<p>What are the limits on my responsibility as a parent when teens come to our house and may have been drinking previously? Does my awareness matter? For example, a while back my son had some friends over to play cards. Later in the night, several cars of additional teens stopped by. The next day, son tells me some of those teens had been drinking (not falling down drunk). They weren’t drinking AT our house. Had something happened, is it my word against theirs, if they claim to have gotten the alcohol at my house? What’s the burden of proof?</p>
<p>Good question- I would think burden would be on you, but if they are lying, it shouldn’t be too hard to disprove. Also, I think it is driven by state law. Could you tell us what state you are in? Or is it local law? Anyone know?</p>
<p>FLorida. And does it matter where the alcohol comes from or where it’s consumed? If someone brings a bottle of vodka to my house in their jacket and tipples it into their soda, am I responsible?</p>
<p>I wish I could rename this thread because the title isn’t very descriptive of the problem.</p>
<p>I revised the title of the thread for you. I hope it covers the meaning you intended.</p>
<p>In my area (CA) I think local laws govern this…we have the “social host responsibility” laws
ie-- my understanding is that you are responsible if underage kids consume alcohol on your premises, period. …I don’t think it matters if you supply it or they do, but not 100% sure
any lawyers out there that could chime in?</p>
<p>I haven’t had any recent issues with this…but my ex and I used to clash on this because our house became party central for his college age son and crew, and he, being a wimpy dad, would not or could not seem to control it.</p>
<p>You can’t just go to bed and hope for the best when you have teenagers around…</p>
<p>THanks college mom.</p>
<p>It’s the driving thing I worry about most. If your son knew those kids had been drinking and they showed up at your house did they all stay over night? Did they hang around, play cards and then get in their cars and leave?<br>
If so, I would have a conversation with my son where I let him know that in that situation I want to be woken up and I will, as the adult, make sure those kids do not drive anywhere, whether that means they stay over, they get a ride with someone who has not been drinking, or they call a parent.</p>
<p>Yes, we did talk to him and before there ends up being 20 posts about my son’s part in this- he did have a couple kids stay over. And we were in the family room when these kids started arriving and they actually came out and spoke to us, and I detected nothing. So I’m not sure of their level of intoxication- it wasn’t enough for me to tell.</p>
<p>So to rephrase, assuming both the host (son) and the homeowners are unaware, what is the responsibility? Nothing came of this incident, BTW, I’m asking this for future reference.</p>
<p>Kids tend to not always stick around in one place at parties- they go for walks down near the lake, or the party spills out to the driveway. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. They’re 18,19,20 year olds.</p>
<p>It wouldnt seem right to hold you responsible but in todays world who knows. Society is out lay the blame on anybody other than the actual violator.</p>
<p>In CA you do have responsiblity, as far as I know. I am not a lawyer… Also your son would not be considered the “host” because he is underage. So any liability would be on you.</p>
<p>We had a New Year’s Eve tragedy in our area. 16yr old girl, drove drunk, ran red light, killed young man leaving his work, 1 a.m. The girl left a party that the parents were not present. Another girl had also attended the same party, and wrecked her car at 6 a.m., drunk, but she wasn’t injured. I don’t know where she spent the night.</p>
<p>Rumors are still flying, but what I’ve been told is that the party started as a small sleep over at a boy’s house. The parents were out for a few hours with friends. During the parents’ absence, cell phone calls and text messages went out and several extra kids showed up, some were drinking, and they left prior to the parents return. Parents came home and never knew anything was amiss. </p>
<p>The law seems to be murky regarding this, but this case will clear it all up, I hope. It seems the laws says that if the parents were not aware a party with drinking was taking place at their home, and it hadn’t happened before (drinking parties while parents were away), the parents won’t be held responsible.</p>
<p>In Va the underage possession law extends to being intoxicated (“possessing” alcohol in your system). I think some other states have similar interpretations of their possession laws. So in those states, clearly intoxicated teenagers would be breaking a law in your house. I don’t know if there would be a specific alcohol related infraction to that but I imagine they could probably get you on contributing to the delinquency of minors? I think that awareness would matter but in your word against theirs, they’ll probably “win” so to speak, considering most places seem to be taking a hard line on underage drinking and want to make “examples”. I know our local laws used to allow parents to give their own kids alcohol in their home but now that’s illegal if you’re found out (there may be some religious exemption though, not sure).</p>
<p>Edited: Although I’m sure cases in other states/localities provide legal precedence, this is technically a state and more local thing. There is no national drinking age, although currently all states (and DC) have adopted the 21 years cut off because otherwise they lose federal funding for roads I think.</p>
<p>
Are you saying a minor, as the “violator” should be treated as an adult? That has a lot of ramifications we probably don’t want…
Since they aren’t adults, legally or otherwise, in my view the parents are responsible, or should be responsible, for controlling what goes on at their house. But the kids who want to drink and party will seek out the “cool” parent’s houses , those who either don’t know or fear making their kid unpopular by laying down a few rules.
just my opinion…I know there are many sides to this issue. And that some parents would rather put up with them drinking in the home than out on the town doing god knows what…</p>
<p>But the OP’s question here is what do you do if a kid shows up at your house under the influence (did not drink at your home). If this kid leaves your home and has an accident, are you responsible? Are you responsible for “knowing” that a minor is under the influence in your presence and are you required (by law) to do something about it–like call the parents, etc?</p>
<p>This is a hard situation. I remember a time several years ago when a boy showed up at our house clearly not in possession of his faculties. No one was drinking at our home. Someone just dropped this guy off (he wasn’t even in son’s circle of friends–just a classmate). Of course the kid denied any drugs and “just had a couple beers”. H. and I sat up with him all night to monitor him and then in the morning I told the boy never, ever come back.</p>
<p>No, the actual violator should be held responsible by whatever means applicable. I wasnt trying to make it more than what it is. I just dont think parents like the OP should be held responsible or liable if they have no knowledge. If there is no malicious intent or negligence there should be no witch hunt to find somebody to pin it on.</p>
<p>The social host laws in Florida hold the parent/homeowner responsible for alcohol consumed on the property, whether or not the parent was home or had knowledge. The problem with this (OP)scenerio is that, if a person arrives after having consumed alcohol elsewhere, it is your word against theirs. And, even if no law was broken, if there was a bad outcome and someone leaving your home caused injury or death, you can be sued in civil court.</p>
<p>There was a VERY SAD case 4 years ago in Florida of a boy who left a party. He had brought alcohol to the party and hid it in his car. He would periodically leave the barbeque and go to his car. He was not the only one who BYOB. At one point an adult even became aware of some of the kids having beer in their car. She made the kids pour it out. There was no alcohol being served by the parents at any time, and when some of the kids were caught, they made it clear that alcohol was not welcome. Later that night the teen left the home, ran a stop sign going 80+ miles an hour and plowed into a car. He killed two middle school kids and hurt a 3rd. The boy was chared as an adult and is serving a 7 year sentence for vehicular homicide. His blood alcohol was not at the legal limit of 0.8, but any alcohol in a teen is considered above the limit. The parents who hosted the “no alcohol served here” party were not “charged.” But the civil suits that ensued divided the community. The liquor store that sold the beer, the parents that held the barbeque, and others were sued. After a long and drawn out trial, the jury found the parents not guilty. However, the damage “done” at this point was more than one could put a price on. And the costs to defend themselves was quite high.</p>
<p>So be very careful. Your son needs to be alert to kids who arrive after already consuming alcohol. If they leave your home and there is a problem, you can be drawn into the fray.</p>
<p>I guess one way to solve this would be to make it known to your kids and their friends that if you come to the house with alcohol or under the influence you will call the police to deal with it. </p>
<p>I hate to admit this happened here but last year a kid held an after prom party where there was beer provided and the parents provided it. They had a rule that you would not leave driving if you drank and they had the police there making sure as the kids left. I found it totally irresponsible of the parents and the police involved. I dont care how popular you want your child to be. The other side is that if they are going to drink it is better to be supervised than out on the road somewhere.</p>
<p>The sad truth is, as much as we may think we know the kids who come into our homes, we don’t. We know their families, we know that they’re honor students, we talk to them in and out of school. They’re cheerleaders, class officers, members of the honor council and orchestra. Take a look sometime at the myspace pages for the kids in your highschool and you will be in for real shock. Just because a child is a successful student, or a “nice kid”, doesn’t mean he or she is never going to touch alcohol or substances. Although the parents at our high school sign a pledge promising to be present at parties, to keep alcohol away from kids, it’s obvious by the myspace pages that they get it anyway. (BTW, what’s with the girls in the g strings and Victoria Secret?)</p>
<p>Dee deep, dee dee deep, news flash. Kids sneak around. They’re two steps ahead of us parents because they have the advantage of time and extensive pre-planning. We are by definition, always in reaction mode. I was a nice girl, but I remember sipping the concoction my friends brought to the skating rink. I remember trying a beer that someone snuck into my best friends home during a slumber party (we were so cool). </p>
<p>It’s sad that in order to feel comfortable about having my sons friends in from college, I have to monitor them like patients in a psych ward. Rather, I think I’ll pass on allowing parties at our house. They can all hook themselves up to the computer and play Halo or something.</p>
<p>This is an addendum to my other post.<br>
This specific incident of ours involved 18-20 year olds, mostly home from college (a few hs seniors). Don’t know if that makes a difference. My kids are grown!</p>
<p>Chuck- I’m shocked that the police would go along with something like that!</p>
<p>And speaking of proms- last year it became known after the prom that several kids were there at the dance, intoxicated. The parents were incensed that they weren’t “caught” by the chaperones and raised a ruckus at the school for their negligence. Fortunately, the kids made it home safe, but the parents were very upset that they had driven in their condition. The administrators present at the prom, OTOH, had no idea the kids were drunk. They didn’t walk in stumbling or smelling (there was someone at the door). Of course, goofy behavior and weird dancing moves aren’t going to set off any red flags either. It was a bad situation all around.</p>
<p>“And, even if no law was broken, if there was a bad outcome and someone leaving your home caused injury or death, you can be sued in civil court.”</p>
<p>You can be sued for much less. As the rest of your post noted, it doesn’t mean that the injured party would prevail.</p>