Canceling due to ill health is definitely understandable and met with compassion. Canceling because something better came up (yes, some of us have family that do this regularly) makes one feel like a last choice and is dismissive and disrespectful of the effort made to plan a gathering.
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I feel the same way with some of our friends. But, I truly think some people are planners and some people are not. Some people are worth my grace and initiative in doing the planning, but some are not. If I enjoy their company, I’ll take the initiative. If I’m sort of, “meh,” about them I won’t.
But, it is annoying. Being organized and capable of planning isn’t rocket science.
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Ditto for most married couples.
My last trip to Switzerland (my 5th) in 2016 I was gone for a month, which was fine with DH. He went once for 3 weeks with me when we were 30 - to meet all my Swiss relatives and some friends. This was decades before he had to do work travel. My first trip to Switzerland was with my family when I was 12 (the older 3 kids, and the younger two went with the parents when they were older). I thought DH would come with me again at retirement, but he is mostly a homebody and has no desire to go. We will have our 46th wedding anniversary next month, and it is ‘give and take’ in most long and successful marriages. Some charity dinners I go solo and have fun, more fun than having him come along and be glum.
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D and I have done several trips together, primarily because H “had to work” and now he’s awaiting knee replacements. I’ve gone to visit her by myself too. I’m the one who would rather stay at home from charity events etc.!
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Agreed. I am a very reluctant hostess because I feel all kinds of awkward at the initial planning process. There are a group of women - from my previous neighborhood that get together every couple of months for an evening, usually at someone’s house. I hadn’t had them to my house yet because I really shy away from the asking, finding a date, etc.
Recently one of them texted and suggested a get together. Within a few minutes people were in and confirmed availability on a certain date. THIS is when I jumped in and said, GREAT. I will host! At that point I knew all were available and a date had been flushed out. I was then happy to volunteer.
I am introverted and don’t seek a ton of social outings. Be open to the way that people can offer up and participate in relationships. It really can be a struggle for some of us!
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Most Fridays for the past 10 years my husband has arranged Friday meetup (4pm now that most are retired) of former co-workers/wives. He sends the brewpub location by text msg a day or two prior. I know most of the husbands from working in same group 20+ years ago, and I’ve gotten to know some of the wives very well (even traveling partners). We have a core group who is usually there and various others who drop by regularly or just once in a great while. Sometimes we have international co-workers in town for education sessions. Some of us go to dinner afterward, usually at various restaurants but once in a while at our house (pizza or crockpot meal). Attendance is optional, no rsvp needed. Nice flexible social opportunity for all. It has been a really nice way to stay connected with a group of retirees.
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Ah yes, travel poses its own challenges when one spouse is filling every minute and the other wants time to relax. H and I went on our first European trip when we were newly married. He wanted to always be on the move, where I wanted to linger over coffee on the Champs-Élysées. Add in that money was tight so no taxis. We walked a lot with traditional non-rolling suitcases. I was tired and cranky at the end of that trip.
I had an revelation when we started planning the next adventure. We don’t have to be joined at the hip. Both of us are fine doing things on our own. We’ve traveled the world since and both now enjoy the vacations.
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This sounds like a low-key and relatively low-work way to keep up a community. Kudos to your husband, @Colorado_mom.
Keeping/building community is part of my trilogy of community, meaning and structure. Doing it weekly at the same time adds to structure as well.
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DH worked a long time with one organization, and I worked a few years there. Quarterly we have a retiree lunch - and a few people that still work at this place come too. When I am not in town, he doesn’t go - and he will go with me. He has a good time once he is there, but DH tends not to be one to seek out social settings.
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I have stopped calling my brother since he upset me with how he handled my late mom’s house. Cliff notes: his D decided to take the house and he was extremely slow on paying me my half and the communication around the payment was one sided. I haven’t talked to him since November or October. The only texts was when I needed to sign some paperwork for the house. Nothing otherwise. I am done initiating contact.
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I can’t help myself but I am the planner when it comes to vacations. I don’t like to fly by the seat of my pants. I don’t like being shutout of something because I didn’t book or reserve something. DW and I are renewing our vows in Vegas in September for our 30th. Our 25th was during Covid. We have invited friends and family to join us. We currently are at 13 total people including us going. That number could easily swell to 20-25. We told people we really only expect them to join us at the ceremony and the luncheon we are hosting following and if they wanted to join us in the other activities they are more than welcomed. But I had been checking the website of the hotel each day for like 3 weeks to see when their cabana rentals at the pool would open for the season. Finally they got their website updated for the season. I already know where we will eat our dinners at and what shows we will attend. I very much don’t like surprises on vacation and like things to run smoothly. We are not the type to figure things out when we get to a location.
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Congratulations on your Happy Anniversary and fun celebration coming up.
Interesting article on cognitive decline in retirement. Free article. I don’t think any of us are in danger! I thought the observations on the differences between men and women were interesting.
H finished up on Monday and was able to ring the bell. Sabadog finished her medication on Tuesday and I no longer am up at the crack of dawn to “dose” everyone! I had two wonderful Pilates classes, met a friend for breakfast and went to an anniversary celebration for an organization important to my family. We are watching D’s pup this weekend so we were up bright and early for a pack walk.
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Wonderful news on your husband - and the pup!
I just saw that article this morning. Good read.
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My dad whistled constantly. If he was doing something around the house, inside or outside, he whistled. He’s been gone since 2012, and I miss the whistling. It was kind of who he was - a little annoying, but endearing just the same.
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Ahh.. here’s the thread I was looking for!! DH’s company is planning some layoffs/packages. I am already retired and he is looking to. We really hope he’ll be able to get a package…. but they don’t want to lose him! We are traveling a lot. If they don’t like it.. too bad.
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The division of my H’s company is being purchased by a European private equity company. H is hoping he may be offered a package and be done, but unfortunately they consider him a key employee.
Like you we are traveling a lot and plan to continue this whether the new company likes it or not.
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In my DH’s case, they are cutting/dumping the contractors so he will lose people, and his key underling has to retire in August due to that country’s regulations. So this means more stress and more work for DH. I’ll bet my socks DH’s boss is gonna get/take a package
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‘Calm before the storm’ is how I see things as we see when DD1/SIL purchase a home, and we make the steps to live in their city – all with their approval. They need the help with their 5 children (both FT career jobs and both financially necessary), and we can continue to see DD2 via airline flights or car trips. Being here some chunks of time since Dec 2023, and DH being here on 3 separate trips, we are mentally adjusting to some of the major things to deal with - positive and less attractive. The traffic and needing to do more planning when getting into the car (and timing errands based on traffic patterns and locations of things) - and that is once we do the big move. The ways we can most effectively assist with grandkids while also having our lives centered on us. Right now DD2 is ‘the cool aunt’ and ‘the fun cousin’ and will remain that way for probably many years.
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