I’m a sophomore at USC and I have no friends. I lived in the dorms freshman year but I didn’t really click with anyone on my floor. Also, I had an extremely hard time adjusting- I am a shy person with a history of anxiety and depression and being in an environment where everything was so new was unbearably overwhelming. This is no excuse of course, everyone deals with that when new to college. I really pushed myself to talk to people and get out of my comfort zone. In the end I struggled all year just trying to get a hold of my mental health and overcome my shyness. I tried out a few clubs but nothing stuck really, and before I knew it I had gotten to the end of the year with 0 friends.
All of my high school friends of course love it at their colleges and I can’t relate at all. I get along with my roommates but I knew them before this year. I could honestly die and nobody on campus but my roommates would even notice (dark and over dramatic, but makes my point). USC is known as such a social school, balanced with good academics and good parties. But I don’t seem to mesh with anyone, and I just feel like maybe I’m just unlikeable! It took me my entire freshman year to gain the confidence to even function normally in social situations, so I feel like now that I’ve caught up a bit everyone has already made their friends. Every day I force myself to do something that is out of my comfort zone, talking to someone in my class, in a club, etc. I have joined a few clubs this year and I have been attending meetings consistently and talking to people but no one seems to really be very interested in me. I’ve made plans w/ people but they never seem interested in forming an actual friendship, and no one ever asks me to hang out. Transferring is not an option and at this point I think the school probably isn’t the problem, I am. I actively try to make friends and put myself out there, while also keeping in mind that sometimes friendships just take time to make. I go to parties sometimes but I never know how to approach people and make friends, I need major help with that.
I can’t help but compare myself to everyone else at USC who seemingly had no problems finding friends from the start- my circumstances are definitely not normal. My mom feels so bad about me not having friends and has been very supportive, assuring me it’ll get better, but I can tell even she doesn’t really believe that anymore. I plan to study abroad, do research, continue with my clubs. I try to stay hopeful at least, but having no friends has honestly consumed my life and I’m not sure what else to do.
Have you thought about getting a part time job where other college students work?
@CheddarcheeseMN I just got a work study job tutoring, talked to people a lot at my training but it was just surface talk really.
Beezwax, I was painfully shy in college many years ago, and still find myself feeling awkward occasionally (though my daughter claims I can talk to anyone.) You seem like a nice person who deserves reciprocal friendships.
Can you separate, which is the main problem for YOU (not what you think you SHOULD be feeling) : Are you mostly sad/lonely about the lack of friendship itself, or are you stressed because you judge yourself harshly for having no friends? It sounds to me as if you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, as if (maybe?) attaining these friendships are an achievement that is necessary for you to feel you are an OK person in college.
It is completely normal for you to be feeling sad about this…as almost everyone needs a friend or two or three. But I am wondering if it would be easier for you to make that first friend if you can allow yourself to feel that there’s nothing wrong with you. You are human, and as such should be allowed your personal struggles. While I do hope you will find that friend soon, can you let go of the direct search for specific people to be receptive to you and try to focus on what or who YOU find enjoyable/fun/interesting? It’s OK to give up the struggle to be a certain thing to certain people. Are you comfortable (if not completely happy) doing some things alone? If so, do them, and take good care of yourself. Are you more of a one-on one person who likes a few good friends as opposed to crowds? Are there volunteer activities that could foster this? Don’t feel you have to meet some kind of standard that is not “you.” Please only join the clubs/activities that you truly enjoy in and of themselves, and you will more likely attract the kinds of people who appreciate you for who you are. Some may disagree, but I think it’s best not to put yourself through the torture of joining any type of social activities you dread if your only reason for doing so is to meet people.
You might try a regular volunteer activity. Also, are there other tutors at your job? Co- workers can become friends sometimes. What is your housing situation this year? Special interest housing could be a place to meet people, too.
Wow @inthegarden that actually made me tear up a lil. I’ve recently been thinking that maybe the problem is that I have been trying too hard and that I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself to be socially adept, to measure up to my peers. I do see it more as an achievement than necessity to make a lot of friends. I’m good at being alone and I need it sometimes. And anyways, I’m so busy that I’m rarely actually alone doing nothing. I’ve always been the type of person that has few friends, but the few that I have are lifelong friends. I think college has just made me think differently- like the acceptable norm is to have a lot of friends, know a lot of people, to be popular and have a thriving social life. And I guess that isn’t who I am, someone who naturally attracts that sort of life. Self acceptance is so difficult I just want a break from myself at times haha. Thanks though, this made me feel a lot better 
Your situation really reminds me of myself (my mother does the same thing), but anyway, I’m sorry that you’re going through this situation! Yes, as you stated in the above reply, it unfortunately is considered a sort of “norm” to have tons of friends (or at least acquaintances), to be popular in whatever social circle you’re in, and to always have something to do when it comes to social gatherings.
But, instead of looking at other people, it might be a better idea to take a step back and sometimes look at yourself. You’re getting involved, and you’re going to study abroad (awesome, by the way); you’re doing things for yourself already. Those are some big steps. Even if you’re not clicking with anyone, at least you’re trying!
I know that everyone likes to tell people to “force themselves” into social interaction in order to get over their fear of it or something similar. I don’t believe in this at all. If you’re really uncomfortable doing something, then just don’t do it. No use giving yourself anxiety in some petty social situation that you could have avoided. Like – inthegarden – said, join in on activities that you personally enjoy and are comfortable participating in. Just be natural. Act how you feel.
I hope I’ve been at least a little bit of a help to you!
-ronniesani
Hi Beezwax,
Glad it helped… I just found your message calling out to me so you do have the ability to connect! Also, the fact that you have a few lifelong friends is evidence of that. I think there’s likely nothing wrong with you except trying to fit a stereotype of a certain rah-rah college life (which is understandable to do too.) You’re at the stage of life to be trying out new things and seeing what fits and what doesn’t. As ronniesani said, you’re trying…and it’s fine to also STOP trying whenever it just doesn’t feel right. After all, it’s YOUR life…and there are as many good ways to be a human as there are people. No one else…certainly not your college peers (or your perception of what they may think) has the right to tell you who you and how you should be, personality-wise except you.
I think the study-abroad may be a game-changer for you…getting into a different culture shakes things up so much! You can be freer of stereotypes of how you feel you ought to be. I participated in international exchanges as a teen and then became a Peace Corps volunteer. I found that people of my host countries had fewer preconceptions of how I ought to act since they knew I was coming from a different culture. I was also forgiven social faux-pas for that reason. Also, fellow-American travelers also lost some of the typical social roles they might have carried back in the US because they, too, were on a grand adventure and in a more open state of mind. Travel experiences were where I began to lose my social anxieties.
(BTW, I read recently on one of those silly little online quizzes, that anxiety can be an indicator of high intelligence. Who knew, lol, but I’ll take it. I guess it means we’re smart enough to know there are pitfalls out there…)
At risk of sounding banal, I’m going to recommend a couple of easy-read but good books for you for when you’re feeling down (and couldn’t concentrate on school reading anyway.) Some popular psychology books are embarrassingly bad, I know, but I think these are great and would be so affirming to you right now. I imagine that you are likely what I would call a “friendly introvert” : someone who likes to socialize, maybe sometimes in a big group, but recharges by being alone and feels most fulfilled with a few deep relationships. So, The first book is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I love this book! The other, I just discovered, is _Emotional First Aid :Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries. This last book is great for reframing the hurtful social things that happen frequently, and understanding why/how the great majority just happen for various reasons, and not because you did anything wrong…
Hope you’re feeling better already…please keep us updated : )
P.S. I found these books on Amazon…
Oops…the last book is by Guy Winch, Ph.D.
Even beyond the various clubs and organizations at USC that you can join or become an active member of, you may want to consider just attending a weekly recurring activity or show… like for example the weekly improv groups performances (there are a few of them – Comedus Interruptus on the quad, Second Nature at Ground Zero, etc)… and maybe enjoy the shows but also find common ground with others in the audience. If you do that a few weeks in a row, I bet that you will find others to bond with over time. It may be easier to socialize that way versus trying to do so at a party. Just a suggestion…
Good luck