Little Growth

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Ever since graduating I have realized that my life is nothing like I want it to be. I honestly regret most of my decisions I made throughout college. I had no focus, should have worked harder, and now put myself in a very difficult situation for future employment. With this said, I graduated from a top tier school (my dream school) and thought when I graduated that those were such great years—I made such great friends, learned, etc. But as I distance myself from commencement, I care less that I keep in touch and realize that I learned very little. </p>

<p>I have little skills, a very mediocre G.P.A., did pointless internships, and feel like I have grown very little as a human being. Some of this was just that I was stupid and ignorant, but most of it is on me. Now I am sitting here, four years and $200,000 dollars later and have very little to show. Moreover, I still have no passion, no focus, no drive, and no direction. I was a much more capable person when I was in high school. </p>

<p>I like to explain my esoteric degree by talking about how I grew, the broader skills I acquired, etc. All lies to help rationalize my decisions. Unemployment is nothing unique, but I feel so different because I don’t even have an ideal situation. Most of my classmates have some idea, something that gets them up in the morning. I don’t know if I ever have had that. </p>

<p>Reading this over, I do not mean to send melodramatic, but most of what I have said is true and I can’t help wish that I had done things very differently. This is not just about not having a job in this moment—it is more the realization that everything in my life I have “done” was just something that did have value—value that I could cross it off the list. </p>

<p>It just makes me sad and bitter to see folks going off to school, when I wasted four, formative years of my life. Years when I should have been growing, that I will never, ever have back.</p>

2

<p>It’s not uncommon to have a let down after college. You don’t say how long you’ve been out. You have to dig back and remember that at some point there was a reason for the major you selected, the classes you selected. Many students don’t go to college and major in a pre-professional or technical career course of education. If you are feeling that you are depressed to the point where you cannot function then of course you should seek counseling. If you are simply adrift in “what to do next job wise” then perhaps some time with a career counselor or going through a assessment to find your strengths and potential career areas – do try to find something like that. The Birkman is a good one but there are others. DISC is a good way to find out more about “you”. You might find that it yields some interesting options.</p>

<p>If a job is important find a strong independent recruiter and “try on” some contract positions or short term positions. Get a feel for what kind of environment suits you best. Another option is to get involved with a non-profit. Often they need people, sometimes they pay (generally not well, but…and you’ll have opportunities to “try” different jobs.</p>

<p>If you just graduated last spring and now it’s fall and you’re feeling lost do something just for fun. As an example if you like to ski, go find a job as a liftie, or at a resort. Do something menial that will pay some bills and give yourself time to transition.</p>

<p>Often as an adult you will make decision that take you down a path. While it is difficult to overcome it is never beneficial to play the “what if” game there is just no pay-off and it’s wasting time and energy. At the very least stop and take a personal assessment of what does make you happy and try to gravitate in that direction.</p>

3

<p>i don’t get your last paragraph. why are u “sad and bitter” about seeing other people go to college? what are u “bitter” about? what do their (the “folks going off to school”) decisions have to do with the state u currently find yourself in? what have u done to make your life better?</p>

4

<p>hmm…3 posts…</p>

5

<p>Calimami,</p>

<p>He probably envies them and wishes he could be in their position again so he could make things right. Perhaps he perceives others as being more ambitious and having greater personal growth potential and envies them for that.</p>

6

<p>Did you do any community service when you were in college? Try volunteering now. Helping others will make you feel less sad and bitter.</p>

<p>(I see you posted the same thing in three different areas here but I am just responding in this one.)</p>

7

<p>Well, you can sit around bemoaning the fact that you wasted four years of your life (according to you) or you can MOVE ON and make the next four years great. The past is the past and you can’t change it. Put as much energy into your future as you have put into dissecting your past.</p>

8

<p>Thank you for the responses and I actually am a very active poster, but for a variety of reasons I wanted to use a different name.</p>

<p>Yes, that is what it is–like if I knew what I knew now, I would have been more focused–not necessarily more successful or anything, but just with a plan. I kind of assumed that if I did some different things, got relatively good grades, and went to a top school everything would kind of fall into place.</p>

<p>@momofthreeboys, I have been doing those things. I took a career inventory test and have been in active contact with countless alumni and my career counselors. I also know that it is true that things would just be different–not necessarily better, but its hard to believe that.</p>

<p>@MidwestMom2Kids, Yes, I am considering doing AmeriCorps or something in that vein. I know that rationally when you are feeling lost, you should divert that attention and help someone else less fortunate.</p>

9

<p>The good news is that you did get through college. Many students with lack of focus and passion drop out and never get a degree. Follow the advise from posters above. And if you parents offer suggestions, give those a try too. They know you best.</p>

10

<p>Stop wasting your time looking backward and feeling sorry for yourself. Look forward. Build a life.</p>

11

<p>I doubt very much that your four years were wasted. Maybe you could have worked harder, but most people could have, should have, worked harder, been more focused, etc.
. And while you may feel like you’re floundering a bit now, sometimes
that’s necessary - sort of the required work you need to do to find that the direction you choose is really of your own choosing, and not just an expected path.
Everyone has something of value to contribute. If you think about this a bit and really examine where your talents lie (and everyone has some), you may get a sense of where you should be headed. You say you have few skills, but what are you good at? Start there.</p>

12

<p>Your post makes me wonder why you think you wasted your time in college, unless you were doing things that were expected of you, rather than things you were interested in. Perhaps you need to do something completely different for a while. Maybe a road trip. Some menial labor. Not as some romantic odyssey, but as a way of seeing the world a little bit. It doesn’t sound like you’ve seen enough of it.</p>

13

<p>You are so not alone in your feelings, OP. Since kindergarten, teachers and parents have been pointing the way for you. Your course was mapped out. You were told what to do and how to get there. Now, for the first time in your life, there’s nobody to light your path. In fact, there’s no path! This transition time from college to “life” is very badly done by our society, IMHO. We cut young adults loose from all guidance just when they need to orient into a vast new territory.</p>

<p>You are where you are supposed to be, OP. Which is basically, lost. You will find your way. You are not alone in your feelings. Be patient. You will find a path. Don’t worry about it being perfect, ideal and all that. Don’t worry about finding a passion (ugh). Your life is good even if you don’t save the world and find the most marvelous job that makes your life complete (ugh). Find a temp job and start learning the ways of the work world. You’ll be surprised at how much you will grow over the next few years even though you are no longer in “school” (of course all of life is school).</p>

14

<p>I think you are in the hardest time of life, and the recession only makes it worse.</p>

<p>When my kids told me they were bored, I used to say “Good, you’re about to do something wonderful.” If they come to me now, after college, and tell me they are “lost”, I would say the same thing.</p>

<p>What you are going through is necessary for growth, unfortunately. Get some good support
(a therapist and/or job or life coach-?) and have some faith. If you think you are depressed, you could consider short-term meds.</p>

<p>Things will work out. You have a degree, which is a platform on which you can build, with jobs or even eventually grad school. Remember, the majority of people don’t even have the BA.</p>

<p>The important thing is “staying on the path.” If you hide in your room, wondering what to do, you are not on the path. Nothing can happen. Just try to get out there, whether volunteering or working. Even bartending or something. Anything that gets you going and out there. This period of doubt and self-doubt is kind of normal. (My brother and cousin both bartended after graduation, and one is now a tv executive- he volunteered at public tv while tending bar- and the other publishes museum newsletters- he started by writing the captions for postcards- just as an example of how random things can work out.)</p>

<p>Life is a lot more random than we are taught when we are young. It is fine to wander a little, even if it is uncomfortable: you can run across true opportunities, but have to have your eyes, ears and brain attuned to them.</p>

<p>It’s hard, so sending sympathy, but since you got through college, it seems as if you have the perseverance to keep going, and something good will happen soon. Support in the meantime can help keep you on that path.</p>

15

<p>I’m guessing you graduated in May/June and this is the first time, probably since you were 3-4 years old, that you’re NOT going to school. Your feelings are not unique, although it’s hard to work through them. I experienced that same feeling when I graduated 30+ years ago: now what?? Just keep active, try different part time jobs, and come back and tell us how it’s going.</p>

16

<p>You have what most people don’t: a degree from a top tier school, and introspection. Time to put the qualities/abilities that got you into that top tier school into use. If you can’t think of a job/career that interests you right now, get a job, any job. Put yourself out in the world, talk to different types of people, see how they “figured it” out. If you work at it long enough, you’ll come up with answers. FWIW, many recent grads go through the kind of identity crisis you’re experiencing right now. For many of us, it’s simply a part of growing up. This very process you’re going through right now IS growth, even though it may not seem like it.</p>

17

<p>Growth is not a painless process, as you are learning. Focus on the little things each day that make you happy as you move forward, if you dwell only on the big issues you can become more frustrated with the slow pace of change/resolution and find yourself feeling paralyzed by anxiety. Don’t forget to celebrate your passion for the everyday moments - like good coffee and fresh buttered croissants, or an early morning hike - whatever it is that puts you back in touch with the simple things that you find pleasurable. It may sound silly when you have such big issues looming ahead of you, but ‘stopping to smell the roses’ will keep you sane.</p>

18

<p>“Your post makes me wonder why you think you wasted your time in college, unless you were doing things that were expected of you, rather than things you were interested in.”</p>

<p>I suspect this is what the OP did, too. </p>

<p>If you basically just went through the motions and didn’t find or try to figure out your own interests, then that’s how you ended up feeling as you do now. If you want a different kind of life, then you need to explore and figure out your own passions. Otherwise, you’ll continue drifting through life feeling unfulfilled. </p>

<p>Your state is not the fault of the college. Your state is a result of your passivity about taking full advantage of what college offered.</p>