Letting roommate know about sexuality

<p>I'm going to an extremely liberal east coast liberal arts school. I've heard homophobia (I'm bisexual) pretty much doesn't exist. However, I found out last week I have a roommate and additional suite-mates. How do I go about letting them know about my sexuality? Should I add them on Facebook and write a short intro about myself and throw it in there? I don't feel like I have an obligation to introduce myself with my sexuality. Should I just let them figure it out when school starts and people start getting close to others?</p>

<p>Does it say on your Facebook profile that you're into the same sex?</p>

<p>I'd prefer to know beforehand, but not for any particular reason. Just go with what you're comfortable with.</p>

<p>Just my opinion, but if I was in your roommates position, I'd rather here it from you in person than on facebook.<br>
And if you're out (seems like you are), it seems like it shouldn't be a big bomb drop, but something you can casually mention.</p>

<p>Edit: the in-person could be over the phone, or video chat, instant message, or whatever. I didn't mean face-to-face necessarily, but something that was direct rather than indirect.</p>

<p>I would prefer to know as I would probably not want to change in front of my roommate if that were the case. I wouldn't mind having a homosexual roommate at all, but I think if I assumed you were straight and had been changing in front of you I would feel kind of violated when I found out otherwise. Maybe that's wrong of me but I think that's how I'd feel.</p>

<p>At least in my situation, roommates have to go over a sort of roommate contract which basically helped foster conversation and helped us get to know each other and our living habits... and thats when my roommate told me she was lesbian. I really had no problem with it. I was glad she told me beforehand, it was a means of avoiding any awkward altercations later--she had a girlfriend-- and sorta explained why she never got dressed in the room. I in turn never got dressed around her either, though I'd change all the time in front of my roommate before that.
Just tell them when it seems right (ideally within the first week of living with them).</p>

<p>it really shouldn't be a big deal, so i don't think you need to mention it during your first message to her. ( "hi, i'm ___ and i'm bisexual" sounds kind of weird, haha).</p>

<p>slipping it into casual conversation would probably work best, and see what her reaction is to it.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I would prefer to know as I would probably not want to change in front of my roommate if that were the case. I wouldn't mind having a homosexual roommate at all, but I think if I assumed you were straight and had been changing in front of you I would feel kind of violated when I found out otherwise. Maybe that's wrong of me but I think that's how I'd feel.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>JW, but why would someone feel violated if someone that's gay was watching you change?</p>

<p>I wouldn't car if my roommate was gay. The same rules about having people in a shared room apply. Also, I think they will catch on without you knowing. It's only a big deal if you make it into one. I go to school in the midwest and we had a gay RA. He didn't need to announce it to all the residents. Mature people won't really care. And if they have a problem, they can move out.</p>

<p>In my case, I didn't tell my roommate beforehand. I looked him up on facebook and he was a member of what I thought to be vile, hypermasculine groups. His statuses were not savory, and his only pictures were of him playing varsity baseball. Being gay and not as secure as I am now, I was very unnerved. I stressed out the whole first two weeks wondering what he'd think. I decided I'd just let him figure it out. I thought "my sexuality isn't anyone else's business; why should I have to advertise it??? It's not like I'm coming into this wanting to be his best friend, I'm being forced to live with him." So I was myself and hung up posters (of lady gaga, of course), etc, and he eventually figured it out. HE DIDN'T CARE AT ALL. We're polar opposites and have nothing in common, yet we're going to live together next year. Please don't go into it with a negative attitude, your roommate probably won't give a <em>(@@@&^</em>(@.</p>

<p>Also, if you're not very secure or have a "whatever" attitude like me, you should NOT feel or think you have to feel obligated to disclose anything personal about yourself.</p>

<p>if it is a liberal school, then by it being labeled liberal presumes a fair sense of acceptance when it comes to such subjects as sexuality, but to make sure take some time to get to know your roomate and see what kind of a person he is, then tell him</p>

<p>xSteven--best advice of the thread</p>

<p>
[quote]
JW, but why would someone feel violated if someone that's gay was watching you change?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Are you a girl? Would you not feel violated if a guy you weren't dating watched you change?</p>

<p>When straight people explicitly tell me they're straight when I meet them, I explicitly tell them I'm not. If I'm asked, I'll answer. If I'm interested in them sexually or I have reason to believe they're interested in me sexually, I'll say something. But in general those are the only reasons I'll say anything.</p>

<p>In the course of living their lives, straight litter their surroundings with all kinds of clues. They may have photos of partners whose genders are easily identified lying around, they may be planning legal weddings or already wearing wedding rings, they may be pregnant, they may introduce someone to me as their girlfriend or boyfriend, they may decide to have a conversation with me about how hot someone is, or they may put posters of people they like on their walls. I use those clues to make an educated guess about which kinds of people they're attracted to. I provide similar hints in the course of living my life without being closeted. They can do what they want with them.</p>

<p>Unless I'm sexually interested in someone or they're interested in me, I don't really think it matters. And I refuse to buy into the expectation some straight people have that everyone around them is straight, too, and that exceptions to that rule must identify themselves.</p>

<p>And there's a difference between changing while someone is in the room and having them <em>watch</em> you change.</p>

<p>Most of my roommates come into the room knowing my sexuality or figuring it out within a day or two just because I'm so active on campus with LGBTQ issues. Most of my roommates HAVE had a serious issue with it and accused me of checking them out or flirting when I can't even stand being in the same room as them. In these situations, I generally just tell them that it's none of their business unless I bring a girl into the room and do the deed with her in front of them.</p>

<p>Generally, I've found that to be the best method. It's none of their business. The only difference between a gay person and a straight person is who they sleep with, and BOTH of you have an obligation to reveal some information when you have that type of overnight guest. If your roommate finds out and gets offended that you didn't say anything, ask them why it would have mattered in the first place. Presumably, you're not sexually interested in them and staring at their crotch whenever they get dressed. Straight people shouldn't flatter themselves so much.</p>

<p>"And there's a difference between changing while someone is in the room and having them <em>watch</em> you change. "</p>

<p>I wouldn't change with a man I am not dating in the room, either.</p>

<p>I really wouldn't care. I think when I visited my college a few months ago my host was a lebian or bi (I only think that because of her pink triangle poster and then when I woke up and there was another girl in her bed). I was like "huh, that's why I got to sleep on a bed" because she had told me her friend was gonna spend the night and she had a double but her previous roommate had joined a sorority so I figure her friend would be using the bed and I got ready to sleep on the floor. Then I woke up in the middle of the night, saw a lump on her bed and none on the other so I went went in the other bed.</p>

<p>I don't know, kinda wish she had told me "Hey, this is my girlfriend, we don't plan to do anything but she's sleeping in my bed tonight, you can have the other bed". But really, didn't care much.</p>