<p>eastcoastcrazy – Highly amusing indeed.</p>
<p>QuietThinker – Get an emotional pick up by reading the “I worked hard, made good decisions and got accepted with great grant money” threads.</p>
<p>When I taught young children, we had to help the class process a tragedy. Often those tragedies weren’t random. For example, if I told you that “one of my student’s siblings died” you get one picture of “Life is unfair” or “Life can be sad.” </p>
<p>When I add this information, you get a more complete picture: the big brother died that day because at month’s end the Mom ran out of money. Having to decide between medicine and food for her entire household (that included her father…), she made a tragic and flawed choice. She scrimped on the child’s asthma prescription for a few more days. He died of asphyxiation. I thought, beyond unfair, life was “unjust” to this child. (ETA… Not unjust that the mother made the wrong choice, but unjust that she was pressed against the wall so hard she had to make such a choice.) </p>
<p>I sought counsel on how to guide the classroom of young children after 9/11. The social worker said, “Focus on the helpers.” Aside from the immenseness of 9/11 this is true for smaller events. When there’s a fire on the news, even one that takes lives, I try to comb the news footage for scenes of the firefighters and paramedics, nurses and doctors. They help and heal, and I’m very thankful for them. </p>
<p>I think that because life is unfair, and sometimes also unjust, it’s incumbent on us to give whatever time or resources we can spare to be part of the helping effort. It’s the only way to counter the reality, IMO, that life IS unfair, unjust, sometimes tragic.</p>
<p>There is a limit to the unfairness today in that we all grow old, lose our abilities, and die (or die before we grow old, which most would not believe to be better). Just think about a future world in which some grow old as we do while others can afford some sort of new medical therapies/treatments to stay young and healthy and live indefinitely, possibly even medically enhancing their intellectual and physical abilities along the way.</p>
<p>I think it’s sad that several posters jumped on the OP for complaining, when he/she made it clear the reference was not about him/herself, but looking at the plights of others.</p>
<p>I’ts weird that the assumption is everyone only complains for themselves, when clearly that’s not what this post was about.</p>
<p>I also think that as a whole, we are a fortunate people, and that, even here, some people are many times more fortunate than others. “fair” might not be the correct word, but to think that some don’t get much more misfortunate than others, for whatever reason, is disengenous.</p>
<p>For these reasons, two phrases I despise are “everything happens for a reason” and “whenever one door closes, another opens.” Those beliefs plainly ignore the lives of the very misfortune, who probably number in the millions, for whom no reason can explain their pain, nor for whom any doors are opening.</p>
<p>We can look in the paper any day and see unaccountable tragedy. Assuming it happens “for a reason” is so hurtful, in my estimation.</p>
<p>So, I appreciate the OP’s compassion, and that of others. And I agree with Mini, that privilege brings responsibility. And also with P3T’s wise post.</p>
<p>^ I also hate “everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes when something bad happens to me I wonder whether the reason is that I am on the wrong end of the pointed stick of evolution, i.e., that through this event I and my genes are being weeded out in the process of natural selection.</p>
<p>I recently visited the Newseum in Washington D.C. where there were Pulitzer Prize photographs and front new events for the past 100 years or so. Let me tell you, it humbled me and brought tears to my eyes. The amount of unfairness that there has been and continues to exist around the world, is overwhelming. The majority of photographs and exhibits were about sad and tragic events. </p>
<p>However, it made me thankful to live here., although, it is not free from unfairness but certainly much less than other parts of the world. Trust me, I have my list of complaints as well but try to put things and perspective. Though, sometimes it is hard and I get angry. Hopefully, we all have a chance in our lifetime to make something right, even if it is in a small way.</p>
<p>The only thing I ask in life is that all of my children outlive me. If I am so blessed, I will consider myself, well, blessed, and treated more than fairly.</p>
<p>“Life” may be unfair, but we (individuals, institutions, government) should be fair. That would leave the “unfairness” to things that cannot be controlled: illnesses, accidents, abilities, luck. </p>
<p>I think like another poster that being alive, having been born, is a miracle in and of itself.</p>
<p>My favorite expression: “Life is hard. Get a helmet.”</p>
<p>Life is hard</p>
<p>[and so is Bazooka Joe](<a href=“30 Rock- Bazooka Joe Gum Commercial with Stacy Keach.avi - YouTube”>30 Rock- Bazooka Joe Gum Commercial with Stacy Keach.avi - YouTube)
;)</p>
<p>It appears some on this thread are more fortunate that I. Life is SO unfair.</p>
<p>Wait a minute … my D just pulled into the driveway, and the sun’s coming out! Life is SO good!</p>
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<p>Zoosermom–yes. It’s been almost 40 years since my father died, but still one of my most vivid memories of his funeral is my grandmother, on the way there, saying how wrong it was to be burying a son, and hoping she didn’t live to do that again. She died a few years later; i’m sure that hastened her death.</p>
<p>What is fair? On this site almost everyone has food, a place to live, and access to education. Life is what you make of it. Nothing is perfect but frankly to bemoan the lack of “fairness” on this site to the people who inhabit this site is almost obscene.</p>
<p>Life is what you make it. Didn’t get into your dream school? You got into another school. What you accomplish with the education, with your opportunities is what counts. How you live and love makes defines your life.</p>
<p>A dear friend confronted her daughter’s whining about how unfair the daughter’s life was with this retort. “You want unfair? Try being a girl in India in the lowest caste. Then talk to me about unfair.”</p>
<p>Unless you want a world order of robots life will be “unfair”. Get over it.</p>
<p>Yes, life’s unfair. But it’s life. It’s how you use what you have that matters :). </p>
<p>After almost losing my father when I was 13 and watching my mom battle illness after illness, endure surgery after surgery, I will just be very grateful if they are able to come to my graduation next year. That’s my goal. I already lost my brother in law, lost my childhood best friend (well, technically in the process of losing him), and have a sister and other relatives that barely acknowledges my existence. My parents are about the only people I have left that have been there most of my life and I want to be at my graduation so they can see that this little girl actually accomplished something.</p>
<p>ETA: I am one of those kids you mentioned- ones with multiple issues on your list. I really hope no one ever feels sorry for me. I had a lot of people that felt sorry for me when I was younger and I hated it. All they wanted to do was coddle me. I’m glad I never gave in to that sorry feeling. This coddling works for some people but I’m definitely not one of them. I’m far too stubborn for that haha.</p>
<p>Ellebud–did you read the post??? Quietthinker didn’t say his/her life was unfair. Anywhere. He/she mourned the sad things that happen to OTHERS.</p>
<p>Why is compassion obscene??? :(</p>
<p>Of course life isn’t fair. But I dislike when that phrase is used in order to justify doing something wrong to someone.</p>
<p>I think if you and your family have good health, you are blessed and life is more than fair to you. All that other stuff does not matter.</p>
<p>Garland, my father died thirty seven yrs ago, before his own mother also. I’m afraid one of my most vivid memories of the service, is having various elderly women who I didn’t know sobbing into my shoulder. I didn’t handle it very well I’m afraid and I think I took off and went down to the beach. (what can I say, I was a moody teenager at the best of times)</p>
<p>One of my most vivid memories of when my eldest was born, was when my grandparents came to visit us in the hospital. ( I had a section & she was ill, so I was allowed to stay for 5 days) The sight of her, really threw my grandfather for a loop, and he barely could cling onto the doorway of my room.
Poor guy, but considering she was born 10 weeks early, had hemmoraged everywhere, had platelet transfusions, emergency surgery, but by the time he saw her, she actually was “out of the woods” ( or at least as much as you can say that about somebody who hadn’t regained their birth weight of 2lbs7oz), so to me she looked great!</p>
<p>Wow, how quickly things change. After a phone call with my best friend just now, I’m going to go for things really, really aren’t fair for some people. My best friend’s father was just paroled despite the fact that he has completed absolutely none of his required treatments. It’s on the news so now more or less everyone is going to know what happened to her (VERY distinctive last name even though her first name wasn’t released). What’s worse is that the media is contacting her because the prosecutor is fighting the release.</p>
<p>She finally got her life more or less together after a very, very tough childhood and adolescence and now this happens. She’s gone from barely graduating (she had to take night classes and graduated high school a year late) to being decently high up for her age at a restaurant. She’s even taking some classes at the local cc. This is going to significantly set her back.</p>
<p>I’m so angry right now. Sorry for the rant on here.</p>
<p>If we are even reading this, we are on the upside of the fair/not fair balance.
When I was diagnosed with stage IIB aggressive breast cancer with a preschooler, someone tried to tell me it “wasn’t fair”. Nope - not fair. I had full insurance, the world’s best husband, great kids, a comfortable home and extended family ready to help. The world isn’t fair but I really got the good end.
Maybe we all ought to be volunteering at high schools with kids who don’t know how to apply.</p>