<p>So, I’ve always been girl who is academics first. I’m on the university D1 track team, I have a desk job, I’m a science major, and I became an RA this year (my sophomore year). And as the semester is coming to a close I truly want to be able to optimize my academics while still being happy, and enjoying my relationship. However, as silly as it seems. I’m not sure how to do it.</p>
<p>My boyfriend lives in the caribbean (Tobago), and I only see him during the summer. However, we love each other more than ever. Freshman year I was able to do it all and Skype him for as long as I want cause I had a lot of time to always get my work done before I saw him.</p>
<p>This year my classes are way harder and I wanna always get ahead in my classes. However, sometimes when I try to Skype and do homework I get distracted and don’t do it. I mean, even though it’s not homework due for a week or so. Still! I don’t know if this is a matter of self control, and I’ve just gotta focus on the homework and if I really wanna see him power through. Or if I should use my phone to Skype him while I’m doing work on the computer to make him less of an on screen distraction? We used to Skype for at least 2 hours a night, but now I feel like maybe it should be limited to an hour but that makes me sad cause he is my only free time.</p>
<p>I don’t know if we should try silent skyping, where I turn his volume way down? I just wanna be able to see the love of my life nd get my work done? Or is this too impractical?</p>
<p>I’ve been in a long distance relationship for five years. This quarter I basically was at school all the time that we rarely ever saw each other, except for the weekends. I guess we’re just at this advanced stage in our relationship that it’s bothersome, but it’s understandable as we’re seniors in college. Next quarter will be worse and my last quarter will be pretty bad (24 units). She already went through the rat race of getting her graduate school materials ready and applying to them. I still have to get my stuff done. </p>
<p>When things weren’t so hectic what we usually did was I’d come home from school and we’d get on skype with each other. Usually we’d talk for a couple hours or watch something on Netflix together for a bit before doing some school work. I usually just left skype on when I did my work. If she wanted to say something she could. Honestly though she was the busybody since I am a huge procrastinator, but I don’t forsee any more procrastinating for this upcoming quarter. She’s president of this and that, sorority this and that, internship blah blah blah, and I’m…studying a hard major and had room for one internship last fall, but it didn’t take up a lot of my time. I guess if you can make 100K in 3 months off the stock market without putting too much time into it you are doing alright. </p>
<p>I’m actually at her school right now because I flew over here. We actually visit each other every break we get. I’m waiting for her to finish her painting final. </p>
<p>I understand as a student athlete it’s probably tougher to manage a long distance relationship. That’s something we’re not. However, it is possible to make time with all that craziness. Just find a way to manage your time really well. That’s what I’m going to be doing next quarter because it’s going to be literally insane for me as a math major to take 4 classes, audit a grad class, and then my last quarter before graduation take 6 upper-division math classes. My girlfriend has definitely communicated to me at times when it felt like we were stretched thin, even though she is technically doing more than I am. Just sit down and plan it out. That’s what ended up happening this quarter for me.</p>
<p>I have a long distance relationship (he lives in Europe). We took a break for a few months and stopped talking completely because I felt overwhelmed by my work and thought I should be looking for love at a closer distance. We ended up getting back together and I decided that even if I don’t Skype or chat him every day or for as long as I wanted, that I would at least take the time to send him some sort of message every day to let him know he was in my thoughts and I cared about him. </p>
<p>Just talk to your boyfriend seriously about this issue and ask him about his feelings. Let him know how much doing well in school means to you right now. Let him know that even though you may not be able to have long talks with him always, that you really love him and are willing to work things out and not give up on him. If he feels the same way about you, I feel like he would be understanding.</p>
<p>I’m not in any relationship but I don’t think you need to talk daily to keep the relationship. If you’re both in college then yall will be busy and find it hard to manage time esp with time zone differences.<br>
That’s understandable so maybe find a day or a few days of the week were you two agree to skype.</p>
<p>I myself was in a LDR and understand how difficult it is and how you want to really constantly see and talk to your s/o. However, let’s be realistic in saying that you should definitely put YOUR life – your grades, your work, your job which equals to YOUR future – before him. I know you love him but if it’s genuinely love, it can withstand a day or two without talking. If it’s really love, it could actually withstand all the hardships that LDRs bring, which usually is trust issues and communication issues (including being too busy to talk). He should understand that these things are important and that you should do well if he really loves you. If he doesn’t, then it’s huge a red flag.</p>
<p>I actually did do “homework sessions” with my bf over Skype but we used it to keep each other in check. If he saw me doing something else, he’d yell. If I saw him doing something else, I’d yell. Basically we kept each other staying on task by being on Skype… we used the ‘view screen’ option and took some 5-10 minute breaks to make weird faces at each other. It worked for us but I assume you’d both need self-control to be able to work within the time frame and stay on task.</p>
<p>When I was in college (class of 2011) my boyfriend and I didn’t get to talk every day. I usually only heard from him sporadically by text until the weekend, we were just too busy. I was okay with it at the time, but we really grew apart and the relationship grew into something that wasn’t really what I wanted. It is hard to really be a supportive presence in someone’s life on the level that you expect from a serious romantic relationship when you don’t know what is going on in the day to day anymore. It can work, but you have to want the kind of relationship that you are able to have, not just the person. At least, that was my experience. </p>
<p>What does your boyfriend think of the predicament? Maybe if you just cut it to one hour some days it would be enough to keep up with your schoolwork. I think if this is a healthy, solid relationship you will be able to find a balance, you just have to be willing to be flexible and figure it out.</p>
<p>I worry when you say he is your only free time, though. That isn’t healthy and if someday you are not long-distance anymore you don’t want to find yourself without any hobbies or interests of your own outside work/school.</p>
Agree that it is not easy to keep a long distance relationship, unless the relationship has been in some quite “solid” stage. Been there and done that.</p>
<p>I have seen a case that the couple could see each other 4 times (including a long summer break) in a year. It still did not work in the end. The relationship survived only about half a year only (slightly better than the typical “turkey drop” case.)</p>
<p>Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year, and we met in towards the end of my junior year of high school. We now are both seniors, go to different schools, but live in the same neighborhood and see each other regularly. We are very much in love, and consider each other our other halves and best friends. We are inseperable and care very much for each other and plan to continue our relationship after highschool and hopefully, college.
The only problem is, is that she will be moving 5 hours upstate, while I on the other hand stay home in our hometown.</p>
<p>She got accepted to San Jose State on a full ride Soccer Scholarship and I will be attending my local CSU, I was planning to try go with her to SJSU, but have recently found out that I will not be able to because of financial issues.
We have talked very little about the possibility of and LDR, but the thought of being so far apart is killing me, and we both really want to stay together and make it work, I am torn because of the things others have been telling me about LDRs in college, but I cant bear the thought of losing her, and her losing me. Any advice ?</p>
<p>LDRs can work if you put in the effort and you both want to be in the relationship. There’s really no magic advice other than keep communication open and let the relationship go where it goes. You’re both going to grow a lot in the next few years and that might mean growing apart- that’s OK. OTOH, I know several LD couples who made it through and two that I’m standing up in the wedding for in the next year to two years. </p>