<p>We live 5 miles from Flagship U. For financial reasons, we’d prefer our kid to live at home the first year or two of college. Has anyone else had experience with this? Your thoughts?</p>
<p>My son has a friend who did this. He had a car and a job. His job was near home rather than near campus. His campus is a 30 minute drive without traffic. I noticed that in his freshman year he was home a lot. I know this because I saw him about town quite regularly. I know through my son that he went to parties with kids from high school, but he also slowly developed friendships at his college and joined a frat. The second year he worked and did not go to college because of an anticipated family move out of state (would have increased his instate tuition to out of state if they moved), which did not come to pass. He went back to school as a sophomore in year three. He now rented an apartment with some friends, but is still home quite a lot. He has still held on to the same job near his parent’s home, which seems to keep him home quite a bit. I cannot answer whether going through college this way is good or bad. I don’t think that his parents have saved tons of money freshman year, because he was burning his paycheck in gas, we have high auto insurance for males under 25, parents bought a brand new car for their son. Now as a sophomore, he moved into an apartment, so they are paying rent. My guess is that his salary last year has helped to pay for something, but from what I know, he spent plenty of it too (walking around money used for pleasure and gas bill. Maybe he made his own car payments, I just do not kow. He also was not in school last year, so parents will pay that much more in tuition, as cost goes up annually).</p>
<p>I went all 4 years to the large university a mile away from home and lived at home during that time. Saved my parents a ton of money, which was the only way I was going to go to college. I got my degree, but certainly didn’t have the “college experience.”</p>
<p>I basically kept my high school friends during college. A lot of them went to the same college. In fact, there is no one from my college days that I still keep in touch with except one–and I’m married to him!</p>
<p>Freshman year is when kids make many of the connections that will probably take them through their college career. A lot of impromptu socializing goes on long after classes are over and on the weekends. </p>
<p>But the situation is complicated even more by the fact that he lives close enough to hang out with high school friends–not just by coming home, but probably because many of them go to the same college. So he may not make a lot of new friends anyway.</p>
<p>Tough call…but my guess is that if you keep him at home for the first 2 years of college, and support him in an apartment during the last 2 years–he’ll end up in an apartment with some high school friends who are attending the same college. It’s not a bad ending. And it could be the same ending even if you sent him to live on campus for the first 2 years.</p>
<p>One thing, though, about being a commuter student…once I got home, I was home–I didn’t leave it to go to campus events like plays, concerts, dances, lectures, etc. at night (I would go to sporting events, though.) It just seemed like such an effort.</p>
<p>Kids who do live at home during college need to be more proactive in making new close friends and being part of campus activities. I’m not saying that it can’t be done, but the pull of coccooning at home and old friends is a strong one.</p>
<p>Economics is hard for everyone now, if that’s the only way you could do it then you do what you have to to, but if you could swing it I think it’s a great idea for kids to go away to school. It is a good transition into adulthood. I think college is more than what you learn in a classroom.</p>
<p>A lot of kids in my area are doing this. Especially for Fordham U which gives a $6K commuters grant per year. THese are not fin aid eligible folks, and many are very much upper income. They just want save the money. We may be doing the same next time around.</p>
<p>I guess I have a bias that says it’s better for the kid, and in some ways better for the college, if the kid is on-campus and fully integrated into campus life, and can get the full college experience. But I recognize that not everyone can swing this financially. You need to weigh the financial pros and cons carefully, though. At most colleges a student doesn’t need a car, so the costs of maintaining a car, gas, insurance, and parking need to be weighed into commuting costs (unless it’s possible to commute by public transit, which is usually cheaper). Also, while it may be cheaper for your student to eat at home, it’s not costless; and depending on the circumstances, there may be more out-of-pocket restaurant or meal-on-the-go costs for the commuter than for the residential student on a meal plan. Add all that up and the difference may not be as great as you think.</p>
<p>On the other hand, my brother commuted to the local public engineering school through four years of college and did just fine. In fact, he and his wife, who went to the same school, loved it so much that two of their three children ended up going to the same college. So I guess commuting can’t be all bad.</p>
<p>it is not an easy decision to make considering todays cost of room and board. It also somewhat depends on the school in question. If there are many commuting freshmen, it probably is less of an issue. If the vast majority of freshmen live in the dorms, living off campus, no matter how close, is extremely socially taxing. I think that, if at all possible financially, living on campus should be a priority freshman year. (It is much less crucial afterwards.)</p>
<p>If there is any way you can let your freshman live on campus for just one year, freshman year, it would be very helpful not just socially but academically.</p>
<p>^^ That would be a good compromise if you can swing it. If your kid works the summer between HS and college they could probably pay for half or so of the cost of staying on campus the first year.</p>
<p>I’m a little concerned because you say this is Flagship U – which probably draws kids from all over the state and beyond. Most flagships are not primarily commuter campuses (unlike lesser state colleges, which may be).</p>
<p>Being a commuter on a campus where most kids are commuters isn’t particularly isolating. The social habits of those campuses are geared to commuting. But being a commuter on a campus where practically everyone else lives in the dorms as a freshman can be very isolating. </p>
<p>My son attended the University of Maryland at College Park – which is located in a heavily populated area. Probably half of the kids on that campus live less than an hour’s drive away (either in the Baltimore suburbs or the DC suburbs) and theoretically could commute, but most of them live on campus anyway. Some kids do commute for financial or family reasons, but I always felt sorry for them because they didn’t have the same opportunities to make friends and get involved in campus activities that the others did.</p>
<p>My niece is a freshman at Flagship U. in her hometown. She is living in the dorm, about a mile from home. This is a huge financial sacrifice due to a divorce situation and dad didn’t pay what was expected of him. </p>
<p>Niece pops in at home at least once a day and often sleeps there as well. She is very involved in campus activities also but most of her friends (including roommate) are from high school. She has somehow transitioned into college life along with most of her high school friends going along too. In her situation she agrees that the dorm has been a waste of money. She has grown up going to the campus for all sorts of activities so she wouldn’t think it was a big hassle to do that from home.</p>
<p>It depends on a lot of factors, not just the money. I agree that a student needs the whole experience but if she is not going to need to make new friends it might not be worth it.</p>
<p>Tough situation. You gotta do what you gotta do. It’s perfectly understandable to commute for financial reasons.</p>
<p>But, if given the choice, I’d say living on campus the first two years is more worthwhile than the last two years. </p>
<p>It would be a gamble, but is there a chance for funding R&B in the early years then shooting for an RA position as a junior and senior? </p>
<p>ETA: Or just commute in the later years?</p>
<p>My nephew commutes his freshman year, but he does play in the band, so he has a ready-made group of new friends and lots of school spirit!</p>
<p>Don’t know how much they’re saving after you factor in gas and car insurance, but he likes his family and prefers living at home anyway.</p>
<p>Depends on the kid. Depends on the college. Depends on the family.</p>
<p>We know situations where it has worked out great and some where it’s been awful. It only saves you money if your kid ends up four years later with a degree. If he gets derailed, flunks out because he’s spending time with the HS girlfriend who dropped out of her college and came home to watch TV and ‘hang’ then you haven’t done him much of a favor.</p>
<p>From what we’ve seen, the families who make a go of it are those who are ready to “let go”. Will your son spend every weekend on family activities just because he lives under your roof, i.e. babysitting for his nephews, attending the birthday brunch for grandma, driving younger siblings to sports activities? If so, the likelihood that he’ll be able to enjoy what the campus has to offer is pretty slim. Can he miss Thanksgiving if a friend from out of town invites him to spend the holidays with his family? Will he do his own laundry, make his own budget, etc?</p>
<p>Some of the ground rules we’ve seen which seem to facilitate a good transition are the following:
No keeping HS job. Must get a job on campus, doing research for a professor, working at the gym at college, etc. Good way to meet people, great way not to spend another four years being “Jim and Cathy’s kid who works at the diner”.
No fair having mom and dad bail you out. Car gets a flat- learn to change it, you can’t just swap with mom’s car and make it her problem. No clean laundry- you wear dirty. Run out of cash before payday- borrow $5 from a friend, no fair bumming $50 from younger sister’s birthday stash.
Plan for time out of town… exchange student at another college, student teaching somewhere else, habitat for humanity volunteer in another country. Got to test the boundaries.
Clear plan for who pays for what. We’ve seen kids who resent paying for books, activities fees, etc. out of their earnings since, 'I’m saving them thousands by living at home". Parents feel that the savings accrue to them… since they’re paying the mortgage, heat, electric, cable tv, etc. Get a grip early on so there aren’t feuds and tantrums down the road.</p>
<p>Clear communication, clear boundaries… can work for everyone. Messy boundaries, lots left unsaid… not so good.</p>
<p>Interesting choice of user name.</p>
<p>Blossom–excellent comments. Here are some reasons students of mine have missed class or appointments with me:</p>
<p>younger sister fell in puddle at HS, needed dry clothes
younger brother suspended, needed ride home
regular driver of grandma to doctor (this resulted in failed class resulted in dropped from school)
picked up mom at work
dad’s car broke down, needed mine
babysitting nephew
family reunion
step-mom wanted me to clean house
etc etc</p>
<p>Not saying this is the norm or at all likely for the OP, but for many of my students, going to college is not treated like a new step toward independence by their families. And the results show this.</p>
<p>Classes are only a small part of the college experience. The bigger part is learning how to be independent and solve problems on your own. I would STRONGLY recommend you find the way to have your child live on campus. S is a sophomore, 700 miles away, so obviously lives on campus. I have seen a huge difference in maturity between his friends who went away to school and those who still live at home. Those who live at home still have HS friends and few or no college friends. I see them at all the HS sporting events. They are, for all intensive purposes, still in HS, but with tougher classes.</p>
<p>NO WAY.</p>
<p>I strongly advise all freshmen to live on campus, no matter where they come from. I also strongly suggest that students go away from their hometown for college, if there is a better campus available. You can’t replace the experience of being an 18 year old (new HS grad) college freshman living in the dorms later on. Total immersion in college is also more conducive to studying and not feeling divided. A lot of time spent commuting and leading a childhood home life could be better spent learning about other students lives in the dorms. You can transfer to a local college and live at home later to save money, but do not give up the college experience if at all possible. I was lucky enough to have scholarship money to live on campus less than 10 miles from home my freshman year, and found ways to keep on doing it (working in food service later was one), a college friend walked to campus from home and missed out on a lot of spontaneous later evening/night activities, including many discusssions of anything and everthing- we could not ring her doorbell at 10 pm and expect her parents to understand why she should go out then… There are so many nonacademic growth opportunities that happen when one is living on campus. Major universites are a city onto themselves, leaving even for a weekend means missing a lot. Find anyway you can to let your child have the full campus experience first semester freshman year. You and the student will not regret it. Regrets I have years later involve keeping myself on too tight a budget- I can’t take my money now and use it in the past…</p>
<p>During my freshman year of college (a number of years ago) I attended a college that was 4 stops away from my home on the local commuter train. I lived at home, worked 40 hours a week and took the train to school. It was a wonderful school with good academics (a #1 Masters University in the USNWR rankings) and a gorgeous campus. I hated it, because I just was not getting the college experience. I was doing just fine academically (had a 4.0), but my social life was limited and I was missing out on a lot. I transferred out after a year, found a school with combined tuition, room and board equal to the tuition at the first school, and took out loans (parents couldn’t help at all and refused to fill out the financial aid form, so I was on my own and couldn’t qualify for any financial aid). I loved my second school and had a wonderful experience. I’m sure I would have had a wonderful experience at the first school had I not been living at home (with curfew, no car and many restrictions). So I guess it depends what you’re looking for. I was looking for the experience as much as the degree, and I couldn’t get it living at home. It was worth it to me to come out of school with student loans to get that experience.</p>
<p>Does you flagship require freshman to live on campus? If so, do they allow waivers for students who live VERY closeby? </p>
<p>If you must do this for financial reasons, then do so. If you fear that your child won’t have “the college experience” then consider these options…</p>
<p>1) Encourage your child to join various clubs/activities. Get involved with Homecoming activities and such.</p>
<p>2) purchase a “minimum meal plan” so that your child can sometimes eat with the “residents.” (Obviously she would need to schedule her classes in such a way to accomodate such.)</p>
<p>3) encourage your child (if possible) to get an “on campus” part-time job. Even if most jobs go to the “work study” crowd, there may be other jobs available. My son works as a “college paid” tutor, so that’s not “work study” related.</p>
<p>4) get involved in campus “study groups”</p>
<p>5) arrange her schedule so that she can have some “study time” or “relaxing time” in the school “coffee house” during the day.</p>
<p>There are many things a “commuter student” can do to “connect” with their campus. Think “outside the box” for other ideas.</p>
<p>Now… for this to work… you must treat your child as if she were going away… That means that:
she will be gone from home a lot (don’t make her feel guilty about that ),
she won’t be available for many/most “family” activities,
she won’t be home for dinner that much,
she won’t keep “your” curfew (often!),
she can stay out late on school nights,
she won’t be able to do the “chores” that she used to do (but she can certainly do her own laundry 
</p>
<p>In other words, you need to let her do what she would do if she were living away…</p>
<p>Garland makes a point… Kids who stay at home need to have families that respect that this is a new stage in their lives.</p>