<p>I think it would help if you could find some role models, gay men in their 30’s and 40’s who have successful careers, many friends, and happy home lives.</p>
<p>There are definitely places where you could, as you say, “live naturally, be myself and express myself freely without any fear.” New York and San Francisco of course, but any large city east of the Mississippi and north of the Bible Belt will have a reasonably large, “out” gay population, even here in the Midwest with me (Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland).</p>
<p>If your college does not have a gay-friendly counselling service, you could get moral support from the Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual group at a college nearby. (I am thinking maybe you are at a college that is not gay-friendly.)</p>
<p>If you are at a religious college, there may be no “out” gays on campus, but if you are at a smaller college or a commuter college and haven’t found the gay crowd, you are likely to find gays and gay-friendly people in the theater department.</p>