Sometimes it’s easier to have fewer moves and move then you can still make connections with those nearby.
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In our downsized rental apartment we have 2 beds and 2 baths. The second bedroom is my “office” but also has a twin bed for when my daughter comes to sleep over at the holidays. If one day she has a spouse and/or child, that room would not really work for her to stay in. My thinking is that we are close enough (35 minute drive) that we would visit her instead, they would stay at a hotel, or she would not sleep over on those occasions.
More than 2 bedrooms, just to accommodate possible visitors, doesn’t make sense to me. I had a crowd of friends come to visit and they booked a nearby hotel. If I had more than one child (as the person who was debating how much space to accommodate their kids visits makes sense), one extra twin bed would not work.
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I’ve been in the same small coastal town for 35 years. The short term rental market has decimated prices for both rentals and home purchases. More than half home purchases are by outside investors, some from out of the country. I have been doing winter rentals to stay in town, but am now looking elsewhere, preferably for a one bedroom and den, at this point. Thanks all.
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The purchasing of smaller or lesser cost home in some communities, and what is going on in your coastal town is hurting people entering home purchasing and also driving costs up. Before interest rates went up to current levels, neighbor’s son/dau-in-law were able to purchase because the seller wanted to sell to a young couple (the other offers were slightly higher, so the seller could have chosen to get ‘the most’ out of her home sale). They wrote a letter to the seller that went with their offer contract. Owner was selling to go into assisted living. Their offer was at the top of what they qualified for with a home purchase.
For us, it is going to be a strategic plan for coordinating selling the home we have had/built in 1992, and going out of state to where DD/SIL/grandkids are. We have time to figure it out. Once they purchase a home in their city and put down the roots (this is very likely, but son has a job change to do before they make the home purchase).
@SOSConcern in 2014 I also sold to a young couple (I knew slightly) with young twin boys. People tell me I sold it “dirt cheap” but I am happy and I have maintained a nice friendship with the family.
One good reason for renting is to maintain flexibility. If my Brooklyn kid has a child (the only one of my 3 who talks about it) I would move there in a flat second.
Stayed up until 3am looking at the rental market in various places. I have some resources. Honestly what are people doing? I go to housing forums and feel helpless, though lots of efforts are being made for low income/low income senior housing it seems.
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@compmom, not where your daughter lives but where I live there are relatively affordable two bedroom apartments that are covered under NYC rent stabilization (rent increases regulated) and also further protections for seniors. On-street parking isn’t terrible and it’s a short subway or bus ride to your daughter.
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@oldmom4896 thanks for this. I have been seriously considering exactly that move. I love the city, especially Brooklyn. This is very helpful information…
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We spend about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks in Dec/Jan to be with DD1/SIL/grandkids, starting in 2023 when they moved from 100 miles away to several states away July 2023 (15/16 hours’ drive with brief stops). The older two kids have time out from their school and parents cannot cover all the time away from their jobs - they have leave time but restrictions on using leave time - we are the safety net. Then additionally, in 2024 I flew to be 2nd adult for a 3-week period (SIL’s promotion and training out of town) and a 2-week period – SIL helping his parents out-of-state getting rid of a lot of stuff at house and storage units in their preparation to move to his brother’s city (which is 6 hours’ drive from their city). Second adult as a necessity with 4 children ages less than one year to oldest not yet 6 while FT working mom in demanding professional job/primary breadwinner as well. For me not a bad routine because DD1 is organized, and the kids are well behaved with the structure they have.
To me it is a pleasure to be involved with the grandkids and help DD1/SIL. DD2 is single. We see her and help her if/when needed - sometimes advice and sometimes other things. But we cannot make our primary residence move until they purchase a home and are settled there ‘for sure’. DH is greatly enjoying his hobby/volunteering in our current community, and this will not be replicated in new city to the extent he has it here.
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This is exactly how my dh felt when we did our major downsize. He did not want to maintain space that we would need maybe 2-3 times per year.
Like you, we only have one kid, so the likelihood of our family size becoming exceptionally large is unlikely. Our friends with three adult kids became a family of eight after all married. They are now a family of twelve adding in the four grandchildren they now have.
I think the family culture, traditions, and expectations also play into these decisions.
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@SOSConcern yes, waiting for kids to settle so we can settle seems common! I need tai chi and art and with those I can live anywhere. It does seem it takes a lot longer these days for our kids to “settle”!
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DDs were able to get their careers going, SIL and DD2’s BF have had more difficulty. But DD1/SIL were ready for a child right away and have kept going on it. This last pregnancy has flabbergasted DH and me, but they seem to be able to keep their household moving forward and working well so far. I keep telling DD2 that they are willing to make the sacrifices and put in the effort for a long time with their sizable family. These days 3 children or more are considered a more sizable family, especially with two career couple. DD1/SIL have a long haul raising and educating their children. The children are delightful. Always good where there is enough income for a decent standard of living, no food insecurities or such problems.
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Waiting for our son to settle isn’t part of our calculus. We just assume he/wife won’t. We moved to another state on our honeymoon and never went back. We assume our son and his wife will keep moving as their lives and careers unfold, like we did. We’re the unencumbered, retired, mobile ones who are free to go to them when they invite us, but I can almost guarantee we will never live near each other as our retired life and their career needs will likely never intersect, or not for long. But, we always make our guest quarters private, comfortable, and enticing for long-term stays.
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I think many of us here feel your pain. Many people are dealing with medical issues with kids, parents and spouses, and always putting ourselves last. Spending our retirement managing different family members illnesses and problems because they aren’t taking care of it themselves, either won’t deal with it, remember it or are terrible patients. And every time you think life has settled down, something else pops up. It is wearying.
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I am going to try very hard not to sound like a broken record on here! I promise!
I had often wished to live closer to D and in a larger city, but that’s unlikely now as it’s hard to say what she’ll be doing from year to year. I do find myself looking at real estate listings in places like Chicago, wishing to live close to the lake. It always amazes me how much real estate you can get for what a starter home goes for here - if you can find a starter home.
The other thing I want to do this week is work on my crepe technique. I love the galettes they have at Breizh in Paris, so armed myself with a crepe pan and buckwheat flour. I have a feeling they will taste better in Paris, but what doesn’t?
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Omg, I’ll take any crepe rejects - what a fantastic activity! Let us know how it goes.
I say never stop dreaming (and making some dreams come true) even though they all may not be possible. Chicago and the lakefront has some amazing neighborhoods.
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H’s cousin moved to Winthrop Harbor, north of Waukegan, a couple years ago. They absolutely love being close enough to Chicago to go there easily, right by the lake, and very close to Milwaukee. It’s beautiful!
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I wonder if buying makes sense unless you find a home in a continuing care community. Buying for five years in this high priced market may not make sense, unless you plan on keeping and renting the purchased home.
It is tough to decide on size when in retirement. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to pay for room you don’t need, but also is so nice to be able to have room for family gatherings, even if they don’t all sleep there. Also to consider is whether you ever would need assistance, short or long-term, having a place other than a couch for a kid or other caregiver would be good.
One bedroom plus den seems like a right-size choice for you now. Good luck!
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One of my issues is that I hate driving. I want to live somewhere I can walk to a neighborhood greengrocer, butcher, fishmonger. I also want someone to take care of maintenance, etc. - so a condo or coop would be perfect for me. I have a lot of college friends in the Chicago area, so that adds to the appeal. It’s definitely an option. I don’t know how the dogs would feel about it, though!
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If you want that kind of life, Chicago is perfect! My D didn’t have a car when she lived in Chicago, and she loved being in a “neighborhood” (she lived in Lincoln Park and in Lakeview).
My friend lived in Toronto, and it was awesome. Amazing public transportation, everything necessary located within walking distance, people walking around all the time … but dang, it was expensive
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