We surely all have our own opinions but the whole idea of “wait a year before making any big decisions” COULD apply to some people but SHOULD it apply to all? I say no - we don’t know circumstances of the remaining spouses life (health, financial, family, etc.). To me this makes as much sense as the mother of the groom should “shut up and wear beige”.
I truly know nothing more about this person than they are undertaking this adventure. I’m sure I or anyone will learn more by following her. I just thought it was a fun thing to bring to this thread. I love hearing/watching other people’s unconventional life journeys.
If she comes back in 90 days saying “good riddance” to France, that’s fine too. This is her game to play and she is just allowing others to go along for the ride.
(I think potentially she is a writer of some sorts. Perhaps there is a story, blog, book, substack, journal to be written).
I love the idea, just the red tape! One of my favorite German podcasts is about people who emigrated from Germany to other places around the world. So you get to hear about all these different places, the lives of people, what the communities are like, positives/negatives, challenges they overcame, etc. It’s designed to inspire and help others do the same.
My favorite episode was about this German airplane engineer. Since he was a kid, he wanted to be a truck driver. He was fascinated with them, but became an engineer. But then one day he decided he really wanted to be a truck driver… so he taught himself using a simulator. Then he flew to El Paso (I think), bought his own truck, drove it to Manitoba Canada, and now works as a truck driver. He says he is living his absolute dream!
Most people are younger with families though, and they go everywhere around the world.
David Lebovitz frequently writes about the challenges of being an American living in France. His latest newsletter explored the challenges of renewing/obtaining his identity card. I think it sounds like a marvelous adventure. If it doesn’t work out, come back to the US.
I knew within 6 months after H died that staying in this house was not viable for me. I love the house, but the maintenance, yard work etc. is not my thing and it overwhelms me. Even paying to have things done requires management I don’t want to do. The one year thing is very individual.
I’ve heard the one year rule many times. And honestly I’ve taken it as permission for the widow/widower to procrastinate on decisions about the next steps. Of course if somebody is keen to move, that’s fine too.
While my house is too big, I’m still pretty happy here. It’s a good home base for a lot of travel. Some day I will move, but I don’t know where or when.
Early on, I had a real estate agent give an appraisal and worked with my CPA to look at what the Capital Gains taxes would be if I sold before or after the 24 months from death point. For some people selling before 24 months may be helpful for their finances.
My husband is hell bent on dying in this house. It is a fine plan, and I love our place. But if I’m widowed before he is, and while I still have energy, I’ll move to where I can garden year round. And where the grandkids would want to visit!
I won’t want to stay in this house alone if dh dies, but selling it and moving feels simply overwhelming so I could see staying here out of analysis paralysis and buying a dog.
Life changes and adventures
Should not and were not intended by me with the post above about a window to be ABOUT or APPLYING to widows. I want to make that clear. To me, it was honestly about a woman in her 60s taking this leap. She could be single, she could be leaving for only 3
Months - whatever.
I am eligible for UK citizenship through my mom. My sisters and I have talked often about moving, but we have husbands and children and grandogs and grandcats and it wouldn’t work.
We did 7 weeks in continental Europe last fall, and I’d love to spend even more time overseas, if not for the aforementioned children and granddog.
Should GB rejoin the EU, I’d get citizenship in a minute in order to spend more time “away”.
My mom followed the “1 year rule”; she had a 14 yo and a 17 yo and a business to run when my dad died, so home it was. She traveled, but she never adventured, even though it was adventure that brought it her to the US.
I think sometimes the world at large calls, and you just have to go. You can always come home.
I admire those that adventure for long time periods. I can definitely see the attraction. I have DEEP roots here—all my 5 sibs and most of their kids live on our island, but yes exploring can be very exciting!
It’s no secret that if DH goes before I do, the AZ house will be on the market before the body gets cold, and I will re-locate to the cabin in Maine where I will take my time looking for that isolated lighthouse where I can live with the cats I’ve yet to acquire.
I’m not sure what I will do if H dies before me. I love our home and neighborhood & neighbors but our condo will be easier to maintain & is more walkable. Hopefully it isn’t a decision that will have to be made for a long time.
Mom not only followed the one year rule, she remained frozen in time. That is not the kind of life I want. @abasket, thank you for sharing Kathy’s adventure. I’ve read a number of articles in the NYT regarding Americans who relocate to France and the challenges (and the joys) they’ve encountered. I wonder what made her decide on that area of France.
If my wife passed before me I’d have to hold onto the house for a few years just to let my adult children acclimate. They don’t live with me, or even near, but would have a harder time adjusting if they lost their mother and I sold their childhood home right away. Plus, I’d need time to relearn how to sail because I’d be moving into a boathouse on the lake, lol.
When we were first started considering selling two weeks ago (we thought that we’d have to make a decision quickly, but that time has pased), both boys made clear how difficult selling this house and cutting ties to their hometown and home state would be for them. Of course, THEY’VE moved on! lol But bless their hearts. I do love that they love coming home and feel so warmly about this place.
One of the great traumas of my life was when I left for my freshman year in college on Sept 14 and my parents moved on Sept 17. Going home was never going “home.”
My older kid hasn’t lived here since 2003, and my younger one hasn’t lived here since 2015. Both are well established where they live now. If I moved, it would be to a smaller, more manageable home for me. If it was in a different town, there are always Airbnbs to rent.
I don’t expect to live in this house forever just because it’s where my kids grew up. There is one who works sort of local. She can buy the house if she wants to…when the time comes.
It is a fine plan, and I love our place. But if I’m widowed before he is, and while I still have energy, I’ll move to where I can garden year round. And where the grandkids would want to visit!