<p>Ahh, Spideygirl. It is posts like yours that keep me coming back to CC even as my youngest is heading off to college.</p>
<p>If you are concerned for your parents and their thoughts, try googling up PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Some parents can grow in their understandings, although I think eventually you’ll need to let them know who you are just for your own well-being. How long can you keep such an important secret? It must be complicated, but so many others have “coming out” stories, good, bad and in-between.</p>
<p>An interesting comment from one of my cousins, when his younger brother came out in the l980’s, was that this caused him to “get his brother back.” I asked what he meant. He said that the tension of not telling his parents made his brother anxious and upset. When he came out, he began to find an outlet to express his generosity, friendship, sense of humor, sense of community.</p>
<p>Of the parents, his Mom discovered PFLAG and found it very helpful to her thoughts. The Dad stayed wary until he finally passed away. The “out” cousin has a fascinating career, good investments, lifelong partner, and lives in San Francisco. I’m glad he didn’t waste any more energy on what others thought and finally began to live his own life.</p>
<p>Don’t be surprised, if/when you decide to come out, that your parents may have already figured things out. They know you better than you realize. We don’t know the details of your relationships at home, but don’t discount your family as a potential source of strength and support.</p>
<p>Agree with all the other wise posters who have suggested resources on campus, counseling, etc. Work on getting emotionally healthier and you’ll find you have more strength to do the things you want to accomplish.</p>
<p>I think someone older wrote in to Ann Landers or one of those columns in the last 6 mos…a mom who was unhappy with the lack of support she and her hubby and others in the family gave to her son when he came out… fast forward about 40 years…and she was writing to say that her gay son and partner were the first to open their home to her after her hubby died … and how wonderful they were to her…the trips they had taken… and how blessed she was to have a gay son… his caring and zest for life was enriching her own life. </p>
<p>sooo, thinking about how you have expressed a concern about your sexuality and other things…what I am hearing in your voice is that you don’t want to have to live up to the expectations of others. Try not to take on that burden and just continue to work at learning who you are… and know that there are many many places in this grand old country where who you are matters SOOO much MORE than who you love or lust after.</p>
<p>2 steps:</p>
<p>1 - Acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with being gay. I’m gay, and I’m perfectly fine with it. There are no negative consequences to admitting that… nobody will stone you to death, and everything else that may arise is manageable. </p>
<p>2 - Change your environment. Move towards independence. Move into a big city with a large gay community. People in large urban areas won’t give you the same crap as those who currently surround you. Who cares what your parents want you to do (not to offend any parents here 
)? You’re an ADULT; that means you get to make your own choices.</p>
<p>You have one life. You live in a country that has opportunities for everyone. How can you not take advantage of that?</p>
<p>bkiersted…</p>
<p>Check back in with us sometime and let us know you are OK. :)</p>
<p>I can’t believe this thread is already a year old! I recently came across a video and article (both are by the same author–Dr. Julie Harren–so the contents are very similar) that I wanted to share. As a homosexual male, I couldn’t agree with her more. The resources clarify many things about this issue and dispel many other misunderstandings or confusions people commonly have. If you’re a homosexual like me, or if you know someone who is, then I really recommend you take a look at them below!</p>
<p>Video: [Homosexuality101[/url</a>]<br>
Article: [url=<a href=“http://www.narth.com/docs/hom101.html]Homosexuality”>http://www.narth.com/docs/hom101.html]Homosexuality</a> 101: What Every Therapist, Parent, And Homosexual Should Know](<a href=“http://www.homosexuality101.com%5DHomosexuality101%5B/url”>http://www.homosexuality101.com)</p>
<p>So… bkiersted, are you doing better since your original post? We are thinking of you.</p>
<p>“I haven’t come out, and I will never do that, because I’m well aware of the consequences that come with it.”</p>
<p>I’m not gay, but the majority of my friends are, and the majority of them are out. They have friends, jobs, romantic partners, hobbies, and seem to be very happy with who they are. They seem to have fewer problems than do people who remain in the closet and show a fake self to the world. </p>
<p>Everyone – not just gays – has to make a decision about whether to show the world their true self or whether to put on a mask that displays what we think the world will most easily accept. The people with masks on are the ones who don’t get the chance to find friends who embrace them for being exactly the people they really are.</p>
<p>I suggest that you talk to a therapist who is experienced with working with people who are LGBTQ. Even in my small city, there’s a therapist who is gay and out and has a large gay clientele. I think that your life can be happier and more comfortable than what you feel you must settle for.</p>
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<p>What she said.</p>
<p>I also remember this thread, and hope that things are going better for you now.</p>