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<p>Bethievt, unfortunately the author was dead serious. She was on the Today Show this morning, and I have to assume while she was doing the interview her sons were filling out transfer applications.</p>
<p>^Or entering a witness-protection program.</p>
<p>Geez, and I thought I was embarrassing to my kids.</p>
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<p>LOL—love it! Also, IMO it’s a bad idea to conflate intelligence and intellect. I’ve known “intelligent” individuals who were boorish, selfish, and completely lacking in intellectual curiosity. I suppose the last trait arose from the assumption that high I.Q. automatically confers a god-like capacity for infallibility and all-knowingness. One of these individuals actually graduated from Princeton, but I wouldn’t want my daughter married to him.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I know individuals whom I’d describe as “intellectual”, whose minds always seem to be probing, always questing for greater understanding (understanding, not necessarily being synonymous with knowledge). Some of them are Ivy League grads. Some attended state schools. A couple of them didn’t even attend college. I’d much rather my daughter marry any one of them than the aforementioned.</p>
<p>What classes do you take at Princeton to major in Mrs?</p>
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<p>Regarding “younger”: if women did not marry older, then men could not marry younger. I hear a lot of women complain that men their age are too immature.</p>
<p>Regarding “intelligence”: I hear that less intelligent women are more approachable. Almost like the guy has to pass an IQ test in order to be considered for a first date with some “intelligent” women. As such, they get a reputation for being difficult to approach, so guys (who would be her equal) don’t even try.</p>
<p>The letter is similar to the advice given in the book Marry him
<a href=“Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now... The Case for Good Enough - The Atlantic”>Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now... The Case for Good Enough - The Atlantic;
<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/B0053U7EII[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/B0053U7EII</a></p>
<p><a href=“Hilarious rap video complains about hardships of women graduating from Ivy League colleges | Daily Mail Online”>Hilarious rap video complains about hardships of women graduating from Ivy League colleges | Daily Mail Online;
<p>I don’t know. I think the essay goes well with this video where the woman suggests people going to other schools are not her peers. :D</p>
<p>My daughter’s high school to Princeton boyfriend is marrying his Princeton girlfriend this month. </p>
<p>Fiance must have got the memo. (jk)</p>
<p>My son did not apply to Princeton but his girlfriend did and got in. I wonder how that will affect their relationship.</p>
<p>^^^ Mr. Mom</p>
<p>LOL, Texaspg. I loved the sign held by our heroine as she sat on the side of the road:
So Funny! Sad though, when you think about it. Aside from the fact that our boorish Wharton grad seems to personify all that I find objectionable in some highly “intelligent” men, what the video suggests about the income earning prospects of women graduates from even our most elite schools, was actually pretty sobering.</p>
<p>Gotta give her credit for getting the attention she apparently wanted. Too bad it will backfire for her son.</p>
<p>Fact is women do earn less than men. I think that this is even more evident when recruiters have their pick at the the graduates at the Ivies and have to decide who is more valuable in the long run. Men are also better salary negotiators what gives them an economical edge in subsequent jobs.</p>
<p>Uh oh. So I sat down with a glass of wine to read this article and have a good laugh. And unfortunately, it was my third glass of wine (big mistake, I’m feeling bad tomorrow), and I couldn’t find anything funny. What am I missing? Maybe reading the original article would have been more illuminating.</p>
<p>But the sad truth is, I can’t find anything wrong with the basis of her article, "“Women should not have to dumb it down,” she said. “And, it’s unsatisfying for exceptionally well educated women to be with men who are not their intellectual equal.”</p>
<p>I don’t read that she’s saying that one must marry a Princeton man, but she is specifically writing to the group of women on that campus, saying to marry a man of your educational equal. And the reality is that there are far fewer male college graduates, women are surpassing men educationally like crazy. Anecdotally, my friends who are now single are having a tough time finding men who are as educated as they are, and that is just reality.</p>
<p>Dang it, what am I missing? I can’t find anything untrue and laughable about this article. Enlighten me, quick!</p>
<p>My H is one of the few in my extended family who does not have a grad or professional degree. He does have a bachelor’s degree from in-state flagship U. Both of his sibs have professional degrees and are healthcare professionals. </p>
<p>H is well-respected st his workplace and in his field. He loves his work and has gotten extensive on the job training. Some well-meaning people tried to warn me about marrying someone who MAY not be an intellectual peer but I have always found H to be well able to hold his own in any conversation about nearly any topic–much more so than people with more degrees than him. Have not found his lack of additional credentials has in any way impaired our relationship. </p>
<p>Am please he also does dishes, still has the attractive physique he did when we married over 26 years ago, is a great provider and soul-mate. </p>
<p>Am sure both my kids will eventually find partners they may wish to share their lives with, irrespective of pedigree. We will welcome them with open arms–as long as they and our kids are happy together.</p>
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<p>I guess my own thinking is that one’s “intellectual equal” does not necessarily have to be one’s “educational equal”. I quite understand the need/desire to pair with a partner who has commensurate earning power and social status. But, as I tried to point out in an earlier post, a highly educated man does not always equal an intellectual one. </p>
<p>If you’re a woman enamored of ideas, are on a constant quest to learn/understand new things, and value a partner who is the same way, you may or may not find him on the campus of an elite school. He may be attending a more pedestrian institution (for any number of reasons), or he may not have had the opportunity to attend a four year college. </p>
<p>My brother, I believe, fits the description of a man who is both intelligent AND intellectually curious, but does not have the educational resume many assume to be pre-requisite for those traits. He’s an accomplished jazz musician who makes his living playing this genre of music. He earns roughly 80 thousand a year—not rich by any American standard, but no slouch either. Since his divorce five years ago, he has regularly dated women far more educated than himself (his current girlfriend, whom he feels might actually be “the one”) is a computer software engineer. She recently told me she finds him to be “very intelligent”. He’s a man who is constantly turning ideas and concepts over in his mind to examine them. He listens with intensity, and asks probing questions. He reads literary classics in his spare time. Most importantly, he doesn’t harbor a vaunted opinion of himself. He’s easy to talk with and easy to be with. He has a wicked sense of humor, and often shows himself to be deeply insightful. His ex-wife holds a master’s degree, which she was able to obtain, in no small part, due to years of my brother’s financial support. Interesting how, as soon as her student loans were paid off, she wanted a divorce. Ironically, she recently admitted to him (voluntarily and quite out of the blue) that, had she to do it all over again, she would not have chosen to divorce. Too late now.</p>
<p>While I don’t necessarily agree with everything that Ms. Patton wrote, I do applaud her for having the courage to put her politically incorrect opinions out there. This is simply how she sees things from her life perspective. I think it actually might just resonate with those young women who do not have lofty career aspirations. All she is really saying in the end is that it is OK for women to stay home and raise a family. For those women, she is simply urging them to get down to business.</p>
<p>As to her assertion that women cannot be happy with men less intelligent than themselves, I would respond by saying “maybe”. Intelligence comes in many forms. One of the most brilliant men I know, with multiple Ivy degrees, is also the most socially inept. A severe handicap in todays world. It has wrecked havoc in his marriage and professional life. Personally, I prefer balance in a man. </p>
<p>I do agree with Ms. Patton’s contention that if the women’s movement has done it’s job, then women should be free to choose any path they like without being judged. I logged 12 years in a high pressure city in a high pressure job. I was burnt out and spent the next 10 years launching my family. When the children were all in school full time I started my own small business. I think there is something to be said for both lifestyles.</p>
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<p>EXACTLY.</p>
<p>One can be extremely intelligent despite the lack of educational pedigree.</p>
<p>This being CC smart/intelligent is defined as grades, SAT/ACT scores, types of majors earned, and colleges attended. That’s OK because that’s what this place is. But, in reality you all know that there is more to being smart than that. There are all kinds of skills in real life that people have or don’t have that make them smart: being flexible in the work place; being a hard worker; being kind, polite and helpful; getting along with your colleagues; dressing nice/appropriate; being a good supervisor that can develop your staff; showing up on time; managing your manager. There are lots of others. These forms of smartness/intelligence lead to success much more than just being really, really bright in the classroom. College (and native intelligence) is seminal, not terminal. </p>
<p>As for marriage, it’s a partnership. Couples share responsibilities and bring specific skill sets into the relationship. Each does what they are good at and like to do. In a good marriage, individuals do learn new skills to meet the needs of the other.</p>
<p>I also applaud Ms Patton for encouraging women to chose what works best for them. I have a daughter with a degree in engineering. She is a stay at home mom right now. People are always asking me if it bothers me. It was her choice and she and her dh are happy, why should it bother me?</p>
<p>Although my kids would relieve me of some of my bodily parts if I ever published anything like this woman’s letter, she does have a point. Two of them, actually.</p>
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<li><p>More men than women are comfortable marrying someone who is substantially younger, substantially less educated, or substantially less ambitious than they are.</p></li>
<li><p>College – particularly a selective college – provides access to a larger number of people similar to you in age, education, and ambition than you are ever likely to find again.</p></li>
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<p>Based on these two pieces of information, it actually does make sense for young women at selective colleges to try to form a lasting relationship with a man while they are in college. But in real life, this doesn’t necessarily work out. </p>
<p>Many young people are not ready for a lasting relationship at that point in their lives – both because they don’t feel ready in terms of maturity and because their plans for graduate school and/or the early stages of a career may involve repeated moves to different parts of the country – something that’s much more difficult to do when you have a partner.</p>
<p>Forgetting everything else (like why do you have to marry someone who has the same educational credentials), I have long been distrubed by how much pressure women face from the outside to find a ‘mate’. Granted, some women want to marry/have families, which is fine, but for all the women that are interested in this, it seems there are many who are constantly pushed and prodded by their families, friends, and even random co-workers. Personally, I would never accept older relatives questioning me on when I am going to get married - I think it’s tacky, somewhat controlling, and, uite frankly, demeaning.</p>
<p>I find it almost funny how many times random people have asked me about something related to marriage/kids plans. I am willing to BET men are not constantly asked these questions.</p>
<p>As I said, I find it almost funny, but not really. In reality, I find it very, very sad. I find it sad that parents (not saying all parents) don’t teach their girls that staying single, if that’s what they choose to do, is a viable option. You truly don’t need a man, a mate, or a child to be happy, and maybe, just maybe, so much of our focus should not go to finiding a potential mate. Besides all the obvious issues it creates, I think it leads women to settle. By the time they hit 30, they think they are too old to wait for the right person or even for love - they feel like they MUST get married.</p>
<p>I have no issue with marriage (in fact, I think it can be great). I just think that our society, and WOMEN, specifically, need to stop pressuring each other to get married or be in relationship and accept that being single and happy is just as much of an option.</p>