Leaving my senior year, but with a unique twist

Parents Forum
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<p>Hey parents, I’ll try not to make this long. I just need some college admissions experts’ opinions. I attend a small school in rural virginia, and I’ve lived here for the past 8 years. The plan was to finish school, apply to a good number of schools, use uva as my safety (cause i had planned to be rank 1, as of now I share rank 1 with another student) because usually the top 10 from my school are accepted to uva. Now … my family had some major issues and my father had to move overseas and my mother and the rest of the family except her youngest 2 yr old son moved to Houston, Texas. And I stayed behind with my brother and his nanny to finish school. My other brother, a year younger than me, planned to graduate in January by taking some college credit courses that would fulfill his high school diploma requirements so he could obtain a hs diploma from a school in Texas. </p>

<p>But…my parents sold the house. the youngest brother was scheduled to go back with my mother and the nanny would tag along after 2 weeks or so of vacation and I’d be the only one left in virginia. i don’t have a problem with this as i would’ve got to live with one of my very good friends, but some circumstances occured:</p>

<p>1) the school authorities really began to become very hostile toward me. i was told this has happened before, when an arab muslim becomes rank 1. They get jealous or something that their kids aren’t attaining rank 1 so they go out of their way to make an absence a big deal and to call me into the office every chance they get, say negative things about me to my parents, etc. And my parents realize this and they do not like the school whatsoever (i’m a very good kid, i always have been, so what they say really is bs), cause the school (being a rural school) does not like for kids to go out of their “system” or take more advanced classes or study outside the cirruculum, that sort of thing. the GC hated me, hated my parents, hated everytime the parents walked into the office to ask for a transcript for my brother in texas or something, just hated us. the principal was a lot more open, yet he didn’t try to override the old woman (GC), who often seemed confused and slow about the college process and went out of her way to make me look terrible. So this was not helping my situation.</p>

<p>2) I signed up for 3 virtual online classes, decided to drop 1 cause the lack of a teacher and the burden of other APs made it completely too difficult, yet the GC absolutely refused, and she made me cry one day. I had to call a parent conference and get the school board involved, even though it’s very normal for a student who is failing a class to be allowed to drop it, even much later into the year. She just wanted to make a deal as usual, because she does not like me.</p>

<p>3) I was allowed to drop this particular class and then the facilitator for the other virtual online class turned me in to the GC, saying I was being rude, not attending class (guys…i had the 2nd best average in the class, i was teaching the others, and i can’t be rude to a teacher, i mean it’s just not in my nature)…obviously she was prejudiced or something, trying to make me look bad.</p>

<p>4) My AP english teacher who is a joke (literally…we do nothing in class…the last week i was there, for 3 days we watched “macbeth” and she re-wound the rape scene 3x to please the boys) took me to the assistant principal for turning an essay 1 period late! she lets her other kids turn in essays a weekend or more late! I just needed to fix some grammatical errors, but no, she had to blow it up, trying to make me look as horrible as possible.</p>

<p>Then the GC made the principal tell me that I couldn’t come in late, I couldn’t miss any day (not even a religious holiday), I couldn’t check in or check out, I mean, it became like a prison for me. I couldn’t take it anymore, so i decided to leave, cause i knew this hostility would just continue for the rest of the year.</p>

<p>In texas, I can get a hs diploma from the university of texas austin or two other places…Texas is a lot more flexible and loves independent study, so it would work out great for me. I don’t have to go to school, and I can live with my aunt by the beach, and the rest of the family (large family, lots of noise) will live in houston. I can work with my aunt in the lab (this is what i want to do ultimately, be a doctor), volunteer in hospitals, do internships, tutor kids for cheap, just take it easy basically. I don’t have to attend school because I just need to take a college english course (and i can take a 13 day class) for the hs diploma, so in the meantime I planned to do the above, study for SATs, take a few classes, just take it easy basically. I have a lot of good essay ideas which I plan to work on in my non-spare time, and one could even be about how I left a school i could have attained rank 1 for more “academic opportunities”, to “expand my horizons”, which is true. </p>

<p>Now there are some things I’m not sure about, so if you could made it this far, could you just answer a few questions:</p>

<p>1) In most applications, including the common app, I need a GC recommendation. As you can clearly see, I do not want a recommendaton from this lady. Do I have to get one from her? </p>

<p>2) I also need a humanity teacher’s recommendation. I have no problem obtaining a great one from my chemistry and/or biology teachers. As you can see, my english teacher hates me too, even though I never did anything to her. I guess she doesn’t like the fact that I got a perfect score in the state english test last year and higher sat cr & verbal scores than her precious cheerleaders…so I really don’t want a rec from her. My earlier humanities teacher moved after my 9th grade year, but she taught me 2 classes and loved me…should i try to contact her, or …?</p>

<p>3) I guess I won’t be sending a mid-year report, so I mean, how do colleges deal with kids like me, who don’t attend school their senior year? I mean, I’ll send a letter explaining why I chose to move (I won’t mention the hostilities but i will say i wanted to do more things and be closer to family cause i developed a very strong bond with my 2 yr old brother, closer than my mom who has issues, that we sold the house in virginia, etc), is this all I need to do out of the ordinary?</p>

<p>4) UVa is a good school but i’m not super attached…however, since i lived there and attended school there for a good amount of time, can i still get that in-state advantage or no? should i call them and ask? even if i wanted to stay and attend school in virginia, i might have to live with a friend who lives in WV (the school is close to the border), so i’d still be living in a different state…</p>

<p>5) I plan to apply to college normally, RD, did i overlook anything i may need to be concerned about?</p>

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<p>IN any correspondence, DO NOT say anything about any one hating you at the school- even though that can be true and I have seen it happen and seen the results in favortism, it does sometimes put suspicion on you as being some one who does not get along. Unless the adult has recently seen a student singled out a harassed (yet in a way that cannot quite be proven) they are likley to put the blame on you!</p>

<p>Get a humanitied letter from a teacher of history or social studies or health or any other non-math science subject, even if you go back to a teacher from a younger grade. If you don’t have any one in these categories, go ahead and use another math/science letter, if it will be that much better than the humanties ones.</p>

<p>Your mid-year report can be explained by the situation, perhaps a note reporting on whatever classes you are taking in Jan/Feb?</p>

<p>UVA? what about residency? Are ya’ll considered VA residents because you were in Sept or are you going to be a TX resident for university purposes?</p>

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<p>Oh, that’s an excellent idea, get a humanities rec from a history teacher! Thanks! And yeah, I realize I shouldn’t say anything negative about the school…my aunt who is on a committee to choose medical students into utmb told me not to do that either. Well, I’ll be taking a 13 day english 4 course in december which i think is online…and an art class in the same period, so, there won’t be any grades to report by the time I send in the application. I mean, I just need to take 2 more classes to get a hs diploma from University of Texas High School, so it’s not like a regular “mid-year” report…</p>

<p>I have no idea what I’m considered in terms of residency, for the past 8 years which includes the past 3 months (which is asked on the application) I’ve lived in Virginia, but now I’m a texas resident, but by the time I apply to UVa, I still would’ve lived in virginia in all but november & december of the year. </p>

<p>My main question is though, I mean, this isn’t like a normal school, so yes there’s a guidance counselor but it’s a huge school were many people do independent study, so there is like no connection to the guidance counselor…can I just drop that part from the common app, the GC recommendation? It’s kind of like I’m becoming a home school student, but I’m not so I’m really not sure what to do.</p>

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<p>maybe you should try to find a college counselor in your area who can help you with these questions?</p>

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<p>I think you need to get some very personal help very quickly. Your situation is really complicated. </p>

<p>First, the simple complication: If you go to Texas, you almost certainly lose your residency status in Virginia. You may have trouble with that anyway already, if you are a minor and neither of your parents lives there, but leaving school in Virginia and starting school in Texas would almost certainly kill any claim you have to Virginia residency. At the same time, Texas may not consider you a resident for UT purposes – lots of states have rules about moving there within one year of starting college. Most of them permit you to demonstrate that your family really did move there, not just to get in-state tuition, but some don’t, and in any event it’s another hurdle.</p>

<p>The really complex complication: I don’t think you are going to get into UVa, UT, or any more selective school easily without adequate GC and teacher recommendations from the school where you spent 3-1/2 years. This is clearly a messed-up situation, and, personally, I don’t know of any magic bullet. </p>

<p>Somemom is right: If you write to schools about how everyone hates you, you are going to come across as a whiner and and troublemaker, and that is not going to be good. Honestly, I am suspicious about your account. I suspect the GC, English teacher, and principal would tell a very different story. I might not believe them completely, either, but the uncertainty will not help your cause much. And, even giving what you wrote the most favorable reading I can, it’s clear that you have done a terrible job on your own of dealing with people at your school. Not that I blame you for that – you are 17 or 18, and your family is clearly going through some issues, and it’s wrong to expect you to navigate this perfectly all by yourself. But so far you’ve screwed up.</p>

<p>Before you move to Texas, I would try to see if things can be worked out (quickly) at your current school. To do that, it would probably be best if you enlisted an adult who knows you and likes you, and who can deal with the principal at least, to be your substitute parent. Someone who can go to the principal and say, effectively, “Here’s what Dasani says. What do you say? What is the real problem here? You have a kid who is a great student and ambitious, who’s going through a really hard time, and you seem to be doing everything in your power to make things tough on him. I can’t believe you mean to discriminate against him because of his race and religion, but it looks a little like that. What do you want him to do? What will it take for you to ensure that he gets a recommendation from the school that will not keep him out of college?”</p>

<p>I would hope something like that could work; usually it does. But almost certainly you would have to agree to do some things you don’t like, and you would have to live with your agreement. And you are going to have to find a non-science teacher after 9th grade who is willing to give you a decent recommendation.</p>

<p>A lot of the schools you are applying to probably have Muslim Students Associations, or something like that. You may want to contact them for advice in negotiating the admissions process at their schools from your situation.</p>

<p>If you go to Texas, you may want to ditch the idea of not going to school, and instead actually go to school. Do it for the purpose of (a) establishing a good relationship with the GC and your English teacher, and (b) showing that the problem in Virginia was the school, not you.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>^ That is a good idea.</p>

<p>Also, writing the President of the School Board in Virginia would be a good idea also. There is, obviously, something not being said in all of this. But, there is also some blatant bigotry going on as well. If you try, OP, to really think about what went down in Virginia and do a write up on that, then you could obtain help from the President of the School Board. </p>

<p>I refuse to believe that any University would disallow someone from attending or applying because of a Guidance Counselor recommendation. That is rubbish, and I woul dbet money that you could speak with Admissions Office heads and get that situation taken care of. But, you are going to have to seek actual in person guidance for your situation and obtain a peaceful resolution for this, because the bulk of your schooling was done in Virginia.</p>

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<p>I grew up in a small town and schools can be very petty and prejudiced, so I’m buying Dasani’s story about discrimination. </p>

<p>However, yes, it would be better to attend a HS in Texas to show that the school in Virginia is the problem, not you–that’s an excellent idea. Then even in one semester, you can establish a relationship with your GC and your English teacher or history teacher in order to get those recommendations to combine with the good one from your science/math teacher in Virginia. Also you can get active in clubs and ECs and volunteer work in Texas to show what a great guy you are and how much impact you can make at a new school in just a short time.</p>

<p>As to residency, you’ll need to call the University of Virginia to ask about residency requirements. Look on their website first. Ask your questions in the simplest terms possible–“I’ve lived in Virginia for X years. I am a senior in HS. I may be moving to Texas in January. What do I need to do to keep my Virginia residency?” Don’t explain all the problems you’re having. </p>

<p>If Texas wants you to be a resident for a year before attending, and you would prefer to go to a UT school, find out exactly what you need to do to establish residency, then do it. You may have to work after graduation in June for six months, then start at your UT in January 2008. </p>

<p>I assume you want to establish residency in-state because of the lower tuition costs.</p>

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<p>Dear Dasani,</p>

<p>It sounds as if things are extremely chaotic in your life right now, with one parent overseas and the other out of state, having initially planned to leave your 2 y.o. brother behind with you and a nanny. It would be very difficult for any teenager to figure out what to do in your situation without adult input and support. It is very hard to understand exactly what is going on at your school and why. If you are encountering prejudice, then you really need an adult to help you sort it out and to advocate for you. Also, it would be helpful to get another perspective on how you’re coming across to your teachers and counselor. </p>

<p>I would strongly suggest that if your family can afford it, you find a reputable, experience private college counselor right away. I am not generally a fan of private college counselors if the school has good GC’s, but you are in a very unusual situation. A private counselor could possibly be in touch with your teachers and guidance counselor to get a take on their intentions in terms of your situation and potential recommendations. He might also be able to offer guidance in terms of what you should do this year to enhance your college admissions chances. Finally, if he detects prejudice or discrimination in the things that are said about you by faculty or staff at your current school, he would be able to document it as an outside, objective person. This sort of information would be a lot more meaningful to colleges coming from an outside person than coming from you. (I am in agreement with the other posters that you telling colleges that everybody hates you could have serious negative consequences for you.)</p>

<p>The last thing that occurs to me, realizing that right now you don’t have a lot of stability or support in any area of your life – worrying about college, uncertainty with your family moving so quickly and being separated from family members, perceiving a lot of hostility and even hate coming from your teachers and school – is that you might benefit from having the support of a counselor or therapist. I am not suggesting that you have psychological problems, but that what is going on in your life right now would be a challenge for anyone. If you are connected to a mosque where you feel very comfortable, is there someone there with whom you could speak openly and in confidence? Do you have a physician you trust who could recommend someone to you? </p>

<p>Good luck sorting out this very challenging situation!</p>

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<p>“I refuse to believe that any University would disallow someone from attending or applying because of a Guidance Counselor recommendation.”</p>

<p>I think it would very much depend on what the teacher recommendations said. If the teacher’s recommendation mentioned the problems with the administration, I would probably discount the GC recommendation.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for your helpful responses. I meant to check here earlier but I became very very sick today and had to attend the ER, because my body would not quit the violent upheavings as if it tried to vomit out my empty stomach or something. Anyway, I feel a lot better, let me try to give you guys a better picture of the situation. I’m a girl by the way, I’m using this person’s account because I really needed some advice fast, considering my flight is next sunday or so. </p>

<p>JHS - I’m a very good student, and I have records of excellent stuff written about me from my previous grade school years. In fact, all the students really enjoyed my presence and are sad about me leaving and most teachers I knew well wanted to say goodbye. I have a great biology, chemistry, history, and different spanish/english teachers who are all willing to write me great recommendations. I just forgot that a humanities teacher rec can come from a foreign language or history teacher, so no problem there, I can ask them instead of asking the current english teacher. So that’s solved.</p>

<p>Secondly, the principal does not seem very discriminatory. He over-rode my GC’s decision to not drop the class, basically he was on my side (but didn’t try to look like it) and made it possible for me to drop this class. The only reason the GC could give me for not dropping the class was that “well your mother came in this summer and really wanted you to take it, i’m not dropping it, nope, never”, even though my mom called from TX to tell her that she felt it was better for me to drop the difficult class that I was failing…I mean, there was no valid reason for her to argue against dropping, so I was in favor here, at least according to school policy.</p>

<p>Also, during the summer, my brother (who is 1 year younger than me) and I took some college classes, and of course the GC absolutely refused (for no reason) to give my brother the credit for his Texas school (which is also independent study, like mine) so he could graduate early in January. The principal went and talked to his supervisor, and thankfully, that was solved too. I think the principal just doesn’t want many problems or for the school to look bad.</p>

<p>As to why the GC does not like our family, well it could be because my brother was quite a “nuisance” and you know, typical teenage boy, only smart but very lazy and had a mouth on him so he talked back, was very sarcastic, etc. So this doesn’t help me out either. And possibly because last year I missed a lot of days but both of my parents are doctors so they would write notes for me, yet I still got high straight As…maybe she saw this as a “I don’t need a teacher” attitude, which I wasn’t trying to do honestly. Last year is when these issues were increasing in magnitude and thats why I stayed out of school a little more than my peers. It’s apparent my parents are separating, and there was a whole court issue earlier this year about child abuse and neglect, and maybe that’s why they’re not getting a divorce, although it’s clear they don’t really enjoy each other anymore. I’m the oldest of 6 children so it’d be better for the kids if they stayed together I suppose. </p>

<p>So that’s a little background on why the GC and others are acting toward me this way, yep I’ll admit, I’m not perfect, I did miss a lot of days last year, but was never rude or talked back or anything, so they are blowing it up a bit.</p>

<p>About working things out, well I think leaving virginia was the best decision to be made, cause although it’s the school’s loss for losing an intelligent student, the GC seemed happy that I was leaving and didn’t hesitate to question the decision, so I really think it’s better that I’m going. Plus I can be closer to my family and help them out a little and I get to stay with my aunt, who is really cool. I think it’s best for me to drop school because I don’t get much done with the structured system and since I’ve taken so many classes and advanced classes already, there isn’t much to take in my intended field of study. I think it would be a lot better if I work with my aunt who has an MD in her lab and volunteer and shadow doctors and you know, do things that will actually teach me things I’ll be required to be an expert at in the future. Nothing against school, but I think it’s just time for me to close the high school chapter.</p>

<p>merlinjones - I don’t mind asking the school board for advice, yeah they’re a bit hard to reach and we’re really behind in packing and I have the SAT in a week, but I mean, I can go seek help if that’s what needs to be done. My parents actually wanted to sue the school earlier this year cause of how the GC refused to give my brother the credit at first, and they were very angry when I told them how she made me cry, and was really not helping me out, “after all we’ve done for this county as physicians”. I don’t want this to become a heated issue though. It’s best I leave, even though I think that was exactly what the GC wanted, so I wouldn’t come out on top. But I don’t want to spend a lot of time and effort on this, and if I don’t use the GC rec from this school, the schools I intend to apply to won’t have any idea that this happened, because the teacher recs should be good.</p>

<p>wackymother - Thanks for the support! Nah, I have no attachment to a UT school, thanks for the suggestion though. I only asked about UVa cause it was a good school and easy to get into because I’ve lived in virginia for so long, so i could’ve considered it a safety, before moving out of VA. And I see what you all are saying, about starting school in texas, but I don’t think it’s worth using all that time and energy just to get a good GC recommendation. I can do a lot of other things with my time in texas cause there are so many outside-school EC opportunities that I missed out on from living in rural Virginia. </p>

<p>CCSurfer - The private guidance counselor is a good idea, but my dad told me we’re “bankrupt” and that’s why he had to sell the $3000/month house. I don’t think we’re off that bad (I mean both are doctors after all), but hey it’s their money so I really don’t have much input. There really isn’t a serious problem here though. The teacher recs should be fine, my SATs and grades are phenomenal, I have learned so much from all of these family issues which give me good essay ideas, I’ll even have recs from my outside school ECs which will be very positive, so the only problem left was the irritating GC recommendation. I could possibly ask the GC at my future “school” to write me something, since they were shocked to hear about my school’s refusal to give my brother the credit. Texas is really big on independent study and out-of-the-box learning, and all I did was send an applicaton to UT High School and I received a really warm response from the person appointed to work with me. I just wanted to see if it was “absolutely necessary” to get the GC to write something for me. </p>

<p>And yep, there were a lot of issues to be dealt with so I am seeing a family friend/psychologist/psychiatrist so they’re helping us out a lot too, and even though it seems that the situation is bad, it’s soo much better than before when my parents had anger problems. </p>

<p>mathmom - Yeah that’s what I thought too, but I’d rather not have her write anything about me, so I was just wondering if it’s required to have this particular GC write a reccomendation. There was another good GC who worked with me in 9th and 10th grade but passed away at the beginning of my 11th grade year so unfortunately it’s only her that’s left…she’s the type that only wants people to apply to local colleges and discourages others to save herself work, which is really kind of lazy if you ask me. </p>

<p>abbybabby - And yeah, that’s a good idea too, but there aren’t any in this area, so I came for help here…</p>

<p>Anyway sorry I made this kind of long, I just wanted to give some background info, so I guess at this point call the colleges I plan to apply to?</p>

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<p>Dasani, I don’t know what colleges you’re planning on applying to, but there are some, and Georgia Tech comes to mind, that don’t require input from high schools- only your own self reported grades and essays, plus SAT scores.</p>

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<p>Good luck Dasani…I hope everything (both personally and academically) will work out for you!</p>

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<p>Dasani–</p>

<p>as minorities, sometimes things that other people might get away with you won’t. That’s the simple reality of it. Racism is much more subtle these days, and goes on in the back andn not right out in front. I haven’t seen the other side, but it does sound liek some prejucdice is involved. I’ve seen this even where I live, which is pretty diverse. Sometimes you have to be more careful and play your cards right–minorities stand out more, and so people do notice it more, even subconciously, if you do something that they though upset them. “Those crazy {insert ethnic group}!” </p>

<p>I’ve had a similar case happen to my family, albeit not with school. We were evicted from our apartment, yes we did make noise that annoyed other people, (we take showers at night and not in the morning) but so did a british couple. The manager walked over to their apt. and nicely told them to quit it down. We got no complaints, NONE. not even a warning. All we got was an eviction letter, and if my parent’s english were better, then they would file a report becuase evicting someone like without previously warning them was illegal. We simply took showers at night ( 8/9 PM)instead of in the morning and they said we annoyed them. We were never warned, and everyone was fake andn nice to us. We later heard that the manager’s niece moved into our vacany just ONE day later, probably becuase we lived in a college town and her niece needed an apartment. The manager thought she could take advantage us of, and she did.</p>

<p>be careful. Times aren’t going to change as quickly.
I hope everything works out for you.</p>