<p>I have been so happy to find this wonderful supportive community. Does anyone know if there is a similar place for parents with disabled children? I have this issue and I would love to hear others experiences. </p>
<p>My 5 year old was originally diagnosed with a developmental delay. Last year the school district gave him a diagnosis of autism although neither I nor my pediatrician are convinced of that at this time. He has been in a special need preschool classroom since he was two. This year he was mainstreamed into a regular Kindergarten class. </p>
<p>While he is holding his own, he is still behind his peers especially socially but also with his ability to sit still, concentrate, etc. He is already one of the youngest in his class with a May birthday. </p>
<p>I would like to have him repeat Kindergarten. I know that retaining children has been something of a fad. For a while “everyone was doing it”. Now the pendulum has swung back and its highly discouraged. I have approached the school district and his IEP team and they absolutely disagree with me. At the same time, our school district has implemented Common Core and to do that, they have extended the school day by an additional 35 minutes. It is now an extremely long day for him and the requirements that he has to fulfill are, I think, too rigorous. For example, he has to write a 3-5 sentence paragraph by the end of the year. First grade requirements are even more intense. </p>
<p>I would like to choice my son into a different school feeder pattern so I need to make up my mind before the deadline which is January. Otherwise, I could just wait and see. </p>
<p>If anyone here has had a similar issue, I would love to hear your thoughts. Or if anyone knows of a great "CC"type world that I could post this. </p>
<p>Hi - my children both are deaf so I’m not familiar with autism but suggest you see if there are groups on Facebook or maybe even Yahoo groups that have support groups for families who have kids with autism. It’s always a little challenging to find a “good” group - do you have friends that could recommend groups? I’ve found a couple of really good, supportive places on Facebook for parents who have deaf/hard of hearing kids that’s been very helpful. </p>
<p>It sounds like you have valid reasons for wanting your son to repeat kindergarten. Could your son’s pediatrician and other healthcare professionals write a letter in support of retention? That could help - including it in his IEP or 504 plan is important to do also. Good luck to you!</p>
<p>DEfour–yes, I have been in your shoes. First, the school can tell you what they think is your child’s issue, but if you disagree with them, then the IEP should state developmental delays, not autism if you do not agree with them. This same thing happened with my youngest. We would not let them label him because we didn’t want them to decide where to place him based on their diagnosis, which we did not agree with.</p>
<p>Next, you have to decide what you want–you tell the school what you want. It is difficult for them to do anything that you do not approve, so use your knowledge and power to be the best advocate for your son (research your childs education rights and what you believe is best for him). We held back our DS in Kindergarten because of exactly the reasons you state. He was fairly young his first time, and he needed the additional year to gain a bit of maturity, and also for him some better communication skills. I do not regret holding him back–I think if I had let him go forward, it would have been a very difficult year in 1st grade, and may have led to holding him back that next year.</p>
<p>You know your child best. I’ve spent the entire time my DS has been in school fighting for him because everyone underestimates him due to his learning disabilities. The first time was when he was in kindergarten and one of the special ed people told me “hopefully he will learn to read”. Well, I told her “of course he will learn to read, because I will teach him”. My DS read on time and reads well (although still has comprehension issues). His first grade teacher basically ignored him and his challenges, so I spent the entire summer after 1st grade teaching him what he should have learned so when he went to 2nd grade he wasn’t behind. He has been mainstreamed with additional assistance like extra time for taking tests (he is a senior in HS now). Again, I have had to stand up for him every step of the way. The schools wanted to put him in the smaller special ed classes and we have insisted he be in regular classes. He is a hard worker, and probably spends twice as much time on homework as his peers. He is scheduled to graduate with an advanced diploma and he’s taken all the required classes in HS as well as the college prep courses (chemistry, Algebra II, 4 years of a language, etc). </p>
<p>Feel free to PM me if you have questions. My DH and I found it was best for us both to attend every IEP meeting so that we could both understand what the school wanted and we could provide a combined effort to make sure they knew what we wanted. This also showed our commitment to our child’s education and that we were willing to do whatever we could to help our child succeed.</p>
<p>Good luck. My best advice to you is that you know what’s best for your child. There are many great teachers and administrative people out there, but there are also those that want to do what will be easiest for them. </p>
<p>Repeating a grade may be helpful or may not. If a child just needs more time, it will usually be helpful. If he needs a different type of learning environment, ‘more of the same’ probably won’t help. </p>
<p>You should be able to find a group in your town of other parents dealing with IEPs or other learning plans. Search online for Wright’s Law, IDEA, IEP, or your specific diagnosis.</p>
<p>There is a wonderful resource out there - TAGFAM.com and then you can join the GT - Special list.
It’s for the parents of the so called 2E kids (both gifted and having special needs).
The group of people who post there are truly amazing, very supporting and gentle but also very very knowledgeable.</p>
<p>Thank you for posting this. Outcomes for the child can be good or excellent. Early in the journey I met with with Lucy Jo Pallidino and read her book “The Edison Trait.” At the time her daughter was matriculating to Yale.</p>
<p>The process of raising the child can really stress a family dynamic (child’s siblings/your relationship with your spouse) so be aware over the long haul- it can be a full-time job if you don’t access as much help as you can (and even if you do). Be extra vigilant to take care of yourself and your other relationships.</p>
<p>Also, some patterns and traits are inherited, making it hard to deal with and very hard to witness (unless your child is adopted, of course), since it sometimes feels like looking in a distorted mirror that magnifies some of your own traits; and since it is hard to shore up weaknesses that are also weaknesses for you.</p>
<p>My DS is in college. I always welcome PMs!</p>
<p>I enjoy reading “diary of a mom” blog entries, just to feel a bit of solidarity.</p>
<p>Some things are state-specific: what state are you in? Good luck. You seem like a very caring and compassionate parent. Your child is very lucky to have you!</p>
<p>Agree w all of above, but one more point for “down the road…” In CA anyway, there are certain programs in and out of school that require an autism diagnosis. I would never want to mislabel a child, but it’s good to keep your eyes open for variables like this.</p>
<p>Thank you all! As usual “CC” comes through! You’ve given me great recourses to investigate. I will be googling and reading all day. Thank you for the advice as well. </p>
<p>Just to answer a few: we are in Delaware. I have no Waldorf or Montessori schools within commuting distance unfortunately. He has benefited so much from his school experiences and I’m really a lousy teacher, I don’t see homeschooling to be a good option at this point. I wouldn’t be opposed to it in the future though if I felt that it was.</p>
<p>Delaware has this unusual law where a child can be diagnosed with “educational autism” even if they are not diagnosed with “medical autism”. I find this odd, but at this point that is where he is. The school system has given him the autistic diagnosis even though medically he is still being evaluated. I have no problem if he ends up with an autism diagnosis but we’re not there yet.<br>
Thanks for the “PM” offers too. </p>
<p>I just want to point out that you don’t need to be a ‘good teacher’ to successfully homeschool. </p>
<p>I homeschooled my 4 (this is my last year and I will have homeschooled for 24 years) and teaching is not my strong point. But homeschooling is very different from traditional school (and it really should be). You aren’t teaching so much as you are helping facilitate your child’s education. You will look for resources that will help your child learn. You may teach the material to the child or you may hand the material to the child and say something like ’ read this/play with this and then later, I’ll ask you questions about it.’ Or something like that. This is what you did when the child was little. You’d give them a toy to play with and they’d learn while they were playing with it (an example would be Duplo to Lego to Lego Technic). Just transfer that idea to an older child with some more sophisticated materials. That’s one way to homeschool. </p>
<p>I didn’t want you to have the idea that the only way to homeschool is at a table (alone) with your child for several hours a day. </p>
<p>I have spoken with some parents how were spending so many hours with their child after school (when the child was already tired from a full day of school) doing homework/busy work that they found it much simpler to homeschool since they were basically doing that already. </p>
<p>I recommend Wright’s Law for learning about IEP and laws in your state. And second vote for TAGFAM special need,s. You will great advice and ideas and support. (And lots of information for homeschooling, if you have any thoughts about it) Or even “after schooling”, tons of ideas for what you can do at home.</p>
<p>One thought to consider about repeating a year, is to ask What will you be doing this year differently so that you will be in a better place a year from now. If you are just doing the same thing for this year you may end up in the same place a year from now. Your goal is to be moving forward so think about your goals and what will get you there.</p>