<p>For what it’s worth, my anecdotal experience based on friends of mine is that students that live at home and go to school, or students that live at school but spend most of their free time at home, seem to have more crises–totalled cars, bad grades, deadbeat friends.</p>
<p>kcphobo ^^^ this is completely anecdotal as you mentioned.</p>
<p>My siblings and I couldn’t afford to “live on campus,” so we all “lived at home” while we went to our local UC and/or Cal State University in California. </p>
<p>NONE of us did any of what you’ve described. My siblings have many patents, one sibling has an Emmy award, and we all have been successful.</p>
<p>JL… however, you missed a lot of the nonacademic aspects of college life. It isn’t about being successful in later life, it is about having an experience one can never have at another time of one’s life. Living on campus is the best, not the only option, for new freshmen who are successful later in life. Living at home during college was not the cause of your successes.</p>
<p>My only son is a college freshman this year at a college approximately 45 min away. His other option was our 2nd largest in-state school here in town. He chose this other school because he wanted to get away from home-although not to far away. I washappy with his choice because I thought if he stayed here in town, and especially if he lived at home he would not have the “college experience” and he would keep hanging with his old high school buddies.
Currently, he does come home about every other Saturday and spends that evening with old high school buddies while spending the night here. From what I hear from him as well as other parents of kids at this school, most of the “local” freshman do go home on weekends.
At first I was bothered by this as I thought he needed to stay on campus and meet new people. After a long talk with him about 2 weeks ago I now realize that he IS meeting new people there, he is having the college experience, he is learning about dorm life and living with others, and as time goes on he will start coming home less. But for now this is what is working best for him.
I want to mention that I have seen tremendous growth in my son over these past 2 months.<br>
I also know people who have successively had kids stay at home. If you do that then the most important thing, and the hardest thing for you as a parent is that you have to treat them like a college kid. Let them stay out with friends all night if they want, don’t impose rules on them like having to be home for supper or having to take the dog for a walk every day. Don’t nag them everyday about studying and their grades. Let your kid make it or break it on their own–just like they would have to do if they were away.
Try to treat them like more of an adult. By all means make sure they clean up after themselves and respect your home–just as they would have to do if they lived in the dorm.<br>
Good luck to you.</p>
<p>My personal bias is toward the student living on campus, if at all possible, even when it’s close to home. </p>
<p>HOWEVER … this is only a good option if finances are not an issue. Parents who must borrow to put their kids through school should not feel bad if they want their kids to live at home to cut costs. Kids should not take out huge loans if they could live at home and avoid some of the debt.</p>
<p>I think Blossom’s post is great. I could not say it better. I have a son who feels he would not mind staying at home for college. Big contrast from his 3 older brothers who were hoofing and pawing to leave by this time. He has friends who feel the same way, and there are some good schools within commuting distance of our home. </p>
<p>I used to feel that it was an important thing to get out and live in the dorms for college, but now I see happy, successful kids who have not done it that way, and kids for whom it was a disaster. They just were not ready to leave home yet. Of course, the kid’s mindset about all of this is important too. It was in mutual agreement that my older kids left home for college, and we did not even dispute the distance from home.</p>
<p>Just wanted to add that friends of ours went through a lot to get their son an apartment near flagship U. He had gone away to college for a year and wanted to transfer to this in state flagship but did not get housing. So mom went and helped him find an apartment in the student ghetto around the school rather than having him commute an hour each day. Turned out that he was just as isolated that way, very unhappy, and has been home more than at the apartment. He is very happy commuting from home. Things may change, but, hey, if it works, why not? We know a lot of kids here who are commuting and they seem to be enjoying themselves fine and doing quite well.</p>
<p>My D (still a HS Junior) is not sure she is ready to leave home yet. It is ultimately her decision, but I will certainly not push her out of the nest before she is ready. Luckily our state flagship is only about a 35 minute commute. Besides, think of the money we could save towards graduate school.</p>
<p>“I think that, if at all possible financially, living on campus should be a priority freshman year. (It is much less crucial afterwards.)”</p>
<p>Strongly agree.</p>
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<p>Definitely agree, with the exception of campuses that are predominantly commuter schools.</p>
<p>My daughter is a Freshman and will be coming home next week for good. Some kids are ready for that step, alot are not. She was too immature. If she withdrawals now, she will get W’s and it won’t effect her GPA. She’s going to live at home and go to a University that she can commute to and she agrees that she still needs the grounding she gets from home and parents. Too much freedom without the maturity can be disastrous.</p>
<p>I did this. I was able to pay my own way with jobs and loans and scholarships, but my debt was minor when I graduated. No other way I could have gone as my parents had nothing extra to spare. </p>
<p>I’d prefer my kids to get to live away as I did miss that experience, but I’d not give it a second thought if money was an issue. I turned out perfectly fine and while it is a neat experience to live in a dorm, its not going to adversely impact you to do otherwise. Much better things could be spent with that money.</p>
<p>I didn’t live on campus and pushed my daughter to do it when she was not ready to make that move. If she went and had the real desire, she probably would have been more successful. She does not like dorm life.</p>
<p>That’s a good point- whether your D is ready or not and wants to or not (if not both, then then maybe the issue is moot). I didn’t have a desire (which turned out well since I couldn’t do it anyway), but my D is very very keen which biases me toward it. </p>
<p>BTW, even though I lived at home and missed the dorm experience, I don’t think it hurt me (I made lots of friends- including my H-, was very involved in lots of things on campus, went on to grad school etc.).</p>
<p>Interesting “maturity” comments. I worried as a mother since son turned 17 in the fall of his college freshman year, he did fine (concerns about his waking up without a parent as backup to his obnoxiously loud alarm clock among the worries). But then, he was the almost 5 year old who insisted on walking from the car to the kindergarten entrance all by himself (I trailed with the camcorder/camera) while one or two kids were crying and clinging to their mothers. Combination of personality and family life probably determines a student’s approach to leaving the nest. Those of you reading my kindergarten example and thinking your child isn’t ready to leave home should also realize that when I weeks later asked son’s K teacher how the crying kids were doing she didn’t even remember which ones they were. Given the chance most kids will rise to the challenge and make a good adjustment, do not deny the once in a lifetime experience chance if at all possible. PS- for anyone trying to reconcile ages/grades- he also compressed elementary school grades to be 2 grades ahead of agemates (and was considered one of their own by the classmates he joined).</p>