I have lived alone for 10 years, and most of my friends are single women of the same age or so- 70’s. I am always surprised that so many on CC are married: maybe it is a self-selecting group! I(n society as a whole the divorce rate is pretty high and of course people start losing partners/spouses as we get older.) I cannot imagine living with someone at this point
These free online courses showed up on my Facebook feed - quite a mix of interesting subjects!
@FallGirl no need for the broken heart. It is a happy thing to live alone.
Just for the record, I’ve never seen that heart as a broken heart - I use it as a CARING Heart.
Awww…. I wish I had a cat.
Maybe some retired folks thought they would have more relaxing time, but they may be their worst enemy on overscheduling. Maybe still adjusting or not realizing that retirement can be just as busy as their pay/benefits working days.
For my sister it is her personality and her desire to fill her days really full - this was prior to retirement and continues. She continues to prepare 3 sit down meals (not so much breakfast trouble but does thinking and shopping to have a nice sit-down time for breakfast as well) - during work years packed a lunch or bought a lunch, and does more than many would do at home before and after retirement. Now she is focusing a lot on extra exercise. I stopped calling her (calls never came from her to me, because she is ‘so busy’) except for her birthday and maybe something special because at least a few times each conversation she would say “I am so busy” and be stingy with time on the phone - but more importantly she focused on what she wanted to say and wasn’t listening or couldn’t stay on the phone for just two more minutes to hear what I wanted to say. I have a very good friend that now, since sister has also stayed with me at this friend’s place in Switzerland, we are on 3-way email, and I hear all the details of my sister’s life, trivial details. Sometimes she emails pestering things to our 3 siblings and me, and recently I had to call her to answer all her questions so I will not see these emails again (it was on some family ancestry, and I let her ask me every question she had).
I have the family calendar (for DH and me), and we are available to schedule to be with various people or to attend various things. To me, saying we are so busy is quite rude - it may be out of town or with something scheduled/a conflict, but could find a date for a get-together. Right now, I am helping DD1/SIL/grandkids in a far-away state, as grandchild #5 is arriving any day now, while DH drove out of state for his uncle’s funeral (funeral today). DH has some commitments with HS student rocketry (during ‘season’ weekly meetings for rocket shooting/score to attend a national competition - 100 teams invited based on scores out of 800 teams participating). He volunteered to teach a summer fun week session for rising HS students on rocketry, and we will see how that goes - this is the first year for this pro-bono teaching ‘gig’. DH’s mind revolves around rocketry and being a home-body; somewhat about family gatherings too. He was going to hire out clipping our hedge (fairly long and labor intensive) but decided to do it himself (he hates doing it but hated what labor rates have currently gotten to). He loves having the front yard looking great and likes this work outside. The hedge is in back and is a chore, and also not particular about the back yard grass but keeps it mowed and treated.
I did mean it as a caring heart.
I can see benefits to living alone.
We know both sets of people. One set will make plans but will always have a verbal out of some kind and will usually but not always cancel. The ones who always do it get dropped (one said to us “you never schedule anything with us anymore”). The other ones – we never scheduled just with them but with another couple or group of people. Our wonderful architect/friend will often drop plans at the end but is a great person so we always schedule with her and others. If she drops out, not an issue for us. She is warm and generous and is responsive in other ways so we don’t drop her but just don’t live our lives around whether she is actually going to come.
There is a second group that says, “We ought to get together” but nothing happens unless we take the initiative. After a while, if they don’t take the initiative, we drop it. When we see the, they still say “We should get together” and we say “That’s a great idea.”
For us it might not be to go somewhere warmer if we move to San Antonio where our DD1/SIL/grandchildren live. But will endure their summers with grandchildren time/events. Right now we live in a very nice mostly moderate climate with distinct seasons, with warm summers and short winters.
My husband didn’t want to travel to see the kids. So I’m flying out by myself.
I’m always hesitant to do that, I’m not sure why. My mom never went anywhere without my dad, my mil only came to see us once and that was because we were going to my cousin’s wedding, needed her to stay with our children who weren’t invited. Even then my fil, who had a prior commitment, drove to our house to pick her up. I suspect we drove halfway when she came because even 30 years ago, my mil did not drive on the highway. At that time, we lived 2.5 hours from them. That was the only time she watched the kids at our house as the kids were old enough that they had school and school activities.
I’d like to make this a yearly occurrence because even though I love my husband, I seem to do different things with the kids than when he’s there.
My husband is swimming these days, I do like having some time in the house without him. I play mahjong a couple of times a week, hopefully he enjoys the same empty house.
Maybe getting the PCP to know you better and discuss with PCP what you are doing and receiving on exercise/nutrition with a ‘not good enough message’ is discouraging and not what PCP is intending.
H schedules every single minute of the day. Always has, retirement and before. We’ve been together 40+ years. He gets huffy if something gets in the way. On the other hand, he gets more done than anyone else I know.
I add buffer room around obligations, and certainly schedule down time.
We both know how each other rolls and it works for us.
Sad that your sister can’t find her way to make time.
It is offputting when various people repeatedly tell us how busy they are. As I mentioned above, we have friends who have or had really interesting in life – they are legitimately very, very busy. When you email, they are always in another country or scheduled every 15 minutes from 8-8. They never say “we’re really busy.” We just schedule 2 or 3 months out with them. And, we can be flexible if they invite us over for something impromptu.
Like you, I have ShawWife’s schedule on my computer (I worked hard to get her to put everything in her Google calendar) – though we’re only at 90% (I have to know that her studio assistant comes every Tuesday so we can’t schedule anything then). But, I and my assistant can schedule things comfortably. The three of us find it very useful.
I’m expecting to be in Japan/Korea in June (for a trip with ShawD) and need to be in Chicago for work for a day the following week but the date is not yet set. I just got a call about whether I can be in Marrakech for a part of my pro bono work in between the trips to Korea and Chicago. I don’t think I will do it (though I would really like to). I probably will join virtually. However, I don’t think of my life as busy, just full of interesting things to do. I don’t say “I’m so busy” just “I’m traveling and won’t be able to make it.”
I’ll loan you mine!
My husband knows he shouldn’t talk to me/expect much from me until I’ve had my lattes. He gets up earlier than I do, and “works” (either for pay or just doing stuff he likes related to his field) for a couple of hours most days.
I would go down and start my lattes, and he would come down and start rapid fire questions, talking about whatever, and I NEED my quiet time. He also whistles often, which kind of drives my crazy when it would otherwise be quiet.
I could not stay married to someone who whistled.
I usually tell a whistler that according to my grandfather, by whistling indoors, one risks of whistling away their $$. Yup, that is a known superstition. And is 100% true. It usually kills that whistling on the spot.
Lol, my H hums and it drives me crazy.
I’m not particularly concerned when people tell me they are busy. Some people enjoy that, it doesn’t bother me. Others are in a certain situations where they have a lot of responsibility.
As for canceling plans, the people who repeatedly cancel have lately been H and me. H has not been well. Believe me, we would love to NOT have to cancel.
I give people some slack.
I almost always travel to see the kids by myself. I ask DH if he wants to come, give him 48 hours to respond, remind him that I asked him, and then he says no. He is having some medical issues that make travel difficult for him at this point.