Long commute + loss of motivation

College Life
1

<p>I am currently in my second-last semester before I graduate at the end of August this year. However, for some reason, over the past month or so, I am finding it very difficult to find the motivation to attend some of my classes. I have classes for the full 5 days a week, with only one 50-minute lecture each on both Mondays and Tuesdays (most of my classes have been scheduled for Wed, Thurs, and Fridays). </p>

<p>For these 50-minute lectures on both Monday and Tuesdays, I am finding it very difficult to justify leaving the house. From the moment I step out the door, it takes approximately 1.5 hours to travel to campus (and 1.5 hours back; around 2 hours if I’m commuting back home during the rush hour period). It would’ve been lovely if it was only a single 1.5 hour train ride, but it’s not – I have to do a combination of walking to the public outdoor tram station (20 minutes), waiting outside for the RT tram (around 8 minutes if I just missed it), travel on the tram to the subway station (25 minutes), then travel on the subway to the campus perimeter (35 minutes), and then from the subway station walk to class (around 10 to 20 minutes, depending on which building the class is in). I have to take public transit because I don’t have a car. </p>

<p>The problem is, since the start of the new semester three weeks ago, I’m finding it hard to justify spending a 3 hour daily round-trip just to attend a 50-minute lecture on both Mondays and Tuesdays. My commutes are quite exhausting as they require constant physical activity and movement, but this aspect doesn’t seem to be the breaking point. What the breaking point seems to be is that the winters over here can be freezing – for the past month or so, it has been about negative 20 to 30 degrees Celsius on several days (with added wind chills, so it often feels like negative ~40 degrees Celsius on these days, according to the weather channel). It is so cold out that I absolutely hate the part of the commute where I have to walk to the RT station and then wait there on the outdoor platform. I am sensitive to cold, and am freezing my butt off by the time I get on the RT tram. </p>

<p>I’ve been skipping the Monday and Tuesday lectures for the past three weeks. Though the slides are posted up online on Blackboard afterwards, there are inevitably many small details spoken by the professor during lecture that I have missed out on. I do not like this. </p>

<p>So, commuter students (esp those with 1hr+ one-way commutes) – where do you get the motivation to attend classes on the days where you only have one or two classes scheduled? I just feel so exhausted all the time.</p>

2

<p>I think the trick is to schedule your classes so you don’t have slow days. Move sections around so you’re not stuck with little hour long classes, find a club to go to, whatever. It’ll give you more reason to go to campus.</p>

<p>Otherwise, it’s a choice of whether you’d rather be lazy or be in class. If missing those 50 minute lectures is going to destroy your grade and cause you to miss a lot of information, suck it up, and accept that you need to take that trip to school. There’s not much else you can do. You could also bring a book or something for the train/subway rides, to help pass the time.</p>

3

<p>Good advice, but 1) I cannot really choose my sections since only one section is offered per semester for these required courses, and 2) I can’t exactly relax or do studying on the tram or subway because the former is a back-water 1980s construction with no heat or sound-proofing system (so it’s too cold and loud inside during the ride), and if I take the latter during morning rush hour, I sometimes don’t get a seat.</p>

<p>But you’re right – as a commuter student I’ll have to muster up the extra motivation to make these trips rather than stay at home and rot.</p>

4

<p>I have an hour and a half commute too, with traffic. I crammed all my classes into Tuesday and Thursday. Makes for very long school days but beats more commuting. Can you change any classes, or plan them differently next time? Maybe include an online class?</p>

5

<p>To be perfectly blunt (and, mind you, maybe I’m just talking someone who’s been overly-privileged), I wouldn’t bother making the trip if I were you. It doesn’t seem worth it. If you don’t understand something, use office hours or make an appointment (not many people bother, but think about it this way- you are PAYING for this education, so the professors do have obligations to help you, unlike high school where teachers providing extra help was more of a privilege than a right). See if you can go over stuff with friends. </p>

6

<p>You signed up for the courses. You really should show up since you took on the obligations of the course, which include coming to the lectures. In the future, you might want to pick classes in clusters, but often that is not possible. The school is not going to take your commute into consideration. That is your issue. </p>

<p>I suggest you schedule study time at the library on those days, and get as much of that out of the way during that time. Do all of your school work you can, get help from profs and anything else that you need on campus and in the area since you have the time. Also maybe look for a job on campus, in the area or on the way to make it again more worthwhile to make the commute.</p>

<p>My son has been walking a good half hour to go to “singleton” classes in way below freezing, even sub zero temps which has been a tough go. Didn’t take this into consideration when getting an apartment so far from his classrooms. Still, he knows it’s important to go there, and yes, he does take his time returning to the apt, finding things to do around campus, studying for any and all of his courses, and finding a job midway to his apt for one day a week. all that helps, but yes, it is not easy getting up and making the trek for one course. You are not the only one stuck this way.</p>

7

<p>I can’t schedule my classes in clusters – what’s available is what’s available since usually only one section of each course is offered per semester. So I have classes throughout Monday to Friday. Also, what bothers me a lot is that when I arrive home after my 3-hour daily commutes, I have to do 2 hours or more of chores for my parents (I have no choice in this or they threaten to kick me out). This leaves me with very little time left over for studying and schoolwork. I fall pretty far behind sometimes, and my grades have been badly affected.</p>

<p>I would move somewhere closer to campus if I had the money, but unfortunately I don’t have enough money for rent because I pay tuition on my own, so I’m stuck living in my parent’s house. Can’t qualify for loans either, because my parents are making too much, even though they’re not helping with my tuition. It really sucks. </p>

8

<p>don’t go.</p>

<p>i got b’s in plenty of classes by dumping the semesters worth of hw on my professors in installments and hardly showing up outside of midterms and finals. this semester i have a professor that takes a letter grade off for every 5 absences and is all no nonsense in his demeanor, not friendly or warm like my other teachers, so i don’t really have a choice. but when i did, i made that choice not to go, and things turned out pretty okay.</p>

<p>the things i’m reading about your parents makes me really sad, that on top of how enervating the commute sounds makes me think, no, don’t go, don’t go at any cost, find a way to succeed without going. i mean, chores? CHORES? 2 hours worth? my mom can’t get me to do fifteen minutes worth of those. i’m coming from a privileged perspective too but jesus everyone deserves the privilege not to do <em>hours</em> of chores during the week. that’s completely insane. and then you’re paying for college on your own, and you didn’t qualify for aid because your parents make too much but not enough to help you out? that’s additional insanity. is it loans that you’re using (that’s what i did, federal loans has covered most of my college expenses but my mom helped me out when it didn’t quite reach) or do you have a job. we need to move you to a warmer climate. and get someone to help you pay for college. do you have any good friends?</p>

9

<p>

This is a bit naive. I think you’re underestimating what parents do for their children (i.e. feeding them, clothing them, providing shelter, etc.). A “good friend” is going to help the OP pay for college? Life isn’t so sweet. I agree that the OP’s parents’ rules are excessive, but he/she isn’t going to get support from anywhere else.</p>

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<p>If you are cold then dress more appropriately. Are you wearing long underwear? I assume since your family lives in this climate that you must own appropriate clothing, but maybe you need a better, longer coat. And the walking is good exercise. If these short walks are exhausting you, I think you should see a doctor, because that should not be exhausting for a young person. Also, it might be worth investing in a good set of noise-cancelling earphones–they are expensive but if the noise is keeping you from studying on the tram, it could buy you a lot of study time. </p>

<p>You say you’re working 14 hours per week doing chores for your family. Do you believe you could earn enough to pay for room and board with a student job on those hours? If so, then get a place close to campus. If not, then recognize that your family is subsidizing you. And if you had your own place, who would <em>still</em> be doing the chores?</p>

11

<p>@mathyone: Yes, I do dress appropriately for the weather; that doesn’t mean the weather isn’t still cold. It is often negative 25 degrees Celcius here in Canada – you’re going to feel a bit cold no matter what you wear. And it isn’t just the “short walks” that are exhausting me – it’s the entire 3-hour daily Mon-Fri commutes that exhaust me over time. I can’t even rest over the weekend because I have to do more chores for my parents. Speaking of which, I should mention that I attended an out-of-town university before I had to move back home due to running out of the savings I had from working throughout high school. Needless to say, I gladly did my share of chores among my roommates, and it did NOT ever take 2+ hours every single day. Back then I only had to wash my own dishes, etc., whereas here at my parent’s house I have to wash all their dishes for them, wipe the floors using a rag with my hands, etc. And back then when I lived on my own, my grades were MUCH higher. The situation I’m in now is exhausting and time-consuming. The only real time I have to complete homework/studying is during the time between classes – and when you’ve only got an hour here and there before you have to pack up for class again, it becomes very hard to concentrate. I can’t rely on studying during the train rides either, because I travel during rush-hour periods and oftentimes I’m unable to get a seat.</p>

<p>I’d say the biggest problem is that I’m not getting student loans. It would be so much easier if I had loans – so many students on campus seem to have so much more time in their day for schoolwork because their loans enable them to focus on school for the most part. I live in a very expensive city, where the cheapest rooms you can rent (with several other roommates) for is ~$650/month. Hence, most of the students who live on their own on or off campus are subsidized either by loans or their parents, as no regular part-time job at minimum wage at ~15 hours a week would be able to cover the cost (and this is just the rent alone, nevermind grocery bills, tuition, and the like).
I also have to buy my own food, since my parents keep the cupboards locked and track food items in the fridge (which I’m not allowed to eat without their permission), and eating out all the time gets expensive (my parents will not allow me to cook for some reason). </p>

<p>I’m glad I’ll only have to tread through this situation for a couple more months, but my grades, ever since moving back home and transferring to this local uni, have taken a nose-dive since, and I’m depressed and angry about it. </p>

12

<p>You parents lock the cupboards, and keep records of what is in the fridge? They cook but they make you go out to eat and then when you come back you have to wash their dishes? Sorry, but this sounds a little hard to believe. And why wouldn’t they allow you to cook since you are cleaning up anyhow? (Although, you don’t have to eat out all the time even if you can’t cook. Make sandwiches for lunch. Eat cereal for breakfast.) Have you discussed with them that these policies are making you waste money on meals out? Have you discussed with them that you are exhausted by all the chores and it is affecting your grades because you don’t have enough time to study? Is it really necessary for you to get down on the floor and wipe the whole thing with a rag every day? Would a dust mop every week satisfy them?</p>

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<p>Of course you are exhausted. Partly from the sheer time of the commute, partly from the way your schedule is inconvenient. And probably partly because it’s normal to get in some flurry when the end is in sight.
You have to do the best with this that you can. That’s the only way to reach the goal.
That said, can you crash on someone’s couch once/week? Buy pizza for the old roommates or other friends if they let you stay once in a while? Find something interesting on campus during free hours to mentally change the drudgery- go to the gym, stay for a lecture?</p>

<p>Cuz, as a long-time adult, I can tell you life is full of these crappy compromises.
When my kids are home, they are expected to do some standard no-brainer work around the house. It’s both a part of being in a family and one of the trade-offs of living here rather than on their own. </p>

<p>And we need a fuller story on the food issue. They don’t feed you? Or they make dinner and want you to eat that rather than scrounge through the cupboards? Or there’s some other detail to tell?</p>

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<p>@stressedouttt</p>

<p>the friends thing i suggested for the reasons lookingforward is saying. you’d think if the OP had some good friends then he could stay over with them right. if you were the OPs friend wouldn’t you be sympathetic to his home life situation and let him stay over with you? the reason why he is living at home tolerating those awful rules, restrictions, obligations and everything else must be because he has no where else better to go which is pretty sad. im not saying find a friend to help you pay for school, it’d be nice and it’s something <em>i’m</em> interested in but it’s not really a realistic for everybody. but i think you only end up in situations like the OPs if you don’t have any where else to go.</p>

<p>@mathyone</p>

<p>you see the insanity of his parents rules. i don’t think a discussion would be possible. you want him to discuss something with those people, parents who keep the cupboards locked and track the items in the fridge, make him clean but don’t let him use the appliances.i don’t think so. </p>

<p>==</p>

<p>what about sleeping over at the school. i knew a kid who once lived in the physics lab at his school for months just so he could be next to computers for access to the internet and forums because he didn’t have his own for the first year of college. what if you slept over night in the library or something on mondays. then you wouldn’t have to make the commute home that day or the commute there tuesday morning. but not just mondays, you could sleep over more frequently than that even. there’s got to be people who would feel bad for you, feed you, and make sure you’re all right. it sounds a bit extreme and i’m not sure what your parents would think, but maybe? i mean there’s got to be somewhere you could sleep on campus or teachers or staff who could accommodate for you. like you don’t need to bring up how your parents lock the cupboards or make you do hours of chores each night, just say home is not a good place to be for you and you have no where else to go or mention how the commute is so exhausting and cold, so you’d rather sleep at the school.</p>

15

<p>

Staying over for a few nights here and there, I can imagine, but practically living with them is something I have trouble seeing.
I’m not saying such friends don’t exist at all. You find out who you’re real friends are when you have a problem (don’t remember exactly how this expression went…). But they’re few and in between. Most people won’t go out of their way for you. It’s a (sad) fact of life.</p>

<p>I can’t imagine what the OP’s parents are thinking with these rules… </p>

16

<p>I still think some discussion with the parents is in order. Tell them you feel like you are struggling academically and that you really want to finish well and get a good job after graduation (I hope you are working on that…) Perhaps there are explanations for the food policies. A young man can eat a lot of food compared to middle aged people. Maybe they are concerned about the food bill. Or perhaps you annoyed them by inadvertently eating some items they needed to cook with. I know you don’t have much money, but how much are you spending on eating out? What if you offer to give some of that money to your parents instead, toward the food budget, if they will lift these restrictions? The amount of work they are expecting does seem a bit excessive for the cost they are incurring to take you in. I’m assuming that you staying in your room isn’t really costing them anything–unless they were planning to rent it out or something, it would just be sitting empty anyhow. I guess there is the electricity and the water, but how much is that really? And can you buy some efficient light bulbs for your room, if you don’t already have them, to make it really minimal, like $5 a year?</p>

<p>I’m assuming if you had good friends you feel you could stay with near campus, that you already would have looked into that. Even if you have friends wanting to help you, they may be constrained by agreements with roommates or by conditions of their lease. But yes, it would help if you can find such an arrangement. You might want to look anyhow. There may be situations where you could get a room for way under market rate–perhaps a roommate drops out and wants someone to sublet for just a few months. They may be happy to take half market rate rather than pay in full for a lease they aren’t using.</p>

<p>It does make me sad to hear about parents treating their kids this way. I understand there are deadbeat kids who make no effort to find a job or grow up and just expect their parents to look after them forever. But I feel I’d be happy to help my kids out in such a situation and would enjoy having them still living at home. That’s provided there was a long-term career plan in place, and progress being made, for their independence. Since my younger daughter is thinking about being a writer, this is a very real possibility for our family. </p>

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<p>@mathyone: Yes, my parents control what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. It drives me up a wall. My parents keep track of every food item, and do not let me eat anything without their permission. For instance, I once cooked an egg from the fridge for breakfast, and then at night when I returned from campus, they were yelling at me about it. In general, I’m not allowed to eat any of “their” food during breakfast and lunch times. It’s only during dinner time that they will give some of whatever they made (which often isn’t much and usually still leaves me hungry into the night). I then have to wash the dishes, which takes a long time because they’ve used so many pots and dishes (I’m starting to think that the only reason they let me share a bit of their dinner is so they can use it as leverage to wash their dishes for them afterwards). I’m also not allowed to eat out for my dinner (of course, sometimes I do anyway as they have no way of knowing) – sometimes I would have a late class that ended at 9PM, and when I got home at 10:30PM, my parents expect me not to have eaten dinner yet. Once when I got home, I told them I already ate, and they called me “a piece of trash” and started cursing at me (note that I am spending my own money on this food – and I don’t make a lot from my tutoring gigs). I’m not allowed to buy my own groceries, nor use the kitchen facilities to cook – if I ever want the convenience of eating in this house, I have to buy canned foods from the supermarket and hide them in my room.
Also, I have to clean the floors using a rag with my hands because for some reason, my parents believe that mops/dust sweepers are “ineffective”. Go figure. </p>

<p>And don’t even get me started on how they control my “going out” schedule (generally, I’m only allowed to go out with friends once a weekend, so if I went out on Saturday, I’m not allowed to go out again on Sunday, and vice-versa. Otherwise, they call me nasty names like “whore” and ask me if I’m going out to sell my body). </p>

<p>I would also surmise I don’t use much of their electricity/water bill, as I’m out almost all day from Monday to Friday. (Strangely, when I had insisted that I pay their utility bills, they declined. I think they want me to “pay them” with household work, but sometimes the amount of this work gets in the way of my schoolwork.) </p>

<p>I just find it difficult to concentrate on school – I’m in a demanding major to boot – amidst all this control on top of the commutes. I fully intend to get out of here after May, even if it means I’ll have to couch surf around for shelter for a while (all rent prices are prohibitively high in this big city, and if you make minimum wage, you cannot afford rent). In particular, I’m concerned about being able to find a decent-paying job with some form of health insurance; I’m disabled and disability-protection employment laws are sometimes frighteningly ineffective. I don’t have any friends or relatives who can put me up either.
I’m planning to move to a cheaper, smaller town and get a job there once I graduate, so that I may have a better chance to be self-sustaining. </p>

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<p>@omgmakemesmarter: Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately though, the entire campus is locked/shut down after around 9PM or so. Only the main campus library’s computer lab is open until 11PM Mon-Fri (and sometimes overnight during exam periods), but unfortunately there are only office chairs and desktop computers here, and security guards will boot you out if they see you using the place to sleep. </p>

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<p>You are out sometime this summer. Do what it takes to graduate.</p>

20

<p>You’ve made it this far. Hang in tight, and try to save up as much money as you can to help support yourself when you move out.</p>

<p>Perhaps, you can do other things on campus on days when you only have one lecture. You could study in the library, since it seems like it’s harder to focus at home. That way you may be able to get much of your work done before you get home. If you’re tired, at least, you’re tired while doing chores, as opposed to being too tired to study. Maybe you could find an on campus job that has shifts available during those days, and you could earn some extra money to may your expenses and save up to move out. You could take a nap or go to the gym. You could hang out with friends on campus, since your parents don’t let you go out on the weekends. If you plan other things to do while you’re on campus, it might seem like less of a drag to go.</p>

<p>Perhaps you could listen to music or audiobooks during the commute (with good headphones, if you need them–a drag to carry around but might make the commute more bearable). I started listening to audiobooks, particularly when I’m stuck in traffic or commuting, and it’s made it made it much less of a deal to travel. I only listen to them when I’m driving or doing chores, and I’ve found much more incentive to do them because I want to listen to the book. You might be able to come up with a similar type of reward system to help give you some motivation.</p>