My closest friends are people I’ve known for decades – mostly from HS. They don’t live here. Most of my local friends are pleasant but not really close. I think it’s me, though – I’m not easy to get close to, since I don’t trust people very much. I don’t share truly personal things with people I haven’t known for decades.
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This is a really good point of discussion . I’m sorry it’s an issue for you but I’m glad you brought it to the table for discussion.
I know you’re not alone.
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I am an introvert, and it has always been difficult for me to just “find friends.” I had parent friends when the kids were growing up, but those relationships faded as the kids grew up and moved on. I still have a few friends from childhood and college that I am close with, but they don’t live near me. I have a few friends I meet for lunch regularly, and I enjoy talking to one of my next door neighbors. know a lot of people at church, but I don’t have enough in common with them to hang out outside of church.
My H is part of a close knit group of his fraternity brothers, but they have developed interests that he isn’t cool with … he has no interest in gambling, and they include gambling in everything these days (taking all of the fun out of golf for H). In addition, several of them are vocal about their views and H is put off by that - he isn’t sure where their opinions began to diverge so much. It makes him sad. He still sees them, but he limits his interactions.
My good friend talks up her “active living” community in Florida, but it is too … I don’t know how to put it … maybe too competitive or too much like high school. It’s great for her and her H, but it’s not for us.
I’m not lonely, so I’m not concerned. But I know that being social is important as we age, so I am aware that we need to keep our options open as we get older. But I’m just a freshman-senior now, so I feel like I’m good for now.
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This ls essentially the same discussion we were all having in January! How to find social opportunities. I am taking myself to Yosemite next week and am looking forward to the socialization opportunities; there will be 24 of us. And probably good for husband and me to be apart for a few days anyway.
I am learning to embrace my selfish lifestyle. But am happy to meet with anyone who lands in San Diego!
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First, I love the “freshman senior” designation 
I think it’s tricky to make new friends, I agree. And I also agree that some people get super competitive about nothing. We went on a trip and were on a hike in a mixed group, and there was this one couple who treated it like a race. I’m not that fast, and even if I were, I wanted to look around and not have a rushing attitude anyway.
(My thing during travel is I hate to be crowded and I hate to be rushed. I have to put those aside sometimes for the real world.)
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p.s. In the vein of “freshman senior,” I’m on this thread because I’m Retirement Class of 2028 or so. In the CC manner, it’s the right time to work on the applications…
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We want to hear all about how your trip goes when you return! I admire you for doing it on your own.
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I actually learned that designation on another CC thread!
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You are bringing back fond memories of our 2023 trip to Japan. Those hotel buffet breakfasts were amazing! Though my favorite breakfasts were at a ryokan in Kyoto watching them make these exquisite dishes while we sat at the bar.
I’m typing this from inside my 21 ft travel trailer in the Sierra Nevada mountains. My in-laws have a 5th wheel and it’s very comfortable but big. Our 21 ft is comfortable and easier to fit in most campsites. One option I’m seeing in this campground is people getting a travel trailer rental dropped off and set up. No need to own or worry about getting into a tight campsite.
I’m now home. Cell service was weak so my post never went through.
My husband loves camping in our trailer. For him it’s an escape from his work stresses. It’s not my first vacation choice but I’ll admit the mountains and lakes were breathtaking.
If we did a cross country trip I think I’d get a sprinter type van and mix camping with hotel stays.
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Starlink has been a game changer for us in terms of willingness to go on an extended trip if we need to keep up with emails etc (and to watch our streaming shows in the evening).
DH’s aunt and uncle purchased something I believe similar to this, and the one thing they regretted was not getting the ‘slide outs’. IDK if they have ‘improved’ on slide-out operations – in the past some have had trouble with the electric mechanism for slide out working (as I have heard from someone with a big camper and big slide-outs).
Don’t have my DH on the page of having a RV camper or pull-along, and tabling it for quite a while. Move to where DD1/SIL/Gkids are once the shoe drops with SIL transitioning out of Army and into FT job, hopefully around April 2026 is when we would put our home on the market (if we get it ready). Slowly getting motivated and working our way through our ‘treasures’ and also getting the clutter out. I have a lot of ‘ways’ to let go on my schedule, reduce what I am committing to, attending less area functions that I enjoy but I have to ‘let go’.
DH is on his fishing trip with two brothers (camping and canoeing, primitive camping with dug latrine hole and campfire location (Boundary Waters). They will do no portaging. Right now doing some odds and ends - and his hometown (Prairie du Chien WI) is having their annual Rendezvous which is a big flea market and other activities (SW corner of WI). His one brother and he are doing a few fix-it tasks at the house before heading to brother’s place in LaCrosse WI. They stay one night at other brother’s place and put in the water Sunday.
My parents rented one of those that folds out and can sleep a decent # of people. One of our few family vacations (dad worked in construction and was paying off the purchase of the company when grandpa died in a car accident five years earlier) - their good friends had a big RV and a boat/recreation toys, and we camped together for a week at Hatfield WI (population 50 year round, 5,000 in the summer so the sign said). We had great weather and relaxing good time.
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My bil bought a sprinter van as a pandemic purchase.
It’s nice. I find it a bit claustrophobic but it’s nice as a contained place and is easy to go off grid.
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“Love the one you’re with” is the first thought that came to mind.
I do think you might keep trying different groups/organization, and getting in different circles can perhaps have you come across a few special people.
Two of my special people have moved away, not far but moved away. One couple built their retirement house on somewhat rural property while they sold their local house and moved into an apartment while he continued to work. But he has cancer and after some months had to retire. He seems to be somewhat winning the battle, but prognosis is not great. He was in Vanderbilt Hospital, and I was going to visit him, but the nutritional port situation was not going to work, but now they are extending him at Vanderbilt through tomorrow (and going ahead with trying to get the tube feeding line going - I believe it was more small intestine but she removed that post so I don’t recall the details) so I will call and see if they want me to visit. Family will most likely go tomorrow (or when he is back home). If DH was here, he probably would go with me, but he is not a hospital visit kind of guy and avoids uncomfortable situations as much as he can do so. For example, one of the few times he has been along with me to my sister and her husband’s home and while we are in retirement he spent way more time with BIL than he ever wanted to tolerate. DH strongly dislikes BIL due to how he treated my parents. When we left after that last visit, he said he never wants to visit them again, and I am perfectly fine with that.
The other couple, she and I shared a breast cancer journey, and they are a delightful couple. Her husband had a major brain event (I believe a brain bleed by the stem of his brain) and now is experiencing some other issues, Parkinson’s and Dementia from what I can gather. They have moved to be close to their daughter/family and UAB Hospital where he has the specialists and treatments he needs. They had 6 grandchildren grow up near them while they lived here 17 years, and that was a blessing. I do want to make a trip to see them when that can work out, maybe again while DH is on his fishing trip.
We are slowly telling people about the likeliness of our move from AL to TX. How much we keep up with people electronically and with Christmas mail, who knows.
Thinking about a trip to NC, SC to see some friends before we move further away. I would go solo, as one is a GF (the primary reason for the trip) and DH would not enjoy the visit. He would have an OK time, but GF and I would not get the quality time girl chat visit. She came here twice, once when DD1 was two, and for DD1’s HS graduation in 2012. Our friendship goes back to high school days, when she was a junior and I was a senior – she was in State and Nationals with DECA with me, and that is how we became friends - from different WI cities.
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I’ve also found it hard to keep former friends when older. Lives move in different directions, and the spontaneous and repeated opportunities are fewer. Their lives also expand as their family expands, so not as many older adults are seeking connections – not because they don’t want them, but because they already have them. As we’ve aged, many long-time friends have moved. Grandchildren take up so much of their time. Some died.
We’re hoping to find a community with an active senior center. Other new members are probably in the same situation. However, it still requires a push to invite a stranger to meet for coffee, or dessert (much harder as an introvert). Even with effort, or like-minded individuals, it will rarely (ever?) replace those life-long friendships which share a common history.
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I quit one of my volunteer positions this week, which was scary but it had become unsatisfying and an obstacle to things I want to do. It’s weird because the first 18 months I was “retired” I was helping take care of my Dad and now my mom is well managed by my siblings and me; I feel like I am really “retired” for the first time and I am not quite sure what I want to do with my free time. Not as bad a feeling as I thought it might be.
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We have some people in our age ‘bracket’ that are like others have found – lives moving in different directions and differing needs/wants/opportunities for connections.
I try to guide some of the people that need a little friend nugget of information - one woman moved into an independent living/assisted living community and has a whole house left with furniture and stuff. She has taken everything she needs/wants. I am sure the house looks very organized, but a realtor could suggest what needs to be done before listing. Her DD is who guided her to this move, but this woman is ‘waiting’ for the cues from DD on the next step. DD works a very busy professional job, and who knows what her timeline is, but now is the best time to put a house on the market, while people are looking. Now also is warning signs with so many moving to our area with federal jobs the house inventory is going to really drop - so people are most wanting to move into our great school district/smaller city as well. Encouraged this lady to broach the subject with DD and also maybe contact a few realtors to do a market analysis and walk through on her home with or w/o DD.
Maybe someone has already posted this - Another idea to meet people is through on-line apps.
I know a woman in her 30s who moved back to the area after years away, and apparently bumble (however you spell it) has a section for making friends as opposed to dating. She’s made at least one good friend through it. It looks like there’s one called WYZR for older adults. There are probably others too. Meet-up groups are another option.
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I know many folks are not interested in church these days. But… I do want to mention that I’ve seen many retirees new in town join our church (we are an older, liberal-leaning congregation). They seem to have made some good new friends.
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