My kids moved out in 2006 and 2008 for college and haven’t “lived” here except for a year during covid. Nonetheless, they still are quite proprietary about THEIR rooms and S expects it to be the way he leaves it. D is more flexible and happy to let us have hers be the exercise room. Haha! There would definitely be an adjustment if we sold this place since they lived here since they were 2 & 4 years old.
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We still live in the home that our kids grew up in. We have remodeled since they moved out so they no longer have their rooms. Our kids loved growing up here, but they would understand when the time comes for H and I to sell the house.
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In 2022 we moved from the house we had lived in since our kids were 7 and 2. They both made trips home to see the house “one last time”. They were a bit sad about us leaving but completely understood.
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Our kids know our plan is to sell and move away when we retire. Older S has no ties here, but I could see him being quietly sad but understanding. Younger S has a super strong friend group, but he’s tied to them as people more than this place. The gang got together in their new city this past weekend for a big birthday bash.
Originally we said we wanted someplace colder, and preferably for me in the mountains. The alps are perfect! But the closer we get and the thought of grandkids make me hesitant to be too far away from them. I know I don’t want to move to older S’ planned new city and younger S’ we can’t afford. Our house is halfway between, so maybe we will stay longer? I’d hate that though. I’m ready for a change, as is H
But if something happened to H, I could definitely see me traipsing off to Germany and living for 3 months just because. And then maybe even doing it 6 weeks every year, picking someplace new and just being by myself exploring. But with the day I had today, H probably ought to be planning to live without me. He would likely stay put because he wouldn’t know how to make it happen without the kids doing it for him.
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I agree. Worrying about what my kids think when I am that age will be quite low on the list.
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My wife and I can’t wait to downsize. I have no qualms about selling my children’s childhood home. I watched my folks not do things in retirement and watched my my age in place after my dad died. I do not want that for myself nor would I want that for my wife. If jobs would work for us we would move now, but we still have at least 9 years in the workforce and it makes sense to stay in the location we are at currently. But for certain we will not retire in the city/area we live in currently. And the kids won’t play a role in that decision. This might sound a little bad but I am not putting things off for the sake of my kids. They are adults and need to live their life. I will say this comes from a person who left his hometown right after college(college was away from hometown as well) and never looked back. I settled 800 miles away from my folks. I have one kid that is 500 miles from us and the other is still TBD.
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@abasket, with respect to Kathy the Wandering Widow, we rented a houseboat for three winters in Sausalito. Same country but other coast. It was a great adventure. Not quite as ambitious as leaving everything behind
I’m starting my latest adventure in my dotage. I’m exhilarated. Three colleagues from three countries and I are co-founding a new venture – a product develop platform company with its first product spinning into a new company that is designed to solve one of the world’s most pressing problems. We’ve been working on this for roughly 1.5 years. The first company is audaciously ambitious because of the scope and novel business model. We’ve been floating the idea at reasonably high levels of business and some in government and no one laughs us out of the room.
@FallGirl et al., with respect to moving, we moved 6 years ago. We asked our kids if they would be sad if we moved from the house in which they lived from ages 5 and 2. Both said not at all. ShawSon said they had great memories of their lives but didn’t need the house or their rooms to keep their memories. And, they both love coming to the new house.
ShawWife and I are planning to live in the new house until death and are planning to go out Thelma and Louise style. But, if she died before me, I guess I’d reconsider as there is a lot of maintenance and she is good at it and I’m not. But, if ShawD (and hoped-for family) moved in, I think it could be ideal.
I do wonder about what would happen if we added a Florida house and then one of us died before the other. ShawWife’s mom has kept their Florida house for 25 years after her husband died. This may be her last year, but she really thinks living there in the winters has not only extended her life but improved her quality of life.
On the adventure side, I asked ShawWife if she would consider Panama instead of Florida. Years ago, I had an offered to teach at a business school in Barcelona but she vetoed it – she is just not very good at languages. There is a relatively larger percentages of English speakers in Panama than a lot of places. But, we have lots of our friends because of ShawWife’s talent, warmth, gregariousness and especially generosity. Not clear if that would work as well if she needed to do a lot in Spanish.
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Our kids come back for holidays and local festivals and sometimes just to chill for a week. They seem to think we’ll always live in this 5 BD, 4BA house with an upstairs we don’t even use! When we’ve casually mentioned downsizing to a condo (but still in the same city), they immediately protest. I think we’ll be ready to downsize in about 5 - 7 years. The kids will get over it.
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Our kids will be welcome to take anything of the contents of our house when we decide to move. But they won’t be part of the selling house decision unless one of them wants to buy the house.
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That’s likely our timing. But to learn how strongly they felt gave us permission to stay put, which is really what we wanted to do anyway. DS1 and his wife come here at least every Christmas because all hits friends come home for Christmas so there is a lot of meeting up with friends and now spouses and in one case twins! But eventually all these kids’ parents will move or die and things likely will change. But we really do love our home. We qualified for more house when we bought, and we could’ve been in a more upscale neighborhood, but we bought a 3/2/2 and never upsized so don’t need to downsize, and I love backing to the greenbelt. We are happy to stay put for now.
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Our son left for boarding school at 14 and never really came home again for any contiguous length of time (because Army). We moved to our current house during his senior year of HS, and I remember telling him over that Christmas holiday that he needed to pack up anything in his room that he wanted us to move because we’d be in the new house before he came home again for spring break. He said that everything he valued was in his room at school and would come home with him at graduation so do whatever we wanted with what was in his old room. That kinda broke my heart. I kept all his books and boxed up the few things that held sentimental value to me, but that was it. He didn’t care about our address. I guess he’s just internalized the words we’ve always had on our walls, “Wherever We’re Together, That’s My Home.”
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I use this phrase with my kids and with others when making decisions about our home (we sold their main childhood home 2ish years ago) whether it be what we live in or how we arrange the house or our lives.
“90+%of the time it’s just dad and I here. We are going to make decisions on what works best for that 90+% of the time.”
We think about them and have space for them. I ask for input from them for the spaces they would use when here. But final decisions are from H and I (mostly me because he didn’t care) for what we like and how we live.
I am not going to get a double oven to accommodate 2 holidays of the year. I am not going to arrange a room for the sole purpose of company (kids or otherwise) who are here an average of 2 nights a month. That kind of thing. The 90+% rule.
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I think our kids know that we’ll strive to do whatever helps to keep us self-sufficient for the longest time. (LOL - still deciding what that might involve down the road. For now, we like it that our current house has a downstair den/guestroom with adjoining bathroom, shower too but teeny). By the way, that’s also how I justify my various splurges on pickleball and skiing fun… whatever it takes to Keep Me Moving 
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Keeping moving is one of the most important things you can do.
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My mil called my husband a couple of days ago.
She fell and broke her pelvis last summer. She was recently diagnosed with macular degeneration. She’s having some trouble walking.
Told my husband that it’s not fair because she’s always taken care of herself
My mil is 89 and 3/4 years old!
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My friends and I are starting to fall apart. One of my DH’s tennis partners (age 84) had a major stroke and died. His wake is today and funeral tomorrow. Another friend (age 72-ish) just reported she’s been in and out of the hospital all month due to a perforated colon. Another friend (89) shattered her shoulder slipping on ice and just had a shoulder replacement. Take care, everybody. It’s dangerous out there.
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My point was that even when you take care of yourself, the time will come when age catches up.
I personally think that my mil who takes very little medicine and has done things correctly, is in pretty good condition for an almost 90 year old.
She is slowing down. She also goes to the Y a couple of times a week. Has a pretty active social life. If she’s finally having some issues, she been pretty lucky so far.
Her son, my husband has more medical issues of which he has done nothing adverse to have them. Plain bad luck.
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That’s how I feel. My ob/gyn said that genetic testing shows that I have an increased chance of breast cancer by 85. And i’m like, well, by 85 something’s bound to get you! My mom was one of the healthiest people I know and was diagnosed with breast cancer at 84. If I follow in her footsteps and have her quality of life up until that diagnosis and beyond, I’ll be really happy. She died a month shy of 92.
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My dad was very physically active ( walking, golf, gym) and was a very healthy eater. Drank one small glass of red wine every evening with dinner. He was very outgoing, friendly and social. Outlived many of his friends so he made friends with guys who were 20 and 30 years younger. Prostate cancer and genetic heart issues caught up with him and he died just short of 85.
Until the last few months he had a great quality of life. I think that’s very important.
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Like a poster above, we have a few friends who have had significant health issues recently. A 75 year old friend just had a stroke. She is in rehab…hoping for the best for her. Another friend had a serious heart attack…rebounded well. Definitely one of the healthiest people I have ever known. A teacher I worked with just had his fifth joint something done.
Everyday when I wake up, I’m grateful I can do the things I’m able to do!
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