<p>I’m old fashioned. I kept my own place until I got married, and I was married at an age that is statistically MUCH later than average. ( I even had an engagement that was around 1 year.) I don’t think it is good for undergrad students. It would be a problem if it didn’t work out with the students, and even more of a disruption for the person who has to find another place to live. I don’t think it is so great for grad students either, but even in my experience in the dinosaur age, it was done quite a bit. I guess some people are more resilient, or can take dislocation easily, but if not so resilient and not happy to be dislocated, not advisable.</p>
<p>I would want my kids be protected in case of a break up.I would advise my DD/DS to think about the consequence if they ever break up. It would be infinitely harder to decide what’s mine, his or ours if they had shared living arrangements and the emotional consequences will also impact negatively on their studies which is costly.</p>
<p>My D and her BF were seriously thinking of living together since they started their jobs in a new city after grad school. However, my D chose to have a place of her own even though it is costing her much more (in NYC). She will save in emotional turmoil if things don’t turn out.</p>
<p>I didn’t live with my H prior to marriage. In hindsight, I wish I had. He agrees.</p>
<p>I lived with my husband for two and a half years before marriage. We were adults. I do not consider a college-aged student whose parents are paying for college tuition, room and board to be a full-fledged adult. I would not allow my S to play house with his gf on my dime.</p>
<p>I didn’t live with my husband before we were married either and I’m glad I didn’t. There was something special about moving in together. We’ve passed the 30 yr mark. </p>
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I wouldn’t either. It would defer the moving in together until they were old enough and financially stable enough to make that decision. Could save some heartbreak.</p>
<p>I never lived with any of my BFs before I finally got married. For us, it was better to have our own places and spared a lot more entanglement when there were breakups. No regrets here. We’re all different. I got married after I had finished all my schooling & had been in my carreer for 5 years; H had been in his career much longer. We were both significantly older than many newlyweds when we married.</p>
<p>Am I the only one who doesn’t object to a college student living with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend?</p>
<p>I didn’t think my viewpoint was unusual, but maybe it is.</p>
<p>Marian, I’m with you. I would have no objection to a college student living with his / her girlfriend/ boyfriend. Very common nowadays.</p>
<p>I don’t object. I would have with her previous boyfriend (though that never came up) as he was a nasty abusive control freak and I would have been scared for her (already was). But I don’t have a problem with it. </p>
<p>I guess I find the college years over here strange in some ways. They are adults, yet the financial link is still there. I did not go to college (back then in the UK it was possible to have a good career without a degree). When I was 18 and finished with secondary school it would never have crossed my mind to ask permission of my parents for anything nor would it have crossed their minds to tell me I could or could not do something. There was no financial dependency to muddy the waters. For me I would find it strange to be telling a 20-21 year old what they can or can not do. My kids will run ideas by me and I will give my honest opinion, negative or otherwise. But I don’t give or withold permission. Just a cultural difference I guess.</p>
<p>Personally, I wouldn’t be thrilled, but it’s very academic at this point (& I hope it remains so), since neither of my kids is in any serious relationship with anyone. S is graduating & D has signed a lease with her buddies for her last year of college.</p>
<p>I honestly don’t think it’s a great idea for many reasons for many kids. Obviously, other minds differ.</p>
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I wouldn’t object. I wouldn’t be thrilled either. But either way, I’m not paying for it. If they want to be adults, let them finance it.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t object. And as for paying for it, she gets a lump sum in the summer to go for schooling for the next year. It should cover everything. It’s up to her to manage it. She does ask for advice, but that’s what it is, advice. Final decision is up to her.</p>
<p>As for advice, their father and I have told the girls they should live with their intended before getting married. And when my daughter brought home her boyfriend I offered to let them sleep in separate rooms, but they preferred to sleep together, so I let them go with that. (Though if their her dad was still alive I’m wondering what we would have settled on.) </p>
<p>And later, when tragedy hit my boyfriend, I moved in with him for a week to help him get through those first awful few days. It feels good not to have to explain why I could do it and they can’t.</p>
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<p>No, Marian, you aren’t the only one, as I said earlier in the thread. I can’t think of anyone I know (in real life!) who would object. Or who would think that it was any of their business, frankly. I think it’s important to raise kids to the point that when they are of college age, they are capable of making good decisions for themselves. I would never have presumed to tell my Ds whether or not to live with a boyfriend with whom they were in a committed, longterm relationship. As for holding the thread of not paying for their education over their heads? Well, in my opinion, that’s just plain wrong.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t object. I know not all parents approve, but it seems living together - in college or beyond - is simply a natural progression in many relationships. I lived with a boyfriend when I was in college. I would not be surprised if either of my children did so too.</p>
<p>I already posted that I didn’t object.</p>
<p>sounds like some parents actually aspire to it!</p>
<p>It would not be my preference, but no holding finance over them. It’s not an moral issue for me. If they are that committed then they should get married, if they are not getting married it means there is a chance of breaking up. It’s good to have a place to go back to if that should happen. I am also in the camp of having them live together before they get married - better to see all the good, bad and ugly before they say I do.</p>
<p>I’m pretty fascinated at how few people are posting with their moral objections to this. I would not object on moral grounds, but would have lots of qualms on practical ones. </p>
<p>It hasn’t come up for us, and I don’t think it will. Our one remaining college student is well aware that his girlfriend-relationships tend to be rocky at times, and not to last anything like a whole academic year.</p>
<p>I am not sure I know anyone who lived with a boy- or girlfriend while in college. I think that everyone would be a little leery of that.</p>
<p>I also have no problems on moral grounds, but do worry about the practical ones. I think if they must live together they’d be better off living with a group of students and each have their own room so that if they break up they don’t need to find new living spaces. I saw enough of those problems when I was in grad school, though it didn’t stop me from moving into a single room in a house with my then boyfriend now husband.</p>
<p>I think it really depends on the couple and the situation. There is no “right” answer. It is preferable, due to practical considerations, to NOT live together in college, but I can see it working out. I think my daughter needed her space and it was good that she did not live with her boyfriend. I’m not sure my son will EVER let a girl move in- he’s too much of a neat-nik and too picky about things. They need to vacate after breakfast. :)</p>