Legal action against parent?

Paying for College
1

Hi,

I’m 18 and am going to a UC (OOS) for college from across the country, but am having problems with my parents. FYI: I wouldn’t be going if it wasn’t for the fact that I wasn’t offered many acceptances, but the school I will be attending is a great opportunity and well worth the tuition.

To start, for the last 4 years I was placed under the care of CPS due to physical abuse from my father. He was court ordered to leave our home, and there was a protective order in place to keep him from entering the home of my mom, my brother, and I.

My mother has yet to file for divorce. She states she never wishes to live with him again…but has not taken any measures to protect us herself. It’s been 2 years since my dad was court-ordered to leave (due to a domestic violence incident involving a golf club and me…anyways.), but she has been balking at filing. She makes excuses that “her financial state” or “that she’s in the process and is finding a lawyer”, but there still has been no progress made. She receives therapy at a women’s shelter, but she does not take advantage of the services they offer to help women in her state. Flash forward to current time, the protective order in place for me has expired due to my turning 18, and she has yet to file/ensure that I am protected.

To make matters worse, my father is the one who has my family’s income. He earned $150k+, so can afford to pay my tuition. My mother however, since there is no divorce or any legal contract, has no income. She refuses to begin the divorce process, which thus means that whether or not my tuition is paid is at the mercy of my dad, who has expressed numerous times that he “may or may not pay”. I worry due to his abusive behavior and mental instability that he will give me trouble with paying, considering he does not approve of the school, that he will likely be a potential for disaster come time to pay my tuition. Either way, it’s a huge problem.

As an 18 year old, I don’t know what to do. Is there anything that I can do legally to protect me physically (besides a restraining order) and financially to ensure that he still contributes to my tuition? I qualified for univ loans, work study, and received some aid, but that still brings the cost to ~$50k. My protective order ended in March, and it’s almost the end of April with no protection in sight.

Any advice?

2

You may need to speak with an attorney. I would suggest that you consider contacting your local Bar Association or Legal Aid office and see if you can get a free appointment. If you have a law school nearby, then maybe call their legal clinic and see about and appointment. With the law school, call soon as some law school clinics do not operate in the summer.

As for the financial aid issues and tuition, did your dad fill out the FAFSA? Others more experienced than I might be able to tell you what to do in that regard (how to pay, what to do if he will not pay, etc.). I am sorry you are going through this.

3

I’m sorry that you were abused by your dad, but the fact that he earns $150k per year does NOT mean that he can afford to pay $55k per year for an OOS UC. And, I doubt any court would order him to. Your parents are still fully married. He’s not going to have to pay a dime.

It sounds like your mom is still getting money to pay for your home, food, etc. He’s living elsewhere. $150k is NOT enough to pay for all that and an OOS UC

What is your major and career goal?

What is your home state?

Now that you’re 18, you can file a restraining order to keep your dad away from you.

What has your mom been living on these last couple of years? Does she have access to your dad’s income (joint bank acct?)

Fafsa/fed aid will be little help here. Fed aid is small, and UCs aren’t giving aid to OOS students.

Stop judging your mom. You’re a child who may not understand all what’s going on. She may not have the money to give several thousand dollars to an atty for a retainer. Lawyers are very expensive, and often you have to give several thousand, up front, for a divorce. Your mom may not have extra money.

Also, your and her health insurance may be thru your dad, so she may worry that she’ll have no insurance if the divorce is final. She may feel that the forced separation serves her purpose.

You’re going to have to figure out a Plan B for college because he’s not going to pay for OOS UC, and a court won’t make him.

What exact aid did you get in FA pkg?

4

<<<
Hi! Can someone please chance me for admission to UC Berkeley?

I have already gotten decisions for the following schools:
UCLA, Environmental Science: Rejected
UCSD, Environmental Engineering: Accepted
UCD, Environmental Engineering: Accepted
UCSC, Computer Science (idk why I applied to that honestly, thought I would be interested in it but now not so sure): Accepted
Purdue Univ, Environmental Engineering: Accepted.

Major/College: CED, Sustainable Environmental Design
Did not receive LOR request or Supplements…
Residency: OOS
Gender: Female
Ethnicity: White (European and Lebanese/Syrian)
Hooks: none

ACT: 28
GPA (unweighed): 3.78
GPA (UC weighted): 3.92
Rank: n/a
<<<<

What is your home state? Did you apply and get accepted to any instate school?

5

I see that you’re from NJ.

I think that you need to face the reality of this situation. You’re parents aren’t divorced, and there’s some reason that they’re not divorced, that only they know. So, it’s unreasonable to think that your dad is going to spend much, if anything, on your college education.

Although you were the victim, it sounds like he may be mentally-ill/unstable, and therefore, he probably (WRONGLY) blames you for the family’s current situation, including needing to have two households.

Attending a UC or Purdue on dad’s dime isn’t going to happen. You need to find a Plan B. EnviroE isn’t that unique of a major. There are other schools.

6

The UCs are no longer giving need based aid to OOS students. You will be laying the full $50,000 plus a year to attend. Realistically…can your mom pay this bill on her income alone?

If not…time to consider other options.

7

You said you were under the care of CPS for the last four years. Were you in foster care. Or did you remain in your mom’s care under the supervision of CPS and family court? Either way, I suggest you contact your CPS worker. Your local CPS agency will have someone whose job is to assist kids who are transitioning to adulthood. This includes finding funding for college. Depending on the nature of your involvement with CPS, you may qualify for special assistance. You may also qualify for additional financial assistance and case management until you are 21.

8

You are 18, your parents don’t have to spend a dime on you if they don’t want to. Your father is paying for two households, it’s unlikely that he can afford to pay $50k for one child’s college and for all fairness, he may think that you are the reason for all of his troubles as clearly your mom doesn’t want to end it.

You need to talk to CPS and may be to your university’s financial aid department. Even if they can’t help, they can direct you in right direction. You may have to pick another college where you can get better financial aid. Having a restraining order is a good idea but it wouldn’t change your financial situation. You are 18 now, you don’t have to see him if you don’t want to and he doesn’t have to pay your bills. Go your separate way, why stay on payroll of such a person?

9

You do need to ask your case worker, but you need to accept that no matter what, no court is going to order your father to pay $50k per year for you to go to college out of state. Even in a divorce, even in NJ, the most that would be awarded is part of instate tuition and that will be very hard to collect.

10

Twice in your post you stated that you will be attending a UC. I hope the other posts have helped explain to you that you will not be able to go there without huge amounts of money from your family, and even if your father were living happily in your home a $150K salary wouldn’t be enough to pay for this school. Many of the parents here wouldn’t pay for a UC OOS, and we are not supporting two households. Even if your parents were divorced, the UC wouldn’t be offering you much financial aid.

11

Unfortunately, the court can’t order a parent to pay college tuition, and even if your dad agreed to pay, his income would probably not be enough to afford 50k a year. Since you were under the care of CPS, there could be special assistance for you, as others said before me. Otherwise, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. I really hope you can have the opportunity to go to UC, but you should probably look at a cheaper backup school in case it doesn’t happen. It doesn’t matter all that much where you go to undergrad, so you can always go to UC for grad school, where the FA opportunities are much broader. Best of luck:)

12

Gap year and reapply, or community college are options you may need to consider.

13

No matter how rough things have been with your family, no one is going to be ordered to pay OOS tuition to UCs or Purdue for you. You need to figure out affordable options in your home state. My guess is you will need to look into a restraining order, and either go to CC from home next year, or take a gap year and raise your test scores to see if you can get some high merit. It sounds like things have been tough for you, but your plan to attend expensive OOS schools is unrealistic.

14

suing divorced parents for OOS tuition happened…http://www.nj.com/gloucester-county/index.ssf/2014/12/father_of_temple_university_student_who_sued_for_tuition_speaks_out.html

15

These parents are not divorced.

16

@envieng82020 I am also from NJ. A young man we mentored had a very rough family situation last year and we helped him obtain a Dependncy Override. What this essentially did was separate his finances from his parents. It was a long and difficult process,and he goes to an in-state school (and won Gates Scholar) so his situation is different from yours, but my point is that it is not impossible to figure out a way around this. You will need the support and aid of a caring, extremely competent adult, and it does not sound to me as though your mother is that person. Do you have a guidance counsellor, other family member, or friend’s parents who could help you? I agree with the other posters that the college you want to attend in CA is not a realistic option for you. I would add travel expenses to the list of money you would need in order to go there. Best of luck. It is not an easy road, but you can get a college education, just via a different path.

17

A dependency over ride will not help this student. Even if she were ruled “independent,” her EFC would change to 0 and all she’d get is a 5700 Pell Grant. How will that pay for a $55,000 OOS UC???

And, she won’t be ruled independent because she’s living with her non-abusive mother. No one will say that her mom must divorce her husband.

As I mentioned, there may be reasons that we don’t understand as to why she hasn’t divorced. She may not have access to the thousands needed to provide the atty’s retainer. She says that she’s been researching attys. Likely, each one she’s looked at has said that he/she requires a minimum of a few thousand for retainer. Likely, she doesn’t have access to chunks of cash. Her H may be paying household bills directly, and just giving grocery money.

She may also be concerned about health insurance. Even if her H were to be ordered to purchase her insurance, she’s not stupid…she knows that any money that is required for that lessens what is available for support.

18

I have a good friend who’s been separated from her husband for nearly a decade. He left her with no money and full custody of four children between the ages of 8 and 17. She hasn’t divorced him for financial reasons. She and some of the children are still covered by his medical insurance. She was a SAHM without a marketable degree, so she had to take a low paying job and take classes at the local cc as she could afford them. I don’t think she’ll make a move to divorce until the youngest is out of college and can get her own medical insurance.

OP, you need to make a plan that doesn’t include your father. People who like to control others often use money as a weapon. I wouldn’t give him the power to control the next 4 years of your life. It may mean commuting to the local cc or a state school if there’s one within commuting distance of your home.

IF your parents will file the FAFSA, you can take the ~$5500/year federal student loan. Add the ~$3k you can earn by working summers and that’s your budget. You may have a little more if a 28 ACT will earn you merit somewhere. Check the guaranteed merit thread pinned to the top of the Financial Aid Forum to see if you qualify for any grants. If I were you, I’d concentrate on getting a degree with minimal debt so you can get free of your dad and his influence.

19

@mom2collegekids You do not have to be financially independent to get a dependency override. I know this firsthand as the young man we helped is not financially independent and has one.

I do not argue he still cannot afford this college, however this may enable him to get access to community college, or other financial aid. In NJ there is a program called the Educational Opportunity Fund and it offers significant funding, on top of Pell and the NJ TAG grants, which would likely make in state NJ public college affordable. There are options, going to college in California is not one of them, in my opinion.

20

I’m sorry you are going through this. I am divorced from my kids abusive Dad. He has a very high income but Uses that to control others and dangles that carrot just like your dad is doing. You are in a tough spot and I feel for you. I believe if you live with your mom (and he lives elsewhere) and she files FAFSA in her name only and leaves his income out of equation, you may qualify for aid at many schools. Just my opinion.