Congrats to your D on this likely acceptance.
It’s good that you have no hesitation about Earlham, but remember it’s your D’s college journey, not yours, so she has to ultimately make the decision. Of course, you are paying, so you have a say, and you’ve done a nice job guiding her through this process, but the lack of hesitation needs to be hers.
Not certain why the piling on about ED at this point.
OP’s DD has the chance of a lifetime for close to full cost at several great schools - whether it’s at St.Olaf, a great school with one of the highest 4-year graduation rates at 85%, or likely Earlham, another great choice, albeit with a much lower and more typical 4-Year graduation rate of 65%.
Sending best wishes as you wait for a confirmation of the FA package from Earlham and the ED 2 news from St. Olaf.
@Chembiodad Thank you! I so appreciate that you understand why I feel like I can relax as a parent. I think it’s worthy of celebration, although it’s still hasn’t updated in the portal.
I’m sure it’s incredibly hard to be patient, but now is a time to count to 100 and just try to sit tight. You don’t have to withdraw any apps – as others have said, you have until 5/1, unless you accept an ED offer from SO. But you certainly don’t have to do anything right now. If you are going to do anything, maybe visit St. Olaf so she can confirm if it’s still her clear #1 and worthy of keeping the ED2 app. I personally think you’re fine either way – if you get in ED2, and the offer is acceptable, great. If you get in ED2 and the financial offer is not acceptable, you can ethically get out of it, and wait on (and weigh) other offers. If you pull the ED2 app, she may still get into SO, but she will likely get into other schools too, and you can compare the offers and fit at each school and choose accordingly.
What I would definitely do is this: if the SO ED app doesn’t work out for whatever reason, do visit the schools that admit her EA or RD. Seeing them in person will help her make up her mind.
Wow, today is the 15th!! Hope your D gets the official word about her Earlham EA application soon. Best of luck-- rooting for her through this lengthy process!! And the good news is-- she already has some wonderful options, and has an excellent chance of getting into both Earlham and St Olaf.
I wasn’t going to pull or ask her to pull her ED app. And we can’t visit all the schools on the yes list.
But I feel like it’s time to start taking some schools off the list that she really doesn’t have interest in and that I know are not going to need 100% of demonstrated need. I think that’s fine to do and I think that will make life easier for her.
@xanthippe Thank you!!!
You can certainly start an internal ranking of schools as you get any affordable acceptances. But I would not withdraw any if them until you have to. There is really no benefit to you if actually withdrawing. Keeping options open as long as you can is smart.
Agree with the above. Frankly it would be irresponsible to formally decline any offer at this point. You don’t have final aid packages from other schools yet. Your D has not been formally accepted to Earlham and you have not received a formal aid package. You have not heard back from your D’s ED2 school nor have you received a formal aid package from them. Certainly rank the schools in terms of interest, but there is no reason and no benefit to formally declining any offers yet.
@Grinnellhopeful - I don’t think anyone was trying to rain on your parade, they are simply two two things: First, there are merely telling you to slow down and take a breath. You have until May 1st to make a decision about any of the schools that your daughter applied to and she has yet to visit any of them. You were talking about withdrawing apps. There is no need to do so until you get an acceptance from St.O; Secondly, posters were reminding you about your ED2 commitment to SO and that if an affordable acceptance comes through from StO, you are obligated to turn down any and all other offers at any school whether of not they may be as good or a better fit than St.O.
And if you and DD are excited about Earlham, you can still switch the SO app to RD so you can consider after visiting. The vibe at each of these schools is quite different.
Like you, I feel like Earlham is a pretty special place, so hoping your news is official soon snd you have details.
I really really hope she gets accepted to both Earlham and St. Olaf and that the money works out AND that she gets a chance to visit both. My niece went to St. Olaf, a very close friend went to Earlham, and, as you know, I went to Grinnell. I think all three of us would have been happy at any of the three colleges–there were many overlaps but also differences.
Think Venn diagrams: there is a large area where all three circles/colleges are together, and then on the outer sides differences in atmosphere and emphasis. Visits will help her find the best fit for her. On the other hand, none of the three of us visited many colleges (this was in the day you didn’t apply to or even knew about so many) and everything turned out fine. Definitely hang on to all those acceptances until later in the spring–you never know which variables will come up later that could change your decision.
Someone else mentioned this, but I’ll say it again–try to step back a bit and let your daughter lead the way. I know you want what’s best for her with a passion and that is completely understandable. Also, it’s sort of tempting during this process to want to go to college (for the first or second time) yourself! At least I felt that way. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all go back to college midlife and choose a new major either for a second career or just for the fun of it?
@ZZdecision2016 I think you might be the second person to tell OP that they hope she gets accepted to both and then she can visit both. I don’t want the OP to be misled. If she’s accepted to StO, then she doesn’t get to visit both schools and decide which is better fit. She’s committed to St O.
Reinforcing what @ZZdecision2016 and others have said about letting her drive to process. Part of it is as simple as changing the language you use. That means that instead of saying “I hope we get a good result” you say I hope “she gets a good result.” It also means letting her be the first one to see the decisions. If she invites you to look over her shoulder, fine, but please resist the temptation to take a peek at her portal while she’s at school. It will take discipline, but I’m confident you can do it!
“And if you and DD are excited about Earlham, you can still switch the SO app to RD so you can consider after visiting. The vibe at each of these schools is quite different.”
If you get accepted St. Olaf via ED, you have to withdraw you apps from other colleges and attend St Olaf. That’s what ED means, you can’t switch to RD unless of course you’re deferred and it’s done for you. You could slow play St. Olaf and say you’re not happy with your FA package but if they respond with a better package, you have to attend. You can get out of ED of course, no on can be forced to attend a college.
@theloniusmonk, the OP’s daughter CAN switch to RD if she does it before the decisions are made. After they’re out she’ll be bound by the ED agreement. Of course by withdrawing for ED application she’d be sending a pretty clear message that the school is no longer her clear first choice.
Adding: While no one can force a kid to honor an ED agreement, it’s not unknown for other schools to withdraw their offers if a kid tries to break the ED agreement for other than legitimate financial reasons.
If Earlham comes in with acceptance and great FA now, she could change her ED2 app to StO to regular as she hasn’t heard back from them yet. But once St O comes back with a yes (if they do) and a financial aid package in line with what was expected, then she is indeed committed.
I agree with intparent and others - don’t let her withdraw ANYTHING yet. Even if she’s pretty sure she doesn’t want any of the others or you feel they won’t work out, leave them. You never know. She has right up to midnight on May 1 to decide (unless she gets into St O).
It does not have to be a BETTER package at St. O to start with for the ED to be binding. Let’s say Earlham wants $200 out of pocket and St. O wants $400 out of pocket. Those are remarkably close offers. It would be quite disingenuous to pick the Earlham offer because it is a couple hundred dollars less. That is not a significant difference. That would be “gaming” ED. The ED agreement does not say the school has to give the BEST FA offer. It says it has to give an offer that is workable. Lots of students who apply ED have cheaper options. They don’t get to walk away from the ED offer because they have a cheaper option. They only get to walk away if they can’t possibly financially handle the ED FA offer. Those are two different things.
I feel the need to reiterate that she is driving the process, I had to guide quite a bit. She decided ED at StO. I am just grateful that if she doesn’t get in we have another school that was personally my favorite, that’s going to meet need and offer her an amazing education in a nurturing environment, where she find her “people”. She can absolutely visit the school without violating her early decision agreement, if the flyin happens before her acceptance if she gets one, and then her financial package.
And I’m just putting some hypotheticals out there at this point because I don’t know. But let’s say that one school offered a package that required zero loans or 2500 in loans, and St Olaf required the full 5500 in loans (again, purely hypothetical), at our income level if feel certain if she choose the school with less loans, it’s not violating the ED agreement or spirit of the ED agreement if she chose the school with less loans. As long as she has that information prior to the decision at StO. Which we will…we’ll have it on Friday. I’m addressing student loan amounts not the difference of a few hundred dollars out of pocket.
If the packages are identical, she is bound by the ED agreement.
But if something comes into play with a financial package before we have an acceptance and full financial package from StO, she can certainly compare the loans she would be required to take and decide what’s affordable.
If their is no financial support or resources from the family, it’s the 17 year old who is deciding what’s affordable.
I am interjecting my own voice. I am not interjecting hers. My thoughts belong to me. She may decide that even if StO will cost her more, that is still where she wants to be…she did sign the ED agreement.
She’s not gonna get a chance to visit StO before the decision is released. She didn’t have the opportunities or resources to make college visits. It’s my understanding both of the schools we are discussing right now will make sure she gets to campus to visit. I just don’t know when that is.
From the few full financial packages that have been presented, nobody has gotten down to 5500 and work study only, yet. She would still need to borrow another 4-5000. the two that gave us a full picture are reviewing for more but only two schools she has been accepted to are going to be in the minimum 5500 or less range. StO and Earlham (still speculation as we don’t have those numbers yet).
At the end of the day if the numbers match up or the numbers are a little lower at Earlham, it’s still her decision. Of course I have a preference doesn’t every mom? But I do want her to visit because I think she’s going to find that she’s very comfortable at Earlham. Hoping that flyin and full FA package happen soon. I do know from Earlham FA they will send that info via email on Friday. They needed 1 more thing from me today, and they told me in that conversation it would Friday that we will see the need based aid portion.
I directed her towards a group of schools, because it was overwhelming for her. But she decides not me. I’m blessed that she values my opinion. And she hears my concern about excessive student loan debt upon graduation.
That being said she is very independent in her thoughts and beliefs. She will make up,her own mind. And I feel like we do need to pull her applications from the places that she just said I don’t want to go. Despite everyone telling me we shouldn’t withdraw acceptance if she’s telling me she won’t even visit why keep the school in the mix. Drake, Beloit, Coe…As a mom I’m personally sad to see some of these be dismissed but she needs a smaller list to work with and she doesn’t even want to visit.
Tell you D it is perfectly fine to put the Drake, Belot, and Coe acceptances to the side for now BUT until you get both a formal acceptance and a finalized affordable financial aid package in writing from a preferred school firmly in hand it is not OK to formally these decline other offers. As you learned the hard way things don’t always work out as planned and it would be irresponsible to put all of her eggs in one or two baskets.