<p>If your child’s finances allow, there really is no “life coach” like being out there on his/her own. I too had expected that DS would live at home for awhile after graduation, enabling him to put away some savings. I admit I liked the idea of having him at the dinner table and laughing at his wit. As it turned out, he accepted an out-of-state offer. In just six short weeks since he started his job, this kid – who never used a power tool in his life and hadn’t driven more than 120 miles from home – has figured out how to get a drivers license, title transfer and registration at the DMV, installed a dimmer switch in his room, asked his supervisor to sit in on a client meeting, you get the idea. I doubt this would’ve happened at such an accelerated pace if he were coming home to mom each night. I still miss him though.</p>
<p>I have told my D never to date a guy who’s still living with his parents after college unless he has huge loans to repay. There is a co-dependency mindset that will bring out problems later on in marriage. Just my 2 cents.</p>
<p>From what I have seen in my area, almost all the kids who live at home while in college have part time jobs and once they graduate, they still keep the same jobs making them very underemployed for a long time.</p>
<p>I think so much is about what all can afford. Those of you who could financially help a kid get started in a new place should feel no guilt! It would be my inclination to help that way if funds are available. My oldest has wanted to be a high school teacher forever. I see no bad if we as parents help her get started in a comfortable apartment she would not get into without our deposit money (but can afford the rent on) and maybe some Ikea furniture.</p>
<p>mapesy - thank you so much for your reply. Your situation sounds almost exactly like ours (except we have a daughter!). Just a follow up question. Did you have a set amount of money you were willing to give him, or did you just keep doling out money as he needed it for apartment set up? Or did you go by more of a time line? Such as, within ‘x’ amount of months, you will be solely responsible for everything.</p>
<p>hmom5 - our daughter has been ‘shopping’ on-line for months now, looking for how she eventually wants to set up her first apartment. Everything she’s looking at is either IKEA, or Linens’ N Things, etc. She has also purchased from overstock.com. We actually bought sheets yesterday, for a bed she hasn’t even purchased yet!</p>
<p>teriwtt:</p>
<p>My D purchased a number of items for her apartment at garage sales. I think she never paid more than $20 per item. She managed to find some pretty good stuff - solid oak coffee table (I refinished), solid oak dining set, comfy chair, etc. The prices and quality beats even Ikea. You might want to suggest it to your D. Also, there are sometimes family/friends who’d like to get rid of older furniture as a reasonable excuse to buy new stuff.</p>
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<p>Who needs family/friends. I have stuff I want to give her so I can get newer things!
:)</p>
<p>teriwtt, Before our son left for Boston, we laid down the ground rules: We’d help him for six months, during which time we expected him to actively search for a full-time job and do temp work to help with expenses. He already had some money in his savings account, so we planned to help with rent and food, as well as to pay for his health insurance. We didn’t have a set amount in mind, and we planned to dole it out as needed. </p>
<p>As it turned out, he was offered a job almost immediately. The only help he needed was two month’s rent, security deposit, and health insurance until his new policy kicked in. He was fortunate that his new roommate (a college buddy) already had living and dining room furniture. Since all our son needed was bedroom furniture, we rented a U-Haul and drove up his bedroom furniture from home. He didn’t have to buy anything. (Of course, I’m sure your daughter will want to actually decorate her apartment–our son could care less about non-essentials.)</p>
<p>What an exciting time for your daughter! I know she’ll love Boston as my three kids do (yep, they’re all in Boston). It’s a wonderful city for young adults.</p>
<p>“I have told my D never to date a guy who’s still living with his parents after college unless he has huge loans to repay. There is a co-dependency mindset that will bring out problems later on in marriage.”</p>
<p>That might narrow the field significantly, and she might miss out on some wonderful young men! They aren’t all the slackers of yore anymore. Many of them are actually pretty mature and are planning for the future, ie, saving so they can buy their own place. Not to mention that they probably get along well with their parents which bodes quite well for future relationships.</p>
<p>If I sound a little defensive, it’s because I am! – defending my son, that is. He graduated in May with a terrific job lined up (he was hired by the place he did an internship), so a job is not the issue. It’s the cost of real estate in our area. He is saving up and will probably move out soon. However, I’m not really in a hurry to see him leave. He’s finally grown up, responsible, mature and fun to have around. He helps with anything we ask (eventually), and takes care of all his own chores-- cleaning, cooking, etc. Just like having a cool, young roommate. </p>
<p>I used to be adamant about children becoming independent and striking out on their own, but that was before my children grew up! Now I’m beginning to see the benefits of the “old country” ways, of multiple generations under one roof. I know that when I was 21, I would have wanted to shoot myself before I lived with my parents, grandparents, etc. Times sure are changing.</p>
<p>My parents helped me out with the initial costs (first+last months rent+security deposit+brokers fee), and they gave me bedroom furniture as a graduation present. In addition, I took some old furniture and lots of old kitchenware from my house-- which my parents were both excited about since it meant that it got out of the house. The initial outlay of money can be a lot for anyone who doesn’t get a signing bonus with their job. As a graduate student who didn’t get paid until the end of the first month at work, it would have been quite difficult to finance. I was lucky enough that my parents could afford to help me out a bit. Although I have health insurance through my school, I am still on my parents health insurance as it is much better.</p>
<p>My first two have moved quickly out of dorms, in each case we gifted them the first deposit and told them they had all the responsibility for getting it all back at the end. We feel like this is both helpful, a gift of a perpetual deposit, and a lesson and some buy in on working hard to get the full deposit back. Thus far it is working well for each of them. We will provide the same amount of #3 to keep it fair</p>
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<p>You may be right. With the stock market tumbling and a huge chunk of our retirement fund in 401k gone, I told my S today that when he buys a house in the future, make sure it has a little unit for the parents.</p>
<p>^^lol. I’ve been thinking about moving Grandma in with one of her grandsons.</p>
<p>Exactly mkm, that’s how we should all handle being in the sandwich position! It seems so natural. And I look forward to time with my grandkids but I want my grown kids under their own roofs if possible the more I contemplate this.</p>
<p>My H lived with his parents after grad school until we got married, 5+ years later. They didn’t charge him rent – and his mother cooked most of his meals, did his laundry – but he did help out with some family responsibilities. He did have a nice downpayment towards our first home. I contributed furnishings but little cash because I <em>had</em> been out on my own and paying rent and other bills.</p>
<p>Fast forward 30 years from graduation and 25 years of marriage – it’s worked out OK. It was a bit of a culture shock for him realizing that someone actually had to pay for everything from the electric bill to the sofa to the salt in the salt shakers. And that someone actually had to <em>do</em> the laundry or didn’t get done. And vacuuming once a month was not a significant contribution to household cleanliness.</p>
<p>However, 25 years later, he’s figured it out. We’re still married. And my kids have a more realistic view of daily living than my husband did at their age!</p>
<p>Would it be better to live at home and gain money after college, say a year, and put a down payment on a final house, one you want to live in for a while? OR, immediately after graduating rent a small house or appartment to live in for a while till you settle down and get married, then purchase a final home?
what are the pros/cons of both?
please help!</p>
<p>MMeyer, are you a parent or a soon to be graduate? </p>
<p>Sounds to me like you are a parent who has an idealistic way of how things should go - settle down, get married, purchase a home — these choices all depend on an individual’s situation. Pros/cons vary between graduate, family situation back at “home” , etc.</p>