<p>DH and I are getting ready to get ready to downsize the house. (That’s code for, “Don’t rush me!!”) As I consider what type of situation I’d like to move to – Rural with lots of land?? Single-family house in a small nearby city? Two- or three-bedrooom condo? – I’m struck by the fact that no one I’ve ever known considers doubling up with another couple. That way, there would be common areas – kitchen, living room – and private areas – bedroom, bathroom, perhaps a library or study-type space.</p>
<p>Pros: More house. Someone to share expenses with. Companionship. Potential for sharing meals, living communally.</p>
<p>Cons: Potential for conflict. Potential to change a friendship into a business relationship. Less privacy.</p>
<p>Admittedly, there are very few people in the universe I’d even consider doing this with, but it appeals to me nonetheless. Sort of a co-ed “Golden Girls.” </p>
<p>Does anyone know anyone who has done this sort of thing??</p>
<p>I could see the possibility if it were me and a couple of other ladies - but no way would I consider it with another couple. Just seems too weird!</p>
<p>The simple truth is that for most of human history people have lived in multi-family and multi-generation households. Granted, these groups are usually related by blood and/or marriage. I say go for it. You can always tell the kids that you’ve waited until they were out of the house so you could form a commune!</p>
<p>I don’t even want to go on vacation with another couple. :D</p>
<p>Are you thinking about this as your long-term retirement living situation? I work with seniors and don’t know anyone who’s done this. But you’re right - there are financial advantages. I can imagine doing a “Golden Girls” setup as an old lady, but I’d have to have a very large house to live with another couple (and I don’t). :)</p>
<p>My grandparents lived in a fairly nice sized apartment in a city. When they were raising their 2 children, the children each had a bedroom and my grandparents converted the living room area into their bedroom. Once their kids moved out they continued to live this way and they rented the bedrooms (same people lived there for many years). It worked out very well as far as some companionship and income. I have no idea as to whether this was legal at the time, but nobody complained.</p>
<p>I’m with Frazzled - I don’t even want to vacation with another couple!</p>
<p>The only way I would consider anything like this was if “we” purchased a large house divided into two “homes” - completely seperate entrances and everything or a duplex type situation. </p>
<p>But mostly for me, it would be a total “no”.</p>
<p>We know several families who have retired together but to their own condos in one condo building. Their parents bought in to the condo building many years ago with their friends and the kids got to know each other growing up on vacations and now they have bought condos or taken over their parents. They like that someone is always around to watch things and that there is always someone around to do things with. I couldn’t do a joint living arrangement. I want a place that my kids and their families can come to for holidays or vacations and I thnk it would be hard to schedule that with another family involved. We have a family cabin and it is VERY difficult!</p>
<p>It’s weird to share a house with another grown up, one with whom you have not been sharing for years. One becomes accustomed to the idiosyncrasies of their spouse, one is familiar with the foibles of their kids, if an adult kid moves home after college or even is home for the summer, they annoy you, but in expected ways.</p>
<p>A parent moved in with me this year. I can appreciate the good points, the efficiencies, the meal sharing, the cleaning & heating one house, the shared costs, etc. But I am also painfully aware that it takes a year or more to become relaxed with someone else’s quirks & habits, even when the person is wonderful and has a wonderful attitude. Coffee making, laundry, kitchen stuff, there are 1000 little things that can just bug the heck out of you, and for no valid reason, the person is doing nothing wrong, nothing that needs correcting, they are just doing things differently than you do them. It causes a need for adjustment, it hits you at a gut level.</p>
<p>If I did a Golden Girls with my sister, maybe, but two couples would be more challenging, I think. Spouses are constantly adjusting to each other, then would need to adjust to both of the people in the other couple and their constant adjustments to each other, a very fluid dynamic.</p>
<p>I’d suggest going with your original plan … travel around the country a bit and find some places you TWO would be happy (!) living. Meaning no disrespect, but I think the two couple idea will go the same way as most HS romances do once kids head off to college. Sounds good in theory, but …</p>
<p>PS, My MIL is looking for someone to share her house in the Midwest. It’s REALLY cheap there. (I guess I should mention that she tends to leave um, personal items on the kitchen table … there are loaded guns in the house, lots of them … she doesn’t believe in locking doors … and there’s only one bathroom and it doesn’t have a shower. But I’d be happy (?) to put you in touch if you’d like to explore a co-living situation with her.)</p>
<p>You have to have ALL the participants really willing to be flexible or have it more with perhaps a common wall and separate entrances. H relishes his privacy and we have enough trouble with the neighbors behind us who like to chat & smoke in the backyard about 40 feet from our pool at night. We are OK with vacationing for up to 3 weeks but would have a tough time VOLUNTARILY living with another couple.</p>
<p>If I were single & carefully chose a room mate or companion, it could work, as it did when we were growing up. We get used to having a lot of space and privacy–we COULD get used to something else but there has to be a lot of desire (or need) to make it work well for us. </p>
<p>That said, it happens quite a lot in HI, but usually it’s an extended family situation–grown kids & their families moving in with the folks in part to help care for the oldersters and in part to save housing costs. It is not without friction but does have the blood connection to bind everyone and does save the extended family unit costs.</p>
<p>I have heard of at least one family that had 17 people living in the same modest dwelling unit–all related by blood or marriage. On our street, the retired couple had first their divorced S & his two boys move back to their modest 3-4 bedroom home & then their D, her husband and their 3 kids move back. The couple confided it was NOT how they had envisioned their “golden years.” The D & her H & kids moved back out because of abuse by the others toward her kids. With the economy & HI’s skyrocketing housing prices, people living with their in-laws/parents is becoming increasingly common.</p>
<p>It’s not something I could see DH and me doing. We vacation with our best friends of 22 years, often sharing a condo or a cabin, but I’m sure we would all agree that we couldn’t live together. I would rather live in a tiny apartment, if necessary, with DH than in a large house with others. We’ve been together for 28 years and there are still things that take getting used to with one another (he does now occasionally lower the toilet seat and lid, so that’s progress!). Besides, how are we supposed to run around naked with others in the house? ;)</p>