Living with a Bad Decision

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Dear Parents,</p>

<p>Hello. I am currently a sophomore in college with a need for some advice. Seeing as how most posters on this forum will presumably be older than me and more experienced in life,　Ｉ　ｗａｓ　ｗｏｎｄｅｒｉｎｇ　ｉｆ　Ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｇｅｔ　ｓｏｍｅ　ａｄｖｉｃｅ　ｒｅｇａｒｄｉｎｇ　ｍａｋｉｎｇ　ａｎｄ　ｌｉｖｉｎｇ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｏｎｅ＇ｓ　ｄｅｃｉｓｉｏｎｓ．Any help would be appreciated.</p>

<p>Ｏｖｅｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｐａｓｔ　ｍｏｎｔｈ　Ｉ　ｈａｄ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｂｒｅａｋｉｎｇ　ｍｙ　ｂａｃｋ　ｔｏ　ｓｅｃｕｒｅ　ａ　ｊｏｂ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｓｕｍｍｅｒ．　Ａｆｔｅｒ　ｈｕｎｄｒｅｄｓ　ｏｆ　ｅｍａｉｌｓ　ｓｅｎｔ　ａｎｄ　ｎｕｍｅｒｏｕｓ　ｐｈｏｎｅ　ａｎｄ　Ｓｋｙｐｅ　ｉｎｔｅｒｖｉｅｗｓ，　ｍｙ　ｔｏｐ　２　ｐｒｏｓｐｅｃｔｓ　ｗｅｒｅ　ｗｏｒｋｉｎｇ　ｆｏｒ　ａｎ　Ｉｎｔｅｒｎａｔｉｏｎａｌ　Ｐｕｂｌｉｃ　Ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓ　ｆｉｒｍ　ｉｎ　Ｂｅｉｊｉｎｇ　ａｎｄ　ｈｅｌｐｉｎｇ　ｏｒｇａｎｉｚｅ　ａ　Ｄｒａｇｏｎ　Ｂｏａｔ　ｒａｃｅ　ｉｎ　Ｓｉｎｇａｐｏｒｅ．　Ｉ　ａｍ　ａｐｐｌｙｉｎｇ　ｆｏｒ　ａ　ｓｃｈｏｌａｒｓｈｉｐ　ｔｈａｔ　ｗｏｕｌｄ　ｃｏｖｅｒ　ａｌｌ　ａｓｓｏｃｉａｔｅｄ　ｃｏｓｔｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｉ　ｈａｄ　ｔｏ　ｐｉｃｋ　ｑｕｉｃｋ，　ｓｏ　Ｉ　ｕｌｔｉｍａｔｅｌｙ　ｃｈｏｓｅ　Ｓｉｎｇａｐｏｒｅ　（ｄｕｅ　ｔｏ　ｈａｖｉｎｇ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｂｅｆｏｒｅ　ａｎｄ　ｈｏｐｉｎｇ　ｉｔ　ｗｏｕｌｄ　ｂｅ　ａ　＂ｌｉｆｅ　ｅｘｐｅｒｉｅｎｃｅ＂, and finally, that I would be going to Beijing next spring for study abroad anyways）．</p>

<p>Ｓｉｎｃｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｄａｙ，　Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｉｎｃｒｅａｓｉｎｇｌｙ　ｈａｄ　ｓｅｃｏｎｄ－ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ　ａｎｄ　ｓｅｖｅｒｅ　ｄｏｕｂｔｓ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｍｙ　ｄｅｃｉｓｉｏｎ．　Ｍｙ　ｄａｙｓ　ａｒｅ　ｐｌａｇｕｅｄ　ｗｉｔｈ　ａｎｘｉｅｔｙ，　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｗａｓ　ｓｅｖｅｒｅｌｙ　ｅｘａｃｅｒｂａｔｅｄ　ｂｙ　ｔｈｅ　ｅｍａｉｌｓ　Ｉ　ｇｏｔ　ｅｘｐｒｅｓｓｉｎｇ　ｓｅｖｅｒｅ　ｄｉｓｓaｐｏｉｎｔｍｅｎｔ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｔｈｅ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ　ｉｎ　Ｂｅｉｊｉｎｇ．Every time I see a Chinese character, or some object of the Chinese culture, I am automatically reminded of my decision. It also didn’t help that most of my peers wondered why I picked Singapore. It is to my understanding that the internship after junior year is most significant- however I feel that I have burnt a solid bridge in that respect by turning this job offer down- I came about it through an alumni.</p>

<p>At this point it is most likely too late to change course; everyone at this point, although they may wonder why, is expecting me to go to Singapore. I don’t want to burn the final bridge by turning that down. I realize that I am most likely going to go to Singapore for free and that I should be ecstatic instead of distraught- I am extremely lucky to be in this position and I acknowledge that.</p>

<p>Yet constant thoughts about what Beijing would have been like have been haunting me. To be honest, in retrospect the decision I made wasn’t well thought out, hasty, and frankly, dumb. And this has really been driving me nuts lately, I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate. This is taking up more of my time than finding the actual job did.</p>

<p>Parents, is there any advice you might be able to give me? I understand that in the context of life, this decision is probably really trivial; thus I really need to learn how to deal with this stuff now. And if this seems like its coming from the perspective of an individual who has a very narrow-minded, ignorant, and overly-vocational viewpoint on life, I apologize, I am young and learning.</p>

<p>Thank you for taking the time to read this.</p>

2

<p>Now why is Singapore, in the abstract, a bad decision? You never say.</p>

3

<p>Forgive me. To go to Singapore itself is not a bad decision in and of itself, and it is obviously a phenomenal experience. But here’s why I have second thoughts.</p>

<p>1) When informing my prospective employer as well as the alumni who worked it for me- they expressed severe disappointment. I can get over guilty eventually, but the fact that I might have burnt a bridge to a Summer 2010 job. Had I chosen Beijing the repercussions wouldn’t have been anywhere near severe.</p>

<p>2) I’m specializing in Chinese politics for my major and have been intensely studying the language. Although Mandarin is spoken in Singapore to a certain degree, Beijing is arguably where the most “standard” Mandarin is spoken in all of the Greater China Area. </p>

<p>3) Researching for Golin Harris would have probably benefited my resume more than helping organize a dragon boat race.</p>

<p>4) Lost opportunities. Being in Beijing this summer probably would have secured a job for the next (which is the big deal).</p>

<p>5) I worked a million times harder to get the Beijing job than the Singapore one</p>

<p>6) Least, but still affecting me- most people are telling me they would have just went to Beijing.</p>

<p>Sigh.</p>

4

<p>And with that I meant Singapore… was not the right decision. Not the best.</p>

5

<p>Coming from Singapore and having been to Beijing (as well as other Chinese cities), here are my thoughts: </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Your Singapore experience will add very little in terms of your major. There’s no way around this fact.</p></li>
<li><p>We do speak Mandarin Chinese here (and, like mainland China, we use Simplified Chinese), but really not enough for a language immersion experience. It’s very likely, for instance, that you’ll be conducting all your job dealings entirely in English. And of course, one quarter of our population isn’t Chinese.</p></li>
<li><p>Singaporean culture is quite different from mainland Chinese culture. Not as different as Singapore and Europe, but perhaps you could think of it as the difference between regions of the US.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Having said all that, if it’s too late to change your decision now - and it does seem so, given your thread title - then the best advice I can give you is: try to stop kicking yourself over this, and make the best use of the opportunity that you still do have.</p>

<p>If you’ve got any questions about Singapore, feel free to PM me - I (and of course the considerable number of Singaporeans that are on this forum) will be glad to answer.</p>

6

<p>It can be hard at this time of the year when you have school pressure and the pressure to find something for the summer and all of the work that you have to do. What’s done is done and the best thing to do is to make the best of the decision that you’ve made. Worrying about things that are now out of your control is only self-destructive.</p>

<p>I’ve been to Beijing and Singapore and I like Singapore a lot better but that’s from the perspective of a tourist. My wife is a citizen (she was there a few months ago) and our kids have lived there for a while. Perhaps you could look forward to enjoying yourself while you are there.</p>

7

<p>Here’s another thought as far as “living with a bad decision” goes - why not take some time to think about and perhaps write down a list of things you stand to gain by coming to Singapore, instead of mulling over everything you’re missing out by not going to Beijing? It’d make things much worse if you came here and then didn’t take as much out of the experience as you could have because you didn’t know what to look out for, or refused to smell the roses or whatever. I’m sure you’ll still get chances to develop useful relationships and business skills in your Singapore job.</p>

8

<p>Ladies and Gentlemen,</p>

<p>Thank you- I appreciate the responses. I am currently trying to nab Beijing back, but I’m expecting to go to Singapore. </p>

<p>Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot about decision-making through this process- I need to work on it.</p>

<p>Thanks again!</p>

9

<p>Here is another one for decision making - never look back. There is no decision that will ever be perfect. People often drive themselves crazy wondering what could have. If you are not able to get the Beijin internship back, then try to move forward.</p>

10

<p>Agree with oldfort, 100%! If you can’t get China back, then commit with gusto to Singapore.</p>

<p>This won’t be the only time in your life when you’ll have to make a decision between 2 things that will each have their plus and minus points. Analyze logically, listen to your gut, make your choice and move on and don’t look back.</p>

11

<p>I hope this is the worst decision you ever make.</p>

<p>If so, you’ll do fine.</p>

12

<p>The picking of the spouse…that’s a biggie. But not so easy to ditch the one you just married to pursue the one you let get away. Thank goodness this is just an internship.</p>

13

<p>Every decision has plusses and minusses for both choices. Try to see the plusses in the Singapore option. </p>

<p>To me, all is not lost anyway because you are going to sorta have your cake and eat it too because you are doing a semester in Beijing next year!!</p>

14

<p>Parts of the OP were literally blocked out (little boxes) but I got the gist of the problem. What’s the big deal? So you spend the summer in X instead of Y. That’s not a major decision that will ruin your life or even change it much. You are lucky you have a summer job. Relax and don’t worry, especially about what anyone else may think.</p>

15

<p>Sometimes, these supposedly “bad” decisions bring us opportunities that we would never have otherwise imagined. And these opportunities could change the trajectory of our lives. Make the best of the Singapore internship and you just might be amazed if you gave it a solid chance. Best of luck.</p>

16

<p>Dear all,</p>

<p>Thank you all so muc for writing back. I’ve contacted the guy in Beijing and my destination really depends on what he says in the next 24 hours. Even if he does say yes, it won’t be pleasant (having to tell the Singapore people what is going on). But I’m ready for either. And again, I’m very lucky and grateful to have these opportunities (although I’ve managed to somehow make it a nightmare for myself).</p>

<p>With that said, I’ve definitely learned a lot from this. While it was a mistake to have spent so much time mentally wrestling with this issue, it was also a good lesson. I really can’t afford to have my emotions involved with decisions like these. On one hand I feel like I need to really think out a decision before I make it, on the other my analysis can and often does lead to my paralysis. Balancing the two is a hard task indeed. Hopefully I have more hard decisions in the future so I can get used to making them.</p>

<p>Thanks again!</p>

<p>P.S VeryHappy, what do you mean by that?</p>

17

<p>Kenzen,</p>

<p>Please do keep us updated about this situation. I often have similar issues regarding decision-making. I’d love to hear more about how you feel about your decision after you hear back.</p>

<p>By the way, I don’t think there was anything wrong with your initial decision criteria: you went for an experience that would broaden your horizons with an experience in a new country, doing something slightly different (an experience that you are unlikely to have again). The Singapore option didn’t sound bad to me at all!</p>