We don’t hear much on here about the kids who abandon musical theater after starting a program. My son was planning to take a gap year this year but gave it up when he was offered a scholarship at UArts after attending the summer program in 2014. He went last fall after only 3 weeks to prepare. He loved the school – loved the faculty, the students the city – but decided he didn’t want to study musical theater after all. He didn’t return second semester. In retrospect, we did many things wrong. But what has surprised me most is how hard it’s been on my husband and me. Telling people that our son wants to study political science isn’t nearly as interesting as musical theater! We’ve recovered now, of course, but I would caution you not to get too caught up in the dream. Now we just want him to find his path – whatever it may be-- and stay on it.
I think you started a great thread. You are surely not alone, but it is wonderful that you are sharing your story and hopefully there will be others who do so (but they may have left the MT forum when their kids left the field). I know of a bunch of kids who gave up doing MT AFTER graduating from a MT program or a couple years out of one. (My own niece graduated from a BFA in Acting program and didn’t pursue acting/theater at all after she graduated even though she seemed to love it when she was doing it). I don’t personally know a lot of kids who switched DURING their program, but I know there are LOTS because so many programs have kids who leave and/or switch majors at the same school (harder to do at UArts of course). But it is not very surprising to me. Take away MT for a moment, and think about ALL the kids who enter college with either an undeclared major (very common) or who switch majors while in college. That’s part of what college is about. The thing with BFA programs is that they require a commitment before entering. So, be that as it may, these are still 18-22 year old finding their way and so changing a major is to be expected.
In some ways, I think it is easier that your son switches now rather than right after graduating. He may as well seek something he really wants to do. He’ll find his way.
I understand that change is hard to wrap your head around as this is veering off the expected path but there is nothing wrong with it and in fact, it is positive because he may as well seek what he really wants to do. A change of heart is fine.
While not exactly the same, one of my kids switched graduate schools! She switched because she wanted to specialize within the same field but not the track in her field she was in and so she thought people would think she was nuts, but what was more important, was to do what she really wanted to do and she went through a second grad school process into a very specific aspect of her field and did that and ended up with her dream job afterward. We felt she should follow her heart and it is never too late to take a different fork in the road. I’m glad she did. I think in the end, your son is going to be glad he did too and once you see where he lands, you’ll see he is happier! And that is the best!
I think I’ve read that at least 70% of kids in college switch majors at least once, and really there is very little reason that theatre kids should be any different. One of the saddest things is kids who pursue their parent’s dreams rather than their own, or who are afraid their parents won’t understand or support a change of plans, so bravo to you for working past your investment in his MT path and allowing him to find his own way. That’s the very best kind of parenting, so well done!!
Having watched kids come out of a PA school for a number of years- I can tell you that there are LOTS of them who start in theater, and then decide that they want to pursue another path. I also know 6 kids (from theater and the “regular” world of the HS where I teach) who graduated last year and have transferred or are transferring to a different college from the one where they started in August. It happens all the time- and in the vast majority of cases, the kid is happier after. It’s hard to know your path at 18 - and BRAVO to kids being bold and following their hearts!
One of the most talented MT kids I’ve ever met switched majors and wound up pursuing philosophy and going on to be a Rabbi!
And as I’ve discussed here, after 1 1/2 years of professional post-college acting my daughter decided there wasn’t enough mental stimulation for her and is back at school taking Astrophysics classes in pursuit of a PhD program next year. I can’t remember seeing her so happy. She is still on two Improv teams and in an occasional production but she’s dropped most everything theatrical, including her agent, and has never looked back.
I must admit, I am a little sad though. She’s been a professional actor since she was 13 and it was a big part of the whole family’s life and I do feel a bit of a void. (Even though we were so much less involved post-college than we were pre-college.) Plus, I have no idea what she’s talking about as she enthusiastically discusses whatever area of Astrophysics she’s working on at the moment. I just smile and nod.
I was just wondering about this after hearing from a mom that her daughter decided that MT wasn’t for her on day 1!! It made me curious as to the percentage of kids who abandon MT after a semester. I know it’s impossible to get an answer to that, though. Will have to stick with the occasional report.
It’s a lot harder at the college level. I think a lot of kids think it will be fun like in high school, and it is, but it is also a lot more work. My son’s classmates called this year “sophomore slaughter;” after a year of acclimation, they got a taste of what it would take to make it in the business. (And some dropped out.)
I don’t know that MT is all that much different than other majors. For example, my D’s class started with 20 and they are now down to 15. Kids change colleges, change majors, etc. I think it’s hard for a HS kid to know exactly what they want to do the rest of their life. And I agree with the above post that the MT curriculum is way harder than what kids might expect coming into college.
It’s similar to the kids I teach. I teach a pre-med physiology class to undergraduate students interested in medical school (a few dental or grad school). Most are juniors, and after my class (and other classes they take that year like biochemistry), some kids realize they either aren’t cut out for med school or realize that really isn’t what they want to do with their lives. Or unfortunately sometimes we are the ones having to tell them that medicine isn’t the right career choice (sort of like the juries for an MT student). Hate having those kind of discussions, but at times they’re necessary.
In my D’s studio at NYU they lost 3 after 1st semester (as I understand it 2 switched into other majors at NYU, one went home). But I know kids (over the last 4 years) who have left BFA programs at Michigan, Ithaca, Boston, and Emerson. As Jkelly says- majoring in MT is not like being in your HS show…
It happens in any kind/length of program. My group at circle in the square started as 15 and ended as 12. That would have been fine if 2/3 people had told anyone they were leaving…
I know of two kids who dropped MT … one who sent in a prescreen on the very last day on a whim. And auditioned and got in in fairly short order. And then dropped out of the program & transferred schools after a year. (He’s still pursuing music but in a very different kind of program.)
He was a superstar in high school. (Actually both kids who dropped were in the same high school class.) His official version of why he left this school was that he “wasn’t learning anything”. Which I think is not true at all - I think he always had everything handed to him. But that was through no fault of his own - he was just very talented and a very big fish in a small pond. So when he got to college and didn’t get cast I think he ended up very shell shocked. He had never been in an ensemble and always had big parts - but he ended up at a school where people go through all 4 years and never have a main stage lead.
The other boy went to a school that is talked about here as well and had a little bit of a different experience - he was cast in a lead mainstage role his freshman year. He ended up dropping out due to $$ - and I’m always a little bit bitter about this particular school because the school didn’t lift a finger to help him or keep him. (And it’s a private where they have more leeway on how they dole out the bucks.)
This happens more often than you would think. I know one girl who was (and is!) incredibly talented, and grew up with my Ds. She had performed since she was a child and attended an arts high school. She was admitted to every school on her widely diverse list and chose one of the ‘top’ BFA programs. She realized shortly after starting that she didn’t actually want the life of an actor and she made the decision to leave. I have to give credit to the school for trying to talk her out of it and encouraging her to agree to a year’s leave of absence rather than a complete withdrawal. She ended up at a great college a year later, where she graduated at the top of her class, went to law school and is now a successful lawyer. She continues to do theatre for fun.
^^^Similar thing with my D’s best theater camp friend. Hugely talented. Got into many BFA in MT programs and went to one of the so called tippy top ones. She left midway through. Took some time off. She eventually graduated from an Ivy League school.
Several of D’s talented (and beautiful) MT friends decided right before college to switch to broadcast journalism and are happy and successful so far, but as far as I know none of her friends have left her college program (they are all seniors now).
As has been said, there are many fields where the qualities that make for a great MT come in handy. Years of acting made me one of few engineers comfortable training 1500 people at a time, and also able to keep 600 kids who were stranded in a museum auditorium after an earthquake entertained for several hours while they waited for buses to arrive. I think our MTs are gaining skills that will serve them well no matter where they land in the future, and my hat is off to those who are brave enough to experiment with other paths to happiness.
What we, as parents have to embrace, whether our kids are theatre students or are in any other field, is that life is full of change, particularly with young adults the age of our kids. And very often, it’s a process of evolution, of slow changes over time (as opposed to sudden acute events), perhaps driven by a confluence of events which if taken singly would not be seen as the portend of things to come. On the “Success” thread, I’ve recounted my daughter’s story and therefore won’t repeat it here. In a nutshell, she performed frequently for 3 years after graduation as she also worked in a “survival” job that she loved. There came a point about a year ago where the opportunities available to her and the commitments she had made in that job caused her to realize that she would have to make choices. That the survival job was really a very gratifying career path and that she had to decide where to devote her time and energy, that she couldn’t do both professional performing and pursue this other path and do justice to either one or to herself in the process. For a variety of reasons, she chose the other path. It was the decision that felt right to her at that time and for the present. But who knows what the future will bring; what’s important is that we as parents support our kids and help them to embrace the changes that they are living.
Perhaps it’s tougher for parents of kids in the arts because most of us start out from a place of investing so much of our time and energy in supporting our kids in the arts because from the outset pursuing the arts as a profession is viewed by so many of our peers as a lunatic idea, because the odds of success are so tough, the hurdles and hoops to jump through so great. It’s so easy, and often necessary, for us to invest so much of our energy, time, finances and emotions in our kid’s artistic pursuits. So when our kids “suddenly” change their minds, we suffer a bit of an existential dilemma! 
But the last thing we ever want to do is inhibit our kids making decisions to guide their own lives because of disappointments we may feel.
In my case, I realized that change was coming about a year ago. I was scheduled for a 4 day 300 mile charity bike ride the first full week of June. My daughter got a show that was going to run while I was away. On day 3 of the ride, my wife offered to drive 65 miles to pick me up at 4:00 pm so we could drive 80 miles back to where the show was running to see a performance and then drive back so that I could resume and finish the ride the next day. At the conclusion of the show, my daughter gave me a hug, thanked me for coming, but asked me why I had gone to such extremes to see her in a show that I had already seen her in. I told her that I knew this was probably that last show she would do in the foreseeable future, that I was ok with that and that I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. She later confided in my wife that she was so appreciative that I let her know by that comment that I knew what was going through her head and that I was ok with the decisions she was making. She had felt so much pressure because she thought by making a change, she would be letting me down. Was part of me sad that I would not be seeing my beautiful, talented daughter shining on stage in the foreseeable future - of course. But I was also so incredible happy and proud of her for carving out an alternate path she loves and which she has pursued with great success.
Btw- this topic is another reason why I am a huge advocate of looking as carefully at the school as you do at the program. One of our criteria in the search was “would you go to this school if you couldn’t do theater”. I know of more than one kid who were so focused on the quality of the BFA that they didn’t consider school environment, location, and other factors. One got into a top tier program only to discover they didn’t like the school as a whole. This led to a whole round of transfer issues, (discover came after it was too late to change for the next year) and a gap year. This person was accepted into a new program (which fit them better) but had to “start over” as a freshman when they should have been a junior…
Well my daughter goes to Montclair and she would NEVER be going there if it weren’t for their great BFA program. I mean, we don’t live in NJ, so why would she? I doubt most of the kids going to TSU would be going there, either. And I’m sure there are others. For us, MSU met so many of her other criteria, it just worked. I guess IF she decided to switch majors she’d have to transfer, but that didn’t seem to be a good reason FOR US to turn down a school that was such a good fit in many other ways.
My S would not be going to Roosevelt without the BFA program either.
A perfectly valid opinion @calliene- and I am glad your D is happy at Montclair. We chose a different path - giving the university and BFA program equal weight in the selection process, and I was just commenting on what was an important criteria for us. Not judging anyone else’s ideas, just pointing out that lots of kids change majors- and if you love the school overall then it doesn’t become a case where you need to start all over again. Sorry if I offended you
I don’t think there are any guarantees, even if the kids choose a school that they love equally with the program. The young woman whom I described earlier in this thread loved both Tisch and NYU, and yet still made the decision to leave.