<p>DS, a liberal arts major, graduated in May, spent the summer with us at home, and is now self-supporting as of his first paycheck in September. He is in a house share situation that costs nearly as much as our mortgage payment (yikes!) and is quickly learning about living within his means. (That’s not to say he hasn’t made a couple of purchases that raised our eyebrows at the cost.) At least for as long as he remains employed, he is handling rent, car insurance, and all living expenses. We’re holding our collective breath in this economy and job market.</p>
<p>My DH and I both lived with our parents after UG, during Grad and for sometime after…which is why we had the money to buy our first house in a very expensive area. In my family, this is fairly common–especially with the housing prices. Since DD is still in high school, we have some time before we will be facing this–but it wouldn’t surprize us if she came home for a while.</p>
<p>“Since DD is still in high school…” That explains why this is only your second post. Welcome aboard!</p>
<p>Oldest moved home for about 6 months. Saved money and bought a house (with a down-payment, no Freddie or Fannie). 2nd child has lived on her own, though she hasn’t found a “real” job yet, since graduating in 07. We do help her out with car insurance.</p>
<p>Thanks for the welcome! I’m learning a lot! Not sharing with DD just yet, I’m afraid she’ll panic!</p>
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<p>This is scary! D’s original plan was to take the summer off and start looking for a job “in the fall.” Thank goodness she found a job in early summer!</p>
<p>We are in the midst of this dilemma. D1 graduated in May from a school over 700 miles from home. Most of her college friends live out east, and she has one friend from high school that’s around here. She got a contract job pretty much right out of school, but it’s a 30-mile commute each way, and eventually weaned down to three days a week. She did job search and had a couple of interviews, but nothing that she wanted came through. The alumni network around here is weak, but out east is strong, so she will be moving out to Boston in three weeks where she has lots of college friends and a much stronger alumni network for her field (PR). She will live with her godfather while she looks for a job and already has a roommate lined up for when she gets a job. I do think she will have a much better chance of getting a job in her area out there and we support her wish to move.</p>
<p>However, I’m having a hard time with the finances of it all. We had pretty much taken the stand that, after graduation, she was on her own financially, except for health insurance. She will qualify to stay on ours until she gets a full-time job. So now that the economy has turned, I’m wondering if we’re being too hard on her… should we help out with a down payment on a lease? On some essentials for setting up her apartment? Etc. We do have the money, but I’m fearful that the purse strings will never be cut if we continue to finance her endeavors. When H and I graduated, finding jobs was not the issue it is now, so I don’t want to be insensitive.</p>
<p>My thought is to give her a set amount of money, let her know that is the final installment from the Bank of Teriwtt, that she has to be frugal with it, and will be solely responsible if she runs out and doesn’t have sufficient income coming in. She has a new car (a year old) and has no student loans to pay off. Her credit score is excellent, so I’m sure getting credit will be no problem.</p>
<p>I just think it’s a different situation for recent college grads in less lucrative fields than it was for us, and we aren’t clear what’s the fairest and most responsible way to handle it, like I said, with the recent economic turndown.</p>
<p>Let’s see: College loans, extremely high rents, insurance and trainee…our D is living at home and saving money for a house. And all our children are always welcome here.</p>
<p>I’m wondering how folks see socioeconomics playing into this. I’m seeing a lot of college grads moving back in with mom and dad in NYC purely for the lifestyle if the parents live well. These kids are not paying rent and have no family responsibilities and typically have a private apartment in their parent’s luxurious homes. Yet many have high paying jobs that would pay for modest but safe apartments. If I had been one of my many classmates who had that option…yet in my day no one moved back home compared to now. It’s almost as though we’ve undergone a cultural adjustment, because living at home until you marry is common in so many of the cultures that are well represented all over the US.</p>
<p>hmom5 - it’s an internal struggle I have with myself all the time. First, I would have NEVER moved back home after college, even if it meant engaging in illegal activities to get the money. So the fact that our daughter has now been here for five months somehow reassures me that, as parents, we’re not too bad. I guarantee you, if we were not pleasant parents to be around, she’d be working anywhere to support herself. So that little warm fuzzy somehow makes me overlook the fact that we’re ‘providing’ for her still, in ways that I would not have predicted six months ago. If the economy were better, I wouldn’t even be having this discussion. D is miserable living at home, and even if she had a good-paying job, this is NOT where her friends are at. Tough times.</p>
<p>Dec 2007 grad. Engineer.</p>
<p>Was not welcome in either of my parents homes upon graduation unless I paid full freight ($800/room). My close friends who have graduated three have jobs and are living away from home. Two don’t, and are living at home.</p>
<p>Until you get married I cant see why you WOULDN’T want to live with a roommate. I’m still in college, but I love having roommates. We take turns cooking, use nuy one get one free coupons at local restaurants, take turns being designated driver, socialize, etc. Living alone doesn’t sound like a “luxury” I’d want anyway.</p>
<p>Our kids are always welcome at our home. I lived at home on and off for several years. My wife lived at home on and off between living in other countries. In other parts of the world, it’s a pretty common thing to do.</p>
<p>teriwtt, We faced the same dilemma with our son not too long ago. He wanted to move to Boston after he graduated from college, but he didn’t have the money to start out. So, my husband and I were faced with a choice: Should we refuse to help our son financially, knowing it meant that he’d have to work in this area and live at home until he had the money to move, and also that he’d be miserable since none of his friends live in this area; or, should we help him financially with a move to Boston, where he had better career choices and lots of friends, and where we knew he’d be happier? </p>
<p>I know many people here won’t agree, but we chose to subsidize our son’s move to Boston. He already had enough money saved from internships for his day-to-day living expenses, but he needed help with a security deposit and rent. Luckily, he and his roommate found an apartment that was no-fee, so we didn’t have to cross that bridge.</p>
<p>Everything worked out well. Our son was completely self-supporting within two months of moving to Boston. After he got an unexpected bonus at work, he paid back everything he’d borrowed from us. Unfortunately, he had to sell his car because he couldn’t afford auto insurance and monthly parking fees (he decided parking on the street wasn’t an option after his car and his friend’s car were vandalized.) Transportation is great in Boston, though, so it’s not an issue.</p>
<p>It was a difficult choice, but our son wouldn’t be where he is today without our help. Best of all, he’s happy, which is all this mom could ask for.</p>
<p>Our daughter ('07 College grad) is living with us after living in China for a year. She has told us pretty often that she does not want to live in our small town but was very fortunate to get a job teaching in our school district a few weeks after she moved back to the US. Right place, right time for the job.</p>
<p>I love having her here. She willingly makes dinners two or three nights a week or we cook together. She buys groceries, pays her own bills and is a great help with her youngest brother, who is still in HS. Not only has she been able to help him with homework, but he seems to take her advice a little more seriously.</p>
<p>We’ve all missed her these last 5 years while she was in college (16 hours away) and abroad and it’s nice to have her home. I have no doubt that next year she will be gone, but I’m enjoying this grace period.</p>
<p>I don’t see college grads moving home because they want to live in a great place and mooch from mom and dad. In my experience, post-college kids move back home because they’re looking for jobs or because they’re saving money for apartments. My oldest D (05 grad–econ major) came back home after she graduated because she didn’t yet have a job. She didn’t sit around and twiddle her thumbs. We barely saw her–she worked two part-time jobs (coaching gymnastics and teaching pilates) and studied for and took the GMAT. It took her 8 months to find a job and save money for a deposit on an apartment (often that means first/last month rent and in a high COL that’s not an insignificant sum.) D moved in with a college friend and has been on her own since then. Her fiance did the same thing. Lived at home for a few months–worked at his old summer job (caddy at a country club) and sent out resumes. He moved out and got an apartment with friends once he found employment. Among my peers with post-college aged kids, I see the same thing. Kids come home for a short time while they’re looking for jobs or another short-term situation (between UG and law school, for example) and then they move on. I can think of only one friend whose son (28) has been living at home and commuting to the city to work. It’s a long, grueling commute and I can’t imagine why he stays here. But among my group of friends, his situation is the exception. Neither my H nor I lived at home once we left for college–or in his case, the military (he went to college afterward). Times have changed and jobs aren’t as plentiful and the COL is so much higher. My D realizes that she’s in a good economic position because she’s had our support (she doesn’t have any college loans and has a fairly decent used car). She doesn’t have a sense of entitlement and we enjoyed having her here.</p>
<p>Out son graduated from RPI in May and is living on his own in SoCal, working for a Electronic Arts as a computer game designer and enjoying life as a young adult. He was accepted into USC’s computer gaming/arts grad program but has put that idea on hold for the time being because he is enjoying the job and monetary bennies(particularly the monetary bennies) so much. And given the state of the economy he figured that this opportunity may not be there 18 months from now.</p>
<p>Unlike the op, all of his RPI friends are either employed and on their own or attending grad school. But that is probably the rule for a college like RPI which is more career oriented than most.</p>
<p>I already told my D who is an UG sophmore that we will help her thru Grad School. I want her to go to Grad. school and she will not have an option to work and support herself while in Grad. School. My S. graduated UG many years ago and never came back to live with us.</p>
<p>My kids never truly moved out. They moved back with us when they are attending college. D moved back home after one year away, son announced he wants to transfer to a college close to home so he can live at home next year. :eek:</p>
<p>I honestly hated having them at home at first. I am slowly coming around. The kids said the pros are:
They save on accommodation
As a result they will both have less outstanding loans when they graduate ( which is not a bad idea considering the uncertain economic climate). The idea is ultimate financial independence from us and the less loans the better. Both fortunately have matured and have shown no signs of spendthriftness I saw in HS days. Both expressed appreciation for their circumstances. </p>
<p>I have since recognize the advantage of having someone home to water the plants while we travel. The down side is that we worry about them alone by themselves in a house in the burbs so we are considering a top notch security system with a monitoring service.</p>
<p>I think they would be staying with me after graduation as well. I hope they will move away when they get married. :rolleyes: I ran into a couple at one dinner party and they had two adult married daughters living with them with their families. They are retired but the wife said she is busy babysitting grand kids. She actually said since one SIL has finally completed law school one daughter is moving out, and she will be missing the grand kids. Luckily the daughter is only moving 3 blocks away. :rolleyes: 
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<p>Auuugh…</p>
<p>I’m told that my parents lived with my paternal grandparents for several months when I was a baby, just after my dad graduated from medical school, early during his residency. My mom finally said, “Why don’t we move…?” and my dad replied, “Why? I like it here!” Mom said, “Well, stay if you want. Aibarr and I are going to go find a house. You’re more than welcome to join us!”</p>
<p>My dad decided to come with.</p>