Literally Have Written 14 Bad Essays. Help Please, 500 Words.

<p>I have been trying to write my common app essay on the Diversity prompt and could really use some CC advice. Thanks!!</p>

<p>DIVERSITY PROMPT</p>

<p>The air conditioning in the Justice’s Chamber was fighting a losing battle against the heat, and the seven of us were sweaty and irritable in our Girls State Supreme Court robes. Every time Katelyn (the minority) opened her mouth, the rest of us sighed. We had kept the courtroom waiting for hours, and the last thing I wanted to do was continue discussing something six of us had already decided. But the afternoon dragged on and we still had no verdict, thanks to Katelyn and her incessant arguments. Bored, the other Justices went to the bathroom one by one, until it was just Katelyn and I alone in the Chamber.</p>

<p>“Do you get what I’m saying?” she asked.</p>

<p>“Yeah,” I shrugged. I resisted the urge to ask her to concede. “Everyone’s rock solid though. You have no chance of swinging the court.” </p>

<p>“So?”</p>

<p>“So, dinner’s in an hour, and I plan on eating. Let’s wrap this up.”</p>

<p>“Seriously, Rylie? We can ‘wrap this up’ when you guys take every source into account for the verdict. You’re so biased.” </p>

<p>Insulted, I didn’t respond, and resolved to finish her in the next debate. I leafed through my reference binder again, trying to find holes in the rulings she had mentioned earlier. Strangely enough, they were all in the back of the binder, the part I had skipped after reading the first half and deciding the rest could wait. Astonishingly, I had listened to her for hours without realizing I wasn’t familiar with the cases she was talking about. Katelyn was right: my decision was completely biased. I had been lazy with the facts of the case, assumed other Justices knew what they were talking about, and gone along with their decision without formulating my own opinion. I wondered if the others had seen these pages either.</p>

<p>When the other girls returned, I asked them to look in the back half of their files, many of us for the first time. Together we went over every case, discussing what it meant for us and how it would factor into our decision. Everyone was involved, and we moved quickly toward our goal: a unanimous verdict, which we proudly delivered to the waiting courtroom an hour and a half later. As difficult as she made our decision that day (and as hungry as I was when we finally got to dinner), Katelyn’s opposition made our verdict and our court better. Thanks to her, we actually took the time to understand the facts of the case and hear each other’s opinions, and realized how different each of our perceptions were. Once we started paying attention to one another, the minority member went from a leper to an equal. The result was better than we thought it would be: a verdict that encompassed all aspects of the case and the beliefs of the court. In the end, it really wasn’t that hard to write. All we had to do was listen.</p>

<p>Well…the essay doesn’t really make you shine as much as it does that other girl.</p>

<p>Okay, I definitely see that. How do you think I could change it to fix that?</p>

<p>Um, I’m not sure. Emphasize your commitment and effort to correspond your court’s judgment with the truth?</p>

<p>Okay, working on it! Thank you so much for your comments!!!</p>

<p>I don’t think you necessarily have to be the one who “shines,” or the one in the right. Maybe spend more time at the end talking about what you and the others gained from the experience. Nobody expects you to always be perfect; we all have to (or at least should) learn lessons at some point in time.</p>

<p>If you talk about how you applied what you learned to another aspect of your life, it could help let you ‘shine’ and keep your story.</p>

<p>I believe the diversity prompt is asking for how you bring “diversity” to the college. Colleges are looking for essays to showcase the person you are and how you will contribute to their campus. The link below provides advice and essay samples for all the common app prompts:</p>

<p>[Common</a> Application Personal Essay - Tips and Samples for the 6 Essay Options](<a href=“http://collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/a/EssayPrompts.htm]Common”>Pre-2013 Common Application Personal Essay Tips)</p>

<p>Hope this helps. Good luck! :)</p>