Our son wants to get an apartment with 2 friends, in the city we live and where is college is. He is a commuter now (lived in dorms 1st two years) and he wants to ‘not live at home’ for his last year. He has an easy life living at home (no bills, no restrictions), but wants out. He outlined a plan to move into the apartment that was filled with holes i.e. no plan for transportation to school, didn’t realize he would have to work 30+ hours a week to pay his bills which he can’t work that much, etc. We talked to him about why they need to continue working on these issues and get answers to these issues, and he then said he will not move out as its not worth the ‘hassle’. He is now mad as he is blaming us for pointing out these issues. I am not sure what the question is exactly, but should we have just said fine go live in an apartment and wing it/go into debt? Now, we just found out a relative has some college money for him that he could use for the rent. Should we tell him its available and he can start making a new plan for an apartment with this money in mind? It just seems like a waste of this money that the relative could use to give to him as a college graduation gift or that he can use as a down payment on a house. #stumped
It’s tempting, but I don’t think you should make this decision for him. Being that he’s eager to spread his wings, just tell him there is this money available, point out his options, and then let him make the decision as to what he wants to do. Who knows, maybe he’ll agree with you and continue to commute from home and save the money for after graduation. Not telling him though, will come across as controlling.
Tell him what the relative has said which should make son happy, but also let son know that if he chooses to use the money for an apartment, you will not rescue him when he runs out of money to pay his bills.
He’s a big boy now and should learn how to budget on his own. Don’t go to his rescue because he’ll be mad at you for that too.
Is the relative comfortable with the money being used this way? I would discuss it with the relative first.
I kind of feel it is up to the relative to make the decision about telling your son. It is their money after all. I would explain the situation to the relative and let them take from there. I would not put myself in the middle of that discussion.
If the relative is willing to give the money with no strings attached then I would advise the son about the pros and cons and then let it go. However, I agree that it should be clear that you will not bail him out if the money runs out.
Thanks to all. The relative just wants to let him know the money is available and let him make the decision so I guess we will. They don’t want to get in the middle of this 
Since ‘not living at home’ for his last year, is so important to him, I am sure he’ll want to take the money now and not wait for future rewards, but maybe he’ll surprise us. The relatives money isn’t enough to pay for his full rent/board so he’ll still have to work more hours which he may decide against.
More worrisome is that it looks like he is not fully able to do personal financial planning himself, so that he may struggle with staying within his financial means after he graduates. One would think that a college senior should have figured this out by now, but the original post indicates that he has not.
To me, college is a good time to move out (if one can) to start to gain independence.
If he can use the relative’s money, then start supporting him in moving out under the condition you do a budget spreadsheet together…but be real positive about his initiative.
Would the relative consider giving the money in monthly installments? Could help with budgeting? Also are you willing to co-sign the lease? Many landlords in college towns will require all parents to guarantee the lease.
My concern would be the number of hours your son needs to work to close the gap. My Senior year was busy with a full course load and job interviews that require plane trips.
Shoot, I would love to live at home while attending college. So much money i would save.even while living at home during community college, I still paid some bills. He just wants more freedom.I understand. Talk to him and ask him why he wants to live somewhere else and then try and negotiate something with him. Maybe he can pay some bills for some extra freedom 
That’s an idea to give him the relatives money in installments. A good point also about needing more free time in his senior year for interviews, etc and he may not be able to support himself once the relatives money runs out. He has some other personal ‘rainy day’ money that he promised a long time ago he would not dip into to pay day to day living expenses, but I think he is thinking if he moves out and gets short on money he would just use some of the rainy day money. That is a different set of worries that he doesn’t value have savings for future use.