let me know if this is good please.

<p>Older and discipline me</p>

<pre><code> My name is Johnni Garcia I’m 22 years old and I’m a motivated, determined, and disciplined young man. I wasn’t always focused and determined while in school. My high school grades do not reflect on who I have become as a young man. What helped me grow to the man I am today was spending four years as a Infantry Marine. I have been around the world, saw things not many people can say they have seen. Seeing combat and being a leader in the infantry is going to give me the advantage not only in the classroom but on my own time studying and getting the grades I deserves. Who says you cannot have the responsibility of a single parent and not have time to get everything you need done on time? I’m going to show you how I’m going to manage my time with work, school, and being a parent.

My priorities are being a student and getting my assignments done on time, studying so I can pass all test easily. I will put 100 percent in my school work as I have done in my job. I’m as disciplined as they come, I promise if given an assignment and due date I will have the assignment completed days piror the actual due date. The Marine Corps taught me a lot as a young man. Getting the job or in this case school work done first, before I plan on doing anything else. All I know for these past years is getting the mission done and right now the mission is school. I’ve taken classes already in the Military like CLS “Combat life saver class” Leadership of a NCO “Non Commission Officer” MASP “Military Academic Skills Program” MASP helps military personal who have been out of school a while to get back in the swing of things. I’m ahead of my peers in many ways retaining knowledge, running a PFT “Physical Fitness Test, CFT Combat Fitness Test” I’m very competitive with what I do. I know with the traits and skills I have attained during my services in the Marine Corps, I can used them in my everyday life with school and being outside of the Military.

While in the Military I’m a single parent and I didn’t let that affect my job by any means. I had set hours, woke up earlier to take my son to daycare. stayed up late to study more and more about my job. Learning new things like how to navigate, different ranges of how far our weapons can suppress accurately to take down the enemy. Repeated that same routine for 2 years, yes it did get tiring but I didn’t let anything get in the way of me being a parent to my son nor being a good Marine. I had plans in advance on overnight child care for my son when I knew I had to be in the field over night or for weeks at a time for training for my second deployment. I was very organizing skill and planning are on point which helps me on my future of being a student and taking care of my son when I get out of the Military.

I think Texas will help me reach my goals as a student by offering me a degree in Mechanical Engineering . I would love to get a job at World Class Oil & Gas Company in Houston, Texas. A large portion of this company is based on its technologies from engineers in the past five years, and their will be a bright future for me if I succeed in working there. University of Texas is one of the most prestigious colleges out there, with the help of this university, my sacrifice and effort I will put in, I know I can be successful in my life after graduation. By taking all the requirements needed and the extra curricular the university has to offer me. I would be honored to be apart of the Longhorn family, and would love to attend this fine university.
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<p>I really like this. Sounds like you are going to go far. I think you need someone to help you polish it. Do you have someone who can do that? Maybe even your high school teacher?</p>

<p>Thank you, and no I been out of school for 5 years. I really don’t have anyone to look over it to fix grammar and get it ready for college</p>

<p>It’s inspiring, really, and I think that admissions officers will like it.</p>

<p>Gosh, I’m an enigineer so writing is really not my strong spot. Hopefully someone on here can help. When is it due?Very genuine. I always hoped engineers would be cut some slack with these.</p>

<p>Thanks, I really put a lot of effort in this paper. Its due Dec. 1 2014 </p>

<p>I will do a basic review if noone picks this up for you by tomorrow. You can tell that you worked reallly hard on it.</p>

<p>I will be happy to help you edit it. A couple of suggestions: I think you should begin the essay with the most interesting thing that distinguishes you from most other students: I am a Marine. (They will know you are Johnni Garcia and how old you are from the application!). Then go on to speak about how your leadership skills in the Marines will help you be a disciplined in the classroom and indeed, in every area of life. Cut out the excess wording where you tell us how you have juggled things and what your plans are. You are basically narrating to us what you have been doing in your life. </p>

<p>How about bringing your reader instead into one of the experiences you had in the service and how you learned from it and gained a new perspective? I will respond tomorrow if you still want help</p>

<p>Thanks everyone for everything! All help I get, I will take and fix as need thank you again</p>