I think those of us here fortunate enough to be able to live life in retirement ‘well’ - have choices based on desires in retirement and not saddled down with tremendous family needs (like raising grandchildren).
This gift article should open up. Can read with gratitude that your family has evaded landmines.
My Parents Expected to Be Retired. Instead, They Are Raising My Sister’s Kids. - The New York Times
I simply can’t imagine raising grandchildren. I can barely keep up as it is. Last week we had a significant storm with hail and wind and unfortunately got some water in our basement. H is having a tough time so wasn’t much help, but I did the best I could at making sure things were dry and the basement got dried out.
Today was a tough day of errands and appointments. Over the weekend I started going through our basement of boxes which were everywhere, thanks to moving them quickly when we started getting water in. Some things are ours, others are Mom’s. Lots of photos of people I do not know on my father’s side. I can already tell that figuring that puzzle out will be a research project!
Last night we watched the new Stanley Tucci series on exploring Italy. We are also catching up on movies, so watched “A Complete Unknown” which I didn’t think I’d like but actually really enjoyed.
My son in law is 30. He has sisters in their late 20s. And then a brother who is 12. I always say that this is too long to be actively parenting. His parents have plenty of money. And there is no trauma playing into it The 12 year old is a good relatively easy kid . But you can tell the parents are kind of beaten down by doing this so long.
IMO it is ok to determine that raising a child when you are older than average is not for you….but it is not ok to put an age limit on parenting for others.
Being very truthful and honest I would have totally been ok starting from scratch again with a child even at 50. I’m been lucky enough to (so far) feel very energetic. I do agree (for me) that at some point it would be sort of selfish of me to do that though as a high school graduate would have a senior citizen parent. There are worse things in life!!
I know of a few people who are raising grandchildren. They are more acquaintances than friends. I don’t know the specifics but know both are doing this because they love their grandchildren. One I see has gone back to work.
My daughter has a good friend who was raised by her paternal grandparents. She feels thankful and lucky that they took care of her when it was clear her parents could not. She has half siblings who aren’t so lucky.
We are on a three week holiday. Husband not quite retired but blue to get away more.
I agree, but I do worry about health problems, especially for women having babies later in life.
Being older, having a child struggling with addiction who also has children, making the decision to formalize your parental relationship to your grandchildren - that is a lot of emotional pain that can spread to all of your family. I spent a lot of time on my grandparents’ farm when I was a toddler - Dad was in school and Mom worked, so I frequently spent weeks with my grandparents as they couldn’t afford childcare, I’m sure. Mom helped me with my children, but it was afterschool care. Expanding your family when you’re 40 - 50, more power to you! But taking over your troubled child’s family presents a completely different set of issues. I know I couldn’t handle it.
My co-worker and his wife raised two of his grandkids. I believe his D is bi-polar, struggled with addiction, and was in prison for some time. I think she is doing better now, but still struggles. My co-worker loved his grandkids to death. They were his pride and joy, but he mentioned often how hard it was physically. He is also a type 1 diabetic and had lots of complications from that to contend with. But both kids are now in their 20s and 30s and doing very well! My co-worker worked for 50 years at this job alone before retiring in his mid 70s. But I believe that was more due to having a purpose vs the $$$, though they definitely needed that too. (I miss him!)
I 
agree with circumstances like that it is a whole other ball game. And that often kinship parenting is not desired but the only avenue for the kids sake and sometimes at the hardship of the grandparents
It is quite common though and luckily a lot of communities have programs to help kinship grandparents navigate parenting in later life.
I believe I could deal with caring for an infant. A toddler, I’d need help! I think what I would do from the day the child was placed in my custody, is work on a plan for the future, thinking right away about people close to me and the birth parent(s) who might consider custody in the future after they were acquainted with him or her. From day one, so I could give all my attention to the child without worrying so much about the future.
My sister-in-law and her husband are raising his daughter’s 14-year-old son. It’s not easy raising a teenager and even harder when you are in your 60s.
I am happy I’m not raising grandkids though there are times when I wish my kids would produce one!
So far enjoying retirement. We just came back from three weeks in England. We spent one week in the Lake District hiking. The trip was organized by one of those companies that gives you an app with directions, books B&Bs and arranges for your bags to be move from one to the next. This particular trip was more relaxing as they had several hikes that were loops or you hike to one end of the lake and took the ferry back. We also spent time in Manchester, Liverpool, York and Durham and saw my kid (and his wife) who are in England currently. We’ve been doing these trips once or twice a year for the last few years and they are perfect for us now.
If you really liked the company/trip you did, please share the name.
Thanks
That article was illuminating for me.
I’ve talked about it before, one of our friends is helping raise their great! Grandson! He’s 5 now. The great grandparents have had this child at their home since he was very young. The child’s family life is pretty complicated and chaotic.
You do what you can, you rise to the situation. But dang my friend sounds tired
We have done three trips with Mac’s Adventures and have no complaints. There’s a facebook group where some have reported a glitch here and there. Ocassionally people are surprised if the paths are a bit overgrown (which happens on some of the less used trails.) Self-Guided Hiking & Biking Vacations | Macs Adventure
We used Hillwalks when we did Hadrian’s Wall and were also happy with them. They sent paper maps and descriptions instead of having an app. Which is definitely fine for that walk which is very wall marked. We’d use them again, but their walks didn’t fit our needs for length or location the last few times. My brother has used Hillwalk Tours for trips as well. https://www.hillwalktours.com/
We would not want to be the folks raising grandkids. I imagine we would not have the energy needed but we also are very engaged with our work. Like @mathmom we would be delighted if grandkids were forthcoming. But, if it were necessary, we would do whatever we had to. I’m guessing that we would have to hire a fair bit of help this time around.
Thanks, @mathmom! I recently retired and have been looking at tours, but I don’t know anyone who has used either of these companies.
We can also vouch for Macs Adventures. We did their Tour de Mt Blanc and also did back to back walks in Scotland, Great Glen Way and Highland way . Basically walked from Glasgow to Inverness via Ft… um fort something.
I wouldn’t actively choose to raise my grandkids, but if it were essential, I know I’d rise to the occasion. Thankfully it doesn’t seem to be necessary!
Same here. I wouldn’t mind watching a kid 2-3 days a week, but definitely not 5 days.
I want to enjoy my retirement if I ever get there.