I’m thinking about going back to church - I left just before the pandimic but watch the sermon on TV every week. I did not grow up with adult Sunday School and I just feel somewhat out of place in them, not that I’m not treated warmly it’s just hard to be the “new kid in school” again. Growing up in the military I moved every 2 years and was always playing catch up to find a group to fit in with. Anyway, I’m thinking about it. My husband goes every week because he works in the video broadcast but I don’t like sitting in church by myself. I keep saying “next month.” I’ll post if I ever do.
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We have a fair number of retirees moving into our area with children/grandchildren here, or they have this as their last military assignment. Some military service people have come through here and come back after retirement. I met a couple at Palm Sunday service – we got there on time for regular service but needed to get there earlier when a lot more Catholics come to service. So we squeezed into a pew in the middle seats that were available. We were able to talk to the couple next to us on the way out and also stopping in the vestibule - they split their time 6 months here and six months in CO as their children/grandchildren are in both of these places (CO was their home state). This was their first time ‘settling in’ to the new place here, so they will have more familiarity at their next rotation here.
If there is a nearby University, they may have a continuing education program ‘OLLI’ Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. If they have this, there are some inexpensive short courses offered, membership is small (maybe $35/year), and they may have groups that travel. We have some serious travelers, and they arrange group trips through Road Scholar (formerly known as Elderhostel, in existence 50 years now). My local OLLI program is 25 years old. There are people that play cards regularly, Mai jong, some free things thrown in every few months, socials.
Also can learn things through NextDoor if that is socially active in your area. I look at that occasionally - our next door neighbor got a few good workers through there, and then we used them; if it got through our neighbor’s screening, it was a go.
I just sold a very small condo after a year due to a health issue. I am in a 4 month summer rental, sort of poised between possibilities. I have toured a few continuing care retirement communities and one that is just independent living with affiliated care agencies. One was really appealing to me with a positive vibe. Question is, am I too young (74)? And there are long waiting lists. In the meantime I don’t want to buy again. So…?
For 9 years I have been doing seasonal rentals because my home town (on the coast, touristy) only has airbnb’s at this point for rentals. Then I go to the city in the summer (professors’ condos) . My mother, who I cared for for 8 years, died two years ago and my brain finally comprehends that I do not need to be close to her geographically.
All three kids have partners now- a first- which also frees me up a bit. Only grand dogs so far. If there is a grandbaby I might want to move close. So still need to be flexible.
I might return to my coastal winter rental (year 9) but am thinking about other options. This summer I planned on some small trips to investigate other areas (that have rentals and rentals that are better priced.) I need tai chi (YMAA) and art, wood floors and windows I can open.
As I get older, familiarity seems to hold me- even the people in the drug store and post office! It’s scary to move somewhere else but after all, I have been doing it every summer for years. And I know that I can make friends via church, clubs, book groups, tai chi, art classes etc. but aside from the latter two I am not much of a joiner.
This period in life is confusing because we are not yet very elderly, many of us (yes I have some ailments), but we are also, many of us, not up to the same demands we had when we were younger. (Of course there are some very well known people my age who are accomplishing a lot, but that’s not me!) I just applied to the state U for a program that I honestly don’t feel up to yet need stimulation.
Kind of a long ramble. I am talking with a therapist who specializes in grief, older age groups, transitions. I wish she would tell me what to do next but that’s not how it works!
I find this all very confusing
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I find your post interesting.
i am 62 and thought by 74 I’d pretty ready for a CCRC. Maybe I won’t be? I mean, I feel energetic and in pretty good shape now, but mid-70s seems plenty “old” to me so at that point I’d want to slow down. Ot maybe I won’t? 
I wish I knew what the future holds. In a way, I feel like I will have done my time by then and be ready to kick back and do very little!
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@Youdon_tsay I visited my kid in Brooklyn this past week and we walked 35 miles in 5 days. The tai chi I do involves martial partnering 
That said I have 7 spinal fractures and some other stuff going on. Mixed bag. Most of the people in the CCRC’s I have visited are over 80. But of course they may have entered much earlier. The one closest to me said 82 is the average for entrance.
This is the dilemma, not old enough yet for a community, but not young enough to shovel, open windows, clean etc.
I do feel tired…some days I just read, watch movies and walk (left over routine from COVID) but am actually trying to do more (volunteering). Most of my friends are a bit older and quite active- one is very very active and just talking to her makes me tired. I have always been a bit lazy!
I honestly don’t think you are going to feel as old as you anticipate in your mid-70’s I think 70 is the new 50 or something like that.
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I wasn’t one of those hearts but I think I have said this before but that emoji is not a broken heart to me, it is a CARING heart. A heart showing empathy.
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That’s a lot of walking, girl! You sound in pretty good shape!
My parents lived into their 90s. I would say that I noticed a real slow down for my dad at about 80 and about 85 for my mom, after her bout with breast cancer. Dh and I are thinking that we want to get into a CCRC BEFORE we need one. One guy described it as “I want to get in the shop before my check engine light comes on!” That’s why we are kind of thinking 75-80, so that we can get in somewhere before we really need it or a crisis forces our hand. I’d like to be really active in a CCRC and exercise and play card games and watch movies. Can you tell I never lived in a dorm? I’m trying to be optimistic about it all.
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A clear direction will at some point present itself to you. The community you like with the waiting list - try to gain some perspective on how quickly they work through the waiting list every year. These communities do have screening (did they complete screening to get you on the waiting list, and do they screen again when they accept someone off the waiting list?) It sounds like you buy in now with being on the wait list and they accept you off the wait list when they have your unit available. I agree you don’t want to ‘buy in’ unless you want to be there ‘for sure’ once a unit is open for you. Do some people take themselves off the wait list and get their funds returned? I would make sure everything this CCRC offers and promises will be intact between your buy-in and when you actually move in (how do you do this in that state and location – find out from reputable sources or hire a lawyer to go over the contract - one in elder law).
I also was a caring heart.
DH was really ‘on the fence’ with our big move projected to perhaps happen in 2026 - selling the home we built, and we have lived in this area since 1983. DH turned 69 today and I turn 69 in October. DH is realizing this is going to be the ‘right time’ on this big move. I am planning to spend 3 weeks or so in TX, driving my vehicle, leaving it there and flying back. When we come at Christmas - New Year’s with DH’s vehicle, we can drive both back if that is what seems the best thing to do. We can see how well DD1/SIL/5 grandkids are doing.
You have done the ‘hard work’ with the flexibility and having more minimal ‘stuff’ over your 9 years of seasonal rentals, caring for your mom for 8 years, and all the adjustments over your last two years.
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We are at a ryokan on the coast. We had to cycle over a mountain pass to get from one side of the island to another. This is as far as the road goes. We had to cycle for lunch to a placegood. called Bistro Paysan, where we had pizza with little fish and arugula and a half-cooked omelette over earthy rice. Both dishes surprisingly Dinner will be kaiseki so many courses of food that we can’t identify.
Then we are going to an onsen in the mountains. I didn’t realize when we booked it that taxis here are a fortune. $300 for a 2.5 hour ride. And many will not go out of their area and/or will charge for the return ride.
We have learned a lot about how to organize a trip if we did it again.
And, speaking of the non-retirement, I have 5 calls at the onsen in the mountains. I batched them and will spend good parts of the day on the phone.
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Wow—the short taxi rides are quite reasonably-priced in Japan. We caught them whenever we had luggage. They were often $10US or so. The most I think we paid was $20-30Us to go between hotels for 4 of us but splitting the bill it was still pretty reasonable. When we went further distances we caught train, subway or bus.
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It costs us $100 to get an Uber to the airport in NY and it is usually less than an hour so that seems quite reasonable to me. Ditto for charging for return trip.
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I grew up in the Foreign Service with frequent moves. I think it’s easier to make friends when others are in the same boat. I think religious organizations can be a great way to meet like minded people. Unfortunately I like the beliefs of mine, but I find most of the people really boring. I’ve found a good crowd with the Healthy Yards folks in my area.
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My parents were probably about your age when they decided where they lived wasn’t working for them anymore. They moved to the town where one of my brothers lived. Original plan has been to move to assisted living but didn’t find much they liked. They signed up for one with a long waiting list but every time they got to the top of the list they decided to stay put in the house they bought as temporary. When my father passed away my brother and his wife decided it would be better for my Mom to live with them than in assisted living. That’s what ended up happening and I think it worked out for the best.
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My opinion…don’t wait too long to move to a new community. My in-laws moved to very robust CCRC with tons of activities and amenities, and things to do. But they never made a circle of friends. They never really had a huge circle of friends, but they were involved in their church and some activities their community association had in their previous home.
They were close to 80 when they moved. FIL did things in the community but MIL never did take advantage of all it had to offer. We all often wonder if they might have done better there if they had moved when they were younger.
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I think it depends on what you make of things.
My mom has been in two different independent living places.
She’s not outgoing and is the person who wants others to make overtures to her.
So it’s a tough transition, it’s who she is. And she’s definitely not going to change.
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I got “the call” a week and a half ago that my dad and his wife were both in the hospital at the same time (different issues) and then released home when neither could care for themselves much less each other. Dad’s wife’s sister came in for the first week, then my brother flew in to AZ from FL, and I returned from ME. We’ve spent the last week arranging for them to go into AL in a lovely place about a mile and a half from their house so they can continue with their church/friend community. They think this is temporary, and we’re letting them continue with that magical thinking because reality will eventually prove otherwise.
They’re both 89 and have been living independently up ‘til now and keep saying, “I can’t believe this is happening to us.” They are basically helpless right now while they recover, but they are never going to be safe again in the house and neither should drive again given their (new) mobility issues. The place they are moving to is like a senior Club Med land cruise, so we think that after a couple of months they’ll like it and not be as eager to return to the house. My dad has hinted that maybe it’s time to sell the house for a condo, so we just hope we can get them to put it up for sale sooner rather than later as carrying both the house and AL is unnecessarily expensive.
My brother and I asked my dad and his wife outright what their plan was for a time like this when they could no longer live unassisted. Answer: “We never thought this would happen to us.” And I replied, “Why? Because the laws of physics cease to exist under your roof? Wishful thinking is not planning, and your lack of planning has caused this emergency. This is all on you. Brother and I are here to get you comfortably situated into AL, and we’ll evaluate month to month, but you need to face the fact that this is probably your new home.”
Old people. Sheesh.
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I’ve said this elsewhere, but I’ll chime in again as I feel it’s so important!
My folks moved to their community a couple of years before they had thought they would (their number rose to the top on the waitlist for an apartment that they really wanted, and if they dropped their name back down, who knew when an apartment that was like that one might become available again).
They didn’t “need” to move to that community at all yet (especially as they lived in a home that was fully accessible), but they chose to as one of my parents can’t live independently if something happened to the other, and with the odds of that rising each year, they decided to move so that the parent that can’t live independently would be completely taken care of and could continue to have a full life there if that happened.
BEST DECISION EVER.
Moving is hard. Downsizing significantly in the process of moving is even harder. Getting a house ready to sell. Making all the decisions, handling all of it (even though they had movers) involved a huge number of tasks and energy.
When they moved in around 7 months later, they were energetic and ready to jump in to becoming part of the community—making friends there, having people over for dinner, and going on walks and doing all the things one does to feel like you really belong.
They are in their early 80s now, and their friends who were feeling good, who were healthy and active (exactly how my parents felt 6-7 years earlier), are now in their early 80s and are struggling mightily with the immense tasks that lay ahead of them. The downsizing of their belongings, getting their home ready for sale, making all these decisions, figuring out all the options…it’s all nearly too much. And it’s impacting their health.
While my folks had some initial wistfulness around leaving their former home, they are so glad that they moved when they did.
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$300 is a very reasonable fare to me for a 2.5 hour ride, especially as the taxi driver has to turn around and drive 2.5 hours back.
Where are you headed?
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I’m one of those old people.
I’m 76, very active, very healthy, and I have my head up my – well, in the sand as to what might happen to DH and me. DH is not so active or healthy.
I attended a presentation for a “continuing care community.” You pay an amount depending on your age to become a member – I didn’t think the cost was at all outrageous – and then you pay a monthly fee. If/when you need help, you can have help in your home, or you can move to their facility (about 25 minutes away) for whatever you need. I found the monthly costs to be high.
On the other hand, a good friend who is 88 has been paying into this for years. She has had two surgeries that required home health care afterwards; she received it at no cost. And her husband, who recently died at age 94, was in the facility for 15 months, also at no cost.
What do you all think? Should we do it?
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How much is it and how will it fit into your budget? How financially solvent is the organization? It’s awesome if you can get help when you need it in your home or in a facility. That’s what many fear and can be very expensive when the person/family is already in crisis.
The communities around here require you to live in them rather than they coming to your home. Each community has it’s own rules and costs.
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