Levity in times of stress. Roasts by rejected tudents.

Was sent the following; cannot take authorship credit.

UChicago: have fun getting shot

Hopkins: have fun getting shot in a less fun city that Chicago

MIT: bunch of nerds, it’s not called “being quirky”, it’s called being a weirdo

Princeton: I’d say something but your head’s so far up your ass you probably wouldn’t hear it anyway

Penn: let’s face it, you’re only an Ivy because of Ben Franklin

Cornell: don’t think that gets you off the hook, you’re even worse

Stanford: because being in California means we’re somehow more laid back and grounded because, well, reasons

Yale: where the only thing more inflated than the egos are the grades

Harvard: where the only thing more inflated than the grades are the egos

Brown: that’s the one in New Hampshire, right?

Dartmouth: that’s the one in Maine, right?

Columbia: because New York’s other Ivy isn’t really an Ivy