I second this! We really enjoyed it.
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Looks like from the description that you’ll be going to the Phipps Conservatory - enjoyed visiting that when son was at Carnegie Mellon. The best time was when there was a Dale Chihuly installation. And that you’ll take the Duquesne Incline up to the great views over the city, another favorite spot.
It was fun discovering the city when son was there. Husband had been on business so that gave us a different perspective.
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Good luck to your H. I hope you’ll get to rest–it can be exhausting being a caregiver.
My H did two knee total knee replacements in one year. He just wanted to be done with the whole thing. The key for him was doing physical therapy on a regular basis. In fact, he kept going to the facility and joined an exercise class that the folks there offered. He also stopped drinking and lost 60 pounds!
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Kudos to your H. H will have his second knee replacement in July if oncology approves and then, fingers crossed, I will feel more like a retiree and less like a nurse.
It is a beautiful day here. Nice walk with the dogs. I’ll drive H to PT, then I’ll head to Pilates. I guess I’d better pick him up, too!
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Phipps Conservatory, Duquesne Incline, and National Aviary are on another day.
We are hitting a lot on each day.
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Oh man, here’s something I don’t know if I want to do in retirement. 
My nieces’s fiance asked me a few months ago if we could celebrate her birthday at our house. I assumed it would be just family members (maybe 7-9 people). He just texted and said there were 30. Last time I had a party for that many people it was difficult and stressful and I said never again. And does he think I’m providing the food and drink?
Then there’s the liability issue because I know there will be heavy drinking. We live on the water, there are many, many stairs (some in need of repair), so there is risk, even if we fix them. I love my dear niece very much, but this seems overwhelming and risky to me. I want to say yes, but this seems like so much stress. What would you guys do?
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If you don’t want to do it, just say no. If it’s about the size of the party, say you’re happy to host for no more than X, otherwise they need to find another venue. And, if you do decide to host for the number you’re comfortable with, ask what the fiancé’s plan is for food/drink beyond what you’re willing to provide.
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Problem is, I had already said yes when I thought it was just family. Now that I start thinking of stairs, alcohol and the potential of people doing dumb things in the water, I’m getting worried. I think I’m going to wait till my husband comes home and if he blows, I can blame it on him.
No problem. Just explain that you thought he was asking just for family and were fine with X attendees, but if the party exceeds that number, then you aren’t comfortable and have to decline. Honesty works best.
(Clearly, I have no problem being blunt. 
)
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The fiance may have asked this because you have the water accessible. I always found in these situations blaming it on my self is much more likely to be accepted.
For example- I don’t know what I was thinking. The more I think about it the worse it is. I feel awful about this but I just don’t think I can do it and I hope you understand.
Just remember the more you give details of why, the more it opens up negotiations or rationalizations.
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If I was to be completely honest, I’d say, what? I thought it was just family, who don’t care whether I clean my house or have mouse traps in my kitchen, not a boat load of people that I don’t know, that are gonna get drunk and sue me when they trip down the stairs!
I don’t want to put a number on it, because people don’t stick to that. All of a sudden an extra 20 people show up, and of course you aren’t gonna turn them away!
I agree that the sooner you are honest with niece the better, so she can find a new venue. Your place sounds very dangerous for heavy drinking and just tell her so.
We are having a small gathering on Sunday—two of my 5 sibs and their spouses plus the nieces and all attached to one of the sibs. The other sibs generally do things with their in laws and my other sister is having brunch with her clan (6 gkids & her kids & their spouses). I like keeping things smaller—just less chaos.
Told them all what I’m making and will see what any choose to add. I’m making prime rib (because it’s pretty easy with Paula Deen foolproof method).
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Sounds a fun get together for your family!
Actually, I think this a surprise party for my niece, so I’m guessing she doesn’t know.
You don’t know me. 
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Yes, the water is likely the draw. Boating and water toys sound fun to people, but for us being responsible for so many (who may be drunk) on a day when the lake will be crowded, is pure stress.
I see your point about not giving too many details, because that does open it to negotiation. And I don’t know that I want to apologize, because I thought it was just family, an entirely different deal, so I wasn’t actually agreeing to anything goes.
I’m thinking best to just say our house is too risky for large groups of people, and I thought he had meant just family. Plus, my high school reunion is that day anyways, so hopefully he can find another venue.
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Well @busdriver11 — the sooner you tell the organizer, the sooner they can regroup and find a more appropriate venue. Honestly, it’s not doing anyone a favor to have an unsafe venue for a heavy-drinking event where people could get badly injured (or worse).
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Assuming you want to do it, I would tell them the ground rules.
- Alcohol is fine, but you’re taking car keys.
- No one goes into the water.
- I’m sure you have a personal liability/umbrella policy to cover problems.
- Since the party has grown to 30 people, I’d say it’s pot luck and/or ask for $25/head or whatever and that includes the cost of a cleanup crew and/or kitchen help, if not pot luck.
Alternatively, let your husband blow it up.
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You’re assuming I might want to have a party for 30, with only two of whom I actually know. 
I don’t want to supervise, take adults car keys (this is a 40th birthday), and I definitely don’t want anything to do with food responsibility. I’m realizing this is a potentially really bad situation. Shoot, just coming down our driveway is dicey.
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Hey, you can throw us under the bus. Say you discussed this with some friends and realize that having a big party, beyond just the family you originally envisioned, is really stressing you. Friends encouraged you to reconsider…
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Thank you, friends!
I just texted the denial, and it felt good. My husband came home and said wow, 30 people? And then told me how he just fell through one of the stairs that collapsed. And he’s a skinny guy, around 140 pounds. We don’t have the time to fix it all.
Great advice from my friends. It’s all your fault.
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