensive and stressful second try.
Thank you for your replies. Agreed, first and foremost is managing the depression and anxiety. The depression is exacerbated by loneliness and her lack of finding any friends like her. Her UChicago experience, while brief, gave her hope that there were people like her. This is part of her longing to be at an institution of higher learning for people that enjoy learning and not just getting an education as a means to get a job. She is home. She spends her time buried in artwork, reading, learning. She is just beginning to get the confidence to work a little here and there. She’s had no luck finding a therapist that ‘gets her’ - existentialism; a therapist or mentor that could guide her and understand her struggle. Another reason why she feels getting back to a school or maybe even, near a school, where are are people like her. We feel a bigger city will also have therapists that are more qualified, we are in small town. I don’t expect easy answers, this has been a heartbreaking struggle to watch. Our daughter graduated the top of her class, with a ton of accomplishments and has not been able to get off the ground yet, while peers are graduating. We continue to look for guidance. Thank you.
Fwiw, as an older student, Chicago could be a better fit than a local school that doesn’t have grad students. My guess is that even if her reentry goes swimmingly well, it’ll be a bit unconventional. This is assuming, of course, that she has all the right supports. But I can understand the sentiment of feeling that wellness is being able, for the most part, to pick up where she left off.
@Meemie: My initial approach to this situation is a bit different. I would not focus on any one particular school in hope of finding her type of people or people who get her. My primary focus would be on a major course of study for your daughter. For example, psychology might interest her to better understand herself & to use experience & knowledge gained from both her personal situation & from counseling.
Once enrolled in a major course of study that is of interest to & meaningful to your daughter, she will find her people.
In my opinion, no need to panic, no need to focus on the past or on regrets; your daughter is just taking a different path to get where God intended her to go.
P.S. It is more important to accept that there is a Higher Power & to have faith in oneself than it is to try to follow a preconceived notion of a path to “normalcy” or to “success”.
Going back go U of Chicago she will be with undergrads a lot younger then she is, who have not gone through what she has gone through. It can be very alienating. Does U of Chicago have continuing education or programs for adults?
I think a good start is taking a class or two while still living at home, at whatever school suits her and is close enough.
Work can be very stabilizing.
At some point maybe she could get a roommate and live in an apartment.
All of this requires a lot of support from therapist and family. It sounds like she hasn’t found the right med yet either.
Any chance she has one of the less evident bipolar disorders?
UChicago might not accept classes taken at the local college. Still, I think staying local is the way to go. It’s more important for her to take a class or two at a time. I agree with Compmoms post above, #13.
After 4 yrs, she probably won’t be considered a returning student, and she went to another school, so is this even teh right question? I think you need to be cautious about magical thinking here. Both for you and the conversations you have with your DD.
Gently, I do think there is a tendency with depression to think in terms of “If only X happens, then I will be happy”. This is a manner of magical thinking. Idealizing situations that you’re not in. I totally get wanting a meaningful peer group. But truly, there are intense and smart young adults at many, many schools out there if you’re proactive and look. My kid is dual enrolled at a community college. Every teacher has a PhD, there’s an honors program, and there are kids with amazing stories out of that school that launch to highly competitive schools. I’ve been amazed.
Emotionally healthy people can set goals and work toward them. Can you say if you are interested in moving away, what will the next 6+ months look like to make that happen? Does she get out of the house, connect with people? Has she contacted UChicago? It’s very hard to make friends and find a peer group when you are emotionally struggling no matter where you are.
If she’s essentially done very little the last 4 years and is still sitting at home without a job or taking classes and is not doing some goal setting and moving forward, I would be looking at some more intensive treatment options. Maybe she needs to be inpatient somewhere for a time. The point about health insurance is a good one. There are ways to declare someone disabled and it might be time to have a discussion with her about what it’s going to look like if she is unable to move forward. At 4 years, I would research that and have that info in my back pocket.
A close friend’s daughter with similar issueshad much better success with online classes. It doesn’t have that campus feel, but she could prove competency academically and gain confidence. FYI, she is now working very happily in a professional position at Google! She got there on “the road less travelled.”
^Excellent post. After being diagnosed with a serious mental illness, my son attempted to go back to school but the stress was too much for him. He was declared disabled and now lives independently in an apartment that has on-site staff for support if he needs it. It’s not what we expected for him, but he’s happy and stable. I would encourage the OP to contact their state chapter of NAMI - the free Family-to-Family class is wonderful for family members of diagnosed people. The word I’ve used most often to describe it is “life saving.”
One thing regarding the age is that there would be older students at Chicago. I think a setting with graduate students would suffice for being around peer age people. But of course the mental health issues come first as many thoughtful posters have said.
Having grad students around is great, but you might be surprised how well a student like this can fit in with undergrads following recovery. You don’t grow up because the earth goes around the sun. You grow up because you have experiences, especially experiences with peers. If your social and emotional growth is paused for a few years during a crisis-- which might be through medical illness, addiction, or isolation – you’ll probably come out of it about as socially mature as you were when you went in.